LAST CHAPTER. Can you believe it? My first finished story! I'm sorry, this update has come WAY WAY WAY too late, and for that, I apologize. But I don't apologize too much because hey, this is one kickass chapter, yo. Finally! A single chapter of mine reaches the double digits in page number! I have to say though, I worked incredibly hard to make this fic the absolute best it could be. I revised it at LEAST ten times. For once, I am proud to say I have no regrets with this story. I hope you will review when you are done reading...in fact, I insist upon it. INSIST! quick note Sano uses the word 'snog' in this chapter. I know I know, tis a British word I am quite aware. But seriously people, is there a word better suited for him to use? The answer, at least as far as I could find, was of course not. Anyway, for the final time I say: On with the story!
The words echoed hauntingly in her mind.
What if he leaves you someday?
Kaoru's body felt chilled despite the warm summer air.
I would have to leave...and never come back.
Her eyes spilled yet more trails of water. Kenshin's figure stood stoically as his clothes rustled in the wind.
She felt the same paralyzing stillness starting to weigh on her body.
It's going to end just like last time, isn't it? she thought as she looked on at Kenshin in sorrow. Her eyes lowered sullenly to the ground. He'll leave...and I'll just stand here like a pathetic statue... Kaoru shut her eyes tightly, frustrated with herself.
Have I always been this weak? she criticized herself, frowning at her thoughts. How could it be that just a couple words from someone could leave me so helpless? she thought disapprovingly. Her tears diminished for a moment as she reflected on this question.
If Megumi were to know that this happened, I'd really be in for it. She would probably scream her head off at me for letting him get away without so much as a word. (Which, incidentally, was exactly what Megumi was doing at that very moment; of course, her rants could not be heard, as she was held back and muffled by Sano) She really would hate me...just sitting here like the idiot I am.
Is that what I am? Her hands constricted into fists. An idiot? she thought critically. She saw Megumi's face in her mind's eye. The sides of the woman's mouth curled downward into a hate-filled scowl as her narrowed eyes glared down at her. It would have been the picture of utmost loathing if not for the way her eyes sparkled with tears of disappointment.
Kaoru couldn't stand that face. The face that Megumi seemed to reserve especially for her, Kaoru had hoped she'd forgotten it. Most of all, it was the face that told her she was in the wrong. And she hated it.
No...not this time.
She opened her eyes and glared intensely at Kenshin's back. This is one thing I won't let Megumi berate me for.
Running on a sudden surge of determination, she fought off the invisible force that had restrained her and began to move forward in Kenshin's direction.
I would have to leave...and never come back. His repeated words in her mind caused Kaoru's newfound resolve to falter. Her steps slowed. Kaoru furrowed her brow against the mental onslaught and forced her legs to move at their original speed once more.
I won't let him.
Now standing directly behind him, Kaoru slowly reached out and held onto the fabric of his sleeve in one hand. The strength she had generated just seconds before was draining away more and more as doubt pushed its way back into her thoughts. It took several tries before sound finally emerged from her throat.
"Listen...I'm sorry I said you were the cause of my problems before; I didn't...I didn't mean any of it," she said softly, her voice betraying the fear she tried to hide. Her shoulders began to quiver. Please, listen to me.
"Kaoru-dono..." Kenshin started. The sound of her name from his mouth caused Kaoru's hands to tremble as well. She closed her eyes to block it out.
"No!" she cut him off and used her other hand to pull herself even closer to him. "Don't say it! Don't you dare say it...Don't say it's for the best; that's a lie. How can it be? How can it be if..." she trailed off feebly and bowed her head as her hands shuddered. "How can it be for the best if you're not with us?"
Kaoru thought she felt Kenshin's body position shift from the almost unnoticeable tug on the cloth that was still grasped in her hand. For a moment, she wondered if he was actually taking her words into consideration. However, fearing that she may only be deluding herself, she didn't open her eyes. She searched her mind desperately for something to say.
"I...I know you think you're doing us a favor, but...to say that you're leaving...because you're afraid of what could happen to us, that's—that's just stupid!" she said bluntly. Kaoru winced at her uninspiring choice of words, but continued. "We've all been together so long...we know so much about each other now. You want to change all that? Because you're scared of the dangers?" she questioned. "We know what kind of danger we could be in. I mean, you've told me so many times I could hardly forget it."
Again, she wondered if he was paying her any attention, or if he was merely keeping quiet due to his natural politeness before finally having enough and leaving her alone in the wood. She decided it was better not to think about it. "But, it doesn't matter how many times you say it, I don't think I've changed my mind once. All the time, you say my life's at risk, and I just nod and smile and say how I will be careful so you won't worry. But truthfully, I can't tell you how much I just..." She stopped and thought for a moment. Then a laugh fell from her lips, so thin it was almost carried away with the wind. "I guess I just...couldn't care less."
She inhaled slowly, trying to compose her thoughts as best she could. "I know that sounds selfish, but...I'm perfectly happy with the way things are now," she whispered.
"I'm happy waking up, knowing you're in the kitchen making another breakfast I know I'll stuff my face with. I'm happy to see you watching with interest from outside at how I train Yahiko in the afternoons." She tried to reflect this happiness in her voice, but only the urge to cry again welled up within her. I've got to be strong. Attempting to banish the feeling, she quickly resumed with what she was saying.
"I'm happy when I see you doing the chores around the house, because I know that, without you, I'd never be able to manage. I'm even happy when I see you smile over the stupid things I do all the time." She remembered how he teased her with his patronizing grin when she had almost fallen into the well that morning. She remembered how he had seen right through her attempt to hide her worries and how he had laughed when she loudly denied his claims.
"We're so close...I don't want to be apart!" she pleaded. "If you leave..." she paused, the words she had just spoken bleeding into her being, restraining her speech momentarily.
If you leave...
She imagined how life would be from now on if everything she loved were to be taken away.
Awakening to the sound of silence.
Looking over her shoulder only to find an empty doorway.
No more carefree whistling as he does the laundry.
Never feeling those goosebumps on her shoulder a second time.
No more tenderly made food.
No more politely covered laughs at her blunders.
No more smiles.
No more Kenshin.
No Kenshin...
The thoughts were like tendrils; slowly working it's unpleasantness throughout her until the message was clear. The absolute desolation of the life that would come to pass should Kenshin fail to return that day bore down upon her existence.
It crushed her.
And she felt ashamed that she wasn't strong enough to hold back a new flow of tears.
"Don't you realize?" she asked, her voice finally breaking with the small droplets that escaped her firmly closed eyelids. She took another step forward and rested her cheek against Kenshin's back as she murmured, "If you leave...I'll never be happy again.
"I just want to be near you. Always."
After that, Kaoru couldn't help but hold her breath. She wasn't sure what to do next. She could feel the warm moisture pool under her cheek where hot tears had seeped into the fabric. She clenched it harder.
So concentrated was she on maintaining her iron grasp that she almost didn't feel the tiny pinpricks dotting over her right hand. She lifted an eyelid a fraction to find out what was causing the different but not quite unfamiliar feeling on her skin. Blinking away the haze of tears, she could make out the faint image of another hand atop her own.
Kenshin's hand.
Kaoru gasped and shut her eyes again. Even if he tries to pry me off, I'm not going to stop holding on, she thought as she tightened her grip, fingers sinking harder into the material like a silent promise.
"Kaoru-dono," he said. "Do let go, please." His manner was friendly as he made an effort to calm the girl that held onto him with such great force. Kaoru, however, wasn't to be assuaged so easily.
"No! I refuse," she declared stubbornly.
"Kaoru-dono—"
"No!"
She heard him sigh in exasperation. "You're going to tear it, you know."
"I don't care if this stupid, ratty thing rips to shreds; I'm not going to let you go!"
In her head, Kaoru could see him rolling his eyes at her as he would on any other day as he said rationally, "You're being unreasonable."
"And do you think I give a—" she stopped abruptly.
Wait.
This...this isn't right. His tone...? It's almost...cheerful. She went over the situation in her mind, but was unable to understand it. With the caution of a deer, she opened her eyes gradually to look up at Kenshin's face, which was gazing at her over his shoulder.
Kaoru blinked in confusion. He can't be...? She waited for her vision to clear completely.
There was no mistake; he was smiling at her. No sadness at his supposed departure, no anger at her doggedness, just...
"Kenshin?"
Unconsciously, the girl's grip loosened and slid off its place on his arm. She didn't notice that Kenshin's hand did not leave hers. Suddenly, as two and two came together in Kaoru's brain, a mortifying realization dawned on her. "You're not going to go...are you?" It was half a question, half a statement. She lowered her eyes, humiliated with herself. "You were never going to go." Was he leading me on the entire time?
He shook his head guiltily. "Not...exactly," he said awkwardly. "Also," the corners of his mouth curved a little sharper. Then, as if he couldn't help himself, he said, "I did not wish to interrupt your rather...heartfelt speech." Kaoru's eyes widened and heat spread over her face rapidly as she recalled exactly what she had said just minutes earlier.
"I...um, well, it-it was a spur of the moment thing, okay! It must have...must have been the panic talking," she sputtered indignantly, embarrassment overriding her anger at Kenshin for the moment. She stared forcefully in any direction that didn't lead to seeing his face.
"Oh really," he said in his usual lofty tone. "I suppose that little statement about your wanting to be around me was myth, then?"
Kaoru blushed even harder and tried to pull away, only to find a moment later that she could not, as her hand was held captive by Kenshin's. Now facing her, she could see that Kenshin was grinning somewhat waywardly at her.
He's been teasing me way too often today, the girl thought, feeling her fury rise.
"Well, looks like it was a false alarm," Sano said casually as he released his hold on the previously murderous doctor. She sunk to the ground, weak-kneed. Unlike Megumi, the former street-fighter was not phased a bit by the threat of departure. This was because, also unlike Megumi, he was not afraid of physically dragging the rurouni back home by his hair should the need arise.
"But it...sounded so real," Megumi whispered, still shaken. Sano glanced down at her and then back at Kenshin. He gave his samurai friend a puzzled look through the bushes.
"What's going on in that head of yours, I wonder..." he murmured.
Kaoru scowled at him, hoping that would wipe the obnoxious smile of his face. To her dismay, it did not.
"You jerk!" she yelled. "Making fun of me after I practically poured my soul to you!" You think I like having my feelings yanked every which way?" She looked down. "Confused out of my mind one minute, crying the next, and now angry as hell! You think it's funny?" she demanded, noting the smirk that still sat on his features, a lingering reminder of the embarrassment she could not hope to erase. "I'll show you funny." Kaoru lifted her free hand in preparation to cuff him, but that hand too was taken from her control as the object of her irritations nimbly stole it from the air.
Kenshin's face now hovered above her own. Glaring up at him with greatest hostility, she sought her mind for any and all escape techniques. To her horror she could not recall even one.
Or maybe...a voice taunted, you just don't want to get away.
One of Kaoru's eyebrows twitched in annoyance. Will they never shut up? she groaned silently. Her mind was brought back to the present as Kenshin spoke.
"Please, do not misunderstand," he soothed. "The reason I brought you here was not to cause you distress."
"Could have fooled me," she spat bitterly, "Giving me the scare of a lifetime, only to find out it's some kind of sick joke." She knew it was a harsh thing to say, she hadn't even given the swordsman a chance to explain, but the feeling that she had made a fool of herself for his enjoyment was stronger than her feelings of compassion.
After a couple moments of uncomfortable silence, Kaoru worried that she may have angered him. She let her eyes drift back to his face. To her surprise, it now carried a softer, more reserved grin. His eyes watched her with something she couldn't quite name, which unnerved her. Kaoru suddenly felt the goosebumps on her hands shoot up both arms to her shoulders and across her back. This reaction happened so quickly that it caused the breath to catch in the young woman's throat.
"Please forgive my rudeness," he requested quietly. Too stunned over her body's strange responses, Kaoru simply watched his face loom over her own, a very different paralysis spreading out to her limbs.
"I am just...so relieved," he said thankfully. "Relieved that you said the things you did." Still unable to move, Kaoru could do nothing but search his face for some kind of answer to his behavior. She thought she saw Kenshin's eyes flick over his shoulder for a split second, but before she could confirm it, he had drawn her away, under one of the trees' flowered canopies.
"Hey!" Megumi exclaimed. She covered her mouth at her outburst and gave Sanosuke a remorseful look. When she was sure no one had heard, the woman whispered furiously to herself, "Why did they leave?"
Sano rubbed his chin, turning the thought over in his mind for possibilities. "Why is he bothering to get out of sight? I mean, there's no one here besides—" His eyes enlarged with sudden understanding.
"Shit." He smacked his forehead irritably.
"What's the matter?" his companion asked urgently.
He didn't look down at her as he said through gritted teeth, "That damned...he knows we're here."
"What?" Her head whipped back to the space in the bushes. "You can't mean...oh no. No, no, no."
"Yeah, the walk, the detour into this god-forsaken...he's been trying to lose us this whole time." He blew air through his teeth in frustration. We can't get any closer now that he's made up his mind to stay hidden. Stubborn bastard. "Damn him...ruining all my fun," he muttered. He turned to leave.
"But why?"
Startled out of his angered daze, Sano looked back at Megumi questioningly.
"Huh?"
"Why would he go through so much trouble? If he knew we were following him, he could have just stopped; found another time and place, so why...?" Utterly perplexed, Megumi looked up at him for a response.
Sano tried to hold back a smile at the fact that, for the moment, she was relying completely on him. It was so...abnormal to see her as anything but irritatingly sure of herself. At the confused frown on the doctor's brow, he noticed she was still waiting for him to reply. Not wanting to disappoint (and not sure why), he thought hard, hunting for an answer that made at least a little bit of sense.
"Well...maybe," he scratched his head, "maybe he's been holding this in as long as we know she has. Longer, even. Perhaps he can't wait anymore." he didn't wait to see if the woman would criticize his insight; he walked ahead, back up the path.
What he didn't see was Megumi glancing back at the empty site where Kenshin and Kaoru had been minutes before, a thoughtful expression on her face.
"I didn't think of that..." she said.
Kaoru now stood with her back against the trunk of the tree, Kenshin in front of her. With cherry blossoms now surrounding the two, everything was given a soft pink hue, making the scene seem much more...heavy. Kaoru gulped. It appeared as if the air had gotten thicker as well.
Breath confined, body immobile, mind blank, it was as if Kaoru's entire being was hanging on these moments. Finally Kenshin spoke.
"Something was...left unsaid before. For that I apologize, Kaoru-dono." His eyes fixed on hers, locking her stare with his. It seemed as if he was about to break some terrible news to her.
"What I had wanted to say earlier, I..." he hesitated. Then he laughed ruefully to himself, and his tense stance eased. He looked back at her.
"I want to stay with you too."
Whatever she had been expecting, this definitely wasn't it. She struggled to find her voice again. "Then why did you say...?" she managed to choke out.
"That's the problem, Kaoru-dono," he said. "To keep you totally safe, I cannot be here. I know this as fact. But," he said, just as Kaoru opened her mouth to interject once again. "Just because I know that this is something I should do, it does not mean I want to do it."
Kaoru stared at him, still not completely grasping what it was he was trying to say.
"But how could I possibly ask that of you? 'In spite of the harm I could potentially bring, let me stay here, for no reason other than it's what I wish'? It would have been ridiculous..." He looked away, as if disgusted with himself.
In a lower voice, he added, "I think the only explanation my conscience has allowed me to remain here as long as I have was my promise to you. As long as you wanted it to be, I would continue to reside here."
At this, a scene from an earlier time came back to disturb Kaoru.
"This is all because of...because of...!"
"Me?"
He didn't think that meant...?
As if he could see her thoughts, Kenshin continued, "When you told me I—when you told me what was troubling you, I thought you had...renounced that agreement." He stared at her grimly. "I honestly did consider leaving a moment ago."
Kaoru inhaled sharply. Seeing her reaction, Kenshin's serious appearance instantly softened. "But then, with a reason no better than my own," he smiled, "you said, 'I just want to be near you.' The very thing that's been on my mind. The very thing..." he trailed off.
"The very thing...I think I wanted to hear the most." He looked down at her, his gaze lingering on each of her features in turn: her hair, her mouth, her eyes; as if wordlessly expressing his appreciation for being given the privilege of seeing them. Kaoru's throat locked up again.
He sighed regretfully. "It seems that I've grown selfish in the time I've been here." With that, his smile broadened, in a half apologetic expression. "Selfish enough as to love this happiness I've found in such a way that I never want to let it go." Kaoru couldn't tell if her heartbeat had sped up to an impossible rate or had stopped altogether. Kenshin's voice lowered to an almost inaudible whisper.
"Ever."
The breath in the young woman's throat had, by this point, begun to work again; however it seemed the only thing she could do with it was take small, quick breaths, breaths that did nothing to still her irregular heartbeat.
Wh-what the hell is this? My hands are shaking, I can't breathe right...if Kenshin hadn't propped me up against the tree...
Kenshin.
He did this! Did he plan this? She thought of the unusual, yet not unappealing look on Kenshin's face.
What did that mean? His words came to mind an instant afterward, and her face began to throb with the heat that rushed to it.
What did that mean? She lifted a trembling hand (she assumed Kenshin had finally gotten the sense to let it go) and pressed it to a burning cheek in an effort to chill it. It was like she had suddenly caught fever.
And here I was, let down that he'd never said anything romantic to me before. Almost delirious with confusion, she had the unusual urge to laugh out loud at the passing thought. This is like something you'd find in one of Tae's novels! Where the girl and guy are alone and he starts talking about his feelings toward her. Haha, it's almost like he just said...like he just said— Kaoru gasped with shocked understanding. Her hand dropped to her side.
It's like he just said...
"I'm in love with you"
Wrapped up in her own thoughts, Kaoru hadn't noticed the hand that had freed hers was now under her chin. Cool fingertips brushed her skin and gently tilted her face to make Kaoru's gaze level with his. She swallowed, once again rendered motionless.
"Forgive me, Kaoru-dono, for pulling your emotions in yet another direction."
And before she could comprehend what he meant,
his mouth was on hers.
Back at the dojo, the ex-spies sat dejectedly on the wooden deck that surrounded the building.
"What do you think they're doing back there?" Megumi asked gravely, trying to stir conversation. Ever since they had exited to forest, both had been oddly silent, disappointed that after all their trouble they had not been able to witness what was going on between their friends.
"Snoggin' their brains out," Sano answered casually, not even bothering to move his head from its position cradled in his hands. "Oh come on, you were thinking it too," he accused, noticing her wince.
"Hmph. You always put things so crudely," she said with disdain. "It's hard to be around you without being disgusted." She hopped off the place she was sitting. "I'm going home," she said, swaggering to the gate.
One day, woman. I swear...he threatened. The tall man half glared half grinned at Megumi's conceited bearing as she crossed the yard: her nose slightly up in the air, long hair trailing in the wind behind as her hips swung with their own self-importance.
Sano's ears reddened faintly. He shook his head vigorously to send it away. Jeez, next thing you know, I'll be taking her to the woods. The thought made him cough on a laugh. Yeah right.
In the past, Tae had told Kaoru a great deal about the wonder between couples that was kissing; in excruciating detail, actually. She told her about fireworks, the mind going empty, and the way your body is supposed to go limp in your lover's arms.
This, however, was a completely different experience.
For starters, Kaoru's mind was far from empty. The moment their lips had touched, her brain had gone from blank to spinning out of control.
Wake.
Up.
This is not happening.
There's no way Kenshin would be...doing this to you. He wouldn't whisk you way to be alone in a forest like in those stupid books Megumi and Tae always read. He wouldn't talk about the way he feels about you. He wouldn't—
He would, the voice from before interrupted.
Kaoru would have screamed in frustration at this point...that is, if Kenshin wasn't currently obstructing the section of her face that contained her ability to speak.
Damn it! Give it a rest, will you? Why can't you just accept that I might not feel that way about him? Why can't you just LEAVE ME ALONE? she exploded inwardly.
Are. you. stupid? the voice shot back with equal force. You think we just popped out of nowhere?
You...didn't? Feeling immensely foolish, for that had been precisely what she had thought, she immediately calmed down.
We are you. All these doubts, all these voices, all these feelings...they're yours. Don't you get it? We can't let it go because you aren't letting it go.
Wh-what? she stammered, taken aback by this new notion.
You know what he meant when he said he didn't want to leave you. Hell, he's kissing you right now. He is in love with you. And guess what? You aren't pushing him away. What do you think that means?
I...I feel the same...?
Clarity.
I...feel the same.
It was as if light had poured through an open door in Kaoru's mind.
I feel the same.
No uncertainty. No fear.
Understanding.
She thought she heard a sigh of relief from her guiding voice as this realization was made.
"Kaoru-dono?"
The girl's eyes (which she hadn't realized she'd closed) flew open to the sight of Kenshin (who she hadn't realized had broken the kiss) watching her carefully. She instantly averted her gaze to the ground.
"Are...you all right?" he said unsurely.
I should say something, she thought, her discovery fresh in her mind. She lifted her eyes to meet his as she parted her lips to speak.
"Kenshin, I— hey, what's the matter?" she queried, aware that his face had gotten a shade paler as she stepped towards him.
"Ah...no, nothing at all," he replied.
"But—"
"I believe we should be heading back now, that I do," he broke in hurriedly. He began to back away.
"What the—?" She watched in confusion and surprise as he turned and walked out of the shade. "Hey, wait..." His back disappeared behind the curtain of cherry blossoms. Kaoru ground her teeth. "WAIT A SECOND!" she yelled. Kenshin stopped.
"O-oro..." he said nervously.
"You can't possibly think you can just walk away after all that!" she shouted, marching up beside him. "What is wrong with you?" His face was turned away from her as she edged closer. "You can't even look at me..."
When he didn't make any move to respond, she lifted an eyebrow. "Am I that bad a kisser...?" she said thoughtfully to herself.
"Wh-what?" Kenshin yelped, practically jumping away from her.
"Oh my, did I say that out loud?" she said with mild surprise. Regaining her annoyed expression, she asked, "Well? Am I right?"
Kenshin looked at her in bafflement and coughed nervously. "N-no...I do not think that is the problem."
"Then what's with you?" she demanded. Suddenly she noticed his face looked different. Unless her eyes were deceiving her, it appeared to be a shade of...red. "You can't be...embarrassed!" she said with shock. "It's a little too late for that, don't you think?"
"Ah...well," he said as he ran a hand through his hair as he searched for the words. "It's just I...never thought I would be able to...you know, do this. I still can't believe I did. I guess the magnitude of it all is finally hitting me." He laughed good-naturedly. "I don't know what to do next."
Kaoru smiled back at him. "And you thought you could just leave without wanting to know what I think?" Before he could answer, she took a step forward and grabbed his hand. Kenshin's eyes widened as he looked down at their newly entwined hands. "Now, before you get all freaked out again, I want you to know something." This time Kenshin's gaze lifted to stare at her face with the same wide-eyed look from a moment earlier. Her smile grew. "I know I can't say it with pretty words and all, but I just want you to know...I feel the same way."
Not wanting to let the silence grow and make the scene even more awkward than it already was, Kaoru cried cheerfully, "Let's go home, Kenshin!"
Being dragged by the arm behind her, Kenshin was shaken out of his daze. "O-oro...if you felt the same way, then why did I have to be the one to...?"
"I only realized it just now. And besides, it's a well-known rule that the man is supposed to be the one to confess to the girl, idiot," she said matter-of-factly.
Kenshin sighed, beaten. "I am getting the feeling that you only just made up this rule..."
Kaoru laughed. "Is it all right that I'm making it up as I go?" she said, looking over her shoulder. At this, he couldn't help but smile as well.
"Yes...I suppose it is."
THE END.
The end. Such emotional words, huh? Anyway, thus ends my first Ruroken fanfic! All right, at the end of books or stories, the author is supposed to give some sort of background on how this story came to be, right? Well, here's how my fic came into existence:
One, magical night, I was sleeping in my bed when I was awakened by a bright light from my window. Opening my eyes, I beheld a glorious, shimmering body of light! The figure then proceeded to tell me not to be afraid and that I had been specifically chosen to write this story. Giving me the blessing of inspiration, the angelic entity disappeared. I immediately arose from my bed sheets and began to jot down the ideas that flooded my brain into my trusty notebook. And thus, was my story born.
Well...maybe not quite like that.
I guess the fact that I just FINISHED A STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME is making me loopy. Extremely loopy. Ignoring the fact that it is almost three am, I'll tell you the real story of how I thought up this fic:
One night as I was tossing and turning in bed, thoughts and ideas and memories rolling around in my mind, a particular scene kept appearing. The scene was of Kenshin and Kaoru standing under a magnificent cherry tree in full bloom. And then my mind got to thinking, what would they be saying, what would they be doing? As I thought more about this, the story just kind of unfolded itself. The story was becoming so detailed, that I could not possibly keep it to myself any longer. I hopped out of bed and began to write it all down.
And that's the real, true-to-life story of this...well, story. Y'know Kenshin's, and later Kaoru's, line "Is it all right that I'm making it up as I go?"? Yeah, pretty much my feelings as I was writing stuff down and revising it and having pretty much no clue except a big ass cherry tree thrown in.
Did anyone notice that the title really has nothing to do with the story? Yeah...it was supposed to be a line that Kenshin said near the end of the story. Like, Kaoru would be about to say she like him too, but then he'd stop her, saying, "Nothing need be said, Kaoru-dono" because he already understood her feelings. I thought it was cute at the time, but then I realized, dude, the girl has to throw that guy off balance at least once or twice. He can't always be the calm and cool one.
Haha, a lot of Sano/Megumi hints made throughout the story. I am in favor of that couple, though I am sad to admit that I do not plan to write a fanfic solely based on them as of yet. I have so many other ideas I want to work out...before I die. Yes, I'm that slow.
I think I might have mentioned this before somewhere, but Kaoru's whole problem with the "voices in her head" could be taken for schizophrenia...wow, the things you think of after you can't change anything.
In some of my earlier drafts of this chapter many of Kaoru's lines had been ripped straight out of other manga I had read. I know I know, bad me slap slap, but it was quickly changed. "Don't say you're leaving because of me!" (a kind of revised version of a line that Rosette says in Chrono Crusade vol. 6) was changed to "How can it be for the best if you're not with us?". I think a couple lines from Fruits Basket were thrown in there somewhere, but I forget what they were exactly.
Now, on the climax. The kiss. Well, well, what shall I say about it? The first time I've written about one...even though I've never had one myself (isn't this sad? pretty much living vicariously through my fics)...which is probably why I failed to go into much detail about the one in the story. Yeah...it's starts...and then, just as abruptly, it ends. Hey, I don't wanna be advertising false information here. One thing I did want to convey in Kaoru was her complete and utter "holy hell." type thought process when it happened. Unlike SOOOO many fics I've read nowadays, I didn't want her to be all like "omg, his mouth is warm...and like, omg I think I like this. Kenshin, sweetie, I love you!" No. HELL no. From what I get from the manga and parts of the anime I think that she's the kind of girl who doesn't like surprises. Especially these kinds of surprises. Just my own opinion, don't come knockin down my door if it doesn't quite match up with your own.
About the ending. Well, now that Kaoru finally gets a clue as to what's going on, she starts acting pretty normal again. Cheerful, whack Kenshin now and then, and then, added bonus, playful flirtatiousness now...I guess. And that pretty much wraps it up.
To everyone who's read this fic and who will read it in the future, THANK YOU. Maybe I'll see you next time, maybe not. But either way, your support is and always will be greatly appreciated. Until next time!
--Jack