Disclaimer: Alright, I'm just this penniless school-girl who enjoys making the characters that she absolutely adores think and do things that they may or may not do. Meaning the only thing here that belongs to ME is this completely unoriginal idea. I don't own Miroku, or his thoughts (though I wish I did, trust me), or pretty Sango-chan, or any of the rest of the Inuyasha characters. So go away. The only thing that you could ever get from me if you tried to sue me is a bit of pocket lint, a book with my thoughts, ideas and poems (don't ask), and a pen! Got it? Good.
Summary: Miroku's thoughts about the pretty demon slayer he so adores. One-shot. S/M
Miroku's Thoughts
Ah, my dear Sango. I don't know what makes me respect you, of all people. I mean, aside from the playful groping and watching you in the hot springs occasionally. I haven't even asked you to bear my children yet, Sango. And I don't know what makes you so different. Is it the will and courage and determination that you posses? The grace when you're fighting in a battle? What is it about you, Sango, which has lured me in so well, and yet made me respect you enough not to ask you the same question I ask every beautiful girl? And you are beautiful. You must know that. Don't you? Sometimes, I really think you don't. Especially if you compare yourself to other girls. You probably think you don't stand a chance, right? But then again, with you, I don't think it matters much.
I watch you stand there, sometimes, tending the fire, or walking. I never risk it enough to watch you while you're in battle, but I'm sure that you're beautiful there as well. And I can't believe my luck to run across a demon-slayer as beautiful and passionate as you. And, I think, if the circumstances were different, I would ask you to marry me and bear my children. If you hadn't recently lost everything you held so dear, and if I hadn't had this curse in my damned hand. Maybe then, you and I could settle down and raise a family. I can imagine you'd be a good mother. I wonder, though… would I be a good father? What do you think, my dearest Sango? My beautiful, lovely, exquisite, graceful, unique Sango, who's beauty can be described in no words? And whose love I will never have.
Maybe if I wasn't so lecherous, you'd become closer to me. But don't you understand? I have to be like this, so you don't want to become close to me, so I don't break your heart when the wind-tunnel consumes me. I don't want you to be left on this earth, knowing that the man you loved had gone. I can't even bear the thought. You don't need another pain dragging down your once proud soul.
You know, I can hear you in the middle of the night. Sometimes crying silent tears, sometimes getting up and walking away, too preoccupied with the thoughts of your brother tormenting your mind to even notice that I get up and follow you. You never seem to notice. And I wonder, why do you let me sit next to you when you do realize I'm there? You could just turn me away, and I know you know that. So why don't you. Should I dare hope… that you feel the same way for me as I do? But no, I don't hope that, not even in the deepest, darkest parts of my heart. Because I can't hurt you like that, my precious Sango. In my dreams, you are mine. In my dreams, but that is where it must stay. Until we can defeat Naraku, I don't even have the hope of a future. And I might not even live that long. The wind-tunnel, my curse, grows larger everyday. And I can only hope that we find Naraku and kill him before it becomes too large.
I'm afraid, sometimes, that when I use it in the future, it will become too large, and I will be swallowed into it, after hearing your screams as you're pulled in. I have dreamed it, and when I do, I wake up sweating, almost screaming myself. And than I look over at your precious figure, sleeping in the moonlight, and realize it was just a dream, even though it was so realistic. And than I realize, again, that I can't let you become close to me, and I can never let you guess my feelings.
I remember, waking up from being poisoned. You slipped the door slowly open, thinking that I was still asleep. Your hair was loose and flickering over the shoulders of your cat suit. I let my eyes wander across your body for the few seconds, noticing the sweat that was on your face, before lowering my eyes slightly, filling my vision with the beautiful girl in the skin tight fighter suit that you so often wore during battles. Or, as it seemed, when you are practicing. You are so beautiful, and with the wind sweeping your hair over and letting it blow across your shoulders. You seemed almost innocent. Despite the fact that you had faced more than I could even imagine, you still could seem innocent. It was amazing. I remember, you walked towards me after shutting the door, and took a cool washcloth and started to wipe off my face from the sweat and dust that had collected there before you realized that I was awake. And then you slapped me, for caressing your bottom. I had just wanted you to stop worrying about me so much, and definitely stop caring about me. You couldn't get close to me. It was too dangerous. It still is.
At least, that's what I hope.
Turning back the pages, I realize that I am in fact in love with you, and that I really truly would do anything for you. But right now, you can't realize that. Not until I get rid of the curse that consumed my father, and will consume me too. If I can. If we defeat Naraku, finally, I will ask you to marry me, my precious Sango. And hope that I haven't driven you so far away that you say no.
Fin
AN: Okay, probably not the best ending ever… but I couldn't think of anything else! So… you should leave me a review telling me what you think. I mean it! Lots of… pocket lint to those who don't review! I MEAN IT! ;;