Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Master and Commander, PotC, or LotR except the DVDs. I keep Nagle in my closet anyway. Another one of my fics from a while ago but it's better than the others. Again, as with a few of my LotR fics, this one is on council of elrond under my penname crazyelvenfangirl. I wrote this a while ago but it doesn't need as much fixing as the Legolas' Life one (that was my first ever...). R&R!
Oh, yeah, and I'm posting the firstfour chapters at once, so respond to the questions at the bottom if you wish, but they're not gonna be answered (except the questions at the end of ch.4...). Please review anyway!
--Aboard the well-known pirate ship, the Black Pearl--
Captain Jack Sparrow hefted the helm of the Black Pearl to the left (at least, he thought it was his left -- Jack really wasn't too good with that sort of thing). He tapped his gold teeth thoughtfully as he gazed at his compass.
"JACK!" screeched Annemaria. "Where in bloody blazes are you taking us?"
"Patience, Annemaria, we'll get there soon enough."
The sound of a sharp slap echoed through the ship, and the crew members struggled to maintain straight faces.
"Where are you taking my ship!" Annemaria screamed in Jack's ear. "You're driving us right straight into a bloody damned FOG! There's even ANOTHER SHIP there! I can hear it!"
Sure enough, shouts of "Pull together, men!" and "Pull! Pull for the fog bank!" could be heard, as well as the sucking sound oars make when pulled quickly from the water. Jack drew himself up and opened his mouth. Then shut it, sagging slightly.
"As I have no idea what the bloody blazing hell is going on here, I will be sending a trained reconnaissance force to investigate this alleged other ship," Jack slurred. Leaning over the guardrail, he bellowed, "WILL! GET YOUR STUPID ASS UP HERE!"
Twenty minutes later, Jack, Annemaria, Will, Elizabeth, and five or six pirates who serve no practical purpose in our story other than to, well, be there, set out in a rowboat toward the shouts.
--Aboard the HMS Surprise, of the British Royal Navy--
A faint cry was heard, coming softly through the fog. "Bloody stupid women!" SLAP!
Captain Jack Aubrey turned on his heel and strode to the rail. He leaned over and peered through the heavy vapor surrounding the ship. He saw nothing but the ropes attaching the Surprise's bow to the rowboats steering her. But the shout had come from the stern…"Tom! What was that? I thought all men were ordered quiet!" he hissed in a low voice.
"I'm not sure, sir. We've no women aboard."
"Call the men back. I don't trust this. I want the watch ready if this turns to our disadvantage. We're not the only ship out there with a cunning captain."
"Sir, do you really think the French will follow us here?" asked Tom Pullings.
"I'm not sure."
"The voice did sound English, sir. Perhaps-" Hollum put in timidly.
"I've survived this long in this business by being careful. You can never be too careful, man." With that, he clapped Hollum on the shoulder and, gesturing for Pullings to follow him, headed to the stern where the helmsman, Bonden, was standing. "Bonden, take five or six men and ready the stern cannons. Do not fire until I give the word." He nodded and went off to carry out the captain's orders. Aubrey sent Pullings to help, and proceeded to round up his senior officers and debate their next move.
--In Middle Earth (several hours after the above episodes happened)--
"-this one doom-"
A panicked elf ran into the pavilion where the Council was being held. Bowing quickly to Elrond and the and the rest of the Council, he gasped, "Ship-huge-men-swords-odd arrows-river-coming here-GAAAA! Elrond, why-tiara-Arwen's favorite dress-what-"
Elrond grasped the elf firmly by the shoulders and shook him vigorously until he shut up. "Tell us again, and slooooowly, and this is MY dres-robe!"
Legolas snickered and whispered something to Figwit.
"WOULD YOU CARE TO SHARE THAT WITH THE REST OF THE COUNCIL, YOUNG LEGOLAS?"
Trying desperately not to laugh, Legolas shared it with the council.
"THIS IS NOT A TIARA! NOR IS IT FROM SAURON! I NEVER DATED-THAT'S COMPLETELY-I NEVER DID-WE NEVER-THERE WAS NOTHING BETWEEN SAURON AND MYSELF, SO YOU CAN ALL STOP LAUGHING!"
Once the Council settled down, the elf gave them his message. "Strange men who spoke not the Elvish tongue, nor Dwarfish, nor Rohirric, nor Gondorian, nor-"
"We get it already…" said Elrond through his teeth. The elf gulped and continued. "Strange men who speak the Common tongue strangely appeared through a mist into our part of the river. There was one who looked like Prince Legolas, and one who looked as the Halfling.
"We have four halflings."
"Actually, I can't tell them apart..."
Elrond rolled his eyes and motioned for the messenger to continue. "Which Halfing?"
"You know, the really cute one with the curly blonde hair? He's so adorable…"
"Merry?" asked Frodo.
"No.Pippin. But tha-"
"Merry is so much cuter than Pippin though!" argued one of the Men.
"Is not!" insisted Boromir.
"Is too!" stated Gandalf.
"NUH-UH!" pouted Bormir.
"YUH-HUH!" sulked Bilbo.
"NO!" shouted Elrond.
"YES!" yelled Sauron.
"NOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" screamed Figwit with his hands over his ears to block out, and therefore eliminate, any opposing views.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEES YES YES YES YES!" hollered half of the Council.
"NO NO NO NO NO!" cried the other half.
Pippin and Merry, lurking in the bushes like two short lurking people, smirked.
Will the Council ever stop arguing?
Will Arwen get her favorite purple dress back?
What will happen when the three worlds meet?
Will I have to tweak things so that firearms don't get into Middle Earth and screw things up?
Will I have the attention span to write another chapter?
And who IS cuter: Merry or Pippin?
Tune in next time to find out!