FG: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Welcome to Chapter 8!
Emma: Wasn't this chapter supposed to be called 'The Short, Sappy Chapter O' Doom'?
Riku: (covers Emma's mouth) Eh…no.
FG: I changed the title, but it's the same chapter.
Riku: Aw, man…
Eric: Yeah, what he said. Normally, I wouldn't agree, 'cause he's stupid, but I agree.
Riku: Who let that little kid in here? Go back to Oz, munchkin.
Eric: Shut up, ya old man with big pants!
FG: That was a really stupid insult. Anyway, that 'munchkin' is my little brother. Remember Sonia from Chapter 5? This is her twin brother, Eric.
Sonia: I'm older by nine minutes.
FG: …go away.
Sonia: Aw… (walks away sadly)
Eric: It's only nine minutes. Who cares?
FG: Eh. So, Eric, you know what to do, right?
Eric: Yeah, you've been yapping on about the disclaimer over and over.
FG: (growl)
Eric: Sonia did it, your boyfriend did it-
FG: SHUT UP! (strangles Eric)
Robin: (snort) You have a boyfriend?
FG: No. Shut up.
Kairi: I think he's talking about the guy she drew in bikinis…
Eric: That guy's a-
FG: (resumes strangling Eric) HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!
Donald: Riiiiiiight…
FG: (strangles Donald)
Eric: Now can I finally get this over with? I wanna go home.
FG: (stops) You're sitting right next to me and watching me type. You're home, stupid.
Eric: Yeah, whatever. Rachel owns-
FG: I told you to call me FG for fanfics!
Eric: Okay, fine. Fig Newton owns-
FG: Why Fig Newton?
Eric: 'Cause they taste like-
FG: (sweatdrop) Just do the disclaimer before I pummel you.
Eric: Okay…FG…owns Emma, Dia, Jake, Robin, Bernie, Coeur/Hart, Miaow, Eclipse… (gasps for air) …Taylor, Lyze, Silke, Kinzoku, and Alissa. An' all those other hobos.
OCs: (crack knuckles)
Eric: I, uh…take that back…
… … … … … … … … …
"I would simply RELISH stabbing you here and now, Keyblade Master," Silke announced. "Fortunately for you, I must follow a set of rules similar to a samurai's bushido, meaning I must fight honorably. Also, the speed of it would not be fun at all."
Jake snorted. "Relish…" he giggled. The Juu Senshi and Eclipse glared at him. "Sorry."
"Hey, guys!" Dia bounced into the lodge's dining room. "I got Rush Hour for…OH, DOOKIE!"
"What a charming sentiment." Silke removed her sword from directly in front of Sora's neck, then stood up straight to glance at Dia. "You must be the Shogun's daughter, the possessor."
Dia's eyes were opened as far as they could go. "Who is she? And why is she calling me the Shogun's daughter?"
Silke looked confused. "Shogun Quinn, of course. Surely you knew that…"
"Uh…no…"
"Well…what IS he doing?" The Daimyo's attention suddenly snapped to Bernie. She was making odd, jerking motions with her hands. "Does she do this often?"
Emma and Jake looked at each other, then joined in, grunting and gesturing. "Uh…no..." Dia replied.
Robin rolled her eyes. She started making slightly more readable gestures. She held out her hand, then closed her eyes. "Shinku Cannon…" Her ominous, red shoulder gun appeared. "Senshi no Go." She opened her eyes to glare at Dia. "Senshi no Go," she repeated. Dia looked at her. Robin held out her hand again, and coughed.
"Uh…okay…"
Robin looked like she was going to burst. She coughed again. This time, it sounded a lot like, "Shihaii!"
"Ohhhhhhhh!" Dia held out her hand, then yelled, "Shihaii Wand!" The slim, white staff appeared in her hand.
Silke put an arm around Sora's neck, pulling him towards him. "Do not even THINK about it! I have a hostage!"
Dia chuckled. "You think I care?"
"Dia…" Sora whimpered.
"Don't worry." Dia flashed a grin. "I've got it covered."
"What are you planning?" Silke hissed. "Nothing, I bet. You are just a…very…powerful girl…who I a-admire…and…respect…"
Jake punched the air and cheered. "Sis is back in action!"
Silke dropped Sora. "Tel…tel…" She started shivering uncontrollably. "…tel… TELETUBIIIIIIIIEEEEEES!"! TELETUBIIIIIIIIEEEEEES! SAY HELLO!"
Emma ran over to Dia and whispered something. Dia nodded. "Good idea."
"No!" Silke shook her head. But it was too late. "I don't know where my monkey iiiiiis, iiiiif I had a mooooonkey, I wooooouuuuuldn't know where my mooooonkey waaaaas, becaaaaauuuuuse I love my mooooonkey!"
"Give in to the madness…" Dia instructed eerily.
"NO!" Silke slashed wildly at the space around her. The blade lopped off one of Sora's spikes.
Sora stuck his lower lip out. "That was my favorite one… He picked the clump of hair up and pet it.
Dia and Silke twitched. "I thought your leader would be smarter than this…"
Laughter erupted from around the corner. Everyone turned in its direction. "What the…come on out, ya wimp!" Dia yelled. Nobody came. "Fine. If you don't want to come out, I'll make you." She pointed the Shihaii Wand. Still nothing. "Huh? Well, it must be a good guy if my staff's not working."
"Not even close." Lyze emerged, pulling a large, metal, club-like thing. "He's impervious to magic."
The club whacked Lyze. "Let go of me."
"Oh, don't be such a baby, Kinzoku."
Sora stopped petting his hair spike to look up. "Kinzoku? As in the Metal Daimyo Kinzoku?"
"He looks like Errol from Jak 3," Jake decided.
"That would be me." The club was Kinzoku's arm. "Silke, your job is done. It is my turn."
Silke glared. "All right, you tin can. I'll be back, Juu Senshi."
Goofy scratched his head. "How come the Daimyos always try to fight us, then leave?"
"Be grateful, ya big palooka," Donald told him.
Silke ran off. Kinzoku raised one of his arms, then plucked his hand off with the other one. He dropped it. "Bomb Heartless!" A short, fat, round Heartless appeared, holding a silver cylinder. It handed it to Kinzoku, who attached it where his metal hand was. "There…" He shot a round of lasers at Sora, who promptly yelped.
"Guys, run outside!" Eclipse yelled. "We'll have more space!"
Coeur jumped off Bernie to nuzzle her younger brother's feet. "Myew!" she called to Bernie.
"Coeur says it's a good idea," Bernie translated. "Let's go!" They ran outside, with Kinzoku chasing them.
Lyze appeared behind Eclipse and tapped his shoulder. "Back off from this battle. Like I said, he's impervious to magic."
"You should back off instead. I don't believe you." Eclipse turned away.
She sighed. "Maybe that elementalist can talk some sense into you." Lyze tapped Emma's shoulder. "Tell Eclipse that he shouldn't use magic."
Emma glared. "Why should I listen to you?" Lyze opened her mouth, but Emma slashed her with the Hikari Sword before she could speak. "Ha! Get a load of…huh?" The sword harmlessly phased through the Viera. "But…you're…" Lyze smiled, then disappeared. "…I'm confused…HEY!" A stone bounced off Emma's head. "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE THROWING THAT STUFF, SORA!"
Sora pointed to the rock. "Look at it!"
Emma groaned. "It's just a stone. A stupid, brown…" She looked at it, and her eyes widened. "…glowing…stone! A new stone!" She picked it up, letting the words come to her. "GINGKO!" Her hair and eyes turned beige. She lifted her right arm; leaves flew off the trees around the lodge and towards Kinzoku. Then…they landed at Kinzoku's giant feet.
Kinzoku chuckled. "Do not feel too bad, elementalist. That attack might not have been so puny if magical effects did not work on me."
"Lyze was right…" Emma let the attack drain out of her. "And the Hikari Sword went right through her…maybe she really isn't bad."
"EMMA!" Both Riku and Eclipse's voices brought Emma out of her brief reverie. "TURN AROUND!"
Emma turned around, only to see Kinzoku's laser gun in her face. "WHOA!" The clicking of his gun loading made Emma shriek even louder.
"EMMA!" Eclipse yelled again.
A single laser shot out. Dust flew up everywhere. "Emma?" Riku started coughing. "Emma, are you okay?"
After a worried silence, someone else coughed, followed by, "I guess so." Emma stood up and brushed herself off. "What happened? Something pushed me…"
Jake was kneeling over Eclipse, who was sprawled on the ground. "I know who pushed you," he announced.
"Eclipse!" Emma ran over.
Riku glared at him. "I could've done that…"
Eclipse struggled to sit up, aided by Jake. The other Senshi flocked to him. "You're okay, aren't you, Emma?"
Emma nodded and smiled. "Thanks for asking."
"What? I already asked you that!"
Sora laughed and patted Riku's back. "Don't worry. I bet it's a phase." Sora cracked up before Riku could clarify what his friend was saying.
"You know, I could've taken that hit. I'm not some wimpy little girl. I'm the Senshi no Yon!" Emma told Eclipse proudly.
Eclipse chuckled. "Is it a crime to do favors?"
"I didn't ask you to take that hit. You just did it. That's not a favor."
Dia shrugged. "Ignore her, Eclipse. She's never been the best fighter she could be," she explained playfully. "She wants to prove she's a tough girl."
Emma lightly whacked her future stepsister. "Ignore Dia. She thinks that teasing other people makes her cool."
"Ahem…" A slightly disturbed Kinzoku was blankly staring at the Juu Senshi and Eclipse. "I believe we were fighting?"
"Oh. Yeah." Emma took the Hikari Sword back out. "No magic? I can deal with that." The others nodded and took out their weapons. Well, except for Eclipse, who slowly backed up. "HYAH!" She leapt onto the massive, steel creature in front of her and slashed his cheek, one of his few body parts with remaining skin.
Sora jumped behind him and whacked him with the Tsume Keyblade, pushing him forward about ten feet. "Let's take apart some of these plates!" Using his Keyblade as a crowbar, Sora pried Kinzoku's left faceplate off.
The Senshi turned pale. "That's gross!" Bernie covered her eyes.
Even Robin flinched. "Now I know why he had that on…"
"PUT IT BACK! PUT IT BACK!" Jake begged.
The left side of Kinzoku's face was horribly scarred and disfigured. Out of nowhere, the Phantom of the Opera Theme played.
"Dia…" Emma groaned.
Dia was whistling innocently. More specifically, she was whistling Phantom of the Opera. Suddenly, her eyes caught one of Kinzoku's plates. "Hey, why is there gibberish on that plate?"
Kinzoku glanced at it. "It is not gibberish. It is-"
"Al Bhed!" Bernie finished excitedly. "Guys, hit it!"
"Why?" Donald asked.
Bernie pointed at the plate, carefully sounding out the 'gibberish'. "Sy-kehl-tah-koo-duh-nay-ih-lu-doon…sykel tacdnildun! That means 'magic destructor' in Al Bhed! It's not his armor that's impervious to magic, it's that plate! It deflects everything!"
"I'm on it." Robin took it out with one shot of the Shinku Cannon. "Wanna do the honors, Quinn?"
Dia nodded, then got her staff ready. "Bow to insanity!"
Kinzoku started twitching, plates banging against each other. "Ma-ia-hii…ma-ia-huu…ma-ia ha…ma-ia-haha!"
The cyborg repeated this four more times. While he did, Kairi asked, "What's he singing?"
"It's a Romanian pop song called Dragostea Din Tei," Dia laughed. "More commonly known as the Numa Numa Song."
"Alo, salut, sunt eu, un haiduc! Si te rog, iubirea mea, primeste fericirea…" Kinzoku spun in a circle like a ballerina, then started bouncing around.
Eclipse wobbled around. "Don't make him bounce, Dia! We'll all fall off the cliff!"
"Okay," Dia replied deflatedly.
Kinzoku grabbed a branch and used it as a microphone. "Vrei sa pleci dar, nu ma, nu ma iei, nu ma, nu ma iei, nu ma, nu ma, nu ma iei! Chipul tau si, dragostea din tei, mi-amintesc de ochii tai!"
Donald tapped his foot on the wooden porch covering the cliff. "Is the song over? I want to leave as soon as we can."
"No…but I'm done."
"Thank goodness," Kinzoku sighed.
Dia grinned evilly. "I didn't say I was done with YOU." The Metal Daimyo gulped. The teenager pointed the Shihaii Wand at the cliff's edge.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Kinzoku screeched. As he stomped over to the edge, holes appeared where his feet were.
"It was nice meeting you, Daimyo Kinzoku!" Dia saluted Kinzoku. "But I'm afraid you have to leave now…"
Kinzoku jumped off the cliff, breaking part of the fence. A loud crash erupted, and metal plates flew up. "Well, that was amusing" Sora looked around for a keyhole. "Oh, there it is!" He ran back to the dining room door. A glowing keyhole appeared. Sora locked it quickly.
Goofy plucked a metal chain off the ground. "Gawrsh, I think that Daimyo Kinzoku feller must've dropped this."
"Huh? Lemme see." Sora took off the Tsume Keychain, then stuffed it into his pocket. "It looks really weird…but I'm pretty sure it's a keychain." He attached it. It became light silver, with small black lines running through it. The handle now looked like a red trigger. "I wonder what it does…" He squeezed the trigger, and red lasers came out. "Whoa!"
Haiiro, once again, appeared out of nowhere. "I hope you like your souvenir, Sora."
"What is this thing?"
"That is the Reza Keyblade. As you know, it has the ability to shoot lasers." Ansem's shell nodded. "Like the Sykel Tacdnildun plate, it will reflect most magical attacks." Haiiro floated over to the edge of the cliff, then looked down. "Is Daimyo Kinzoku dead?"
Sora shrugged. "I hope so," he answered, testing the Reza Keyblade's lasers.
Donald was still tapping his foot. "Can we go now?"
Dia shook her head, grabbing a DVD box off the ground. "It won't take long to get a room, since most of the tourists probably ran. I want to watch Rush Hour!" Jake opened his mouth. "No singing! Don't-"
"War! Hunh! Yeah!" Jake screamed the lyrics to WAR, overriding his sister's voice. "What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Uh-huh, war! Hunh! Yeah!"
Bernie laughed. "Hey, Jake's nine! How did he get to see Rush Hour?"
"Dad doesn't care what he sees. For all he knows, Jake could've watched Kill Bill, Vol. 2 at 11:00 last night." Dia's voice was cracking as she tried to speak louder than Jake. "Let's go watch the movie. But let's turn down the sound when they're playing WAR…"
Robin covered her ears. "Whatever!" She whirled around. "SHADDUP, QUINN JR.! AGH!"
"Myeh."
… … … … … … … … …
FG: That was Chapter 8!
Eric: I'd say it was good, but I haven't read it…
FG: He's only on Chapter 4 of the first Cheat Code.
Robin: How come I wasn't in it?
Dia: Because we don't like you.
Robin: (punches Dia)
Dia: (punches Robin)
Eclipse: Cat fights are fun to watch.
FG: You shouldn't be talking. You and Riku get in a manly cat-fight.
Riku and Eclipse: Oh.
Riku: Manly cat-fight?
FG: Mmmyep. FG out, yo.
Donald: Don't you mean Fig Newton? (does squelchy laugh)
FG: (slaps Donald)
Eric: You were always my favorite Disney character… (hugs Donald)
Donald: There's a ten-year-old…on my back…
Eric: CHEESE!
Everyone else: (sweatdrop)
Donald: Uh…okay…
Jake: I like him. (hugs Eric)
Donald: There's a nine-year-old…on a ten-year-old…on my back.
Coeur: (nuzzles Jake)
Donald: There's a genet… on a nine-year-old…on a ten-year-old…on my back.
Eric: Yeah.
Jake: Mmm-hmm!
Coeur: Myew!
FG: (sweatdrop)