Chapter 20

James had lied, he didn't really need to go and talk to Ana-Lucia, he just had to get away from Kate. They were on the threshold of something, and he couldn't afford to lose his head when it was clear to him that nothing really had changed. She still was torn between him and Jack and she still didn't know him. Besides he had the small matter of dealing with Frank once and for all.

He went to the waterfall, the sun was setting but he needed some time to himself, and after his conversation with Walt earlier he needed to process the information. Meditation was the only way he could think of doing so successfully.

Sitting cross-legged on the rocks, he focused on the falling water, willing himself to relax and breathe properly. Turning his vision inward he felt everything fall away until he couldn't even hear the rush of the water.

Ana-Lucia found him by the waterfall, she'd seen him headed in that direction and had followed him discreetly. She watched from her hiding place as James meditated, slowly walking out to sit a small distance away from him and watch.

'He's incredible! How does he do it?' She thought to herself. She also pondered on last night's events, she had not known how his parents had died. Now a lot more things were starting to make sense. It looked like his ventures into the Latin American jungles had been motivated by more than just doing good deeds, it seemed to her the Southerner had been running away from his own tortured past too.

It was now completely dark and James was still in his trance-like state. Ana-Lucia wondered if she would have to wait all night for him to come out of it. She started to wish she had brought a sweater, it was getting cold and she was losing all feeling in her legs as she sat waiting.

Deep in meditation, James could see himself in the El Salvadorian forest with Catalina. She was eight months pregnant and they were arguing in the middle of nowhere. She had followed him out there and the mid-morning sun was beating down on them relentlessy.

Suddenly she hunched over and let out an anguished cry, "Jamie, I think I'm in labor!" Rushing over to hold her up, Catalina sank to the ground as her waters broke.

"Come on Cat, you can't have this baby here. The village is only 6 miles away, I'll carry you. Hold on okay."

Catalina shook her head, "I can't move, this baby is coming now!"

Clenching her teeth she growled as another contraction ripped through her. James lifted her up anyway and started to run with her in his arms. Screaming in pain she begged him to put her down. Her struggles were making it very hard to hold onto her and fearing that he would drop her, or fall on her, he gave in.

She lay down in the dirt, "You're gonna have to help me deliver this baby, I can't do this alone."

"Cat I have to go get help, you heard what the doctor told you last week, your hips are too narrow an' there's no way you can give birth to this baby normally. You'll need a caesarean an' I don't have anythin' on me but this gun. Last I checked guns don't deliver babies." He was desperate now, cold fear skating down his spine as he looked down at her pained face.

"I have to Jamie, you can't leave me here. No one knows where we are and there isn't any time."

"Cat if we stay here, you will die an' so will the baby."

Speaking through gritted teeth she pinned him with her chocolate brown eyes, "I don't care! If we try to go any further I will die. At least if we try to deliver this baby now, it may have a chance."

James' eyes widened at what she meant, she was willing to sacrifice her life for that of her unborn child!

"No Cat, you can't-" He was cut off as she let out another anguished scream, clenching his hand so tightly he thought she was going to crush it.

"Jamie! Help me, help my baby! Please!"

Nodding in dismay James went to check the progress under her skirt, what he saw curdled his blood. He could see the baby's head already! Making a choice he decided to do his damndest to deliver the baby alive. Besides, maybe someone from the village would come looking for them when they realized Catalina was missing.

"Okay, querida. I can see the head already, I need you to push real hard, we're in rebel territory, an' if ya continue screaming you're gonna draw unwanted attention on us. So please, keep it down." He spoke to her gently but the look on his face was hard and determined. He needed her to understand the precariousness of their situation.

Nodding her head in understanding, Catalina stifled her next scream and clenched his hand tightly.

"Okay."

"Okay. Now push as hard as you can querida."

Grunting in pain Catalina pushed as hard as she could, while James watched in horror as blood started to pour out. 'Oh God, she's gonna die if this continues. Don't panic now James, be cool, you can panic later.'

Looking at her encouragingly he kneeled behind her and held her knees up as she gasped for breath before pushing again.

Nine hours later, James reached in and pulled the blue-faced baby's body out of Catalina. She lay in an exhausted heap on the blood soaked dirt floor, James cleared the baby's nose and mouth and breathed into the still baby's mouth. 'Come on angel, breathe please!'

After a few more attempts, the little girl let out a choking sound then wailed thinly, laughing softly with relief, James wrapped the baby up in his shirt and crawled over to Catalina. She was drifting in and out of consciousness and in the dying rays of the sun, James could see that her face was almost gray.

"Cat, it's a beautiful little girl. Look at her."

Weakly, she tried to sit up and James slid behind her to prop her up, he had to wrap his arms around her arms in order for her to be able to hold the silent baby that was evidently too weak to cry.

"Oh God, Jamie she's beautiful! Margarita Elena, that's what I want to call her." Her voice was almost non-existent and James closed his eyes in despair at what this could mean.

"She's as beautiful as her Mama. Margarita Elena, I like that."

They heard voices shouting at each other in the distance. Rebels! James frantically glanced around wildly trying to find a place to hide them in the forest.

Catalina smiled at her baby, silent tears falling down her cheeks. Swallowing hard, she spoke with a quiet strength in her faltering voice.

"You have to take her to the village so she can be cared for, I'll wait here for you."

"Cat-"

"I'll be fine Jamie."

"Cat, you've lost a lot of blood, the ground beneath your feet is slick with it. If I leave you here they'll find you an'-"

"I'm dying anyway Jamie."

She knew! James couldn't bear the pain that he was feeling at Cat's admission. He didn't want to believe it but the placenta had blood in it and he knew this wasn't a good sign. Shaking his head he tried to argue, but she cut him off, her voice suddenly strong.

"I need you to promise me you'll look after her Jamie. Promise me you'll take care of Margarita."

"Cat, I am not going to promise you any such thing, I am going to take her to the village and then come back for you."

"Promise me Jamie!"

"Cat-"

"There's nothing anyone can do for me now Jamie, you know that. Now stop wasting time and promise me, you have to go now."

James didn't hesitate, she was right they were wasting precious time, "I promise Cat. I'll take care of Margarita. I'm going to take her to the village then I'm comin' back for you."

Cat's eyes were a sea of gratitude, "That's why I love you miho, you don't give up. I know she'll be in good hands."

Raising a shaking hand she stroked his cheek, "Now go."

James was torn and he didn't want to leave her but the voices were closer and the ground was trembling at the sound of the marching soldiers.

Laying the baby down on the ground he carried Cat to a nearby tree trunk, and sat her up against it. Then he ran back to pick the baby up, kneeling in front of Cat trying to discern how lucid she was.

She struggled to open her eyes, "You're not going to get out of your promise by getting us all killed, Jamie. Go, I'll be fine… Don't forget to give Diego my message." She was smiling faintly at him and he could tell her spirit was failing.

He stared at her in abject misery holding the tiny whimpering baby in his hands, "Cat!"

"Go!" She whispered vehemently, fixing a steely glare on him. Nodding he kissed her forehead whispering, "I'll be back for you, I promise." Then getting up at a run he disappeared into the jungle.

James heard the sound of gunshots behind him as he ran through the forest with the baby clutched tightly in his arms. She did not utter a sound as he ran for both their lives, and when he arrived in the village yelling for help as he collapsed in the dirt, she was still quiet. Diego ran out of a nearby hut, with a rifle slung over his back, he took the baby from James' arms.

A thoughtful woman ran up with a water flask, giving it to the gasping James. He swallowed the water gratefully, as the village doctor took the baby from Diego and rushed to the makeshift hospital to check for any problems.

Diego was anxiously waiting for James to speak, "Where's Catalina? Who's baby is that?"

"That's Catalina's baby, she went into labor this morning and I couldn't move her. I left her back there, we have to go back for her." Groaning with effort James got to his feet unsteadily.

"Rebel soldiers were approaching and I took the baby and ran here. They chased me through the forest and I lost them about a mile back."

Diego's face fell, "How far away is she?"

James forced the words out, despite the pain they caused him, "'Bout six miles back from here."

Diego nodded, then he punched James hard in the face. "You left her in the hands of those murderers you cowardly sonofabitch!"

James had fallen to his knees from the blow, swaying where he knelt he spat blood out, "Do you really think now's the time for this, Diego? I have to go back for her, if you're not gonna come with me get outta ma way."

James could see the physical restraint Diego was exercising as he stopped himself from hitting James again. Angrily he said, "Get up, we're going now."

James stood up and accepting the semi-automatic someone handed him, he followed Diego and four other armed men out of the village and back into the jungle.

No one spoke the entire way there, when they got to the tree James had left Catalina under, Diego sank to his knees in agony, the soldiers had found her against the tree and had slit her throat.

"No. No. No. No. Not you angel, not you!" Diego's voice broke in pain as he cradled his dead sister's head in his arms.

James stared at the brother and sister in gut-wrenching torment, sinking to his knees he stared in anguished misery at Cat's lifeless form. The other men all broke down crying at the sight. Catalina was the light of hope in their unit and seeing her lifeless form against the tree was like witnessing the desecration of something holy.

Even in death, her ethereal beauty was evident and the men couldn't help but observe that it wasn't diminished in the slightest.

Sobbing in misery, Diego lifted his sister's corpse in his arms and turning to the men walked passed James and started the sorrowful walk back to the village.

Nobody spoke, and when they arrived at the village, people came out wailing in grief at the sight of Catalina.

James stood by as Diego laid his sister on a makeshift operating table, his eyes and face devoid of emotion.

Diego turned around and looked at James with venom spitting out of his eyes, "You did this! It's your fault she's dead. I'm taking her home to be buried, and I don't want you anywhere near her or my family! If I ever see you again I'll kill you! I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you!"

James didn't respond he just stood rooted to the spot, staring at Diego blankly. This incensed Diego even more and the grieving man attacked James beating him down with his flying fists.

James didn't fight back, he took the pain, welcomed it. Catalina was dead, they'd killed her because he'd made a choice, he'd saved the baby and himself and she'd died. James wished he was dead too, maybe if he didn't defend himself his wish would be granted.

Diego attacked him so viciously that he broke James' nose and jaw, before he was pulled off by the horrified bystanders.

"Let me go! I'll kill him! This is his fault! Catalina followed him into the jungle and look what happened! He sacrificed her so he could live!" It took all four men to hold Diego down as he cursed in Spanish his face twisted with rage and sorrow.

"I took you in and this is how you repay me, you're nothing! Scum! I wish you were dead instead of her! My baby sister, James! You killed my baby sister!" Finally Diego broke down and cried, the men lifted him up and took him to his tent, leaving a bloodied and injured James alone on the dirt floor.

Someone helped James up and took him to the hut that served as village hospital, the drugs the doctor injected in him rendered him unconscious when he was lucid again, Diego had taken Catalina and the baby.

That was the last time he had seen any of them.

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Jolting back to reality James realized it was night time and tears were coursing down his face. He wasn't in El Salvador anymore he was on the Island. The meditation had forced him to confront the spectre of his past that had arisen with the visions of Catalina again, he hadn't thought of the events of that day in years, blocking it out of his mind.

Rising from the cold rock he noticed Ana-Lucia watching him, nonchalantly he wiped away the tears from his face.

"How long you been watchin' me Rambina?"

"Hours."

"Don't you know it's rude to watch people?"

"Sorry." She didn't sound sorry at all.

"What were you seeing James?"

"None of your damn business."

"What news of Frank?" James asked changing the subject as he helped Ana-Lucia up.

"Well, it looks like him and Locke know each other, Locke went a little batshit in the hatch. Tried to kill Frank, said somethin' about Frank stealing his kidney."

"No shit!"

"Yeah, was real messed up. Turns out Frank conned Locke into giving him one of his kidneys then after the procedure, he didn't wanna know about him anymore."

James shook his head, "Looks like he graduated from money cons to organ theft after he killed ma parents."

"Yeah looks like." Ana-Lucia said with a tinge of sadness in her voice. They were walking back to the beach.

"Between you and Locke that guy doesn't have a chance."

James looked at Ana-Lucia, "What makes you think I still wanna kill him?"

"It's in your eyes."

James snorted in dismissal of this perceptive observation, Ana-Lucia took a deep breath, "I also followed you 'cause I wanted to warn you. Jack's got it into his head that you're hiding something important from him so he's going to try and find out what is."

"We back to the torture thing again?"

"I don't know, I doubt Sayid will do it."

"I doubt that, Sayid likes it too much. What information does Jack think I'm keepin' from him?"

"Information about how you got to their camp, information you must have gotten from the guy you call André… that kinda thing."

James closed his eyes briefly in understanding, then he shrugged with indifference.

Ana-Lucia didn't say anything else and when they got back to the beach, James bid her goodnight before going into his tent.

Turning on his flashlight, he realized Kate was sitting on his makeshift bed. Getting up she walked up to him and kissed him.

James drew back searching her face for answers, "What was that for?"

Kate smiled at him seductively, she pressed her body against his then started to unbutton his shirt. James looked at her in confusion, 'Is she for real?'

When she pulled him towards the bed and straddled him, he had his answer, giving in to the moment James pulled her down to mesh his lips with hers. He needed to lose himself in her after his foray into past, now more than ever.

"Where were you tonight?" Kate asked huskily, her head pillowed on his shoulder, she was staring at the tent ceiling with a dreamy smile on her face.

"At the waterfall, I needed to be on my own for a little while."

"Is that why Ana-Lucia was there with you?"

"No. She followed me there."

Kate was silent for minute then, "James what else happened at the Other's camp?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean when you were in their hatch with their leader, what did he say?"

"Why do you wanna know?" James turned to look at her, and avoiding his eyes for a second, Kate looked him in the eye and said, "You said there were computers that could transmit off the Island. Did you manage to send a signal?"

James searched her face as the truth dawned on him, "You're doin' his dirty work for him aren't ya?"

Kate's eyes showed a flicker of guilt and alarm before she could cover it up, "I take it by him you mean Jack? What do you take me for Sawyer?"

'Sawyer! We're back to that are we?'

Rising angrily, James pulled on his jeans, "Get out Kate, for the love of God an' all that is holy get out now."

Kate felt fear when he grabbed her wrists and hauled her up, picking her clothes off the tent floor and throwing them at her.

"Does he know exactly how ya took it upon yourself to extract this info from me?"

Kate stared at him dumbly, holding her clothes in her arms.

"Does he?" James practically yelled at her, moving to tower above her threateningly.

"No." Kate answered in a fearful voice, she could feel absurd tears welling up behind her eyes.

Grabbing the clothes from her James shook out the jeans and flinging her on the bed began forcing her feet through the legs. Kate struggled as she took the waistband and pulled them up the rest of the way herself. James slammed the sweatshirt she'd been wearing over her head, painfully wrenching her arms through the sleeves.

Kate felt the tears slide down her face in misery as he hunted intently for her bra and underwear, turning on his flashlight to see better.

Picking them up, he hauled her off the bed and shoved the articles down her jean pockets.

"Now Matahari, get the hell out of ma tent." Pushing her out roughly, he held the flaps shut as she tried to get back in.

"James wait."

"I'm countin' to three Freckles then it's gonna get real ugly."

She stopped pulling at the tarp and walked away, bumping into Eko as she walked back to her tent.

The Nigerian looked at her with an unreadable look on his face, wiping away her tears she asked, "What?"

Eko just looked at James' tent then back at Kate before he walked away. Kate shrugged, dismissing the judgment she'd seen in his eyes and went into her own tent.

Sitting on the floor she mentally kicked herself. 'Well done Kate, you've really done it this time!'

What was wrong with her? Why did she always have this need to prove to Jack that she was competent and capable? Why had she taken it upon herself to get that information from James? It didn't take a genius to figure out that he would probably never trust her again. Wracked with guilt at her actions Kate curled up into a ball on her tent floor and tried to get to sleep.