Chapter 2
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Two and a half years previously.
It had been two months. Two months since she had seen the only man she had ever loved die in that horrific crash. Two months filled with drinking, crying, trying to forget, but praying she wouldn't.
The last year, had been the best year of her life. She was twenty five years old, had the career path of her dreams lined out, and was engaged to the most amazing man she had met. The most amazing man who had brought so much happiness to her life. It seemed like they could do anything together. He could do anything, make her laugh when she needed it, feel safe when no one else knew she was scared, make her forget the past she had tried so hard to run from. He could do anything, except fly a Viper.
It was his dream, or at least he thought it was his dream. His father was the Commander of a Battlestar for many years and a former viper pilot. His brother was also a viper pilot and had already made Captain. The family pressure had been there, and Zack had a love for flying. He had just been no good at it. She couldn't be the one to smash his dreams, so she had passed him, and it killed him.
"Crap, Crap, Crap!" She exclaimed while punching the mattress of her cell. She had been in the brig for two days. Drunken and disorderly conduct unbecoming of an officer had been the charge. If only that idiot fool had left her alone, but he hadn't, and she had made him pay. Unfortunately for her one of her superiors had been in the bar and witnessed the entire ordeal. She may have gotten off easier if she hadn't been wearing her instructor's uniform, and if she wouldn't have been on duty.
"Having a bad day Starbuck?" Came the soft voice above her head.
She raised her tear filled eyes to see the face the voice belonged to. "Lee, I mean Captain Adama," she said noticing he was in his dress uniform. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm in town for a few days on business. I had planned on staying with a friend from the academy, but I kind of forgot to call and tell him I was coming." He said with a slight hint of embarrassment.
"Okay, but why are you here?" She questioned motioning around the room.
"I was getting to that. I went to your place to see if I could bunk there tonight. Your neighbor across the hall said they hadn't seen you in a couple of days, so I started checking around," he explained.
"Well good for you Captain. You found me. Sorry I couldn't help you out, although maybe if you asked nicely they will let me out," she said the sarcasm creeping into her voice.
"I already have. They are doing the paper work right now," he retorted, a smug grin creeping to his face.
"Ah, my knight and shiny amour, thanks Lee, but I don't need any favors from you."
"Oh come on Kara, what do you want to do sit in here another week?"
"They would not have kept me in here that long."
"I don't know Kara, from reading the report you caused quite a disturbance at that bar, and in your military dress. What were you thinking?"
"I had a bad day, or you could call it a bad couple of months, or for that matter just call it a bad life," she replied her voice filled with self pity.
Two hours later they were in Lee's car and on their way to Kara's apartment. "I must warn you Lee, I haven't felt up to much house keeping lately." Kara explained.
"I am sure its fine Kara."
"You may not be so sure when you get there," she said with a little laugh.
"What kind of business are you here on anyway?"
"I am just visiting a few different flight schools, evaluating different methods of instructing, and looking at flight simulators."
"Oh, you aren't evaluating me are you?" She asked hesitantly.
"If I was Kara, I believe finding you in the brig would constitute a poor evaluation, but rest assured, I am not evaluating you," he finished with a grin.
As they rode the lift up to Kara's apartment, the one she had secretly shared with Zack until a few months ago, she tried to again explain about the condition of her apartment. She slowly unlocked the door; they were both greeted by a none to pleasant odor.
"Wow Kara you weren't over kidding when you said this place was a mess. How have you been living here?" Lee questioned. The room was a mess. Dirty laundry was thrown in piles around the floor. There were open containers of take out food still on the counter, surrounded by more empty ambrosia bottles than one person should ever safely consume by themselves.
"Hey I warned you, and besides it wasn't this messy when I left, I think someone broke in and ram sacked the place."
"Yeah right Kara, a thief would get one whiff of this place and turn and run," Lee exclaimed.
"Well you are welcome to leave and go stay at a hotel, or on base," she offered.
"I am leaving, but I will be back. I am sure there is nothing decent to eat here, and it looks like you could use a few trash bags."
"Like, I said you don't have to stay here," she said again feeling slightly embarrassed about the condition of the apartment.
"Kara he wouldn't want you to live like this," he said as he left the apartment.
The tears came to her eyes before she could stop them. He was right, her apartment was a mess, but it was nothing compared to the mess going on inside her. Zack would not want her to be like this. She had become a drunken shell of the person she was two months ago. She could not live like this anymore. It was not fair to her self. She had been wallowing in self pity long enough. She was strong. She could do this.
She started with the clothes. She went to her room to find a laundry bag. She filled it and two more with the weeks worth of dirty clothes that had been littering the floor. She would take it to be washed tomorrow. While in the bathroom gathering towels she caught a reflection of herself in the mirror. She was thin and pale. Her hair hung in stringy locks around her face. She needed a bath.
The soak in the warm steamy water felt so refreshing. Giving her the extra boost she needed to get out of this pit she had fallen into. She was so relaxed in fact she did not even here the door open signaling Lee's return.
"Kara," he called. "I am back. I've got food."
"Lee, I am in the bathroom, be out in just a few."
He set the bags of take out on the one clear area of counter in her small kitchen. He then began to fill bag after bag of trash. It was amazing to him that one person could have so much. It killed him to see her like this. Over the last year he had grown to care about the women his brother had loved. She had been so full of life, so spirited. He had visited them both often. Zack had been fun loving and a tease, so much different than his older brother. When things would get to complicated or stressful in his life all he had to do was spend some time with the two of them and he felt better. It was almost like free therapy. Things were different now. Zack was gone, and Kara dying a different kind of death.
His life had taken a dramatic turn as well. He was dealing not only with the loss of his brother, but the loss of the women he thought he loved. Nothing was as it used to be, and for some reason he had the feeling things would never be quite right again.
It was a good half hour before Kara appeared. Lee was amazed by the change that had taken place while he was gone. No longer did he see the unkempt defeated looking Kara. In her place was a freshly washed, freshly changed girl. She almost looked like the old Kara. She had a smile to her lips, but the sadness was still in her eyes.
"Wow you look great," he said taking in the clean T-shirt and jeans.
"Yeah, I know I looked like hell," she said her familiar grin returning to her lips.
"Well it is an improvement, why don't we eat before this stuff is colder than it already is."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to take so long. Wow, I forgot I owned a table," she exclaimed looking at the newly cleaned table.
That evening when Lee returned from the first of many meetings over the next couple of days, he found Kara curled up on her couch with a blanket and a book. It was such a drastic change compared to the state he had found her in early that morning.
"You look relaxed."
"Yeah, I have been meaning to start this thing for weeks now. I've just been too hung over to be able to even look at a book without feeling like my head is going to explode. It feels good to be back in the land of the living."
"Where is your T.V set?" He asked sitting in the chair next to her couch.
"Hah, typical man, get in from work first thing you do is turn on the T.V. Sorry, Lee, I don't have one."
"You don't have a T.V! What do you do in your spare time?"
"Well let me see, I love to cook, clean, take bubble baths, and long walks on the beach." She said with a smirk.
"Yeah right, I know the first two are a lie."
"Seriously, I read if I am home," she said pointing to the large bookcase that took up most of the wall.
He walked over to the shelf. He wasn't surprised by the many text books he found on Vipers there were books on the maintenance, books on flying techniques, combat situation, and books on military tactics. He new Kara was a great pilot and serious about her flying. She had told him before she could not wait until she was assigned to a battlestar. There were many of the popular fiction books of there time period, which included mystery and romance. What surprised him were the religious books. Kara was not one he would picture to be into the ancient religion of the gods.
"I'm up for a game of cards, if you feel like losing any of your hard earned money," she called to him.
"What makes you think I would lose?"
"Because, I always win," she said with a laugh.
They went to the table to begin their bout of triad. The cards were dealt and they were ready to play. "Wait we are forgetting something," Kara said walking to the fridge to pull out her last remaining bottle of ambrosia.
"Kara, I think alcohol is the last thing you need," Lee scolded.
"Lee I am not planning on being drunk the rest of my life, but I am not swearing off booze all together. You cannot play cards with out it, there is like some unwritten rule or something," She said as she pulled them both a glass full.
The card game lasted well into the night until the bottle was practical empty. They were both enjoying the company, and soon were just looking at the cards lost in conversation. "So how's your girlfriend Lee. I think I met her briefly at the funeral. I can't seem to remember her name?"
She was surprised at how his expression so quickly changed at the change of topic. "Were not together anymore," he said quietly.
Normally Kara would not pry into his business, and any other time Lee would not have shared anything so personal. Tonight though the alcohol had loosened there tongues and Lee's guarded secrets.
"What happened?"
He took a long last drink from his glass before answering. "It happened a few weeks after Zack. She came to me and said we were going to have a baby. I wasn't prepared for that Kara. Not in the state I was in. Not right then. I was stupid. I became angry with her for letting it happen. I was scared, and did not feel like I was at a time in my life where I needed to raise a child. She started crying and took off. I tried to call her, but she would not answer my calls, I did not hear from her for two days, and by then the baby was gone," he said the pain still so fresh in his face.
"Lee, I am sorry. Surely you can work this out. I know you cared a lot for her." Kara said reaching out and taking his hand in hers.
"No, she does not ever want to see me again, and I don't blame her. She left Caprica; I am not even sure where she went."
"It sounds like your life is about as screwed up as mine," she said quietly. "It is so hard to lose someone you love so much. The pain of it is so bad I don't even want to get out of bed most mornings."
"Kara, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get us talking about such heavy subjects. It's not getting any easier for you is it?"
"I thought it was, but just when I do something triggers a memory, a feeling something that reminds me of him."
The tears that had started were now falling. She did not want to cry in front of him. She hated to cry in front of anyone, but she could not stop the outpouring of emotion that was coming. She buried her face in her hands and let the tears fall.
She felt strong arms pulling her from her chair and onto his lap. "Shh Kara, it alright, it's going to be alright. We are going to get through this." He whispered into her hair. It felt so good to be held to be comforted. She reached her arms around his neck and clung to him, drawing from his strength his presence. She turned her head up to look at him to see if he was having the same emotions she was experiencing. The look of vulnerability, and sadness on her face was more than he could take. It was seconds before his lips found hers. There was nothing awkward or strange in the moment. It seemed so natural for both of them. The kiss deepened from one of comfort and understanding, to one of longing and desire.
Neither took time to contemplate their actions they had both spent so much time hurting the past few weeks this feeling was entirely different. She did not question him as he rose from the chair, still holding her in his arms. She let him carry her into the bedroom, and there they allowed themselves to be used. In those moments they forgot about everything that had happened and only knew each other.
When Kara awoke the next morning she was alone in bed. It was 0900 and Lee had probably been gone for at least an hour. She couldn't believe she had slept so soundly she did not even hear him get up. It had been the best night of sleep she had gotten in some time. She then noticed a note on the bed next to her.
Kara,
Did not want to wake you, you were sleeping so well. I will be back around 1800 if that is okay? Lee
Good old by the book Lee. He was probably freaking out today over what happened between them last night. She was not about to read more into it than what it was. She had a mission to accomplish and she would have it done by the time he returned.
Kara tore into the apartment with a vengeance. She took her clothes to be laundered, then began scrubbing the place from floor to ceiling. She was never what you would consider a neat and tidy person, but this was bad even for her. When she went to her room she looked in the closet at the men's clothes that still remained hanging on the side opposite of hers. She had thought about getting rid of them several times, but just couldn't bring herself to it.
"Funny" she thought out loud. "I feel too guilty to get rid of his clothes, but it didn't bother me one bit to frak his brother in our bed." She really did feel guilty, but Zack was not here and never would be again.
By mid afternoon she had the place sparkling. Her thoughts then turned to what they would eat when Lee made it back from his meetings. She hated to cook, was really not a good cook, never had time for it. She would rather be doing more constructive things with her time like flying a Viper, or thinking about flying a Viper. Cooking was little on her to do list; besides she could eat most meals on base anyway.
That's when she remembered a new jazz restaurant she had heard some of her students talking about. That would be better than anything she could do. Besides going out would avoid the awkwardness she new was going to happen when Lee returned. Judging by the note he wasn't even sure she would want him to come back.
Kara did not normally vary much in her wardrobe but tonight was different. She felt alive again, and she wanted to look the part. She was wearing a bright red button up top that seemed as if it had been made to fit her. Red was definitely not her favorite color she was more of a black, brown, and gray type a girl, but Zack had insisted she looked the best in red. She could not bring herself to wear the short skirt she had that completed the outfit, but instead choose a pair of black dress pants, with black sandals. She topped it off with freshly straitened hair, and just a hint of make up. Then she waited.
Like clock work Lee arrived at 1800 just like he said he would. Kara was right. He had been sick all day at what had happened between them. She was Zack's girl; he had no right to do what he did with her. Brothers were not supposed to do that to each other. He had contemplated not even coming back tonight and just heading home, but he could not do that to her, as much as he dreaded facing her. He was very surprised at what he found when he returned to her apartment that evening.
"It looks like you have been busy," he said looking around the very clean room.
"Yeah, I decided I enjoyed coming home to my apartment much better when it was minus the dirt, trash, and all around bad smell," she said with a grin.
"Looks like you didn't stop on the apartment," he continued taking in her outfit and altogether different look than he was used too. "Do you have a date?"
"No," she said with a laugh. "I am just taking a friend out to dinner. Now hurry up and get dressed so we can go."
"Kara, that's okay we don't have to do this, I can just go…"
"You can do what you want Lee," she interrupted "but I am going out, I am hungry and want some decent food."
"Fine, I will be ready in a few."
The dinner was nice. The restaurant had a pleasant atmosphere. They even danced to a few songs, but all the dancing did was make them feel slightly uncomfortable, and even more drawn to each other than they already were.
When they arrived back to the apartment it was getting late. Lee had to leave back early in the morning to catch his flight back to the battlestar he was stationed on. Kara had to return back to her classes.
"I think I will sleep in here tonight," he said pointing to the couch.
"Fine, Lee goodnight," she replied, he couldn't help but notice the flicker of disappointment that flashed across her face. He watched her turn and head to her room, the bounce she had in her step earlier gone.
He knew what she was feeling. He had felt it the night before also. They were both in love with someone else. Someone neither of them could have, and it felt so good just to be able to forget about that, and lose yourself in someone else's arms, to be held and comforted.
"Kara wait," he heard himself calling before he even knew he was going to do it.
"What?" she stopped in the doorway and waited for him to come closer.
"Kara, about last night, it was great I am just not sure it should happen again," he finished lamely.
"Why?" she said.
"What do you mean why, for obvious reasons," he sputtered amazed by her indifference to it all.
"Lee I don't know what is going on with you, but all last night was, was sex. Good sex, actually great, but if you don't want anymore fine with me. Sleep on the couch." She said turning her back to him.
He caught her before she could enter, and they were in each others arms again.
The first time Lee blamed it on the alcohol and melancholy, but the second and third time there was very little alcohol involved. He could not do this again. He slipped out of bed the next morning intending to leave without her noticing, but he was not as good this time.
"Running off again?" she questioned as he pulled his pants back around his waist.
"Kara, I have to go, I have a two hour drive and my flight leaves in three."
"When will I see you again?"
"Kara, I thought I was okay with this but I am not. I can't do this, not with you."
"Lee, sorry to remind you but you already did," she said pointedly.
"Kara, I lied to you about why I was here," he said suddenly.
"What do you mean?" she said a confused look on her face.
"I did not come to evaluate anything. I came to go over details and investigate Zack's death."
"Oh, why did you not tell me?"
"I did not want to bring up more pain for you. Nor did I plan on sleeping with you, my brother's fiancée in the process. It's not right Kara."
"So what did you find out?" she asked ignoring his moral conflict of sleeping with her.
"About the crash?"
"Yes."
"The Viper had been thoroughly checked, the maintenance on it up to date. The runway was fine. The problem was Zack. He was not prepared to fly a Viper, should never have been in the cock pit," his voice had a very bitter sound, not normal for Lee. "He was there for one reason. His father was the great William "Husker" Adama, and because of that he was put there. My father killed him and I will never forgive him."
Kara was shocked by Lee's words. "Lee that can can't be true," she stuttered.
"Kara it is, there is no doubt in my mind. I am sorry for what happened, but I have to go. I, I don't think I will be back. If you ever need anything give me a call."
"Lee, you don't know what you are talking about. Why are you being so melodramatic?"
"Kara I have to go," he said walking to the door, his belongings in hand.
She rose from the bed pulling the sheets around her unclothed body. She followed him to the door. "Goodbye Kara," he said planting a quick kiss on her forehead. "Take care of yourself, thanks for letting me stay."
She stood there dumbfound for a minute, but gathered her wits for one quick moment. "What, no thanks for the good frak?" He just stared at her sadly.
"Whatever Lee, have a good life." She said slamming the door in his face, and that was the last time she saw him, for almost two years.
AN Thanks everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I made it a little longer. I am having trouble keeping Kara in character please let me know what you think. Please review.