Disclaimer: Not mine.
Chapter 40 Kids, Collards and Conundrums
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Anonymous
It was the morning after the boys' party and Snape was curled up around Alexis nuzzling her neck. "Mmmmm, that feels good," Alexis arched to give him better access, "but the boys will be up soon. It will have to be a quickie," she snuggled her bottom in invitation.
Snape's lip trailed down to her shoulder. "I had a word with Slinky and Merry last night," he nipped her lightly causing her to moan softly, "and they will care for the boys for an hour," his hands were busy moving her nightgown out of the way, "or two," he almost had it all the way off, "maybe even three."
Alexis giggled and turned in his arms to capture his lips when suddenly the bed shook and a deafening roar came from the parlor.
Snape leaped from bed grabbing his wand and ran from the bedroom quickly followed by Alexis. They burst into the living room with wands poised only to find Slinky and Merry each holding a boy and sitting on the floor with a strange contraption in front of them. A tinny voice was coming from the box, "The Dragon says, 'ROAR'." The rafters shook as the same loud noise came again. Nathair and Aleser laughed and clapped their hands.
"Heres is a different one for young masters," Slinky said as he adjusted a knob on the box and pushed a lever. "The Grim says…" Alexis and Snape clapped their hands over their ears as a deep booming bark flooded the room. Again the boys just laughed, "'ky" Nathair demanded.
Snape hurried over and grabbed Slinky's arm before he could complete the move and set off the contraption, "Stop at once," he growled.
"Dada," Aleser hollered and raised his arms to be picked up.
"Dada," Nathair demanded pointing at the box, "dada."
"No absolutely not," Snape tried to control his snarl.
Nathair scowled at his father as he pointed again at the box, "Dada!"
Alexis tried to hide a grin. Nathair looked exactly like Snape when one of the first years was being particularly dense.
"No," Snape returned the scowl with interest.
Nathair's scowl darkened and his tiny hands clenched into fists, "DADA!" he screamed.
Aleser's lips began to quiver as he looked from his scowling father to his equally scowling brother.
Snape took a step closer to his rebellious son who proceeded to do what any one year old would do when thwarted by his parents: he dropped to the floor and screamed bloody murder while kicking his legs and flailing his arms.
Snape scooped the screaming infant up and marched into the nursery where he dropped him into his crib. Walking from the room he placed a silencing charm that immediately cut off the ear splitting cries.
Alexis scooped up the teary-eyed Aleser and cuddled him a moment before handing him over to Merry, "Why don't you play with your stuffed dragon, sweetie?" Merry took him over to the pile of stuffed animals.
Alexis watched as Aleser kept casting glances over to the nursery where his brother had been banished.
Slinky had slunk into the nursery to keep an eye on Nathair, although firm looks from both Alexis and Snape had convinced him not to comfort the tiny terror.
"Oh boy," Alexis plopped down on the couch, "We need to nip that in the bud." She giggled to Snape's disgust. Seeing his glare she defended herself, "It's just that he looked so much like you."
Snape glowered at her.
She burst into laughter, "Yes, that is the look. The exact same look he had on his face when you told him no."
Snape settled beside her and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, "And just who do we have to thank for that monstrosity?" Snape pointed at the toy that had instigated the tantrum.
Alexis stifled her laughter and muttered something.
"Who?" Snape asked again.
"That gift was signed from Pookie," Alexis' eyes gleamed with laughter.
"I should have known," Snape growled.
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Snape and Alexis had taken the boys out to the Quidditch pitch so that they could play with their new toys. Alexis was unsurprised to see Remus and Amber pushing Cynthia in her tram coming towards them.
Remus gave Alexis a hasty peck on her cheek in hello before hurrying over to where Snape was helping the boys kit out in their new Quidditch gear which was now in Slytherin green and silver.
"So Remus dragged you out here too?" Alexis asked Amber as they settled on a blanket at the edge of the field.
"Yes," Amber sighed in amused resignation as she settled Cynthia on the blanket between them and cast a sunscreen charm over the baby.
"I'm surprised and impressed that they managed to wait this long," Alexis commented.
"Let's see," Amber quickly calculated, "two weeks and three days. By the way, how was the boys' annual checkup with Poppy?"
Alexis looked concerned for a moment, "You have to promise not to say a word to either Remus or Severus."
Amber frowned, "Alexis, if it is something serious you can't keep it from Severus; he's the boys' father."
"No, the boys are healthy as young thestrals," Alexis reassured her. "It is something else. Poppy just mentioned it and told me not to worry about it and gave me some suggestions. I just really don't want Severus to find out."
"Alexis you can't keep secrets," Amber cautioned her.
"Oh I'll tell him," Alexis muttered, "just as soon as it becomes a non-issue. Promise you won't say anything to him." Alexis pleading eyes were more than Amber could stand.
"Spill," Amber said as put her hand over her liver, "Witch's word."
Alexis was puzzled, "Shouldn't your hand be over your heart?"
Amber looked indignant, "If it is important enough to demand a heart promise than you had bloody well better tell your husband about it and right now."
"No, no," Alexis reassured her, "A liver promise is fine."
"It better be," Amber huffed.
Alexis resolved to ask Severus at the earliest opportunity what the difference was, "Poppy says that the boys are developmentally behind their peers," Alexis was tugging on strands of grass and refused to meet her friend's eyes.
"In what way?" Amber put on her healer's face.
"Poppy says that by this age a normal wizarding child usually has more than a three word vocabulary," Alexis looked up, "My kids are stupid."
Amber shook her head, "No they aren't. And if you think about it they have a five word vocabulary." At Alexis' questioning look, "Mama, Dada, No, 'luddy and 'ell."
Alexis gave her a disapproving look, "This is serious Amber. Now do you see why I can't tell Severus?"
"Not really," Amber replied.
"Severus is brilliant. He is a genius," Alexis said despondently, "So their stupidity must come from me."
Amber tried not to laugh, "What did Poppy tell you to do?"
"I'm to read to them more," Alexis answered, "talk to them, stuff like that."
"I'll help," Amber offered, "we can each read to them for an hour or so each day."
Alexis smiled, "Thanks," they both looked up as Remus and Severus' conversation began to heat up, "When we purchased these outfits," Remus started.
"You must have been blind," Severus cut in, "or else the shop keeper tricked you into purchasing…"
It was Remus' turn to cut Severus off, "They were a perfectly acceptable shade of red and gold. I must insist on returning them since the colors have so obviously faded to green and silver."
Snape snorted, "I am perfectly happy with the way they are now," he put an especially strong emphasis on now.
Before the discussion could escalate Alexis called out, "There are two of them."
The two wizards turned to stare at her in stunned disbelief.
Alexis gave them an impatient look, "One in gold and one in green," she clarified.
After a few moments more wrangling Nathair was dressed in red and gold and Aleser in green and silver.
Nathair looked from his new outfit to his father's robes with the green and silver Slytherin badge, "NO!"
Aleser looked down at his green and silver robes and over to where his brother was wearing red and gold, "NO!"
Severus and Remus exchanged looks of puzzlement.
Nathair toddled up to his father, "No," and began pulling at the offending robes.
"See, Lupin," Severus smirked, "even one-year-olds know which house is better."
Remus smiled back before pointing at Aleser, "I see what you mean."
Aleser had stripped down to his diaper and was toddling around the pitch laughing in delight as he fell to the ground only to get back up and do it all over again.
Snape watched in
stunned disbelief as his son's diaper drooped and then dropped
leaving Aleser the youngest streaker Hogwarts had ever seen. Before
he could react, Nathair had joined his brother and another little
bare tush was running around. Amber hollered, "Don't look,
Remus!" But it was too late. He'd already been mooned. Flashed
him right there in front of
the Slytherin stands. Alexis and Amber
were rolling with laughter. Remus and Snape turned to glare at them.
"Oh Severus, you had better stop him," Alexis stopped laughing long enough to direct Snape's attention to where Nathair had suddenly stopped in front of the Hufflepuff stands and was relieving himself.
Snape looked at Remus and shrugged, "Never did much care for the Hufflepuffs myself."
High up in the castle Albus was chuckling as he watched from a window. Minerva walked over, "Exactly what is so funny Albus?" she demanded.
Albus handed her the omnioculars and directed her attention to the Quidditch Pitch. After a long look Minerva's lips were twitching, "I don't know Albus, is it safe for Remus to be out there with two full moons?"
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Remus and Snape had gathered the two budding naturalists and returned them to their diapers. Alexis had offered a suggestion of putting Nathair in green and Aleser in red.
Snape looked vaguely disgruntled at the sight of Aleser happily playing in his red and gold gear.
Now they had the two toy brooms and they were trying to get the boys to ride them. Alexis was biting her lip remembering her first broom lesson.
Amber patted her hand. "They are perfectly safe," she consoled, "the brooms won't go higher than a meter from the ground and they don't go much faster than a brisk walk."
Alexis nodded although she didn't feel all that reassured. It was fun watching Severus and Remus helping to hold the two tiny boys onto the miniature brooms and hurrying along beside them.
After about thirty minutes Alexis' concern had shifted, "Maybe we better call them over to rest?"
"The twins are fine," Amber laughed.
"I know they are but look at our husbands," Alexis replied indicating the two red faced, sweating, and panting men.
"You may be right," Amber observed. "Remus, why don't you and Severus bring the boys over for some juice?"
Alexis added her voice, "Yes, Severus, the boys look like they may be getting too hot."
Remus and Snape nodded tiredly and urged the two riders over to the blanket. The twin's protests were soon quieted with cups of juice and cookies.
Snape and Remus were both laid out on the blanket, arms over their eyes. Alexis cast a breeze charm on both of them to help them cool off.
"Don't you think you've had enough for today?" Alexis realized her mistake as soon as the words fell from her lips. "I mean the boys," she said hastily, "don't you think the boys have had enough?"
Snape levered himself up onto one arm and glared at her, "Do you think I cannot play Quidditch with my sons? Perhaps you think I am too old and feeble to enjoy a game?"
Alexis refrained from pointing out that his arm was trembling from trying to support his weight and that they hadn't even started playing Quidditch yet, "No, of course not Severus," she tried a conciliatory tone, "but Quidditch is not a game that is learned in a day. I think the boys have made a good start on the basics."
Snape looked unconvinced, "They haven't even had a chance to play with the Quidditch ball set that Draco got them."
"I know," Alexis said, "but maybe you should save that fun for another day. We were just talking about how we had to stop spoiling them."
Snape nodded slowly sure that he was being patronized but too tired to object any further.
Later that evening Alexis was trying very hard not to giggle as she ministered to her husband. She gently rubbed a soothing cream into his sunburned skin. Snape scowled at her, "Not one word," he hissed.
Alexis bit her lip and nodded trying to look solemn. When she had covered the red, hot skin she went to toss the jar away.
"Did you use all of it?" Snape asked snarkily.
"Well it was a rather large area to cover," Alexis said not meeting his eyes.
Snape turned on his heel and stormed into the bedroom. Alexis followed him unable to resist, "Severus, you really should have thought to cast a sunscreen charm."
Snape glared at her, "As I was adequately covered by my robes I didn't think I would need one."
Alexis' eyes gleamed with suppressed laughter as she looked at her disgruntled husband before turning back to the parlor and singing a tune curiously inappropriate for August and making up the words as she went along, "Severus the red nosed Potions Professor had a very shiny nose…"
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Snape looked around in distaste. Alexis had talked him into taking her to lunch in London. He hadn't objected to the lunch; it was her choice of restaurants that had him so displeased. Instead of eating lunch in Diagon Alley like normal people, she had insisted that they dress as Muggles and eat in a Muggle restaurant. Casting a careful eye over the clientele he realized that at least he wouldn't have to worry about running into any Death Eaters.
And a look at his beaming wife was enough to convince him that he could put up with all of this Muggleness for an hour.
Alexis began to study the menu, "It is nice to just get away for a little while."
Snape nodded as he tried to determine what on the menu was least likely to poison them. He paused to do a mental inventory of the potions he always carried with him, yes he did have the general all-purpose antidote and of course he always carried a bezoar. Better to be safe than sorry though, because while some poisons actually were quite tasty, all the antidotes were foul.
Alexis looked up from the menu at the couple sitting two tables over from them. It was obvious they were tourists from the cameras, shopping bags, maps and tour guides all around them. She grinned as she heard the man say in a distinctive Southern drawl, "Ahh told yew thar was no way they would have sweet tea."
"Ahh know, Bobby Joe, and yew were right wern'tcha," the woman drawled back at him, "Didja' see the way that waiter was lookin' at you when you asked him."
Bobby Joe snickered, "Usedta be a time I woulda' wailed the tar otta someone fer lookin' at me like that."
"But now yer all matured aintcha'," she snickered back at him.
"I jest wanted our second honeymoon ta be purfect," he took her hand across the table, "and you wanted some sweet tea Tommie Sue."
Alexis waved over their waiter and ordered two strong pots of tea, an empty pitcher, a pitcher filled with ice, two cups of sugar, a plate of sliced lemons, a long spoon and two tall glasses filled with ice.
Snape quirked an eyebrow at her as the puzzled waiter hurried off to fill the strange woman's order. Alexis smiled at him and he went back to his menu determined not to give her the satisfaction of asking.
Both the waiter and Snape watched Alexis as she proceeded to pour the steaming hot tea into one of the large plastic pitcher. She then mixed in the sugar and stirred it until it was totally dissolved and then poured the hot tea into the pitcher with ice. After garnishing the glasses with lemon slices she told the waiter, "Please deliver this to the couple over there with my compliments."
The waiter looked at her as if she were crazy.
"I promise if they don't appreciate it, I will make it right," she slipped him a couple of pound notes and he reluctantly placed the pitcher and the glasses back on the tray and took them over to the table.
"What was that all about?" Snape asked as they watched the couple's pleased surprise when presented with sweet tea.
"Don't try to offer me anything, what it comes right down to baby, don't tempt me; I'm where I wanna be 'cause on the eighth day, God made sweet tea," Alexis looked over at him and laughed as he looked even more puzzled, "Just quoting a song. They remind me of before…" Alexis trailed off.
Snape continued to look puzzled until the waiter came up to take their order.
They were almost finished when the sweet tea couple came up to the table. Snape stared in fascination at their attire. The first thing he noticed was that the man's belt buckle was the size of a salad plate. The wide leather belt was holding up blue jeans and he was wearing cowboy boots. His cotton button up shirt had mother of pearl buttons and was a red check. He carried a baseball cap in one hand along with most of the shopping bags. His hair was cropped short in the front and sides and left long in the back.
The woman was wearing shorts and sandals with a t-shirt printed with the Tower of London. It wasn't her clothes so much that startled Snape as it was her hair. It fell to her shoulders in stiff waves and the front and top was teased up about five inches. She was standing directly under a ceiling fan and not a hair on her head was moving.
"We jes wanted ta thank y'all fer sendin' over tha tea," the woman smiled shyly.
Snape tried to puzzle through what she had just said. About all he could catch was 'tea.'
Alexis smiled at the couple, "It was my pleasure. I hope you are enjoying your trip to London."
"Yes'm," the man said nodding quickly.
"Bobby Joe, won this'er trip by playing tha lotto," the woman bragged.
Again, Snape tried to interpret the strange language the couple was speaking. Some of the words sounded vaguely like English but they were so badly mangled he really couldn't tell.
"Congratulations," Alexis beamed at them, "Where in America do you live?"
"How'd'jew know we're from America?" Bobby Joe asked.
"Your belt buckle," Alexis nodded at the impossible to miss accessory, "it says 'Proud to Be an American'."
"Oh yeah," Bobby Joe blushed while Tommie Sue jabbed him in the side with a well placed elbow.
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Alexis was fuming, "How could you ask her that?"
"It was a perfectly reasonable question," Snape defended himself.
"It was rude," Alexis insisted as they headed toward 12 Grimmauld Place.
"She didn't seem to mind," Snape stated, "And it's not as if I even understood what she said. Aqua Net: what the bloody hell is an aqua net? Is it a net to hold water?" Snape shook his head, "That wouldn't make any sense."
"How could you tell she didn't mind?" Alexis demanded, "You claim you couldn't understand them."
"I comprehended maybe one in three words those two uttered," Snape sneered. "Exactly what language were they speaking?"
"They were speaking English," Alexis hissed at him. She had noticed that they were collecting some looks from their fellow pedestrians.
"English?" Snape sniffed. "Preposterous, in what English dictionary do you find the words: usedtacud, mitecud, yuwanta, and of course summatch."
"You know, you do that rather well," Alexis grinned at him.
"I do all things well," Snape sneered at her with a smirk playing across his lips.
"They are from one of the southern states in the U.S.A. and that is the accent," Alexis paused here, "with which a lot of them speak."
"And what was that you were muttering as they walked off?" Snape wanted to know, "What does party and fish have to do with each other?"
Alexis thought for a moment before she realized what he was referring to, "Bobby Joe's hair style is called a mullet: business in the front and paarrttee'," Alexis deliberately drawled the last word, "in the back."
"What type of hairstyle is named after a fish?" Snape groused.
They had reached their destination and Alexis gave him one more exasperated look. "I still can't believe you asked that of Tommie Sue."
Snape looked down his long nose at her and quirked an eyebrow as he prepared to ring the bell.
"Really, Severus," Alexis grinned and shook her head, "I guess you didn't offend them too much since we have an invitation to stay with them if we are ever in Ludiwici, Georgia." Alexis chuckled, "But really, did you have to ask her how'd you get your hair up that high?"
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Harry was looking for some place to be alone. The hearing at the Ministry regarding his use of underage magic in front of Muggles was tomorrow. Harry snuck into the library. They had finished cleaning it a couple of days ago so it should be safe enough. Harry settled into a worn and ratty leather armchair and was staring into the unlit fireplace when a muffled thump had him turning suddenly.
"Hello Harry," Alexis Snape smiled at him.
"Sorry Mrs. Snape, I didn't know anyone was here," Harry stuttered and tried not to stare.
Alexis grinned at him although it looked rather strange considering her position. Harry was trying to remember if he had ever seen her in jeans and a t-shirt before. Alexis was still smiling although her face was very flushed, "Not a problem Harry."
Harry shrugged and then his curiosity got the better of him, "Excuse me Mrs. Snape."
"You may call me Alexis during the summer, Harry," she beamed at him.
"Okay, Alexis," Harry said slowly. "Can I ask what you are doing?"
"Of course you may," Alexis replied genially.
Harry waited a moment before noticing Alexis' smirk and asking, "Mrs. …Alexis, what are you doing?"
"I am trying to meditate," she replied, "by doing some yoga."
Harry looked at the strange position she was in, "But isn't that uncomfortable?"
"Extremely," Alexis grimaced.
Harry winced at the expression on Alexis' face. She was upside down with her head on a pillow. Her legs formed a pretzel with her feet resting on her upper thighs.
"Then why are you still doing it?" Harry had temporarily forgotten his worries.
Alexis gave him a considering look, "Harry, can I trust you?"
Harry nodded solemnly.
"You promise you won't tell anyone?" she continued.
Harry nodded again.
"I'm stuck," Alexis confessed, "Will you help me?"
Harry tried to stifle his laughter.
"Go ahead and laugh," Alexis huffed as Harry hurried over to her and helping her to lower her bottom half onto the floor. He then helped her untangle her legs and watched as she tried to rub some circulation back into her legs, "You may not believe it after this demonstration," Harry laughed as Alexis continued, "but it really does help to clear your head."
Harry was practically rolling on the floor at that statement.
Alexis shoved him and got up and hobbled over to a chair, "I'm glad I could be so entertaining," she said dryly.
Harry was having trouble catching his breath. When he had finally stopped laughing and was just grinning up at her from his position sprawled on the floor, Alexis continued, "Meditation helps me to bring things into sharper focus," she gave him a considering look, "some days I feel like a stranger in my own skin. As if I'm living someone else's life and having someone else's dreams."
Harry had sobered up at this statement and he nodded slowly perfectly understanding what she meant, "Yeah, I get that feeling myself sometimes."
"If you want to," Alexis offered softly, "I could show you how to meditate."
Harry looked surprised, "No offense Alexis, but I don't think I could do that," Harry added a vague wave at the corner of the room where Alexis' cushion still rested.
Alexis laughed, "How about if I show you a method that doesn't involve folding up like a pretzel and standing on your head?"
Harry nodded cautiously.
"Honestly Harry, that was the first time I tried that position and I don't think I will ever try it again," Alexis confessed as she summoned some cushions.
"Alright Harry, make yourself comfortable," Alexis tossed him a couple of cushions. "We'll try a simple breathing meditation."
Harry flopped down.
"Not quite that comfortable," Alexis said to the teen sprawled on the floor, "you have to sit with your back straight." After Harry complied, "Now try to clear your mind. Go ahead and close your eyes and just concentrate on your breathing. Breath in and out. In and out."
Harry's eyes popped open.
"It's ok, Harry," Alexis said soothingly. "It is going to be difficult at first to clear your mind. Just close your eyes again and focus on your breathing. Don't allow your thoughts to distract you." Harry wiggled on his cushion and Alexis continued with her instructions, "You are just finding out exactly how busy your mind is. Try to stay focused on your breathing."
Harry spent a few more moments wiggling and then he started scratching his nose. After a few more moments he was sitting calmly and serenely on his cushion. It only lasted five minutes before someone set off Mrs. Black's portrait and the resulting chaos squelched any further attempt at meditation.
Alexis tousled Harry's hair, "I tell you what…" Harry looked at her shyly causing her to pause before continuing. "Why don't you practice that until you get back to school? Once term starts again, you and I can get together and work on the breathing meditation and if you find it helps we can try other types."
Harry nodded. He wasn't sure it would help but right now he was willing to try anything.
Alexis put a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Harry, this next year is going to be especially difficult for you," she squeezed his shoulder when he tensed and turned his head away, "Fifth year is a difficult year for any student with the O.W.L.s and then there is the fact that you are fifteen. You, as usual, are a special case," Alexis nudged his chin so that he would look at her. "You went through something last year no one else can possibly understand. If you ever want to talk or get away from everyone or anything like that you know where to find me."
Harry nodded slightly while giving her a considering look.
"Now onto something a tad more serious," Alexis said casting a look around the room.
"What?"
"Will you help me find my shoes? I think Kreacher may have run off with them."
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Alexis and Snape were sitting on the love seat snuggled together. Each had their own book that they were reading, the boys were playing quietly on the floor in front of them and all in all it was a pleasant afternoon.
Severus leaned forward and picked up a goblet from the coffee table. Taking a swallow he immediately spit it back into the glass, "Great Merlin's hairy balls, what is that?"
Alexis looked at him, "Severus, that was my glass and now you've ruined it," she complained taking it from him.
Giving her a suspicious look, "Alexis, you are not drinking pancake syrup again are you?"
Alexis flushed at the reminder of one of her cravings, "No," she stated firmly as she banished the contents of her glass and then cast a cleaning charm on it. She then refilled it from one of the two pitchers, "It is just sweet tea."
Snape shuddered in the memory of the taste of the overly sweet drink. Slinky popped in interrupting whatever Snape was going to say. Slinky was carrying a covered tray, "Where would miss like mes to put this?" he asked cheerfully.
Alexis cleared a space on the table and Slinky deposited his burden.
"What exactly is that?" Snape queried.
"Just a snack," Alexis smiled as she served Aleser and Nathair milk and toast fingers along with some pieces of orange.
"No I mean that," Snape pointed at a bowl of strange looking white stuff.
Alexis scooped it up with glee and lifting the tops off of several more dishes unearthed butter, cheese, and a strange thin brown liquid. Snape blanched as she liberally added all three to the white lump. She almost moaned as she took a huge bite of the disgusting looking mixture, "Want some?" she offered.
"I try not to eat that which I cannot name," Snape said.
"This," Alexis took another mouthful and closed her eyes in bliss before swallowing and continuing, "is cheese grits with red eye gravy."
"Red eye of what gravy," Snape asked slightly worried. Certain eyes were poisonous if not prepared properly.
"No eyeballs," Alexis reassured before resuming her snack, "Is there any ham or greens there?"
Snape looked from the tray to his wife, "No there is no ham and nothing even remotely green is on the tray."
Alexis nodded in disappointment, "How about fried catfish or stewed tomatoes and okra?"
Snape asked repulsed, "Cat fish?"
Alexis was looking at what was on the tray, "I guess my order hasn't arrived yet."
"Your order of what?" Snape said still looking slightly ill.
"I just ordered a few items," Alexis said evasively.
"Like what?"
"Some Virginia ham, and some collard greens, and some hush puppy mix," Alexis trailed off at the look on Snape's face," as well as a few other things."
Snape looked at the nauseating mess she was eating. "Alexis I really have to draw the line at puppy mix." He paused for a moment, "Although if you would like to make dog mix using Pookie," he sneered as he said the name, "I could possibly support that."
Alexis stared at him for a moment, "Hush puppies, Severus, do not contain either puppies or dogs. That is just disgusting."
Snape nodded his agreement, "It all sounds disgusting. Would you please find some place else to eat it?"
Alexis looked hurt for a moment before nodding slowly in agreement.
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Sirius looked up in surprise at the knock on his kitchen door. He had stopped by the kitchen to wash up after feeding Buckbeak. Opening the door he found Alexis, the twins, a young house elf with a very disapproving look on his face, and a large shopping bag.
"Can we come in?" Alexis asked.
"Sure," Sirius stepped back and waved them in.
"Sirius," Alexis started, "I need a favor please."
Sirius took Aleser from her arms, "What?"
"Can I borrow your kitchen to cook a few things?" she asked in a rush.
"I beg your pardon," Sirius shook his head.
"I want to cook some things I have been craving," Alexis explained.
"And you can't do that at Hogwarts?"
"The house elves won't let me," Alexis replied mournfully.
"That is right Mistress," came a squeaky voice, "Mistress not supposed to cook that is elves' work."
"I know Slinky," Alexis' tone was conciliatory, "but I want to make some stuff the old fashioned way."
Sirius was still looking at her as if she were crazy but he shrugged, "It's no skin off my nose."
Alexis beamed at him while Slinky just shook his head.
Slinky hurried over to an out of the way corner and with a snap of his fingers it was so clean it shined. Alexis placed a playpen charm on the area and settled Nathair with his toys.
Sirius expanded the area and transfigured one of the kitchen chairs into a rocking chair and prepared to enjoy the babies.
Alexis opened up the bag and pulled out a huge pot. Filling it with water she pulled several large onions out of the bag and a package wrapped in butcher paper. A quick charm had the onions chopped and in the pot along with the spare ribs that had been in the package.
Sirius stared in disbelief at all the items she kept pulling out of the bag. The bag must have a bottomless charm on it to hold everything.
She pulled another huge pot out of the bag and turned to look at Slinky, "Are you sure you can do this?"
Slinky looked at her and nodded, "I is being able to do this."
"Ok Slinky, but we don't want to burn the house down because if the grease gets too hot it will catch on fire."
"I is being cooking since before you is being born," Slinky asserted looking slightly insulted.
Alexis didn't look completely convinced.
Slinky huffed out, "I is knowing the extinguishing charm for grease fires Miss."
Alexis nodded and Slinky floated the huge pot and several containers of cooking oil out the back door.
Alexis went back to her bag and began pulling out turkeys. She had five on the table and was rummaging around in the bag. "I know it is here somewhere," she muttered, "now where did it get to."
Sirius watched amused as she almost disappeared into the bag. He was considering getting up and giving her a push just to see what would happen when she stood back up and pulled several jars and a large cylinder with a sharp needle like point attached to one end out.
"Gotcha!" she said triumphantly. Looking over at Sirius she gave him a considering look. She had sorted out the jars on the table putting one in front of each Turkey and had two left over. She swapped out two of the jars and cast a cleaning charm on the turkeys. She opened one of the jars and stuck the pointy thing into it and began to draw the top up pulling the liquid from the jar into the cylinder.
Sirius watched and winced as she jabbed the hapless bird with the sharp needle and forced the liquid into the turkey, "What are you doing?"
"Seasoning the birds," Alexis replied absently as she repeated the process until all the liquid in the jar had been injected into the turkey. She quickly seasoned the remaining birds just as Slinky opened the back door.
"I's ready," he called.
Alexis floated the turkeys to him and Sirius watched the parade of birds disappear into his back garden.
After washing her hands Alexis proceeded to pull two gold foil wrapped packages out and place them in wire racks on the table, "What's that?" Sirius asked.
"Spiral sliced honey baked ham," Alexis said in a reverent tone.
Alexis started another large pot of water on the stove and threw something in that Sirius couldn't see before pulling a huge bunch of large green leaves out of the bag. She cast cleaning charms on them before washing them at the sink.
"And what is that?"
"Collard greens," Alexis responded as she began cutting the leaves into thin strips, "I got Professor Sprout to grow me some. She magically enhanced them to grow quickly." Alexis added the sliced green leaves to the pot and then sprinkled them with a bit of sugar.
After checking on the pot of spareribs she began pulling bottles and spice jars out of the bag. A large bowl was retrieved and she began mixing up apple cider vinegar, cayenne pepper, Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, brown sugar and salt and pepper she then cast a cooking charm on it. When it was finished she dipped a clean spoon in and tasted it. Grabbing another spoon she dipped that one and walked over to where Sirius was rocking Nathair and Aleser, "What do you think?" she asked holding the spoon out to Sirius.
Sirius opened his mouth to refuse and she stuck the spoon in. The taste was surprisingly good, "I can't tell, how about another taste?"
Alexis laughed and put the bowl to one side to sit, "That's all I needed to hear."
"What?" Sirius tried to look insulted.
"If you want another taste it must be good," Alexis began pulling more items out. She was soon surrounded by pie plates. She looked from the flour bag to her clothes, "You don't happen to have an apron?"
Sirius put the boys on the floor and gave them some toys to play with, "I doubt it: unless Molly brought some with her." He rummaged through a drawer and pulled out an apron before tossing it to her.
"Thanks," Alexis caught it and soon had it on and the flour in the bowl.
"What are you making now?" Sirius wondered over keeping one eye on the sauce bowl.
"Pies," she was succinct as she began cutting the butter into the dry ingredients.
"What type?" Snape was trying to distract her.
"Pecan, Key Lime, and sweet potato," Alexis listed them, "and if your finger goes into that bowl it won't come out," she threatened without looking at him. Sirius hastily pulled back the offending digit. Alexis soon had all but three of the pie tins filled with pie crusts. Sirius just stood back and watched her work in amazement.
Soon the aromas drifting up from the kitchen had the rest of the household members sniffing around the kitchen. When Ron saw all the food Ginny had to hand him a napkin to keep the drool from making a puddle on the floor.
When George tried to sneak a taste there was a large crack and he was nursing sore fingers, "What was that for?" he complained.
"Mine," Alexis smirked.
"What?" came the outraged cries from the teens present.
"Mine," Alexis reiterated, "I bought it, I cooked it and I am going to eat it."
There were wide-eyed stares at the amount of food spread all over the kitchen. Ron had been reduced to whimpering in a corner.
Alexis was humming as she finished garnishing the Key Lime pies. Slinky opened the back door and levitated in five perfectly cooked turkeys.
"What did you do to those turkeys?" Hermione asked.
"Deep fried them," Alexis replied as she set out platters for Slinky to put the birds on.
"That sounds disgusting," Harry said.
Hermione was looking intrigued, "I read about that in a book on cooking in America. It is supposed to be very good," she said this last doubtfully.
"It is some of the best turkey you will ever taste," Alexis smiled at her, "Want to try it?"
Hermione nodded after a moment's consideration. Alexis carved a slice and put it on a plate, "Let it cool a minute."
All the Weasleys, Harry and Sirius were staring in rapt attention as Hermione brought the bite of meat up to her mouth. There were a few winces as she placed it between her lips. As soon as the flavor touched her taste buds her eyes widened and then closed as she slowly chewed the tasty, juicy meat.
"Hey why does she get to try it?" Ron was practically in tears.
"You really want to try all these strange dishes?" Alexis asked the group at large.
"Well maybe not all of them," Ron was looking at the bowl of wilted greens.
"If you eat any of it you have to at least try all of it," Alexis bargained.
"How much?" Ron asked cautiously.
The rest were letting Ron bargain realizing that Ron's strength lay in his stomach.
"A spoonful of each dish," Alexis bargained.
"A small spoonful," Ron countered.
Alexis held out her hand, "Deal," they said as they shook.
The room erupted into cheers as Molly and Arthur swung the door open, "And just what is going on here?"
"I cooked dinner Molly," Alexis smiled.
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Snape was tired of waiting for Alexis to find her way home. He stalked into the kitchen at 12 Grimmauld Place to find the remnants of what looked to have been a bacchanalian feast.
"Severus," Alexis beamed up at him, "you are just in time for pudding," Alexis made as if to get up and serve him.
Snape sneered over at Black. Sirius was too stuffed to do more than give him a belch, "'scuse me," he muttered before yawning. Ron had barbeque sauce smeared liberally over his face and he was chewing on the end of a spare rib and was ignoring everyone else in the room. Aleser and Nathair were seated with Ginny between them and Fred and George on either side. They were in highchairs and clad only in diapers. Snape started for a moment. Both boys were totally smeared with a red substance. They had even gotten some in their hair. They were contentedly sucking on the ends of spare ribs. Snape's glare intensified.
Molly smiled over at Alexis, "Severus, I had no idea Alexis was such an accomplished cook. Imagine knowing all of those American dishes."
Snape looked over as his wife brought him two small slivers of pie, "Sorry dear, this is all that is left."
Arthur said helpfully, "There is a whole lime pie on the side board."
"I was saving that for Albus. I thought it would make a nice change from his lemon drops," Alexis said.
"It is too bad you couldn't join us, Severus," Arthur said genially. "This was some of the best food I've ever eaten. Although I have to admit that while the crackling corn bread was good, my absolute favorite was the fried turkey. I think there might be a bit of breast left if you would like to try it."
Before Snape could object Alexis was holding out a fork with the last of the fried turkey. His eyes promised retribution later from putting him in this position as he grudgingly took the fork and ate the meat. Alexis smirked in satisfaction as she watched him register the taste and cast a hungry look at the turkey carcasses littering the table. He almost growled as he saw Sirius grab the last remaining wing and begin gnawing on it.
"Here Professor," Hermione offered. "There are some more hush puppies too."
Snape glared over at Sirius who was making a big show out of eating the last remaining turkey wing, "I'll leave those for Black. Perhaps they will live up to their name and silence a certain mutt."
Harry glared at Snape while Sirius laughed, "All the better, more for the rest of us."
Alexis broke the glaring contest between Harry and Snape as she handed him the plate with the pie on it. Whispering so only he could hear, "You told me to find somewhere else to eat."
"Yes," he hissed back at her as he stabbed the fork into the pie, "But did it have to be here?"
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Snape was in a snit. He and Alexis had returned to Hogwarts with the boys and Slinky. Alexis was ignoring his mood and was humming a happy little tune as she quickly prepared the twins for bed.
"Are you hungry?" Alexis smiled at her husband who was brooding in the parlor. "I could get Merry to bring you something from the kitchen, perhaps a sandwich?" That question earned her a glare.
"Exactly why did you cook for the Weasley's, Potter, Black and company?" he asked icily. Before she could respond, "And just when did you learn to cook? And to cook like that?" He was now on his feet pacing back and forth in a right rant, "You can barely brew a proper potion and yet you cooked that feast?"
Alexis humphed at the comment about her not being able to brew a potion but Snape ignored her to continue. "I would think that as your husband you would have at least allowed me the chance to partake of your cooking. Instead I get the barest taste of turkey and two slivers of pie that are more a taunt than a proper taste."
Alexis walked over to her bag and began pulling containers out. Snape noticed what she was doing after his last rhetorical question had gone unremarked upon, "What are you doing now?"
"I am getting a snack ready," she replied not looking at him, "I have a feeling you are going to be going on about this for a while," now she turned to look him coolly in the eyes, "although you were the one who told me to find someplace else to eat."
Snape stopped his rant to reassess his arguments, "Be that as it may, you were the one going on about cat fish and stewed okra and tomatoes. At no time did you mention turkey or ham or pie in any way shape or form. I would have remembered."
Alexis gave him another cool look, "So, let me see if I understand this correctly, I am to give you a complete menu if I ever get the urge to cook again and then you will decide whether or not you wish to partake of the bounty of my culinary effort?"
Snape opened his mouth only to shut it abruptly, "Not exactly," he said carefully. His Slytherin side began to kick in, "I would have just appreciated being able to help you with this project."
Alexis' look told him she clearly wasn't falling for that one so he changed tactics, "I am devastated that you would have revealed your culinary skills to Black before allowing me the pleasure…" he realized that was perhaps over the top and finally opted for the truth. "Bloody hell, Alexis, that turkey was wonderful and all I got was the tiniest piece imaginable."
Alexis moved from in front of the table to reveal containers spread out containing generous amounts of all that she had cooked that day.
Snape helped himself to the food pleased to see there was a generous portion of turkey.
Alexis stayed his hand as he was about to spear a large slab of meat, "Just remember, Severus, next time don't make me go to someone else for what I need."
Severus, his mouth stuffed with turkey and hush puppies was only able to get out a muffled, "Yes dear."
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AN: Thank you to everyone who is still reading the story and a special thank you to all who review. Reviews encourage me to keep going. Oh, I hope everyone likes the new longer chapters too.