Chapter Three

" You're late, " the man said eyeing the demon closely, and Balthazar looked up at him while trying to sit down.

" I know, " he put his hand up in defense, " was late getting here. Traffic, and all. " The man nodded, then turning his head motioned for the waiter to come over. The restaurant buzzed with noise, mostly conversation between couples, families lightly laughing, the candelight casting a golden glow on the white linen tablecloths, and a fiddle playing softly. The waiter handed two menus to the demon and the man, who was dressed in a what looked to be a white Armani suit, complete with a red tie and white dress shirt, and white pants matching the shoes. If it wasn't for the evil crooked smirk on the man's face, and those eyes that seemed to look straight through to your soul where sins were kept, you wouldn't even guess it was Satan himself.

" Thanks, " Lu replied when a waiter set two glasses of water to start them off, and as the waiter walked away the devil turned to look at the waiter's behind just as it was heading back to the kitchen. Balthazar could feel the bile already rise. Lucifer turned around and smiled knowingly. " Can't resist a great ass. " Balthazar nodded quickly, obliging him at least this once. The devil laughed opening his menu, then looked over at the demon. " Tell me. " Balthazar looked up from his menu, curiously staring back.

" What? Oh, " he said in realization and Lucifer put down his menu, looking excited. He propped his feet on the unoccupied seat next to him, and gestured for the demon to speak.

" Tell me... everything, " the word slipped off his tounge like poison, Balthazar's eyes flinching only slightly. He knew he had to decieve Lu. Shaking off his nervousness, a smile formed on his lips. Here goes nothing, he thought.

" It went well, " Lucifer's eyebrows went up in surprise, " I suppose he didn't fight it. Went according to your plan, Master " he said, as convincing as he possibly could. Lucifer was practically jumping for joy when he heard this.

Balthazar cringed internally. Lying to Lucifer was never an option, but he figured he would have to considering he didn't go through with anything the devil had told him to do. Lu clapped his hands exictedly, " You're telling me everything I wanna hear, man. " Balthazar smiled visciously and nodded.

" I never want to fail you again, I swear to you. What happened with everything else, " he motioned with his hands around him, " it's gone. He's gone. " The devil smiled gleefully again, enjoying every confession of the exorcist's death as much as he enjoyed pain. " Now, " the demon, looked at him expectantly, " about my reward. " Lu's smile faded and the waiter put down a basket of hot rolls in front of them then left. Lu's gaze stared down the demon's and Balthazar felt stuck, but knowing the devil liked confidence and attitude, he looked back defiantly. A look that could be interpreted as 'you heard what I said.' Lu finally cast his eyes to the table, and then to Balthazar.

" Man, " he rasped, in that slanted jagged voice of his, " you really think I'm gonna give you time on earth to do whatever the fuck you want to do? " he leaned in so close Balthazar thought he was going to smack him. The devilish smile returned. " How about this, " he leaned back into his chair, but not before he took the candle from the holder off the table and held it loosely, " you and me can go back to our shit-hole down South, " he used his free hand to point downward, knowing his pun all too well, " and you can forget ever wanting to be up here in this cold, " his face crinkled at his temples, " disgusting place. " Balthazar frowned and felt his eyes glow in anger. So now he was backing out of his promise? This was too much for him to deal with. Only a week earlier he had walked out on John, leaving him in that apartment, leaving him to his thoughts, of probably him and the demon fucking on his couch, then on his bed. And then of him walking out on John, his fear making him run away from the person that he never wanted to intentionally hurt in the first place.

Balthazar's jaw clenched. What had he done? Was this the right decision? Was he to live in Hell forever?

Lucifer lept forward in his chair so far that the silverware clattered; he grabbed Balthazar's wrist and held it down to the table. The demon struggled, straining angrily against the devil's smirk and tight hold.

" What the fuck are you doing? " the demon snarled, and Lu just giggled.

" That's exactly the attitude I want from you, sweetcheeks, " the devil's voice was harsh and his smile seemed endless. Balthazar fixed his eyes on Lucifer as he hovered the candle over the demon's wrist. Laughing at his reaction, he started tipping the candle over, letting a drop of hot wax drip on the demon's many scars that he had due to his suicide. Balthazar hissed slightly, then growled.

" Get off of me! " he muttered harshly.

" Mm, " Lu's grin spread and he tipped the candle completely so the flame was struggling to stay up, and all of the wax was dripping on the demon's arm. Balthazar's eyes closed in pain while his jaw set in anger. " You will go with me, " the devil continued, even though the demon wasn't even paying attention, " and I don't think I'm going to change my mind about it. " Then he stopped and put the candle down just as Balthazar's eyes opened in pain and in anger. 'I wish he'd stop smiling that bloody smile already, ' he thought while trying to tear his wrist away. Lucifer made a deep noise in the back of his throat, a rumbling sound, leading into a gaze that stopped the demon's strains.

" You want me to just forget we had a fucking deal, you bastard? " Balthazar growled as low as he could without drawing too much attention to himself, even though a few people who were immersed in conversation turned to look at them then resumed their chatter, " go to Hell. " Lucifer laughed at the demon's attempt at humor and then felt the demon tear his wrist away from his grip.

" Don't you know who you're dealing with, sugar? " he murmured, and with that and a wink he disappeared. Balthazar's breath caught in his throat, noticing he was alone. The restaurant was still chattering, the music still hanging in the atmosphere, but even now the waiter who served them was gone. He looked around him, then exhaling a long breath he ran his hand through his hair, thinking to himself that he needed to get out of there and fast. If he wasted anymore time Lu could be back and see that he had escaped. What made him angry was that he was actually going to go through with killing John. How could I?, he thought dismally. Balthazar fought the urge to punch something and got up. But before he could even begin to walk away, he saw a bill appear out of nowhere, showing the amount of money he owed for a nonexistant dinner he and the devil had. Underneath it, the words 'I know.' Balthazar's eyes dialated; did he actually find out about him and John? 'I'll be coming back up for you in a week. And for your exorcist. Get ready. It'll be soon enough, sweets.' The demon picked the note up and crumpling it tossed it to the side. Nervously he looked around for another sign but saw none. Picking up his coat he briskly put it on, not noticing if anyone saw what had happened. Balthazar walked to the front of the restaurant then opened the door and walked out. He exhaled the breath he held since reading the note. A week to figure out what he was going to do about John wasn't enough. He stood at the edge of the sidewalk, waiting for a cab to stop.

" Where to, buddy? " the driver asked as Balthazar sat down and shut the door behind him. He shrugged. Going to his lavish apartment seemed so inappropriate, and going to see John would be even more awkward. Balthazar needed time to think about his plan of action, and so shrugging was the only answer his mind could process.

" Wherever it is, " he said, casting his eyes to the streetlight, " make it fast. " The driver nodded, and pulled the lever then drove as fast as he could down the busy street. The demon sighed to himself.

I'm screwed.

---------

" John? Are you even listening to me? "

Constantine had been staring at a spot on the worn wooden table, his thoughts on something else, but his eyes shot up to the young man in front of him. A smile cracked on his lips.

" Sorry, Chas " he apologized, he exhaled, " been a long week. You know how it is. " Chas, now an angel which now had his wings tucked behind him and also dressed in normal clothes, gave him a curious look.

" No, I don't think I do, boss. " Chas smiled and crossed his arms. John smiled lightly. Chas never stopped calling him that and it never got old. Not even once.

" Don't angels know everything or something? " John reached for his lighter as he stuck a cancer stick in his mouth, " I know God's been holding all the little secrets up there. I'm surprised he hasn't leaked anything on me yet. " The cigarette lit up, casted a slight glow on John's face, then faded out.

" Nah, " Chas shrugged, " we don't hear much. Unless you're like, God's right hand man. " John's eyebrow lifted in rememberence to Gabriel, removing the cig and exhaling a breath of smoke. Chas made a weird face, then shrugged again. " C'mon, " he smiled, " tell me. Weird ass exorcisms, maybe? " he asked and pointed at him as if to emphasize some point. John exhaled again, shaking his head in a 'no-comment' manner. Chas sighed.

" Whatever, John, " he put his hands up in defeat, " just don't doze off on me again. I might need to use my power to bring God down and kick some major exorcist ass if you ignore me one more time, " he smirked. He laughed when Constantine tried to swat him over the head. They went back to their conversation, only stopping to laugh occassionaly and drink their coffee. John still found Chas' weekly visits refreshing. After all of the "holy" work he performed, after all of the demons he met and removed, after the crucifixes were burned and destroyed, Chas would swoop down. Most of the time it was unexpected, but then again John could always sense it would be soon. Usually the young angel would come down after seeing the exorcist have an emotional block. He never told John that was why he made only a few visits a month, but John knew not to say he knew the reason behind it. After awhile of catching up, Chas had to go.

" Good seeing you, boss. " Chas pulled him into a soft embrace. The exorcist smiled into the hug, then pulled away.

" Take care of yourself, Chas " John said. The angel smiled back. He looked briefly at the door, then nodding he swept up, wings gliding back then with a push of air was gone.

John sat down, focusing back on the spot earlier. In the back of his mind he knew the look on Chas' face was a knowing one, but he chose to ignore it. It was going to be obvious soon anyway and -

Knock, knock, knock.

A sigh escaped, along with a muttered fuck. John got up, putting out the cig he lit just before Chas left. He walked to the door and opened it, half expecting some holy sign of Jesus Christ Himself. But life never seemed to be that lucky anyways.

" Hey.. "

John blinked.

" I know this is weird, me coming here after months and.. " John waited, then crossed his arms. " Well, I thought I'd try to talk to you. So, can we? "

" Can we what? "

" You know, talk. " She shuffled, moving her weight to the other foot. He noticed her arms crossed and her hand pulling her hair out of her face in a nervous habit. He wanted to smack himself. Chas, you could've fucking warned me about this. She cleared her throat, and he knew that this wasn't some inappropriate, unnecessary joke the Great Ones upstairs were trying to pull. He opened his door all the way and let her in, the least he could do for her. Her. The one person responsible for at least half the despair he had been holding in for the last five months. It was simple really. They had tried to attempt a semi-normal relationship for awhile. The whole 'I'm going out for a drive you want me to bring you something back' kind of thing. It was good. At least he thought it was. But then it was getting to be... well, John still to this day didn't know what happened. It could've been the days he'd come home and see her there, sitting. She had the look on her face. The look that he knew from everyone else he thought would be the one. The one. The one for him.

" John, " she tried to explain it to him, tears were threatening to spill from her eyes and he looked away, " it's always you and your job, and the fact is that I can't always be included in that! " His eyes closed and he couldn't look at her. He knew there would be rejection and sadness written plainly on her features and he just wasn't ready for it. He could hear her voice waver as she spoke.

" You have to understand. " He nodded, and he did. He understood it all. She was the type that was just like the rest. Wanting everything out of him at all times without him having to do his job. She knew, just knew, that he had to do all the work he had to do in order to gain his right to Heaven. He tapped his foot, then darted his gaze to her. He saw her tears roll down, and her mouth curved downward in sadness. Something wet dropped from his own eyes and he wiped at them.

" John.. " He heard her whisper but he just stared at his hand, feeling the tear drying on his index finger and thumb. This was it. John Constantine was finally feeling. He hadn't cried in front of someone in years, even his parents. Though they rarely visited after knowing that he had turned his life into exorcisms and things of that nature. They never fully understood why he did what he did, and he wasn't about to explain it either. How could he? It would be a waste of his time.

" I know this is hard. " He wanted to scoff at her sympathy. " But, we'll get throught this. " He sniffed. " Are you even listening to me? " she reached to touch his arm but he pulled away.

" Just, " her eyes stilled themselves at his voice, " leave. Can you do that for me? At least? " he looked at her and his eyes seemed to react on thier own. Tears were freely running down his face and his hand went to wipe his eyes again. She opened her mouth to say something else but he cut her off before anything else hurt him even more.

" Angela. " She stopped. " Leave. Me. Alone. " He turned around and shut his eyes. He willed himself not to talk to her anymore, then he waited for the sound of the door to fill the house. There was only a sniffle, and a shuffle of feet. Then keys jingling, probably in her hand.

" I'm sorry... John. I loved you. " He shook his head. " I... well. Goodbye. " Then she was gone.

John had kicked chairs. And the table was overturned and dishes were thrown and his screams of sadness echoed just like he knew they would. He collapsed on his bed, a sob choking in his throat. His eyes were reacting against his will, and tears were hot against his cheeks. He knew that love would never work for him. Angela was one of many to turn their back on him. Support for what he did seemed to never be there, and it was never going to be. Until then, John wanted a relationship where his 'significant other' loved him and they showed it.

But when he walked into his life, he never knew what it felt like to be pissed off at the person you fucked into the wall. He knew it was strange to have a relationship with someone that evoked both emotions in him, but there was something comforting about it all. But it didn't matter anymore. At that moment, John dedicated his life to destroying everything that would be a distractor... and even he couldn't predict that the demon would be walking into his life again, never letting go of his thoughts.

" John? "

The exorcist saw the curious look Angela gave him, and turned away.

" Can you make it quick? I have a meeting to go to. " He lied through his teeth, lighting a new cigarette and sitting at the table. He could feel her stare even though he couldn't see her face.

" Meeting? I didn't know- "

" Now you do, " he snapped. He pulled the cigarette away and exhaled angrily. Get a fucking clue and leave me the fuck alone already, he thought. She walked the few steps it took to the other side of the table; pulling the chair out she sat down slowly. Moments of silence followed, the only sound heard was the occasional exhale from John's lips.

" Well, " she started, her head was down, John couldn't tell if it was in shame or guilt, or even sadness if possible, then her head came up to look at him, " I wanted to see how you were doing. " John took the stick out, noticing the end glowing, then putting it out in the ashtray he looked at her.

" I'm fine. " He answered, not bothering to say anything else. She sighed, taking the obvious hint he was sending. And it was sure speaking volumes.

" That's good to hear, " she nodded. He looked at her again, thinking maybe if she looked at him long enough she could realize he wasn't into conversation at the moment. " So, how's life? Anything new going on with you? "

He shook his head.

" Same shit, different situations. Nothing but demons and putting them back to where they came from. " His eyes wandered back to the table. He'd oblige her this once, and if she mentioned anything about what happened five months ago again, he would tell her to go f-

" You know, I didn't really come here to just talk about that. John, " he knew what was coming but he looked at her anyways, " we need to talk about me and you. " His gaze never left her sad features.

" I don't think I can go into that right now, Angela. " Her face softened at his tone. Sure, he was pissed at her for the shit she caused, but it didn't mean that he stopped being hurt over it. " Maybe you should just go now. Save us a lot of fucking torture. " He stood up meaning to go to his room but she stood up with him.

" I didn't want to end up like this, " she looked at him, putting on the best sad face he's ever seen, and this time he did scoff.

" Right, " he looked at her, meeting her eyes disbelievingly, " just like you didn't want me to be hurt, " she shook her head, " yeah, I was hurt. Angela, " he put his hand up. Then exhaled. " I give up. " Her mouth opened, and tears streamed down. He knew that she believed him. " No, that's not right. I gave up five months ago. When you fucking left me alone. That's when I gave up. "

" But you never let me expl- "

" Didn't you? " he asked, " I thought you made it perfectly clear. You wanted nothing to do with me. " He wanted to look away from her face. This was killing him softly, telling her exactly what he felt. It was inside of him for months, and now someone finally knew what he was thinking. " And now.. " she shook her head again, not wanting to hear the rest of it.

" John, but I- "

" Now I want nothing to do with you. "

Her mouth closed hearing his words. He hoped they struck a nerve, or five. Her tears were staining her cheeks, falling on her jacket.

" You won't even let me explain to you why I'm here? " she tearfully asked him. John smirked, shaking his own head.

" Angela, I'm done. Done with you. Go. " He motioned to the door. " Get. The. Fuck. Out. " She looked at him, her mouth ajar upon hearing the cursed words he flung at her.

" At least I know that I made the right choice. " She sounded bitter. And he didn't care whatsoever. Angela stood there shell-shocked, and exhaled disbelievingly. " You never stopped being the man that you always were. " John just turned from her again, not bothering to hide his evident smile. "Goodbye, John. " She strode out, the deafening crack of the door being slammed filling the house like a siren. John welcomed the noise as its thud faded out. He hoped to never see her again. Or at least until she planned another 'talk' in the future.

Chas, he thought gloomilylighting up another cigarette and walking to his room, you could've said something. So, why? John changed into sweat pants and a t-shirt. He went into the bathroom and turned the water on, and gathering some soap and water, he washed quickly and toweled his face. Clambering into bed he turned on his side, reaching up and turning off the light. John pulled his sheets up, covering his whole body with warmth. He thought back, back when life was normal. When he didn't perform exorcisms, before demons would show up spontaneously on subways and buses, before cathedrals and priests, before Balthazar...

John sighed and turned again. He knew he would have to forget about the demon, no matter how much he wanted to get dressed and go search the city for him and tell him what he really felt. He didn't even know what that was but he knew it was eating him alive not knowing how Balthazar was doing and if he was back and...

" Get ahold of yourself, John, " he muttered, maybe talking to himself would get him to stop thinking like a woman would. He shifted and focused his thoughts on the next day. He would probably get dressed and drink his coffee, smoking up before getting in the beat up car he bought a week ago and visit the church. Maybe he'd get a new assignment. Maybe Chas would visit again. Even though John's mind raced with thoughts of tomorrow, his hand lingered and traced the sheets next to him. It was cold. It was without the body which was there a week ago.

John's hand stopped tracing the spot, and stopped thinking about tomorrow.

I miss you, he whispered

TBC