I open my eyes and the first thing I see is Jack at my side. He's reading a magazine, a fishing magazine. I smile as he adjusts the distance between him and the magazine so he can read it better. He flips the page and admires the pictures.
"Hey" I mutter smiling as I slide up in my hospital bed; a pain in my chest makes it difficult to breathe. He jumps and tosses the magazine onto the floor as he slides forward.
"Hey" he says smiling as he takes my hand in his own "how you feeling?"
"Sore" I smile and then notice the cast on my wrist and frown at it. Jack notices my confusion
"You fractured your wrist" he explains and I nod
"I didn't even notice" I say examining the cast
"Well you were kind of drugged, I doubt you would have noticed much at all" he smiles "you fractured a rib as well"
"I noticed that" I say as the pain in my chest continues with each breath "how long have I been out for?" I ask
"16 hours" he says massaging my good wrist
"I haven't eaten since the reunion" I comment as I eye the bowl of red Jello "not particularly appetizing" I say bringing his attention to the Jello
"Don't worry, they're bringing you a blue one" he reassures me and I smile.
"the doctors tell me that you could have died" he mutters squeezing my hand "the adrenaline was keeping you here" he says staring at my face and searching "you had me worried Sam" he says before lightly kissing the back of my hand. I stare at my hand, where he had kissed it, with uncertainty.
"Jack…" I begin as my thoughts race. Should I tell him my plan?
"Where's Brian?" I ask trying to act casual
"Air force office of special investigations has him in a holding cell" Jack explains "speaking of which, there is an AFOSI investigator here to ask questions"
"Oh joy" I mouth and drop my head onto the pillow behind me.
"Don't worry; he just wants to hear your side of the story. Brian's claiming innocence, no shocker there" he smiles but only for a moment before he frowns and he bites his lip. I can tell there is something he wants to say but can't find the words.
"Sam, did he…" he pauses and breathes deeply
"Rape me?" I help him along and he grimaces but nods "no" I explain and he sighs with relief "why?" I ask curiously. How could he have known what Brian had been trying to do before I shot him? What could have given him that idea? Was it the slashed shirt?
My wondering is stopped when Jack replies
"He's claiming that what he did was simple SNM and that you consented. He said that there was a safe word for if it got too rough and you wanted out" Jack explains and my heart stops for a second
"Jack, you should know something" I begin and his eyes widen
"It's not true?" he asks panicked
"Jack there was a safe word, if you could call it that…"
"You used it?" he asks on the edge of his seat
"He said I could go whenever I wanted, he said he'd let me go when…" I pause as I hear a noise but quickly realize it was just a machine.
"What?" Jack asks trying to remain calm
"The safe word was please" I sigh and it hurts my ribs "I never said please" I mutter and Jack absorbs this andleans back in his chair. He stops to think and then just as he goes to speak someone knocks on the door.
"Come in" I call and an air force Major walks in
"Sorry to disturb you ma'am but I need to ask you some questions if you don't mind?"
"There's no need for questions, I don't want to press charges and I'd appreciate it if this was kept under a low profile" I explain to the Major and he looks amazed
"WHAT!" Jacks amazement is far more extreme than the Major's
"There was a safe word" I tell the Major as I ignore Jack
"There is no way you wanted him to butcher you like that" Jack says standing up
"He's my husband Jack, I won't testify and you can't make me" I say trying to avoid his eyes
"Like hell I cant. He signed the divorce papers, you aren't married anymore" Jack yells
"Fuck the divorce Jack and fuck you" I say sternly as I lock eyes with him. It hurts to treat Jack so poorly but I need to do it.
"I trust you have what you need to write off this case Major?" I ask warning him to leave and he nods as he walks out
"Sam don't do this" Jack tries and fails "if this is anything it's Stockholm syndrome" Jack says gritting his teeth at his aggravation. My thoughts suddenly switch to those girls. Those 'practice girls' and Brian's method 'the best method'. Was it Stockholm syndrome that he had done to those girls?
"I know you Sam. you're not like that, you never would have agreed to this"
"Do you know me? You haven't spoken to me in years. Even when we worked together you didn't bother to try to understand me" I say and he stops gritting his teeth. He looks regretful
"Sam…" he begins but I don't want to hear his excuse
"Get out" I snap at him and he remains still just staring at me. God I love his arrogance, there is nothing more I want to do right now then jump up and kiss him but I cant. It's killing me to hurt him like this but I have to. I have to do this. He opens his mouth to object but I just turn onto my side and ignore him. He waits for a moment and then walks out. Only as I hear the door close do I let the tears fall.
Daniel looks up as he hears Jack close the door. The look on Jacks face would make anyone think she had just died. Had she died to him?
"What's going on?" Daniel asks standing up and Jack just pushes past him "Jack" Daniel calls after him
"She wants it that way; she can have it that way. I'm going home" he calls back and then walks out of sight. Daniel exchanges a glance with Teal'c and then eases his way into Sam's room.
"Sam?" he asks as he approaches the bed
"Leave me alone Daniel" I say through tears
"Sam I cant even begin to imagine what you're going through right now but you know you can always talk to me if you need to" he says as he nears my face, I roll over and bring the blanket up high "I've missed you Sam, we haven't spoken in so long" he tries
"Leave it that way" I say harshly and then I bite down on the pillow to stop the wall I'm building from breaking.
"Cassie's in town, she's coming in soon" he says trying to ignore my resentment
"Tell her I don't want to see anyone" I instruct as I close my eyes and try to fall into oblivion.
Once I am finally released from the hospital. I find myself sitting in a car that has a familiar scent. It's a smell I love but am trying to ignore.
"Tell me again how this man can stoop you into believing that what he did to you was consensual but he can't pick you up from the hospital to drive you back to the torture?" Jack asks me callously as he focuses his attention on the road.
"I'd rather not talk, sir" I say and he flinches at the formality. He suddenly turns off the road and then parks the car. He remains silent, letting the moment drag on as the shock settles. He takes a deep breathe and he looks like he has calmed himself. He smashes his head against the steering wheel. I look at him alarmed and he takes a long drawn out breath. He smashes his head against the steering wheel three more times.
"Jack stop" he ignores me and starts pounding his fists on the horn repeatedly. People on the sidewalk are staring. I'm amazed the airbag hasn't deployed.
"For crying out loud Jack stop it" I say as I grab onto his wrists and stop his fit. He looks at me with the same distance he did through all those years of not speaking. Not loving. His eyes seem almost cold even though they are watery and in pain. If I lose that spark of hope we had the night of the reunion, I'll end it. End everything. I'll take a trip through the stargate and not return. I can't live on this earth with-out him. Why am I doing this? Is it worth the pain I could cause? It is Sam, you know it is.
Jack doesn't speak. he pulls back onto the road and drives on. His fit accomplishes nothing but it won't ever be forgotten. Soon enough we reach 'the house'. The house I can't call home, yet have decided to return to even after my narrow escape. I'm an idiot. But an idiot with a cause.
Brian is standing in the doorway. He's looking at me skeptically. He doesn't believe he has won his challenge. Time to make him believe it.
Jack watches from the car as Sam walks up to Brian. She smiles at him and then lightly kisses him on the cheek. He looks dumfounded. Jacks blood boils as he sees this. Brian places a hand on Sam's back and pulls her closer to him. He kisses herkeenly and she doesn't fight. Jack closes his eyes as he feels a sharp pain in his chest. His eyes well-up and he clenches his teeth.
"Bastard" Jack mutters under his breath as he watches them disappear into the house. Jack drives in solitude as he leaves them alone.
"She chose the man who cheated on her, held her captive and tortured her" he scowled "why aren't I waking up from this nightmare?" he asks himself.