Lily looked for James and found him on the quidditch pitch, bragging to his friends on how she practically had been all over him.
"...So I said 'ok babe, take it easy!' and she said said 'make me, athlete boy!', yes that's her nickname for me, and-"
"Then what?" Lily asked, aha-I-caught-you like.
"Lily! Hi! What a pleasant surprise!"
"Oh this won't be as pleasant as the last night we met! When I 'threw myself at you', remember? In case you need your memory refreshed, ask anyone!"
Lily walked away furiously. James jogged after her.
"Ok, I'm sorry. I may have stretched on the truth a little." he explained apologeticly.
Lily stopped.
"'Stretched on the truth'? 'A little'? How can 'Lily was nice' become 'Lily drove her tounge drive my throat so far I bet she could taste my stomach acid' !" she almost yelled.
James chuckled. "I've never said those words..."
Lily started walking again and James jogged after her.
"Ok, I'm sorry. What do you want me to say or do?"
"I want you to tell everybody that you lied, what really happened. And then swear on whatever is most precious to you that you'll never come near me again or I will cut you're tounge off and make you eat it. You make me sick! You and the thought of tasting your stomach acid!"
She marched off furiously, leaving James feeling that a dementor and sucked out all of his happiness.
The next couple of days he was like a ghost. At lunch he hardly touched his food.
"Hello? Prongsy? Earth to four-eyes!" said Sirius and waved his hands before James. "Moony, do something!"
Remus slapped James. That brought him back.
"Huh? What?"
"Where are you? You haven't been yourself at all lately." said Sirius.
"Oh, nowhere. I'm gonna take a trip to lonesome town, gonna stay at heartbreak hotel..." James hummed to himself. Remus and Sirius exchanged worried looks.
"Trouble in loveland again?" Remus asked.
"No what makes you think that? Love hurts love scars love wounds and mars..."
Sirius leaned forward over the table. "Has Evans been mean to you again?"
"If you by 'mean' mean 'honest', then yes."
"What did she say this time?" Remus asked.
"She told me off for what I did and asked me to swear on whatever is precious to me that I will never go near her again."
Sirius nodded understandingly. "Uhuh yup I can see why you feel bad. You don't wanna swear on my life because staying away from her is like not eating to you. Which you don't."
James glared at Sirius. "I'm afraid she is more precious to me than you are, Padfoot. Sorry."
Sirius made one of those could-I-be-more-offended noice.
"Stab me in my heart with a rusty dagger, why don't you? And while you're at it, pour some salt in the wound!"
He crossed his arms and looked away pouting. James rolled his eyes.
"Come on, It's not the first time she's told you to stay away from her." said Remus.
"I know but this time was different. I don't think I've ever seen her so mad. And she wasn't just mad, it was like she was hurt too. And extremely dissapointed in me. I've never felt so low."
"Not even when Snape had mixed shrinking potion in your pumpkinjuice?" Sirius asked.
James glared at him again.
"What, I'm trying to lighten up the mood!"
"I don't think this is the best time for jokes." said Remus.
"I'm going now, I'm not hungry." said James and got up.
"Where?" Sirius asked.
"I don't know. Somewhere I can be alone and sure that no one else will show up. The library will do."
"Prongs, I don't think you should be alone. Because you are depressed and the books are heavy and it's easy to cut yourself on the pages. And the windows are wide and easy to jump through. And it's very far to the ground-"
"I'm not gonna kill myself." said James.
"Anyway. We should have a 'Boy's night in'!"
"Boy's night in?" Remus repeated.
"You heard me. We get drunk and see what happens. Alcohol always makes happy."
"Aren't you afraid I'm gonna lose my judgement and die of alcohol poisoning?"
"No. It's not far to the hospital wing."
Later the same day. So late you could call it night. The marauders were drunk and sitting on the floor, laughing like drunk people do.
"...So the Puffskein said to the Pygmypuff: How's the magic dragon? HAHAHAHA!"
They laughed hard at this joke which it was and drank some more.
"And if you think that's funny, you should hear the beginning of the joke!" said Sirius and wiped tears from his eyes.
"I got one!" said James. "How many Slytherin's does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"How many?" Sirius asked.
"One! That asks a Gryffindor to do the job! HAHAHAHAHA"
And they drank some more.
"I'd like to propose a toast!" said Sirius. "To single life!"
"But you're not single." said Remus.
"Ok, cheers to relationships that aren't serious. Where you're still allowed to see other people."
"As long as you hide it and lock your mistress inside a broom cupboard when your girlfriend shows up." said Remus.
"Moony?"
"Yes?"
"Are you a marriage counsellor?"
"No."
"Then zip it."
"I don't see why you would ask that 'cause you're not married."
"I can't be impudent but you can? That's not democracy."
"Why don't we just toast to unfaithfulness, hm?" Remus raised his bottle.
"Sound good to me! Cheers!"
Kling.
"Life is not fair." said James. "The fact that you switch girlfriend every other week and aren't faithful to any of them is widely known and still they keep coming to you!"
"It's sad...they all think they are special and different." said Sirius.
"Maybe because you tell them." said Remus.
"'Come on, they can't be so stupid that they think I haven't said it to all of my exes!"
"And I have remained faithful to Lily forever and never had she even considered to go out with me."
"Well..." said Sirius. "You have to be born with that extra something. Good looks, as I like to call it."
"You are so shallow." said James.
"I'm shallow? Evans hasn't stopped showering you with insults since the day she laid eyes on you and she has always picked on every little thing you do. So why don't you just find someone else to waste your love on? Because in your absurd mind she's hot. She thinks it's her business whatever curse you throw at any random Hufflepuff. I mean come on, so do I and she never tells me off!"
"Maybe...she cares more about me..." James said.
"Don't go thinking that this means she loves you, ok?" said Remus.
"I won't but...she does waste an awful lot of energy on yelling at me. And how come she's always wherever I've decided to prank somebody? And that time after that prefect meeting, she actually was nice."
"So if all that yelling meant that she really loves you, that means she doesn't have those feelings anymore." said Remus.
"No! And...she yelled at me today, remember? Ok, maybe love is a strong word. Maybe she likes me at least."
"Oi..." said Sirius 'cause he suddenly got a headache.
"Yeah! When you're all goody twoshoes. Which you are never. Except for when you helped her clean up the mess after that meeting."
"I will never figure out what you see in that woman..." said Sirius. "Even if you got married and bought a house I bet you would fight all the time. She's just the typ that get's mad at the smallest insignificant thing. This is how she will be: 'You didn't notice my new earrings, I'm going to my parent's house and I'm taking the kids with me!'"
"Or 'I saw you looking at that healeress when she checked your eyes, I'm going to my parent's house and I'm taking the kids with me!'" said Remus.
"Or 'I don't care if I broke your legs yesterday, I thought I told you to mow the lawn! I'm so mad I'm going to my parent's house and I'm-"
"Ok, guys! I got the picture!"
"Then I'm done. And whenever you're late for dinner she'll make you sleep on the couch."
"Ok!"
Silence followed. James sighed.
"What should I do?"
"Here we go again!" said Sirius and jumped up on his bed.
(Tune: Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee)
S: Look at me I'm Jimmy P
Whine and cry just constantly
Once more my heart has been all torn apart
Because I'm Jimmy P
(Remus jumped up on his bed)
R: Look this way I'm Potter J
My girl yelled at me today
Shattered my soul and the heart that she stole
Because I'm Potter J
S: I don't eat or prank
I'm completely blank
And my friends just won't understand
'What I feel is love, nothing you know of
But how come your fanclub still expands?'
R: This is true: your girl hates you
Wish you got lost in Peru
Or just transfered so you'd stop stalking her
'Cause you're Jimmy P
S: 'Lily Lily! Forgive me!
Do you really detest me?'
Need I remind that you're out of your mind?
R: Yo, fungus, I'm Jimmy P
"Are you making fun of me, guys?" James asked.
"You have to ask? I'm deeply offended. And it's 'fungu' not 'fungus'!" said Sirius and sat down. So did Remus.
"Jeez...you guys are right. I'm gonna get some fresh air."
James got up and left.
(A/N: I know the filk is crap, and I'm sorry I forgot about Peter...it happens so easily, let's just say he's asleep.)