Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter 38 Scrub A Dub Dub

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
- Joan Rivers

Alexis rubbed at the tension headache that was developing right above her left eye, "I am going to attend this meeting Severus," she told him for the forty-second time.

Snape was glowering at her from his position by the mantelpiece, "You are not going to attend. I forbid it. I am your husband and my decision is final. This discussion is over."

Alexis looked up at him from where she was seated on the sofa trying to control her temper, "Severus, that is the biggest load of dragon dung I have ever heard come out of your mouth." Deciding to relieve some of her tension she let loose, "First of all I AM going to attend. Second of all, 'you FORBID it?' What do you think I am your dog that you can order around and expect me to just obey you? Thirdly, I do recognize that you are my husband and that is the ONLY reason you are still standing and are hex free after the way you have been speaking to me. Fourthly, this discussion is NOT over until we BOTH agree that it is over. Our marriage is a partnership NOT a dictatorship and if you ever, ever try something like this again I will," Alexis paused her for a moment trying to think of a threat dire enough to get her point across. A look of smug triumph dawned on her face, "I'll sit with the Gryffindors for EVERY Quidditch game next year."

"You wouldn't?" Snape was appalled.

"I will wear red and gold the entire week before the Slytherin and Gryffindor game," she continued really getting into stride.

Snape was dumbfounded.

"And if you still continue to try to act like a control freak I will decorate our rooms in red and gold with a lion motif," she finished.

"Now that is going entirely too far!" Snape snarled.

Alexis got to her feet and pushed the footstool over in front of Severus before climbing up onto it. Going nose to nose with him she hissed, "Try me!"

Severus looked down at her. Even with the footstool she still had to stand on her tiptoes in order to be eyelevel with him. His lips twitched. Her eyes narrowed. His lips twitched again. Her eyes narrowed even further.

"I don't want you to attend," he stated clearly, "I am concerned for your safety."

Alexis placed her hands on his shoulders and kissed the tip of his nose, "I know: but, this is something we both need to do. I don't like the thought of you going to the meeting alone."

"I am not alone. If I were alone it would hardly be a meeting now would it," Snape helped Alexis down off of the footstool.

"You know what I mean," she gave him an exasperated look, "This is the first official meeting and I want to be there."

"This is important to you?"

"Yes."

"As you wish," Snape conceded ungraciously glaring at the pink bunny slipper that was nuzzling his foot.

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Severus reached up to the door of number twelve Grimmauld Place and prepared to use the silver doorknocker, "Severus, we were told not to knock," Alexis grabbed his hand, "because it will disturb that painting of Mrs. Black."

"I know," Snape sneered evilly and gave the knocker several good, loud bangs.

As soon as Molly Weasley opened the door for Alexis and Snape the sounds of Mrs. Black and company yelling and screaming assaulted their ears. Remus and Arthur were trying to close the curtains over the paintings without much success.

Alexis walked over to Mrs. Black's painting and yelled as loud as she could, "PAINT THINNER!"

The sudden silence was deafening. Mrs. Black stopped in mid-screech and stared bug eyed at the young witch smirking at her, "Much better. Thank you."

Alexis turned to look at stunned group in the hallway, "Where are we meeting tonight?" Molly pointed toward the basement kitchen. "Thank you." Alexis smiled politely, "Coming Severus?"

Snape took her arm and muttered disgruntled, "Spoilsport."

Amber was sitting at the kitchen table with Sirius and several other witches and wizards who Alexis had not yet met.

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Alexis was surprised at how well the meeting had gone. Snape and Sirius had pretty much ignored each other. Moody had tried to get in a few digs but after being glared at by both Alexis and Amber he had settled for a general muttering and dark looks.

It had been decided that the Weasley family would be moving into Grimmauld Place in order to be better placed to co-ordinate the watch on Harry Potter and other Order business.

"Sirius, I will be by tomorrow to begin cleaning out the bedrooms," Alexis overheard Molly.

"If the bedrooms are anything like the rest of the house, it's going to take more than just you Molly," Amber joined in, "I'll meet you here at eight if that's convenient?"

Molly was nodding gratefully.

Alexis glanced up at Severus, "No," he replied firmly.

She cocked her head to one side, "Absolutely not," he continued.

She smiled at him, "What would you do with the boys?" he asked.

"Slinky and Merry would be well able to watch them for several hours," Alexis replied, "And Amber could drop Cynthia off with them and we could travel together."

"Why on earth would you want to help clean up a crumbling mausoleum like this?" Snape inquired.

"I'm just a nice person," Alexis smirked at him before going over to let Molly and Amber know she would be there the next day to assist.

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"All right ladies," Molly was armed with brooms, mops, buckets, rags and Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests, "the way I figure it we will need at least five bedrooms habitable for witch or wizard and at least two bathrooms."

Alexis had to stifle an urge to salute, "Just tell us where to start Molly."

Molly looked at them worriedly, "We'll be working in pairs: Ginny and I and you two. This house has sat vacant for about ten years and things seem to have been breeding. Be careful and keep your wand with you at all times," with this dire warning Molly handed the two witches cleaning supplies and motioned them toward a door on the first floor, "Start in there."

Alexis and Amber straightened their shoulders and prepared to do battle. Amber eased open the door as though expecting something to pop out at her; but all that was revealed was a very dusty and dirty bedroom. There were two twin beds a nightstand next to each and a wardrobe in the corner. The bed hangings were in tatters and there were a large number of cobwebs.

A flick of Amber's wand had the wall sconces lit and Alexis went over and poked the broom at the heavy drapes covering the windows. When nothing objected to the poke, she opened them to let in the little stream of light that managed to work its way through the grit and grime on the glass panes.

"Where do we start?" Alexis asked.

"At the top and work our way down," Amber rolled up her sleeves and began to sweep the cobwebs off of the ceiling. The ceiling was so high that she had to use a levitation charm to get the broom along the corners and edges.

Alexis proceeded to use her wand to remove the dusty and nasty remnants of the bed hangings, "What do I do with these?" she levitated the pile gingerly in front of her.

Amber turned to look and another wave of her wand had them burnt to ashes, "How about that?"

"Do you think we could get away with doing that to the whole house?" Alexis grinned.

"It would probably be quicker, but, I doubt it," Amber grinned back. "Use some of that pest spray on the mattresses," she instructed Alexis.

Alexis obediently retrieved the spray bottle and began to squirt the mixture on the nearest bed. Amber glanced over at her, "Really soak it in. Sometimes those little buggers will dig themselves in deep."

"What am I spraying for?" Alexis asked as she concentrated on soaking the mattress.

"Bedbugs," Amber wrinkled her nose as she continued to brush down the walls.

Alexis took a cautious step back from the bed.

Alexis had finished with the first mattress and had almost finished the second when a strange rustling noise caught her attention. Turning back to the original mattress she noticed little things popping up from the cover. Curious she stepped closer only to recoil in disgust. Thousands of bugs were now popping out of the mattress. Alexis noticed a strange phenomenon taking place. The more bugs the thinner the mattress. "Amber," Alexis cried as the same rustling noise came from the second mattress she had just finished soaking.

Amber turned to look, "Merlin's beard! The mattresses are nothing but bugs!"

The sounds of bangs and shouts quickly brought Sirius and Remus running. Skidding through the door they found both women up on one of the night tables casting spells at the sea of bedbugs that was covering the floor. As soon as they had cleared one area of the floor it would be overrun with more bugs from the rapidly deflating mattresses.

Sirius and Remus quickly began a flanking attack on the army of angry bugs. It appeared as if the pest spray had only irritated them.

"Molly!" Amber yelled at the top of her lungs, "Bring stronger spray."

Molly came charging down the stairs from where she had been working with Ginny on the upstairs bathroom. One look was all it took for her to realize what was going on. Grabbing up the undiluted pest spray she yelled to everyone, "Cover your noses," and she began to slosh the concentrated mix directly onto the bugs.

The bugs began to retreat back to their mattresses. "Get the girls out of here," Molly ordered Sirius and Remus.

The two wizards hurried over and helped Amber and Alexis off of their precarious perch and they all scurried for the door. When Molly saw that the room was clear she used a complicated charm that allowed her to hose the whole room with the pest spray. When she had finished, the stuff was dripping from every surface and a half inch was soaking into the flooring.

Closing the door behind her, Molly emerged and removed the rag she had used to cover her nose and mouth, "There, that should take care of the problem. But it will take a while for the room to dry out. Why don't you two go work on one of the second floor bedrooms? None of the rest of the mattresses should be infected as bedbugs tend to congregate in one room."

Alexis and Amber nodded mutely looking at the indomitable Weasley matriarch with much respect.

Gathering up a new supply of cleaning equipment, their original having been abandoned when they fled the room, they proceeded to the next battle.

Alexis muttered to Amber, "Burn the mattresses and I will buy all new ones."

Amber nodded fervently in agreement, "I'll help you shrink them and sneak them in."

The next bedroom was much like the first: twin beds, two nightstands and a wardrobe. This room also had an empty portrait hanging on the wall.

Alexis and Amber looked warily at two mattresses. They believed Molly about the bedbugs, but just the same…

"Let's leave the mattresses for last," Amber suggested to Alexis' relief.

Nodding her agreement the two proceeded to sweep the ceiling and walls free from cobwebs and dust. Alexis and Amber were getting ready to flip a coin to see who would open the wardrobe door and who would stand guard with wand drawn when they realized they were witches.

Standing several feet back Amber cast the spell to open the doors and they both crouched down in a defensive stance as the heavy oak doors swung open. It was anticlimactic to find that there was only more dust inside.

A cleaning and waxing charm had the wardrobe sparkling. Amber started on the nightstands while Alexis began sweeping out from under the beds.

The first bed revealed more dust and the dried carcasses of several nasty looking bugs. Alexis began to sweep under the second bed. She was half way down the length when the broom stopped abruptly. Putting some more muscle in it she gave it a harder push only to have the broom yanked out of her hand. Scrambling for the handle she just managed to grab the end of it before it disappeared entirely under the bed. Alexis gave the broom a good tug trying to free it from whatever had caught hold of it. The broom tugged back pulling her forward a good two inches, "Amber, give me a hand here."

Amber hurried over, "What is it?"

"I don't know," Alexis panted out as she struggled to keep the broom from disappearing, "but we only have two more brooms left and I am not giving up this one!"

Amber gave her a strange look before lighting the tip of her wand and peering under the bed, "It's just stuck on a pile of old clothes," she said exasperated.

"No way," Alexis grunted with the effort of maintaining her grip on the broom handle, "it's just a pile," she slipped another couple of inches, "of old clothes," she had braced her feet on the edge of the bed and was straining back with all her strength.

Amber knew Alexis was a world champion prankster, she also knew what she had seen under the bed so she wasn't buying this act, "Alexis we really don't have time for all this fooling around," she told her sternly.

Alexis shook her head and concentrated on keeping hold of the broom. Amber leaned over and told her sweetly, "If the pile of clothes wants the broom just let it have it."

Alexis let out a sharp, "No."

Amber sighed in frustration, "Alexis Snape I am not going to stand here and be pranked like this. Just let the bloody broom go!"

Alexis gave her a surprised look and that moment of distraction was all it took. The broom slid under the bed with a grating noise, "Now see what you did," Alexis said in exasperation.

Amber lit her wand and rolled her eyes before looking under the bed again. She was prepared to see the broom just laying there. Instead what met her eyes was the pile of clothes devouring the broom. Soon all that was left was the very tip on the handle. When the pile let out a loud belch spraying her with bits of broom straw Amber screamed and ran from the room. Alexis was on her heels.

Remus and Sirius again came running.

"Monster," Amber panted as Remus held her up, "under the bed," she pointed back into the room.

Remus gave her a concerned look, "Did you inhale a little too much of the pest spray?"

Amber shook her head in denial and just kept pointing at the room.

Alexis was leaning up against the wall, "Ate broom."

Sirius on the other hand was grinning like a loon and hurrying into the room.

Remus urged Amber back into the room sure that Sirius was going to show her that there was nothing under the bed. Alexis reluctantly brought up the rear.

The trio found Sirius on all fours peering delightedly under the bed, "Mike I thought you were dead!" Turning back to the rest, "This is Mike; he is the monster under my bed. I used to have so much fun with him. He used to hide under Regulus' bed and grab his ankles when he got up to use the bathroom," Sirius let out his bark like laugh as what appeared to be the cuff of a shirt sleeve caressed the back of his hand. Then the end of a belt came out and lapped at Sirius' face rather like a dog's tongue but leaving a trail of green slime, "Hey, none of that," Sirius chastised. As Sirius turned back to continue talking with Mike, Alexis and Amber headed on to the next room wondering what they would find there.

Molly met them on the third floor landing, "What happened to your broom?"

Alexis muttered something in response.

"The bed ate your broom?" Molly asked ready to believe it. With this house anything was possible.

"No," Alexis said more clearly, "the monster under the bed ate the broom. His name is Mike," she added helpfully.

"I haven't run across a bed monster in ages," Molly smiled in fond remembrance. At their questioning looks, "Charlie's Ralph was the last one. Ralph managed to sneak into Charlie's haversack and followed him to Romania."

Molly looked at the two dusty, dirt streaked, bedraggled witches standing in front of her, "Why don't we take a break and have a spot of tea?" she offered.

They had all settled in the kitchen and Molly was bustling about preparing tea and setting out trays of sandwiches and biscuits, "Oh one thing girls, you need to be careful of the third floor dust bunnies. They seem to have gone rabid."

Ginny piped in, "Yes, they are foaming at the mouth."

Alexis looked from Ginny to Molly, "Foaming dust bunnies?"

"Yes," Molly shook her head. "The mess is atrocious, little bits of foam all over the floor," she tutted in disapproval, "there is nothing to do but put them down when they go rabid like that."

"How do you put them down?" Alexis asked.

"Oh a simple vacuum charm will take care of it," Molly continued at the puzzled looks she was receiving, "I'll charm the bags for you," she said kindly.

"Charmed vacuum bags," Alexis repeated softly.

"Yes the best ones have a HEPA on them," Ginny offered helpfully.

"HEPA?" Alexis asked.

"Yes a helpful expansion and propulsion attachment," Ginny grinned, "it expands the bag to whatever size it needs to be and has a self propulsion charm on it. That way you just activate it, leave it in the room you want cleaned and come back later."

Molly nodded thoughtfully as she placed the tea on the table, "We may want to place an unbreakable charm on the bags though. Some of those bunnies were the size of house cats."

Amber and Alexis finished the fortifying tea and returned to the battle armed with new determination and a bigger, better arsenal of pest fighting equipment. Molly and Ginny were going to set up the vacuum bags on the third floor so Alexis and Amber headed up to the fourth floor to try and finish cleaning at least one room before the day was over.

The room they chose was just as dirty and begrimed as the rest of the house. This time they carefully checked under the bed with lit wands before sweeping under it. They had managed to clean everything in the room except for the large bureau taking up most of one wall. They were relieved as each drawer they carefully opened only contained dust and moth balls.

With a feeling of accomplishment they looked around the much cleaner room. Amber's look stopped at the bureau, "Did you clean under that thing?" she asked pointing a mop at the huge piece of furniture.

"Nope," Alexis sighed shifting her grip on one of the two remaining brooms and preparing to sweep under the bureau.

"Wait," Amber stopped her, "I just saw something move."

They cautiously approached and kneeling down managed to shine enough light from their wands to see two sets of dully gleaming eyes.

"What is it?" Alexis asked trying to get a better look.

Just then the thing shuffled forward slightly.

"It is just a pair of bunny slippers," Amber sighed in relief.

Alexis shifted the broom and started to insert it under the bureau and sweep the slippers out. Amber noticed a low growling noise, "Alexis I don't know if I would do that," she cautioned.

"Why not?" Alexis continued to probe with the end of the broom, "They're just bunny slippers."

The growling noise was getting louder, "Alexis I really don't think you should be doing that."

Alexis had finally registered the threatening growl emitting from under the furniture, "Maybe you're right," Alexis cautiously began to back away from the bureau. As soon as she moved the broom there was a horrible snarling noise and the broom started shaking and quivering pulling out of Alexis' hand. Alexis made a grab for the handle and managed to pull the broom out. Or at least pull out what was left of the broom. Whatever was under the bureau had destroyed the bristles on the broom leaving a slightly smoking ragged stump.

"Remus," Amber yelled and began pushing Alexis out of the room. Alexis was stunned and could not take her eyes off of broom remains.

Remus and Sirius came panting up the stairs, "What now?"

Alexis just held out the end of the broom to them and softly said, "Bunny slippers."

"So that's where dear old mum's slippers crawled off to," Sirius growled heading into the bedroom.

A moment later there was a bang followed by some squealing. They could hear Sirius cursing fluently. Some more bangs and then a cloud of smoke followed by Sirius coming out of the room brushing his hands off on his robes. There were several scorch marks on his robes and a nasty looking scratch on his face.

Amber cast a healing charm on the scratch while Alexis continued to stare at the broom end.

"Acid," Sirius explained. Alexis looked over at him, "Mummy dearest charmed the little blighters to spit acid. She thought it a great joke."

Alexis and Amber just nodded dumbly before heading on to the next room.

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"And just exactly why are we buying Grimmauld Place four new mattresses and three new brooms?" Snape asked quietly.

"Well I told you how the first two were filled with bed bugs and we had to destroy them in order to get rid of the infestation." Snape nodded. "Well, Amber and I were cleaning another room and we thought the bed was rustling so we both blasted it to smithereens."

"That accounts for three of the four beds," Snape said.

"Well," Alexis actually blushed, "I could have sworn the last bed was following me around the room. I could just picture the blasted thing knocking me on top of it and then sucking me into its depths."

"So you blasted that one too?"

"Actually that one I set on fire and watched it burn," Alexis smiled in remembrance, "it made a very cheery blaze. Amber conjured some marshmallows and we roasted them. Then Remus and Sirius came in and wanted to know what we were doing. So we told them and then they helped us roast marshmallows. Of course when Molly came in and saw what was going on she got angry and drenched our mattress fire," Alexis yawned before snuggling sleepily into Snape's shoulder, "Did you know that Sirius' brother was quiet good in herbology?" not waiting for a reply, "I really think he had stuffed some of his research into that mattress."