Olivia is home trying to figure out what the hell is going on. She thought their day had gone well. Started off by making love to her girlfriend in the shower. Damn that was hot and fun. Amanda was just so beautiful. She brought the spontanity out of her. She was never one to just join in the shower. But with Amanda she did. But when Amanda asked her if she meant what she said. She did recall saying "I Love You" but being put on the spot like that really took her by surprise. Fuck..

Amanda woke up a lil while later. She saw Liv had text and she just couldnt bring herself to answer it. She felt like an ass. She heard the brunette and she knew she heard right. Why was it so hard for her just to admit "yeah Amanda I said I love you." What the hell was so hard in that?

Oivia got impatient with Amanda not answering her message. She sent another text "Manda I miss you. What's up with you?" Amanda didnt want to answer, the more and more she saw the texts the more hurt and angry she got. She felt lead on. She had trusted Liv. She let Liv in. Liv resent the text, she hadnt seen Manda respond. So Amanda responded "nothing Liv. Im fine. Laying on my futon relaxing. Have a nice night." Now Liv was getting fed up. They had been intimate twice in two days, and now all the sudden Amanda was closing herself off. Liv left her alone for a bit. She tuned into a movie and ended up crashing. It had been a hell of a day besides the beach and the case at hand, trying to figure out Amanda was giving her a headache.

The next morning, Olivia had driven down to Amanda's apartment. She braced herself and knocked on the blondes door. It took a few moments and she finally heard Amanda say "Hold on a minute I'll be right there." When she opened the door, she wasnt pleased to see Liv standing on the other side of the door. She folded her arms under her breasts. Olivia looked at the blonde woman before her. It was clear she had gotten the same amount of rest last night that Liv had gotten, which wasnt much. Amanda stood there clearly annoyed at the brunette staring at her. What she expect, Amanda to be up and dressed, in a good mood. Well that certainly wasnt the case. She was still in her t-shirt and shorts and her mood wasnt pleasant. "What are you doing here Olivia?" Olivia looked at her. "Amanda may I come in so we can talk?" Amanda didnt make eye contact. "Sure I guess."

Olivia stepped inside. She didnt even attempt to hug Amanda. She was treading thin ice. Now she had no idea of how Amanda was feeling or what was going on in her head. Amanda was annoyed as all hell. "Look Liv, why are you here? Didnt my not answering you tell you that I didnt want to talk?" Olivia took a deep breath and watched Amanda as she grabbed a bottle of water and sat down opposite to where Liv was standing. Liv spoke "Mind if I grab a bottle of water?" Amand threw her hand up as to say "help yourself." Liv got her bottle of water and sat down. She could see Amanda hurting, but she honestly didnt know what was going on. All she knew was Amanda's mood drastically changed at the beach and then she went into silent treatment. "Amanda can you please tell me what's going on?"

Amanda rolled her eyes back to catch the tears that were threatening to betray her and come down her cheeks. No she didnt want Olivia to know that she had cried herself to sleep last night. She didnt want her to know that she was so in love with her that when Liv didnt own up to what she said it was like a knife cutting her. She didnt want Liv to know she was this vulnerable. For fucks sake why was it so hard for anyone to admit they loved her. Was she this shitty of a person, this fucked up human being who's feelings couldnt be hurt just cause she came across as a hardass? She deserved some kind of love and affection didnt she?

Olivia again asked Amanda to talk to her, to tell her what was wrong. Liv not admitting or owning up to Amanda when she asked the question made Amanda question if she was good enough for Liv. Cause right now she sure as hell didnt feel like it. Amanda was trying so hard to keep it together and not lose her shit infront of Liv and make herself feel even more like an ass than she already does. Amanda decided she was going to let Liv know how she felt. She wasnt going to hold back and yes Liv was going to feel the wrath of her anger and hurt. "Ok O-L-I-V-I-A you say you wanna know what is bothering me. You know what I heard you this morning. Yeah when you were walkin' out of the bathroom I heard you say 'I love you Mandy.' I am Mandy aint I? So I asked you at the beach if you meant what you said. All I wanted to hear was you say it to me. But nope you didnt say it and it felt like you took it back and didnt mean it. Jokes on me right?" Amanda was beyond hurt. She felt like she was being mocked. She took a drink of her water, put it on the table and went over to the window.

Liv was thinking Holy shit, she heard me this morning. 'Oh for fucks sake what did I do? I never meant to hurt her. And look what I did. I hurt her. How do I go about fixing this? I dont want to lose her.' Liv was torn as all hell. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Amanda. 'Why didnt she admit that she loved Amanda. Why was she so fucking stupid?' Amanda was just staring out the window. She felt so fucking stupid. Of course Liv wasnt gonna say se loved her. Who seriously wanted to admit that. She had more hangups and issues than anyone knew. She thought Liv would have been the one she would have told everything to, obviously not.

Amanda had definitely had enough. She wanted Liv to leave. She knew Liv didnt love her. She knew she was stupid. She sure as shit didnt want or need her nose rubbed into it. Amanda swiped her tears away "Look Liv, I fuckin cant take it today okay. Just leave. Just cause I come across as a hardass doesnt mean I dont have fucking feelings. That fucking hurt today ok. Really fucking hurt. So just go. Walk away, I cant get attached anymore it'll kill me in the long run. Best do it now and have clean break."

Liv couldnt take it anymore. She'd never seen Amanda like this. She wanted to take Amanda into her arms and just hold her. Thats all she wanted to do. She bit the bullet and walked over to the window Amanda was at and grabbed her. Amanda did not want her holding her. She was mad as hell. "Let me fucking go Liv." Olivia held tighter as Amanda struggled against her. Amanda's tears were coming down. "One thing about me Liv, you see I'm not embarrassed or afraid to say 'I love you, which I do Olivia. I love you. All I wanted to know was that you did infact mean it when you said you loved me. Do you know how much it hurt when you just looked at me like I was fucking crazy for asking that?" Liv looked down, she didnt realize how bad she infact had hurt Amanda until now.

Amanda again asked Liv to let her go. Liv wouldnt though. She held onto Amanda tight. Amanda gave in and stopped struggling. "Liv you feel good holding me, but this isnt what you want." Olivia turned the blonde to face her. She did love this woman. Why she didnt tell her she loved her was beyond her. She didnt want to tell her now cause she didnt want Amanda to think she was just saying it to say it.

Olivia stayed a bit, they relaxed a lil more. Amanda still hurt, and Liv still hadnt said it again. Liv got called into the precinct. She kissed Amanda on the cheek and asked if she could come back later after she was finished with the paperwork. Amanda hugged her. "Yes, Liv you can come back." As Olivia gathered her keys to leave she looked at Amanda in her eyes. This woman had the bluest eyes she had ever seen. She pulled Amanda closer to her, "Amanda I do love you. Im sorry I should have said it when you asked me. I was shocked that you had heard me. But yes I do love you very much." Amanda looked at her, tears filling up her eyes. "Aw Liv, you dont have to say that just cause I'm hurt." Liv snuggled Amanda closer, "babe I'm not saying it for that. I'm saying it because that's how I feel. I love you Amanda Rollins. Now what is the next step with us. I know I dont want to spend another night alone without you in my arms. I slept like shit." Amanda didnt want to spend the night alone without her either. She too had slept like complete shit. "I dont want to sleep alone again either Liv."

Will Liv come back over? Seems Amanda forgave her for now. Will Liv let her down again?... Tell me your thoughts. As always constructive reviews are welcome. See you next chapter