Goodbye

Disclaimer: Will & Grace is not mine. I own so very little in this world. If I owned it, these would not be mere stories, they would be episodes. I also do not own the lyrics to "Nothing Better." They are copyright 2003 to the Postal Service as well as Sup Pop Records and the song can be found on their CD, "Give Up."

Setting: 5th season; this starts as a continuation of "It's the Gay Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."

Author's Note: To avoid confusion with the song lyrics, it's a duet. I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't heard it before.

Will someone please call a surgeon

Who can crack my ribs

And repair this broken heart

That you're deserting

For better company?

Karen took a deep breath and traced her finger along the top of her crystal-cut glass. She could feel Jack's eyes poring into her but she couldn't bear to look at him. They were going to be sympathetic and compassionate and everything Karen needed right now. But she couldn't break. The minute she allowed herself to break would be the minute that the horrible, awful truth would sink in and she'd have to admit that her marriage to Stanley Walker was over.

"Kare?" Jack's soft voice asked. His voice was quiet and full of love and sorrow.

"Oh, Jackie," Karen whispered. Her voice was roughened with emotion and she heard it crack. In a minute Jack was at her side, embracing her tightly. Karen squeezed him in return, sobs wracking her body and tears soaking his shirt.

Jack softly stroked her hair and held her while she fell apart.

"Make it go away, Jackie," Karen whispered softly.

"I wish I could, Kare, I wish I could," Jack replied. Jack knew, perhaps better than anyone else, that for all her snide remarks about Stan, Karen loved him deeply and their marriage meant the world to her. It broke Jack's heart to see how much Karen's own was shattered right now.

Karen suddenly pushed away from him and though tears were still streaming down her face, her eyes were flashing with unbridled fury. "Why am I not good enough? You saw her, Jack. Do you think she's prettier than I am? Is she sexier? Is she younger? What is it that makes her so much better than I am?"

Jack stood back up, grabbed his chair, pulled it closer to Karen's, and sat down. "I don't think it's about looks." Seeing Karen's withering look, Jack quickly added, "But you are definitely prettier, sexier, and younger than she is."

"If it's not about looks, then what is it?" Karen demanded.

"Kare…I think he was lonely," Jack said carefully.

Karen glared at him. "So I was a horrible wife? Is that what you're saying?"

"Karen, don't say that," Jack told her. "You know that sometimes affairs aren't about the other people or even the sex. Think about Lionel."

"What about him?"

"Think about what you told us. About how he made you feel. I think you were just lonely without Stan and the way Lionel made you feel inside, it was almost like Stan was back," Jack said. "So your not-quite affair with Lionel wasn't about Lionel. It was about you and things you were dealing with."

Karen looked down at her hands. "So…so Stan was lonely because I never visited him, so he had this affair to make himself feel better?"

Jack nodded.

"Well…how does that have nothing to do with his stupid British tart?" Karen wanted to know.

"Karen, he didn't sleep with her because he was attracted to her and he wanted to betray you," Jack explained.

"Didn't you hear what I said?" Karen cried out. "Months. This has been going on for months!"

"He's been in prison that entire time!" Jack replied. "Can you imagine how lonely you would have gotten?"

"Can you imagine how lonely I was?" Karen exclaimed loudly. She stood up so quickly that her chair teetered precariously before landing. "Oh, no, everyone is so quick to defend Stan! Rosario says I never visited him enough, you say I made him lonely. Well, what about me? I stayed at home waiting for him and then when it gets close to him being able to leave, he gets caught doing insider trading. He probably did it on purpose to spend more time with her! Stanley may have been lonely in prison but I was just as lonely out here!"

Jack looked down at his feet. "I know you were lonely, Kare. But these are the kinds of things you two need to work out together."

"He was home," Karen said, her cheeks flushed from her tirade. Jack couldn't tell if she was talking to him or not. "He brought her into our home. Lord, Jack, how can I forgive that?"

"Karen, I don't know what else to tell you," Jack said honestly. "I'm not saying that what Stan did was right. I was just trying to say that maybe you should look at it from his perspective. And," Jack added, just as Karen opened her mouth to respond, "I don't know what else to say. I just think you belong with him."

Karen would never tell Jack that she thought the exact same thing. She simply shook her head and sat back down in her chair. "I just can't, Jackie. I just can't."

So just say how to make it right

And I swear I'll do my best to comply

Stan sat behind his desk with his head in his hands. He was absolutely disgusted with himself. He'd spent his entire life putting up with jokes about his weight and he'd still felt comfortable in his own skin. But at this moment, and for the past couple of months, Stanley Walker had felt appalled with himself.

He loved Karen. He loved her so much that when she stopped visiting him in prison, he was distraught. He hadn't known what to do with himself. He wasn't trying to make excuses for himself; he knew his behavior was deplorable. But he honestly hadn't known what else to do. He missed Karen so much that suddenly, every woman reminded him of her. He admittedly didn't see many in the prison, but Lorraine had caught his eye. She paid attention to him, as Karen used to. She looked at him adoringly, as Karen used to. And she wanted him, as Karen used to.

But after their first time together, their first time when he'd clumsily called her Karen and she'd pretended not to notice, he looked at her and realized she wasn't Karen. She wasn't half the woman his wife was and she didn't have any hopes of being so.

Once it started, Stan didn't know how to stop it. It was so easy to finally have a companion while he was in prison. He didn't think Karen would ever believe him when he said it hadn't started until after the insider trading incident, after her visits became sporadic and then practically nonexistent. The point was, Stan had thought his marriage was crumbling and so he turned to Lorraine. He wasn't proud and he certainly wasn't happy. And more importantly, he couldn't think of any way to end it.

Then he was finally free. He was home. He hadn't exactly been expecting a big "Welcome Home!" banner in the foyer, but Stan was hoping for a bit more than what he received. Karen seemed jumpy and preoccupied and his children didn't seem to know how to act around him.

So he'd called Lorraine. He'd originally intended to break up with her but then she'd grabbed the stereo remote and played whatever CD was in there. Coincidentally, it was from the last time Stan had been in his office, to spend a little "quality time" with his wife. The lines of reality and illusion blurred together and Stan was having a bit of trouble realizing where he was and what was going on. The minute he came to, it was to look up and see Karen's shocked, hurt visage as she saw Lorraine, half-naked on top of him.

Stan shook his head. As soon as Karen slammed his office doors and fled the scene, he'd thrown Lorraine out. He made it clear that their "relationship" was over and he didn't want to see her again.

Not that it really mattered. It wasn't as if anything mattered anymore. His marriage was over. Karen was gone. And Stan hated himself.

Please back away and let me go

Karen entered the manse. She told herself it was the last time. It had to be the last time. Stanley had hurt her too much in this past year for Karen to forget, much less to forgive. The amount of love she had for him was just a touch more than the amount of pain he'd caused her; for Karen, this was enough.

She quietly entered what used to be her bedroom, intending to reach her closet unnoticed.

"Karen, sweetheart, please," Stan pleaded. He turned on the bedroom light and she saw him, fully clothed, sitting on top of the bed.

"I have nothing to say to you," Karen said. She pushed open her closet door and stepped over the threshold.

Moving with a speed that she didn't think possible of him, Stan was at her side and desperately grabbing onto her arm. "Karen, you don't understand. I was so lonely-"

Karen whipped around, dropping her purse on the ground. The bottle of bourbon rolled out and hit the doorframe with a dull clunk. "Don't you dare talk to me about loneliness, Stanley Walker. You have no idea what I went through. I was here every day. I had to deal with your children. Do you think it was easy to explain to them where you were? How do you explain prison and tax evasion to a seven-year-old?"

"In no way am I trying to downplay what you felt," Stan said. "But please, just consider what I was going through-"

"Do you even realize how selfish you sound?" Karen exclaimed. "You are the very reason you were in jail! If you had just played by the rules, nothing would have happened."

"Did you even consider that maybe, just maybe, I didn't control what they did with my finances? That my financial manager and accountant and bookkeeper kept me in the dark about all of it?"

"Oh, of course, you're so innocent, Stanley," Karen said patronizingly. "And let me guess: someone put on a Stanley Walker costume, went in the computer room, and did some insider trading in your name?"

Stan's shoulders fell. "No. I take full responsibility for that."

"Then don't give me some bull about none of it being your fault," Karen snapped. "So what about your mistress?" Karen's face fell. "Oh, no. No, that can't be it."

Stan looked at her, more than a little frightened. Karen could be very intimidating when she was mad and he didn't think he'd ever seen her so angry. "What?"

"Is that why you told me to cheat on you?" Karen asked in a voice as small as her petite frame. "So you could feel better about what you were doing? Is it, Stanley?"

"No," Stan replied quickly. "No, Karen, not at all. That was just a suggestion for you, I swear. I was only thinking of you when I said it. You're…you're all I ever thought about."

Karen made a frustrated noise just then and dug her heels into the carpet. She took a deep breath and attempted to calm her racing heart. "I don't believe you."

"How? I'm telling you the truth, Karen. I only started…the thing with Lorraine was right after the insider trading incident," Stan said.

"I don't believe you, Stanley," Karen repeated, looking past him to a spot on the wall. "I can't trust you anymore. You've hurt me too much and I can't deal with much more."

Stan looked at her and in that moment, he knew she was telling the truth. He'd hurt her more than anyone else had. He, the first man she'd ever truly trusted not to hurt her, had gone and done just that. Stan felt his disgust for himself skyrocket and he stepped away from Karen.

"I…I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry," Stan said softly. Karen's eyes darted from the wall to his own. She believed him, but that didn't make the truth or the pain of the situation go away. "I don't deserve you, Karen. I would question if I ever did, but I fear the answer. I only hope that some day we can move past this but I understand the unlikelihood of it." He took her hand in his and held it up to his lips, kissing it sweetly. "If nothing else, I want you to know that I'm sorry and that I love you. I'll always love you."

Karen looked at him for a moment before suddenly reaching forward and kissing him tenderly on the lips. It lasted only a few intense seconds before Karen pulled away.

"Oh, Stanley, I love you, too," Karen reciprocated. "I think I always will. But…it's just too much. I have to go."

Stan stepped aside and let her leave, her original intentions ignored. Rosario would be able to retrieve her clothing. Karen paused as she reached the door. She pivoted and glanced once more at her husband. Then she turned and left.

You've got a lure I can't deny

But you've had your chance so say goodbye

Say goodbye