"Why didn't you tell me you went to Lex?" he asked
"Why didn't you tell me that you broke Chloe out of the psyche ward?" she countered
He looked at his feet as if they would provide some miraculous answer but they didn't as usual. Just as long as he could keep from looking into her eyes. He knew he would break and tell her, he had to keep that picture of her…death fixed in his head.
"We should've come together Clark" she said moving towards him "That's what couples do when these things happen they turn to each other"
"Then why didn't we?"
Same thought same feeling. I can't tell you and I only wish that you could understand. He looked at her and his heart began to melt as she spoke
"I love you. I love you with all my heart…" she said looking at him "But..I don't know how to talk to you anymore"
He was bursting to say something anything to make her stay but that image was in his minds eye. Her dead something he never wanted to happen, again
"I guess we all have our secrets" she said sadly knowing that there was still a chance that he might still take that chance.
She looked into those eyes and saw them coming up blank but looking so desperate. She couldn't face them she needed some truth damnit she deserved that much. She turned and walked away.
"I'm scared of him" he blurted out
Where had that come from? He was terrified of loosing her and he came up with that.
"Who?" she asked turning at least she had turned.
He realised who he meant and told her.
"It isn't so much him it's what he could be capable of if he had the chance"
"Who Clark?" she asked again moving closer to him
"Lex" he said turning from her bracing himself for the reaction
"Why?" she asked
He jumped when her voice came from right next to him. He just looked down at her.
"He can't control his own curiosity" he said quietly "He's under minded my trust more times than I like to think about. I used to talk to him about practically everything he was like my older brother. Do you know how scary it is to have someone like that become someone you don't even want to share a room with for any length of time? The person you used to turn to changed into the one you have to fight." She went to say something but he got there first "I know you think I need to give him another chance but I can't risk anything now. I won't. It's too hard"
He leant against a beam his tall frame seeming to crumple as Lana watched, sliding to the floor. This wasn't just about Lex or trust it was more. This was the first time she had seen him cry since his father's death. He was still trying to hide it from her.
She walked to him and hugged him to her as best she could, trying to soothe him.
"I won't let him hurt you" she whispered to him running a hand through his hair. "I won't. I'll protect you"
"Thank you" he whispered. He moved fast and she found herself on his lap looking into his eyes. "I love you so much"
"I love you too" she whispered back putting a hand on his face gently "You're safe with me. You always will be"
"You don't know what that means to me"
"I do" she said "Because it's how I feel with you"
She smiled up at him and he smiled shakily back hugging her close. They sat still like that for some time Lana relishing being so close to him. He hadn't held her like this for a long time or at least it felt like it. She moved further into his chest and he looked down at her and smiled. His face became serious
"I had the worst dream the other day" he whispered
"You can tell me"
"You died" he said looking away from her "You died and it was my fault I put you in danger"
"You could never put me into danger willingly" she said holding his face and making him look at her "I know you wouldn't"
"But I did it was because I told you" he stopped short and froze. His entire body tensed.
"You told me what?"
"Everything" he whispered not looking at her "It started off being the best dream I ever had to the worst, you were in a car accident because Lex was chasing you, wanting you to tell him everything. I couldn't get to you on time with everything I couldn't get to you on time"
"Clark you can't save everyone all the time" she said being the voice of reason as usual
"But I need to be able to save you" he said looking at her and she saw tears in his eyes again "I saw you there and you were dead I was…well I suppose you know how it feels" She nodded tears welling up as she remembered the pain she had been in when they thought he had died. "Don't cry I'm here" he whispered pulling her closer "I just can't loose you. I went mad I don't even remember what I did then I woke up and you were there, in the loft I mean"
"That day" she whispered "It explains it" she smiled sadly.
"Lana I want to tell you everything I really do but I'm too scared if you got hurt because of it and people have. I couldn't live with myself"
"I can take care of myself Clark. I can make my own decisions about what and who I want in my life. I want you Clark all of you I don't care what your secret is I love you and that won't change"
"I want to tell you Lana but it'll still terrify me"
"I know Clark" she said "Please tell me soon"
"I will" he smiled at her "Lana you remember the twisters?" She gave him a look "It was me you were right. I have always been there protecting you even if you didn't know it"
She smiled at him and reached up to bring his face down to hers. She kissed him for a good few minutes him matching her passion pulling her as close as he could. They pulled away and he grinned kissing her forehead gently as she kept her eyes closed and leant against him.
"Thank you" she whispered
"It's ok" he said "It might take me awhile to tell you everything"
"Do it at your own pace Clark" she said "Just don't shut me out anymore"
"I promise" he said kissing her forehead again
They sat still again Lana with her head against his chest and his head leaning on hers.
"Can you stay for supper?" he asked
"Yeah" she said "If you want me to"
"Of course I want you to" he said smiling at her "It's a little weird right now with just two" he added quietly "Mum keeps making too much food and I have to eat to so as not to remind her that she has"
"I'll stay" she said squeezing his hand "Your Mum can feed me"
"Thank you" he said
She stood up and held out her hand to him. He smiled and took it letting her pretend to pull him up. They laughed as he pulled her down again on top of him. She giggled as he picked her up and set her on top of the tractor. They continued talking and teasing each other while Clark fixed the tractor.
She watched him as he concentrated on the task at hand their conversation lulling for a moment. His face was full of concentration and he seemed to be trying to solve some problem. She slipped off the tractor gently and quietly. She moved to sit on a hay bale so that she could watch him better. He looked up to say something to her and looked surprised to see that she wasn't there. He turned to see her smiling at him.
"Don't scare me like that" he said walking over to her
"You finished?"
"Yes" he said sighing slightly
"What?"
She caught hold of his hand and tugged it lightly. He came and sat down beside her leaning against her slightly.
"It's just I haven't fixed her as well as dad could of"
"You'll learn" she said "He would be proud of you even if you completely messed it up. He'll love you whatever you do"
He smiled at her not trusting his voice. She got up and looked at him expectantly. She held out her hand and he took it walking outside with her. He smiled down at her as she put her other hand on the arm that was holding her other hand. She was staring into the middle distance whilst walking beside him.
"Penny for your thoughts" he whispered
"Everything really" she said sighing but smiling at him "I've missed this Clark"
"Me too" he said "I was just afraid that I might hurt you or something"
"How many times do you have to be told?" she asked "You would never hurt me I know it in my heart and I believe it with all my heart"
"Thank you" he whispered hugging her close as they walked onto the porch.
Martha looked up at them as they walked inside. She smiled at the two of them not that they noticed her there of course. They barely ever did, usually in a world where only the other existed. Clark kissed Lana on the side of her head and picked her up placing her gently on a stool.
Lana looked around to see where he had gone and saw her.
"Hey Mrs Kent" she said slipping off the stool and walking over to stand nearer the woman.
"Hello dear, haven't see you in awhile"
"Been...busy with everything" said Lana casting a glance at Clark who met her eyes unflinchingly for once saying sorry.
"I'm glad you could make it over here" Martha said smiling "And I bet he is"
"Yep" said Clark coming up behind her giving her a glass of milk and putting his arm round her.
She thanked him quietly and leant into his as she drank.
"Are you going to take Dad's seat Mum?" asked Clark seeing all of the folders laid out in front of his mother.
"I don't know"
"I think you should Mrs Kent" said Lana "You would be a great senator"
"Yeah Mum Lana's right you would do Kansas proud and Dad would have wanted you to"
"I'm not sure if I could handle it"
"You will be able to" said Clark firmly "I know you can do anything that you want"
"Mrs Kent you can do anything" said Lana "You raised this one didn't you?"
Martha shared a grin with the younger woman who laughed as Clark squeezed her.
"Thank you, you two" she said "I'll do it"
The two teens grinned and Martha smiled at them happy that they were on better terms. She had been worried when Lana had seemingly disappeared from their lives. She watched them tease each other and laughed when Lana caught Clark out. She got up quickly and ran away from him and out the back door. He was after her in a second and Martha watched them chase each other and Clark catch her round the waist and pull her to him swinging her round.
She laughed at the two of them playing around and she shook her head as Lana tripped him accidentally and he landed flat on his back pulling her on top of him. She turned from the window to concentrate on finishing the meal. She knew she would be seeing a lot more of Lana in the next few weeks.
While the two teenagers played like children outside she looked at a picture of her husband and smiled. She could remember them when they were like that and it had only gotten better. She turned to see Lana barrelling through the door surprisingly not covered in dust but pushing the door closed so that Clark couldn't get in.
"You keep him out there" said Martha smiling at her surrogate daughter.
"A little difficult when he's more than twice my size and weight" she said being pushed backwards as Clark pushed the door.
When he did get in it was to an immediate
"Clark Kent you're filthy go and clean up"
Feeling as if he was seven again he trudged towards the stairs. He picked Lana up making her shriek in surprise and ran upstairs, no longer feeling like a seven year old. He changed she lay on his bed looking around his room.
"Anyone would think you hadn't seen it before" he teased walking back into the room and seeing her looking around
"I just haven't been in here for awhile" she said shifting so that she was lying facing him.
He walked over and sat on the side of the bed slowly stroking her hair and face. He sung his legs up onto the bed and lay down facing her. She moved towards him and snuggled into him turning over so they were spooning together.
"I noticed you not here you know" he whispered into her ear and she chuckled.
"I hoped you would have because if you think I'm always in here we need to work on your observation"
"Hey"
"What I was making a point?"
"Oh nothing" he said squeezing her briefly "You know if we could do this more often I would be a much saner person"
"We'll make time Clark" she said squeezing his hand
"I know we will. We have you" he kissed her hair lightly.
"How long 'til supper?"
"About an hour maybe three quarters"
"Good" she said turning to face him
"What?"
"I just want to be with you, just us both being her holding each other"
"If that is what the lady wants that is what she shall get" he said smiling and leaning in to kiss her softly
She pushed him onto his back and continued kissing him. They broke away not wanting to get caught and Lana laid her head onto his chest arm around his waist while his were round his and stroking her arm softly.
"I love you" he whispered
"I love you too"
They lay there quietly for the sole purpose of being together and it comforted them both greatly. It was all they needed to get back on track some time to forget everything and just be with each other, feeling the other half that they had missed for so long.