The Staircase

Rating: PG-13

A.N./ I am so very sorry that it has taken me so long to get this measly chapter out. Wait a second; I can't even say "sorry," it's that sad of a situation. However, I would like to continue these stories (not just this, but stories in particular). I have an idea for a rather lengthy one with Remus and Sirius, but there are many characters of my own design and I was wondering how people would tolerate that. If anyone reads these Author's Notes, tell me what you think on whether I should write it or not (being as I might be able to develop the story well enough before school is out and that summer will open up at least more time than I have now).

Anyway, I hope you guys like this. Of course please review if you like it, don't if not. And no flames. At all. Zero tolerance for that rubbish.

Bottom of the Staircase

"Don't leave me alone," he had said, holding on to the banister, staring up at Sirius. The words had left his mouth before he could stop himself and he felt his throat tighten. Why was he fanning this flame? Why was he encouraging this in himself when he swore time after time that he wouldn't chase these dreams? Especially not this dream.

He pulled his pillow over his head, holding it close to his face. He wished that he would just suffocate so that he would never have to see Sirius again. Ever. To be so infuriatingly close to someone and wanting nothing more than to just drape your body over theirs was a bit much for Remus to bear. He could hear him, smell him, everywhere. The scent was so clear that he could even taste him sometimes.

It was so irritating to be able to hear him rustling around in his sleep, even through the pillow, that his body ached. His legs stretched out as far as they could, toes flexing, arms wrapping across his head, and his fingers digging into his hair. With his pillow secured tightly against him, he groaned and his knees folded upward in further tension as his body curled in a mid-air fetal position.

One year was enough. The first few months he wasn't sure of what he was feeling. He thought it was just something that everyone had to go through. Maybe it even had something to do with him being what he was. Maybe it was time for him to find a mate and he had postponed it too long. But he was only eighteen and he hadn't found the right person. That is, until he started to give Sirius a thought.

Remus tossed his pillow off of his face, disgusted with himself for the tenth time that day. He was a boy and Sirius was a boy. There was no possible way for Sirius to be the "right person." Remus was beginning to believe that there was no such thing. If Sirius couldn't be then he had no idea who would. The weight in his chest made his throat bubble with sickness and his arms shook slightly. He felt like he could run a hundred miles, far away from everything. He would run until his legs collapsed under him and in which he would proceed to crawl, digging his fingers into the very ground.

It didn't help things that Sirius had taken a fancy to shutting him out all the time. At times Remus thought that Sirius might actually know his dark secret just by the sheer looks he gave him from time to time. It maddened him so that it made him want to choke on his own tongue. But, Remus knew that if Sirius knew his infatuation for him that he would never want to look at him again. However good of news that was, it still didn't answer his question as to why Sirius would want to spend less time with him.

He wouldn't even ask to study with him like they used to when James and Peter would be out. It left a gapping hole inside of his chest that itched and ached and pulsated. Remus had to control his breathing before he exploded from the anxiety. Not only was Sirius in the bed right next to his, dreaming of god knows what, but he could see the moon ever so slightly beyond his drawn draperies. He sat up and shoved his cold feet into the tousled covers, biting the tip of his thumbnail. The full was drawing closer. In four days time he would have to undress in front of Sirius, exposing himself so intimately to him. Remus squeezed his eyes shut, hating the thought of it. Sirius was probably sick of the sight. He would be too if he had to put up with such a dreadful friend.

Oh, but it didn't stop him from wondering about the flip situation to his dilemma. He could just picture it all flashing inside of his imagination. Sirius would tenderly undress him while James and Peter went out to make sure Madame Pomfrey was gone. He would quiver underneath his feathery caresses as Sirius would lean down and kiss his neck. And how they would kiss passionately, their tongues flickering into the other's mouth. Sirius' hair would feel smooth beneath his fingertips and his shoulders would be so broad beneath his palms. Sirius would kiss him once more before proceeding to undress him fully. Remus blinked away the hazy fog of his dream and clenched his jaw in frustration.

At least Lily knew of his obsession. They both had been strangely drawn to the other, even when they hadn't exactly been introduced. Meeting her for the first time was like rediscovering the sister he had never had. It was easy enough to tell her, seeing as that he held her secret crush on James. He didn't know what he would have done without her understanding and sympathies.

Especially when Emily came along.

He was not the kind of person to hate anyone, but dear god she came close to it. The Grindylow inside of his stomach started to eat him inside out just thinking of her name, her stupid face, and her ability to draw Sirius close to her. For her to be able to kiss him. To be able to … He didn't even want to think of it. He knew that if he did, his cranium would cave in. That, or his feet would break off from the force he was tensing them. He pressed his palms into his eyes, commanding the image out of his mind.

She was perfect. She was beautiful, smart (not to mention knowledgeable about everything Sirius loved), sensual, and fun. That was what destroyed him. She was so much fun to be around that Sirius would dote on her and hang around her non-stop.

"Guess what Emily said!"

"Guess what Emily thought of for a new prank. It is so brilliant that she was born to be a Marauder, I swear!"

What a bitch.

But suddenly, thankfully, some unknown force (most likely heaven sent) prevented her from coming around anymore. Sirius wouldn't talk about it. It was over as quickly as it started. Though unbelievably happy he was, it still irked him. What would cause such a passionate relationship to end so abruptly? Then the looks started again. It must have meant that it was somehow his fault. He must have not treated her as nicely as he should have. But Sirius would have told him, unless he was too angry with him. He must have mucked a perfectly good relationship because he was too selfish enough to treat his best mate's girl decently.

Remus laid back completely, pulling his covers to his chin, nibbling idly on the edge of his sheets. Regardless, he hated how Sirius was avoiding him so much that when Sirius reached the top of the staircase to the boy's dorm that night to get away from him, the words fell from his mouth.

"Don't leave me alone."

It was a foolish mistake, but he couldn't help what had happened. So he was left at the bottom of those stairs, holding desperately onto the banister as the sound of Sirius closing the door shook him to his very core. His words trickled down the steps and pooled around his feet as the echoing of them in the empty common room ceased.

Those deadening words resounded through his empty chest though and he prepared himself to face yet another sleepless night.

A.N./ So, I know it took forever, but I do have one chapter left on this little puppy. I swear though, it will be online by … Wednesday. I promise all of you that (or at least those who care anymore).