Who will win the Salsa Competition-Bonden or Pippin? Probably Pippin; he can eat more.
Who is prettier-Legolas, Will, or Elrond? (if someone picks Elrond, stay on the computer and I will send for help.) By popular opinion…it was a three-way tie. Legolas got one vote, Will got one vote, and I desperately hope the person who voted for Elrond was kidding…
Why didn't the Council argue? Because there wasn't much controversy and they were too busy eating and drinking.
Why don't I have any good questions? Because I had to fit a lot in that short bit and I didn't have much controversial stuff in that chapter….(that's something we shall have to remedy, isn't it?)

After much confusion, the characters all took a vote and sent a petition up to the Author to ask for a dialogue-type story where it's a bit easier to figure out. I agreed. If you think the other way's better, REVIEW AND TELL ME SO! So, here we are. The Council. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, crickets are cricketing, fangirls are lurking in the bushes, elves are nancing, humans are stinking up the place, the hobbits are eating, Bonden is lying on the floor groaning and clutching his stomach, Pippin is going back for seconds, people are yelling at me to hurry up and quit with the run-on sentences, and the Council opens…

Elrond: So there are gonna be nine of you, to combat the Nine Riders.

Merry: Wait…aren't we planning to win?

Elrond: Well, yes, I suppose so…

Merry: So shouldn't we have MORE people?

Will: Yeah, besides, some of us want to come to!

Jack: So, these 'Nine Rider' wossnames…they dangerous?

Elrond: Oh, yes! They were once men, vile, scummy, stinky men, and they were given rings of power by Sauron the Deceiver, and now they are powerful, vile scummy, stinky wraiths of DOOOOOOOOOOOM/evil laugh/

Elven Council Member # 4: ./ahem/ Milord? You're scaring the visitors…

Elrond: Oh, so sorry…/clears throat/. Okay, what do we have to work with?

Frodo: I guess I'll go, but I don't know where Mordor is…

Aragorn: THAT'S OKAY! I'LL SHOW YOU!

Frodo: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! STALKER! ./whimpers/

Legolas: Uh, yeah…I'll go, because you should always have something pretty to look at. I can also massacre orcs without a single strand of hair coming out of place. Besides, we need SOMEone to keep standards up, right?

Gimli: Okay, okay! You can stop hinting, Legolas, I'll go along too. /winks/

Legolas: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ./hides/

Elrond: Okay, so that's…/counts with finger/ one…two…three…four…FOUR! We need more people.

Boromir: I'll go, I guess.

Elrond: AHHHHH! WHEN DID YOU GET HERE!

Boromir: Three weeks ago.

Elrond: Oh. I thought that smell was Aragorn.

Aragorn: STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! ./sob/ I already took a bath just two years ago!

Elrond: ./backs away/ Okay, right, who else is going?

Merry: ./nudges Pippin/ we're coming t-... /whispers/ Pippin! Get up!

Pippin: ./eats/

Merry: ./carries Pippin over/ we're…coming…too…/drops/ Erudammit, you're heavy!

Nanny Ogg: Well, we did have a queen who was called Esmerelda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre, and there was also My God He's Heavy the First…

Granny Weatherwax: GYTHA! WRONG CHAPTER!

Nanny Ogg: So sorry, lads…and by the way, if any of you fine gentlemen would be interested, my house is just a mile down south and then you turn left at this funny tree, and you go for about a-

Granny: GYTHA!

Nanny Ogg: Coming, Esme! ./winks/

Council: ./shudder/

Elrond: So, yes, now we have…/counts/ one…two…three…four…five…six…seven…SEVEN!

Gandalf: ./calls from other room/ Can I come back out now?

Elrond: Yes, but only if you join the Fellowship.

Gandalf: Okay. /comes out into pavilion/ Has anyone seen my pointy hat? I fell asleep during the Council and now I can't find it…

Sam: I'm coming too, Mr. Frodo! You can't leave without me! You can run, but you can't hide! I'll find you, Mr. Frodo! There's nowhere you can go that I won't follow!

Frodo: ./disturbed/

Sam: Ah, yes, well, overcome by the moment there, yes, well, uh, hey, there are only nine volunteers! Aren't the other people coming, too?

Now, before you all go volunteering, all non-Middle Earth inhabitants who want to go on the quest, stand over there. Right. We're going to use the buddy system. Where one Middle Earth character goes, the non-Middle Earth buddy goes. Right. Pair up with a member of the Fellowship, then I'll see who you've chosen and separate certain people. Okay, go ahead.

Jack: Hey, Gandalf, wha-

Gandalf: Get away from me, you drunken, smelly human.

Will: I'll go with Legolas!

Elizabeth: ./pout/ Fine, I'll go with…Merry!

Merry: TAG! YOU'RE IT!

Aubrey: Well, Stephen, who would you care to be "buddies" with?

Stephen: I believe I shall choose that Aragorn character as my 'buddy'.

Aubrey: Well, the next sane person looks like either the guy with the round shield or the child covered in hair.

Gimli: Dwarf. I'm a dwarf.

Aubrey: Of course you are, little boy.

Gimli: I'M FLIPPING THRICE AS OLD AS YOU ARE!

Aubrey: Of course you are. Now, I'm going to go be buddies with the nice man with the shield, okay?

Gimli: GOOD RIDDANCE, HAIRLESS FREAK!

Okay, everyone, stand next to your buddy.

Gandalf: ./tries to push Jack Sparrow away without actually touching him/ YOU'RE WORSE THAN ARAGORN!

Boromir: ./compares weapons with Aubrey/

Aragorn: So, Stephen, could you explain this "hygiene" thing to me again?

Bonden: So, see, when you eat a biscuit from the ship, you have to tap it like this... /smashes biscuit against stone wall/ to get all the bugs out, okay Pi- Pippin?

Pippin: ./mouth full/ Meph?

Bonden: . . .

Elizabeth: ./squishing Merry/ OOOOOOOOOO you're so cuuuuuute!

Merry: ./can't breathe/

Frodo: So, what's your name again?

Calamy: Peter. Peter Calamy.

Frodo: Okay, right. You know, you have really weird names where you're from.

Gimli: I don't have a buddy.

Legolas: Hahahahahahahaha I have TWO buddies! In your FACE, you ugly, hairy dwarf!

Gimli: ./sniffle/

Will Turner and Nagle: ./glare at each other/

Little Will: Do you have any lines?

Sam: Yes, of course I do! Humph. "Do you have any rope…" Who wouldn't pack rope? I mean, everyone needs rope. Of course I have rope in my bag. /injured pride/ Why wouldn't I pack rope?

In case you hadn't noticed, dear reader, that is a nod to the books…Just wanted to point out that yes, I did read them…

Warley: I don't have a partner!

Stop whining. Okay. Jack, you can be buddies with Gandalf.

Gandalf: ./glower/

Jack: About time you were on my side.

No problem. Right then, Stephen and Aragorn, I suppose you two can be buddies as well…

Aragorn and Stephen: YESSSSSSS! ./secret handshake they just made up/

Okay, yeah, Boromir, you can't be buddies with Aubrey.

Boromir: AWWWWWWW! Why not?

I said so. Anyway, I want you to be buddies with Calamy. Aubrey and Frodo, would you two go stand with Warley and Gimli, please? Thank you. Bonden, would you be a dear and go stand over there too? Yeah, it's just I want little Will with Pippin, yes, right, Sam, you go over there with Bonden too…

Legolas: I get to have two buddies, right? There are only nine Middle Earth people and ten people from...wherever they came from. So I should be able to have two buddies.

No, I'm sorry, Will has to be buddies with someone else. Could you go stand over there with the other guys, Will? Thanks. You guys are doing awesome. Okay, Elizabeth, I'm sorry, but you aren't going with Merry. You have to let go now. Elizabeth, no, really, let go, he's turning blue, you have to le- ELIZABETH SWANN! PUT HIM DOWN RIGHT NOW OR YOU WON'T GET TO GO WITH THE FELLOWSHIP! I'LL COUNT TO THREE! One, two, three! ALRIGHT, MISSY, YOU'RE STAYING IN IMLADRIS! Bonden, would you pry Merry out of her grip? There you go. Okay. Elizabeth, go inside.

Elizabeth: But, but I was go-

NOW

Elizabeth: ./grumble/

Now who's left…For Middle Earth people, we have Gimli, Sam, Frodo, and Merry. For the other people, we have Will Turner, Bonden, Warley, and Aubrey. Hmm. Let's see…Bonden, you're going with Sam and Will's going with Frodo, and…STEPHEN! You're going to be buddies with Gimli, not Aragorn, and Aubrey, you are going to be buddies with Aragorn. No complaining. Hmm, Merry and Warley…doesn't quite feel right…

Warley: I'm, uh, actually not going.

You're not?

Warley: No, I'm not. I think I'll uh, stay here, with, uh, with Arwe-

Aragorn: ./evil look/

Warley: Are…any of you guys hungry? I think I'll go get some food…/runs off/

Okay. Why don't you all go pack and get food and stuff while I try to figure out who Merry's buddy is going to be…/ponders/

Who should Merry's buddy be?
What has the Council been doing whilst I have been assigning buddies?
Should I keep writing slashy chapters?
Why do some people tell me to write this without slash even though I say in the description it has some in it?
Should I pay attention to them?
How far should they get on the journey in the next chapter?

Is there a better substitute for aterisks than slashes?