Keitaro began the day as he usually did. First, he climbed out of a pit of cobras, outran a bunch of highly skilled marksmen shooting at him with arrows tipped with curare, then wrestled a live grizzly bear before eating a meal consisting of a bowl of earthworms, followed by biting the head off a live bat.

Well, he didn't really do those things, but, after Naru became pregnant, it sure felt like it.

To be fair, he loved her with all his heart, and she loved him back with that same fervour, but even during their normal relationship, she was prone to violent outbursts and, at this point, getting punched into the stratosphere was just a hello. Now, with her hormones all out of whack, a pit full of rabid, starving jaguars would take one look at Naru and whimper.

Add this to the OTHER residents of Hinata Inn, including a highly trained swordswoman, and you'd wonder how Keitaro survived with all his natural limbs, let alone his sanity.

Keitaro began sweeping the front porch, admiring the view, the cool breeze in the air. Though these times were rather hard, Keitaro couldn't wait to finally be a father. He could just imagine his newborn daughter. Why, he could practically hear her crying.

Then, he realized, he actually WAS hearing a baby crying.

To his total and utter shock, a baby was on his doorstep, lying in a basket, crying for its mother.

Keitaro's surprised yelp could be heard on the other side of Japan.

Ten years later...

"Urashima-san, right? Nice to meet you. I'm Fred.."

"And this is George."

"You're daft, I'm George."

"Then who am I?"

"You're Gred perhaps and I'm Forge."

"Bloody good."

Harry looked between the pair, chopsticks in his mouth. "Um, Fred and George, right?" he asked, pointing out the twins from left to right.

"Actually it's the other way around but no fuss," said Fred with a grin from the right. "I'd like to ask..."

"We'd like to ask actually," added George from the left.

"How you manage to do that clothes stripping thing. We never thought propelling a charm within a sneeze would work like that," said Fred.

"And we were hoping you'd impart some of your wisdom into our minds," said George.

"So to speak." finished Fred.

Harry smiled and rubbed his head. "Fu, fu, fu. Well mainly I just sneeze and out comes the stripping. I think it's because I live in a Girls Dormitory and I see a lot of my sisters naked."

"Your sisters?" chorused the twins.

"Uh huh, Motoko-bachan, Mutsumi-bachan, Su-bachan, Shinobu-bachan, Sarah-neechan, Ema-neechan, even momma when papa manages to klutz out at times. Of course they're not my blood relatives like Konoka-chan and momma and papa is but it gets there."

Fred and George looked back and forth at each other and said in a dual hushed odd tone of voice, "Urashima-san, could... we visit your home? It sounds like a lot of fun."

"Sure!" said Harry.

"Wicked!" the boys chorused.

Love Hina Remix

written by Shaun Garin

Love Hina is owned by Ken Akamatsu. Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling. All characters belong to their creators. Used for entertainment purposes only.

Chapter 2 : Four Eyed, Two Paired Freak Fest!

"You'll see that Hogwarts hosts some of the oddest things you have ever seen before in your life," said Fred as he lead Harry around, one arm draped around his shoulder.

"From moving staircases to alive paintings to all sorts of things," added George. "Of course there are MANY ways to break the rules here at the school."

"Most of the time our headmaster doesn't even blink," put in Fred.

"That's because he probably encourages rebellion," finished George.

"Our headmaster is a loony, no mistake about that, but ruddy brilliant." said Fred as they entered a hallway with a three-eyed humpbacked witch. "Here we are. Secret passageway number one."

"This'll take you straight into Hogsmeade," said George. "And into the basement of Honeydukes sweet shop. Fred and I use it all the time to stage raids there."

Harry grinned and rubbed a hand behind his head. "Fu, fu, fu, sounds like a lot of fun."

"Right. You want to tap the witch's hump with your wand and say Diffendio. That'll make it open up." said Fred, demonstrating with a tap. The humpbacked witch moved aside and then Fred tapped it again to close it. "You don't want to do this when professors are around mind you."

"This is the entrance to the kitchens," said George as they stopped in front of a painting with a large fruit bowl. "You can ask the house elves for food. They won't mind, and in fact they enjoy doing so. Just don't hand them any clothing."

"House Elves are enslaved to a place," said Fred.

"But they love it, except for one or two mad House Elves," said George.

"Or some that are mistreated," added Fred. "But they usually don't speak up about it all."

"The ones here at Hogwarts love their jobs, and are paid in new tea-towels with the Hogwarts Crest on it," said George.

"Cooking is a messy business after all," finished George.

"What you want to do," said Fred, "is tickle the pear."

George reached out and tickled the pear and then it giggled. The portrait swung open on silent hinges as a crowd of House Elves looked out at the world.

"Kyah, so cute!" exclaimed Harry as he reached down and patted one on the head.

"Go ahead mate, ask for some food," said George who had liberated a pie. Fred had worked his way into a tart.

"Um..." Switching to his native Japanese, Harry asked "A bowl of rice topped with pickles, sashimi and some soy sauce. Is that all right?"

"Yes Potter-sama!" chorused a small group of House Elves to the side who got to work making the food. Soon, the food was all done and Harry dug his chopsticks into the rice and raw fish happily.

"Hey, Urashima-san," said George. "What is that?"

"Sashimi, rice and pickles with soy sauce," said Harry. "Oh and please call me Harry."

"Right. Just plain Harry or Harry-san?" asked Fred.

"Harry will do," said Harry with a smile.

Fred grinned at George. "Progress brother of mine," he crowed happily as he worked on his tart.

"Indeed," said George. "Even our little brother hasn't earned the right to call Harry by his first name."

"Ickle Ronnikiens would stumble over his honorifics anyhow," said Fred.

"So who taught you how to speak English, Harry?" asked Fred as they lead him around the castle.

"Papa mostly," said Harry. "Papa is an archaeologist. That's how he met my birth father, Potter James. Oh, sorry, James Potter. I'm still not too used to using English on a daily basis."

"You don't have too much of an accent," said George. "So how did your fathers meet?"

"Papa met James on a dig in Scotland, looking for some kind of weird artefacts. James was sent to keep them out of trouble because they were magical. Papa and James then made a promise to watch the child of the other if something happened to any of them." Harry sighed. "Although one step into the wizarding world and it was "Harry Potter This" and "Harry Potter That". They can't grasp that I don't have much of an attraction to the last name of Potter."

"I see," said Fred. "Being famous really isn't part of your priorities. You're just a normal kid."

"Who blows off women's clothing with a powerful sneeze," added George and Harry laughed his gentle Fu, Fu, Fu laugh.

"Oh, I have a picture of my family here," said Harry, pulling out a wallet and grabbing a photograph.

Fred and George peered at it. In the photograph, there was a picture of a lovely woman with reddish brown hair holding onto a slightly younger Harry and a dark haired innocently wide eyed black haired girl who looked so much like him, except for her dark eyes. Next to them was a man dressed in a casual shirt and slacks with his hair and glasses askew and a blood trail running down his forehead. Crammed around were several other women. All of them were very beautiful indeed. On the bottom were crammed two men, one a little rounded than the other but wearing glasses and a third man dressed casually in a rather expensive looking suit.

"Wow," said Fred, pointing to one of the girls. "She's hot."

"That is Motoko-bachan," said Harry. "She's a Shihan, a Master Teacher of a big name dojo in Kyoto. She also writes some of the most popular trashy romance novels in Japan."

"Who's that then?" asked George, pointing at a seemingly younger girl.

"That's Ema-neesan," said Harry. "She came to stay at the dorm just before momma and papa got married. She's now twenty five and in her fourth year of school at Tokyo University in the Musical Department. She went the route of Papa and managed to pull through on her third try in the entrance exams. Next to her is Sarah-neesan who's twenty four and she's got a relationship with Haitani-niisan since she seems to be going the route of attractive older men. Sarah-neesan is a Graduate Student in the Physical Education department. The three men on the bottom of the photograph are Haitani-niisan, Shirai-niisan and Kentaro-niisan. Kentaro-niisan is dating Kitsune-neesan."

"Japanese women really age gracefully," said Fred with a grin.

"Indeed," said George. "Mum's no spring chicken anymore, that's for sure. Who's this?"

"That's Shinobu-bachan. She's a big name manga-ka and writes a manga series called Mahou Sensei Negima, based off of all of us. She's twenty-eight now and still lives with us. We all commute to our jobs from Hinata House or what not. Next to her, the tanned woman is Su-bachan. She's twenty nine now and get this; she's queen of the island of Molmol."

"Gwah!" exclaimed the Weasley Twins. Harry laughed and nodded.

"Yeah! It was a surprise that Su-neesan was a princess studying abroad. She was in the political studies back in Tokyo University before she became queen. I have a picture of her daughter, my best friend."

"Lets see," said Fred and Harry pulled out his photograph. It was a dynamic one, a picture of Konoka laughing at Harry as he was being jump kicked by a deeply tanned reddish haired girl who wore bells in her long hair. "Wow, how did they get that kind of shot? You can even see the spit flying from your mouth."

"Kitsune-bachan is good with the camera," said Harry as he rubbed his head with a grin.

"... and so, papa trips and then wham, falls right into Motoko-bachan's cleavage. Motoko-bachan goes completely RED and then she pulls out the Hina Blade with a yell of "Cutting Air Spark, Third Form!" he goes FLYING right into momma who was still moody after an argument and he gets punched into a tree, knocking it over with the force of his hit!"

"Your dad must be invincible," grinned Fred, holding up a bottle of Butterbeer.

"I'll drink to that!" added Harry as he took his own drink and drained it. Beside him, Tama-kun combination Hiccuped and Myahed at the same time. It came out something of a tiny Hiyah! "Hmm, does Butterbeer give a bit of a buzz?"

"Depending on how much you drink of it," grinned George as Harry put away his sixth bottle. "I'm sure we haven't attempted it yet but I'm sure there's a limit."

"You like to drink huh?" said Fred as he downed his second bottle.

"Fuuuu... the sauce is something I have a weakness towards," said Harry as he pulled out another from the crate. "Momma blames Mutsumi-bachan for that."

"Look at the three of you," said Hermione as she folded her arms as she stared at them from across the room. "Shouldn't you all be studying right now?"

"Can't say we need to right now," said George with a grin. "Come and join us!"

Hermione sniffed. "Unlike you I need to focus on my studies."

"Aw, don't be like that Granger-san," giggled Harry as he got up and moved over to her. "I mean, it's just the first week. Do you have to study like that all the time?"

"What about you? Apparently from the way you talk about your parents, your mother must have drilled some things into you."

"Fu, fu, fu," giggled Harry and Hermione reddened as he slipped an arm around her. "I think... that papa and momma also said... if you can't enjoy studying, it doesn't make things worth while."

"I... I enjoy studying," stammered Hermione as Harry leaned in so that their foreheads were touching. "What... are you doing?"

"Fuu..." without warning, Harry pecked her on the cheek. "I think you work too hard. Be careful, a pretty face like that doesn't need thick coke-bottle glasses, you know?"

"I have to get back to studying," stammered out Hermione, turning her head away in a flash. Hairs brushed against Harry's nose and his eyes crossed. Hermione looked at him, his breath coming in sharp bursts and said, "Uh oh."

"ACHOOOO!"

"KYAHHHHH!" cried Hermione as she was blown head over heels from the force of his sneeze. Harry stumbled around, dazed for a moment before he fell into Pavarti's lap who blinked. Harry looked up and then his nose tickled.

"ACHOOO!"

"Harry's a pervert!" cried Pavarti as she was suddenly dressed in nothing but a training bra and panties and the Gryffindor Common Room descended into chaos.

"I suppose this was coming," said Harry as he scrubbed the dungeon floor with the brush. Wetting out the rag, he wiped up the soap and stood up. "What do you think, Tama-kun?"

"Myah," said Tama-kun who had a little rag tied around his head.

"I knew this would be fun, ne," said Harry with a smile.

"Myah!"

"Get back to work!" snapped Filch and Harry laughed and went to work with a turtle following up.

"Mail call," called out Kitsune as she walked into the Hinata House. "Lets see... Sarah, Su, me - eew, bills, Keitaro... oh, hey Kei!"

"Yeah?" asked Keitaro as he poked his head out from a secret passageway. In one of his hands was clenched a hammer. "Oh mail."

"Heh," said Kitsune as she took a drag of her cigarette. "Here, it's from the kiddo."

"A letter from oniichan?" called out Konoka, looking down from the stairs. "Kitsune-bachan, can I have it?"

"Sure kiddo," grinned Kitsune as Konoka squealed "Yay!" and ran upstairs with the letter. "Hey, Keitaro, you're only pushing thirty seven. You and Naru thinking of another kid?"

"Ehhh, not sure," said Keitaro as he pulled himself out of the hole in the wall. "Speaking of which, when are you and Kentaro-san going to give US kids?"

Kitsune giggled. "You're behind schedule there Kei." She patted her stomach and Keitaro blinked. "What, you didn't know? Kentaro and I are getting married next month and I'm expecting."

"Congratulations!" cried Keitaro, hugging the other woman. "Wow, we just need Haitani and Sarah to set a date and we're all set!"

"Something about a date?" asked Naru, walking downstairs. At thirty five, she was still a beautiful woman.

"Naru! Kitsune's pregnant!" cried Keitaro happily.

"Kyaaaah! Really?" cried Naru, grabbing her best friend in a giant hug. "Aw when did you keep this from me?"

"Hey, you won't spare details, right?" grinned back Kitsune. "And I'm two months in. We're taking our time on the wedding though."

"Damn you, you're acting like Haruka and Seta!" cried Naru. "We need to plan!"

"Something going on here?" asked Motoko curiously as she walked into the room with Su hanging over her shoulders like she was still fifteen.

"Kitsune's pregnant!" exclaimed Naru happily.

"Party!" cheered Su happily.

"Another letter from Harry?" asked Ema as she set the clothing onto the line. "What does he say?"

"He's enjoying it but he misses us," said Konoka happily. "Awww, that's so cute!"

"What's a Hogwarts? Is it yummy?" asked Asuna, hanging down from the overhead bars.

"Oh Asuna, you know what Hogwarts is," grinned Konoka, giving her friend a kiss on the cheek. "So, did you hear that Kitsune-bachan is pregnant?"

The tanned red haired girl let herself drop and flopped onto her feet like she was a cat. "Yep!" she exclaimed. "Mom is down there getting the next party all going and making sure to get sake for Kitsune."

"Eeew, just like old times," grinned Ema. "You guys wanna help me shop then? I think we need to send an extra large package to Harry this time around."

"Hey, Ema! When are you getting married?" asked Konoka and Ema blushed.

"Well... I'm seeing this nice guy." At a chorus of "ooohs!" she continued. "He's... my sensei."

There was a round of blinking and Asuna was on Ema's head. "Ooooh, kinky!"

"So what's his name?" asked Konoka curiously.

"Takakura A. K. Takamichi," said Ema, blushing. "He's a wonderful man, only a year older than I am. He's also got a sister named Takakura T. Evangeline. They're half English so their names are a little different than ours."

"Eeew, do your best Ema!" exclaimed Konoka.

"Mooom! Daad! Are you guys coming for the party?"

Su grinned at her little red haired clone and said, "I'll be there in a sec. Motoko, can you go along with our daughter?"

Motoko, Su's husband and royal consort by Mol-Mol standards, grinned and headed off. "C'mon princess, lets go and mingle with the commoners."

Asuna giggled. "You're silly daddy!"

Su watched the pair go as she got up and dusted her hands. At the age of thirty, Su was a gorgeous and exotic young woman with an equally exotic husband who was in fact, a woman. It was not uncommon for a Mol-Mol Royal to take a female lover but Su was probably the first to ever wed her female consort without taking on a male one. Shinobu looked at her friend as she too got up from helping Su with her latest Mecha Tama-chan Version 45.0 "Still regret things sometimes?" asked Shinobu curiously and Su shook her head.

"Naw, I still love Motoko with all my heart and she's kinky ya know? But you know, it is Keitaro's thirty eighth birthday this year. He's almost forty."

"Sempai has grown a lot over the years," said Shinobu in agreement. "I should be calling Eishun sooner or later."

"Oh yeah, your boyfriend of how many years now?" grinned Su. "Are you still thinking of Kei when you make out with Eishun?"

"SU!" cried Shinobu, chasing the older woman around.

"Nyah, ha, ha!" laughed Su as she dodged around Sarah and Haitani. Sarah shrugged.

"It's good that Su never changed," said Sarah.

"How DID she manage to get this place as an embassy?" asked Haitani curiously.

"She's the queen. It's GOOD to be the queen."

Dear Big Brother,

If you're reading this and my handwriting is unsteady, it's because Mutsumi-bachan has probably given me something alcoholic to drink.

Today's a wonderful day. Your letter came and I was so happy to hear from you again. Kitsune-bachan is getting married in two months during the Christmas Break so come down and visit! She wants you to be the ring bearer anyhow. She's also expecting so we may have someone new to play with later on, although lets not let the age gap change things, okay?

Asuna is hanging over my shoulder as I write this. She's munching on a banana dango right now and those grease splatters are her dango's being much too fresh. Ema is also dating a new guy and he's her professor over at Tokyo University.

Mom and dad miss you a lot and I do too. Are you keeping up with the family art? I hope Tama-kun is keeping you out of trouble right now. Tama-chan is here as well, hovering over my shoulder reading this. She sends all her best to the little one.

I miss you, Big Brother. Come and visit!

Konoka.

PS : My Bust has grown another inch. I think Asuna is doing the big sister bust checker on me and her again. Silly girl. Although I wouldn't mind you doing it.