Note: My first RENT fic ever. So don't stone me…too much. Also this is supposed to be a stream of consciousness fic so don't expect anything too flowy. And one more thing none of this is mine!
My Darling,
I know I wrote a will and all so this might seem silly at first but with all the party of the first part, the deceased shall grant and all that shit it's so impersonal, so here goes.
Collins, Collins, Collins. Thomas. I just love writing your name even though my fingers ache and my head is pounding. Collins. I loved that night when you told me your family history. Amos Collins, slave to the white man, a fighter and a runaway til he was killed by the man who never really "owned" him. Leslie Collins, women's rights extrodinare who joined a women's rights march among the white women. She knew she wasn't welcome but she walked proudly until the police came in ready for the hurt. Your parents Adel and Matthias Collins walking with Martin Luther King Jr. Frankly, babe, I'm amazed that you're family of anarchists and revolutionaries made it this far….your father though. On father's day I'm pretty sure I hated him more than you did. I was truly thinking about wedging my size nine ladies pumps up his ass. It's not right, baby. Not with your family's past…you'd think they'd know better. He never should have kicked you out.
Hold on my hand really hurts and the nurse is glaring at me.
I hate you can't be here at night. Only spouses allowed, they say. They don't understand we've been wed since we meet eyes. I would have looked fabulous in a wedding gown. Veil and all. But this world this time says no. I hope that changes in the future so all soul mates can be married. But like I said we were wed from the start, even if we didn't realize it.
Shit this hurts. Not just the AIDS, but watching our family fall apart. Your children and mine. Mark alone and hiding. Mimi lost and shooting up. Roger stalled and pretending. Maureen in love and in denial. Joanne in love and in pain. I know everyone plays nice when they visit me now. But shit, baby, I'm dying not stupid! That goes for your fake smiles as well. In all my life I have never seen a more beautiful thing than that smile of yours. I know it well, every milliinch or whatever. So you can't lie to me even with a smile. Take care of them would you? I know you will eventually but you won't have me to smack you're pretty little ass and say, "Move it Professor!" Cause you may have a PhD in philosophy but you never got out of the sandbox in common sense, I mean at least I got to the monkey bars! But it's another reason why I love you. But care for them would you? Make sure Mark gets in front of the camera for once. That Mimi still dances and Roger still sings and plays that awful song. And of course try to wedge Joanne and Maureen back together, they belong to one another they just can't see the future clearly. And lover, do me a favor? Be nice to Benny. You may hate him now but you loved him once. And you shouldn't forget that. Oh and tell him about Evita. The guilt has been eating me up, even though he didn't seem too upset about it, his wife was and I hate the idea of causing someone pain.
Which brings up you and your fake smile. Thomas Francis Collins, there has never been a thing or a person in all of my existence that I have loved more (and yes that includes my black laced stilettos). And if there is one person I would never want to hurt it would be you. You that held me every night even when I had theoretical PMS. You that loved me the same in a mini skirt and heels or in a sweat shirt and baggy jeans. You that made be feel majestic even when I had snot running down my nose yesterday. I guess I know the answers now, "Will I loose my dignity?" Hell yes. Being here is enough to dent anyone's pride. "Will someone care", I know you do. I know that you love me. Which makes it all ok. I just hope that you realize how much I love you back. So, baby, you can cry when I'm gone. I've seen you hold it back sometimes, I heard it that horrible night on the subway. I would rather you just let it go. But then you gotta keep going. No shortcuts. You and I waited twenty some odd years to be together. We can wait just a little longer. I'll miss you though. Miss your dirty jokes, the way you kiss my neck, and, God, your smile. I would toss all of my shoes for that smile. I gush, no? Excuse a dying queen in love with her man. It can't be helped.
I'll wait for you, order you a martini. I'll even find that Sartre guy you like so much, though I will explain to him very cleary that you are mine and I'm yours so there will be no confusion. I'll even ask the angels for some weed though I wonder if they're allowed in heaven. I'll wait for eternity. One eye on my nails being painted and one eye on those pearly gates. Just waiting for you to waltz in. I'll run into your arms and for once we'll both be disease free. Then we'll spend eternity together. Nothing sounds sweeter.
Well lover, the light is peeking through the blinds. I can hear the old bitty waking us patients up. I know you'll be here in an hour or sooner. Bags under your eyes. Don't be offended, baby, but you look like shit lately. I suppose I have something to do with that though don't I?
I wish I could leave you with an inspiring quote but truthfully I'm exhausted. So it'll be short and sweet. Tom Collins, I love you and I always will. Take care of our family. Take care of yourself. Take care of the world. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you, I love you forever. Thank you for loving me. I love you.
I'll be waiting on the other side,
Angel
Post: So whatca think? Also I have a shameless plug to an rp I started with a friend. All canons are needed except Maureen and Collins: http/lavieboheme4.