A Distant Angel 8
Author's Note: In response to an anonymous review by "–J" I decided to write some more. I think that what "–J" was saying is that Lorne and Angel's conflict over everything that happened in NFA should be resolved, so here's a conversation by them.
Two days had passed, and still no Connor. Angel was beginning to wonder if he'd made it out alive. He's Connor, my son; of course he's still alive.
Angel and Lorne were sitting in the living room while everybody else was in the kitchen having lunch. There was an awkward silence that Angel hated. He wanted to talk to Lorne about everything that had happened, because he couldn't understand how Lorne felt until he'd said something and expressed his feelings.
'Lorne, I…' Angel began, wondering what he should say to finish the sentence.
'Angel, please.' Lorne threw back his words angrily. Angel looked on, perplexed. Lorne had suddenly changed his expression to serious and almost angry, and Angel understood why.
'Lorne, I'm sorry.'
'I don't understand why you did it all Angel, I really don't. What were you trying to achieve? Death? Power? You seemed pretty power-hungry when we first found out about your little plan.' Lorne snapped.
'Lorne, I can't justify what I did by trying to explain to you why I did it. I just did what I thought was right, even though I knew that it meant the end of us all.'
'But it wasn't the end of us all, just the end of those who couldn't last as long as you.' Lorne wasn't impressed by Angel's stunt, and was showing it, finally.
'Lorne, you know that I knew I wasn't going to make it out. I went into this thinking exactly that…'
'Then why is it that you're still here?' Lorne interrupted. Angel paused.
'I don't know. It's been hard, trying to adjust to things again. Knowing what happened, I saw it all. I saw them all die, right in front of my eyes.'
Lorne softened when he saw that Angel was hurting trying to explain it to him. 'But that doesn't make it alright.' He said.
'I know, and I don't know what will. I don't think anything will ever make it right, because they're all gone. But I know one thing for sure, and that is that they knew what I was asking them to do and they were still willing to be a part of it. That, nobody can blame me for.'
'Angel, I don't blame you for their part in this, I just blame you for their deaths.' Lorne finished, and Angel looked up, clearly hurt from Lorne's words. A distressed expression crossed his face, and he could feel tears welling up in his eyes.
I know this is my fault; that it's my fault that they're dead. I know that I am still alive, but why I don't know or understand. I hate that I can't figure this all out. I need them, here, to help work through this. I can't do this without them.
'Lorne, I know I can't say anything to you to make this easier. All I can say is that I'm sorry.'
'But is that enough?' Lorne retorted. 'Is it enough to keep us going, knowing that they all died because of something you did?'
Angel had never known Lorne to be so upfront about his feelings. He was really letting loose at Angel about how he felt about everything that had happened.
'I don't know. I can't answer that question Lorne, I just can't. It's too much.' Angel quickly got to his feet and disappeared down the hall to his room.
Buffy and Giles emerged from the kitchen, seeing Lorne alone in the room. He sat quiet, reserved and in a chair in the far corner. Buffy knew that she'd left him alone with Angel, and instantly asked where he was.
'Went back to his room.' Lorne replied to her question.
'Is everything alright?' Giles asked.
'Confrontations were never Angel's area of expertise.' Lorne said.
'But is everything alright? With you? With him?' Buffy asked.
'I don't know.' Lorne answered.
'I'll go see him.' Buffy left the room, leaving Lorne alone with Giles. There was that awkward silence again. Down the hall, Buffy gently tapped on Angel's door.
'I just need to be alone.' Came his voice from inside.
'Angel, it's Buffy. Please, can I come in.'
'I need to be alone.' Came his response. In acceptance, Buffy sighed heavily and turned to leave. Angel's door remained closed, and once again he was left alone.
Author's Note: I hope that has levelled out some issues between Angel and Lorne. And yeah, the whole thing between Angel and Lorne in A Distant Angel 7 was fake, all a cover-up for how they really felt. There will be more of a conflict to come, I think. Next chapter, somebody you've all been waiting to return finally makes an appearance. Guess who.