ralA Distant Angel

Buffy had never seen her beloved Angel in this state before. He was motionless, silent and seemed even more distant whenever she spoke to him.

'Angel.' She whispered to him. 'It's okay, you're safe now.' She tried so hard to comfort him but was unsure what she could really do to help. Everyone he knew was dead.

It had been year and four months since Buffy had found Angel in Los Angeles. He was in a similar state back then. He wouldn't talk, he wouldn't move and he wouldn't even acknowledge that Buffy or anyone else was there.

Buffy and her friends had managed to save Illyria, but only for a short time. A few months after the battle she was killed by a warlock Buffy then slayed. But she had been around long enough for Buffy to understand. She now knew everything. She knew how much Angel must be hurting inside, and she could do nothing about it. All she could do was watch her beloved sit quiet and alone in the corner or the dirty little basement.

Giles had visited a few times, trying to bring him out of the trance using magicks. He failed, and then Willow tried. She also failed, and as a group they decided there was nothing they could do for Angel. But Buffy wouldn't allow him to be killed.

'I can't do that to him Giles! Not again. There must be something we can do.'

'Buffy, I'm sorry. Angel has suffered a great loss and he's doing this himself. He can come out of it anytime, but it's up to him. His loss has made him form a barrier around himself that is unbreakable. He won't respond to sound or touch and no matter how many times you visit him he will always be this way. Buffy, there is nothing that you can do now. It's too late.' Giles regretted what he had to tell Buffy, knowing how much it hurt her.

Since Spike died, Buffy had been distant herself. But she hadn't shut herself off from everyone and everything. She found others ways to deal, like taking up boxing. It seemed to help her, and in time she was better. But with Angel, things were different. He couldn't do anything to deal. He had watched his friends die, and despite everything he'd lived through it cut into him so deep that he just couldn't bear it. Buffy had found him a few days too late to help him.

One year and four months earlier

'Spread out, search above and under everything. He has to be here somewhere, and we have to find him. We're running out of time.' Buffy gave the orders and everyone began the search.

Willow, Xander, Dawn, Faith, Giles, Buffy and a few Slayers searched the deserted alley for any signs of life. Giles made the first discovery, finding the bruised and battered body of a woman.

'Oh God, Fred!' Willow exclaimed, recognising the girl immediately.

'Willow, I'm sorry.' Buffy whispered as she hugged her friend.

'It's alright.' Willow answered, before suddenly realising... 'She's alive!' With the help of Giles and a healing spell, Willow healed her old friend and helped her to her feet. She rose awkwardly, standing tall with her hair just as straight and smooth as it ever was. Her blue colour was bright and caused Willow and everyone else to wonder if Fred was alright.

'Humans. So many.' She whispered.

'Fred?'

'Fred is the shell. I am Illyria, God-king of the primordium. Who are you?'

'Fred?' Willow asked again.

'Fred is gone. She died when I came to be.'

'Oh God...' Willow murmured. 'You killed Fred!' She lashed out at Illyria, throwing a punch that Illyria caught easily.

'I do not wish to fight you... Willow.' She said, cocking her head to the side. 'I have fought enough battles lately and I only wish to rest now.' She wandered away from the crowd and then turned back as Buffy called for her.'

'What battle?'

'The battle against the Black Thorn. I do not know much more than this, except that I was to kill demons to stop evil. Angel fought bravely in the battle, but I lost sight of him along time ago. Gunn is dead, as is Spike. It was a bloodbath, and I was next.'

Buffy tried to take it all in. Spike was back? When? How? She couldn't plague herself with these questions now, she had to find Angel. 'Keep looking. Angel must still be here somewhere.' The team spread out again, continuing their search.

A few hours later, the sun was setting. They had found another body, which Illyria had identified as Gunn. She had told Giles as much as she could about the battle, and when she last saw Angel. Things weren't looking good for his survival. It had been two days since the battle had taken place, according to Illyria. And that was the last time she saw Angel. Two days he had been out here, somewhere.

The worst thought that Buffy had was that he had been caught by the sun's rays and was now dead. But she wasn't prepared to give up the search, despite that she was cold, hungry and tired after an entire day's worth of searching in the dirty little alley for him. Illyria had even helped with the search after her conversation with Giles. Then Buffy heard Xander call.

'Buffy! I found him!' Buffy instantly ran to where she heard Xander's voice. He was standing beside a fairly large hole in the side of one of the grey brick warehouses, waiting for Buffy to arrive.

'Xander, where is he?' Buffy asked, arriving at his side panting. He simply pointed through the hole. Buffy stepped forward and looked through, where she saw Angel. He was sitting in the corner of a large room filled with chunks of broken ceiling and wall. Debris was scattered everywhere, even some that had fallen around and on Angel. But still, there he sat, quiet and alone. Buffy stepped through the hole and approached him, but he didn't move.

'Angel?' She whispered, calling softly to him. He remained still, leaning against a wall that hadn't collapsed. He had pulled his knees up to his chin and was almost cowering away from everything outside. Because of his distance from the hole in the wall, he hadn't been caught in any rays of sunshine. But still, Buffy was worried for his health, his mental health. He had been in there for two days, just sitting and hiding, suffering in pain, agony and guilt. His friends were dead, all except Illyria. And she wasn't exactly someone you could call a friend.

Xander stepped through the hole behind Buffy and followed her inside. Together they began pushing and pulling, shifting anything in their way so that they could get to Angel's side. All the while, he didn't move. Eventually they cleared a path to him, and stumbled over. Buffy peeled a large chunk of ceiling off one of his legs and only then saw how extensive his pain was.

He was beaten, bloody and the leg that the piece of ceiling had fallen on appeared to be broken. His clothes were torn, and one of his shoes was missing. He must have felt awful, but Buffy couldn't get a word out of him.

'Angel! Angel, talk to me. It's Buffy.'

Silence.

'Angel!' Xander took hold of Buffy's shoulders and gently pulled her back.

'Buffy, he's not going to answer you.' He saw the defeat in Buffy's eyes, but also the strength that she was trying to hold onto. 'Let's get him out of here.' They each took hold of one of Angel's arms and lifted him up, supporting his weight on their shoulders. Allowing his legs to trail behind, they slowly carried him out of the destroyed building. They greeted Giles and the others with solemn expressions as they carefully pulled him through the gap in the wall.

'Oh my God.' Giles mumbled when he laid eyes on Angel's bruised and battered body. 'Let's get him to somewhere safe. An old friend of mine left me his place nearby. We can head there.' They gathered everyone, collected Gunn's corpse and headed out of the little alley.

Present day

The day that Buffy remembered all-too-well seemed to be cursing her. She never really did find out the truth about Spike, only a few details that she got from Illyria. Then Illyria died and Buffy was left alone with Angel to try and figure things out.

She was getting impatient quickly, and tired of waiting for Angel to snap out of his trance. She knew how much he was hurting and she understood everything that had happened. She knew that Angel would never work for the other side in the battle of good and evil, and couldn't believe that her friends would even think it. Wolfram and Hart was no more, and it was all because of Angel.

She spoke to him again in a reasoning voice. 'Angel, I know that you're in a lot of pain.' His eyes were vacant and he still showed no response to her words. 'But you have to snap out of this. I need you to snap out of this, please. You can't keep doing this to yourself, to me. You can get better, but you need to let us help you.'

Finally, she was through with reasoning with him. She was going to break the trance, now. She stepped towards him as he sat in the cushioned chair in the corner of the room. He didn't respond to her approach. Still. She grabbed hold on his right shoulder and punched him in the face.

She had never used such force in her life before. She was sick of waiting for Angel to come round. She wanted him there to talk to her, and she wanted him now. Angel's head rolled to the side before returning to its original place. Buffy threw another punch, rolling his head again. She kept at a steady pace, punching him right in the middle of his face each time. After a few punches she feared that she'd broken his nose.

Then she lost it.

'God dammit Angel, just snap out of it!' She screamed, preparing another punch and delivering it smoothly. She caught the attention of everyone outside. Giles, Faith, Xander and Willow appeared at the door, with Dawn peering over their shoulders.

'Buffy…' Giles stumbled in and tried to stop her from pummelling Angel's face. He still didn't respond, even as she hit him again.

'Angel! Come! On!' She hit again with every word she said. Finally, after the word 'on' she hit him and got a response. Angel grunted. She paused and Giles grabbed her arm to stop her from hitting him again.

'Buffy, no.' he told her sternly.

'Angel?' she whispered, tears in her eyes. She broke free from Giles' grip and punched him again.

'Uhh.' He grunted.

'Buffy.' Giles told her off. 'Stop. It won't help.'

'Buffy threw her arms around Angel and held him tightly. She felt him move. She felt him lift his arms and wrap them around her. She felt his shoulders shaking and heard him sobbing into her hair. She just held him as he cried, not turning around to see Giles, Xander, Willow, Dawn and Faith standing in the room looking on.

'She did it.' Faith whispered quietly to the others. They watched as his body shook as he cried and as Buffy held on tight. She wasn't going to let him go. Not now, not ever.

Author's Note: I really don't know where this came from, but I think it turned out pretty good. There will be more to come, I just have to keep writing. I love writing for – it's great. I live for it; and I live for reviews!