Ok, so this is the first fanfic that I've ever posted. Please take that into consideration, and I hope that you like it.

Disclaimer: I'm not the owner of much, let alone RK.

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Chapter 1

Kaoru sat silently in her sleeping yukata, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. Distantly she could hear the movements of Yahiko pacing the dojo, religiously cleaning the wooden floors. A small smile graced her lips, and though it was sad it was real. They hadn't used the dojo in over a month for any real training. Not since she had stopped being interested. An emotion that had long since died with the hope that the rurouni would return.

Yahiko called her pathetic and ugly for moping around just because he left. He didn't understand, though. She had tried, tried to no avail. How can one live without the other half of their heart, their soul? Maybe the rurouni could, considering he was the one who had left in the first place, but she had long since decided that his excuse was his heart was numb. So many bad things happening, one after the other, that had to affect a person deeply. She just guessed that his was harsh enough to kill any feelings he had left.

So maybe she was being pathetic, knowing that others had survived things much worse, but she just wasn't that strong, or that numb. Her heart felt everything with an almost painful clarity. Was she just too compassionate? Was this her gift? Her curse? Others were gifted with the ability to make people laugh, or draw…or even kill. Compared to these, her gift was much more painful in her eyes, and if this was what she had to live with for the rest of her life, she'd rather kill somebody with deadly precision and swift efficiency then feel so much pain because of the rejection of one person.

Vaguely she was aware of the absence of Yahiko's feet pounding on wood, but her mind was focused elsewhere. Mainly on the long dagger in her hands and the relief it could offer.

To her sleep deprived mind and malnourished body, killing herself was the only reasonable step she had left. As a trained samurai she could not tolerate a defeat as horrendous as what her life had turned out to be. She had lost her battle with the walls around Kenshin's heart and then lost to her own. As a warrior, she would kill herself and retain what honor she had left as the last master of Kamiya Kasshin-ryu.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep, calming breath, letting the air fill her lungs and then leave just as steadily. One hand lifted to part her robe delicately, her breast bindings still in place so the boy wouldn't be embarrassed when he found her later. Carefully aiming the tip at her stomach, she sat up straight, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath before swiftly pulling the blade in to herself.

In a detached sort of way she felt the dagger catch and then the soft fall of warm blood on her bent knees. Something wasn't right though, she felt no pain and there wasn't near enough blood for her to die. Opening her blue eyes slowly she found herself staring at two angry pools of amber flecked violet.

No emotion swept through her like she thought it should at the sight of those familiar eyes. So instead of dwelling on it she lowered her head to the dagger still in her hand. Blood was definitely dripping off of it, but it wasn't her own. The warm fluid spurted from the hand now clenched tightly around the blade, holding it still so she couldn't move it. Lifting her eyes back up to the face of the man before her, she tilted her head slightly in question.

"What do you think you are doing?" The man hissed angrily, wrenching the dagger away from her and throwing it across the room where it lodged into the wall.

Kaoru sat silently, looking at him with her dead eyes, and feeling no incentive to respond. Instead she looked back at his still bleeding palm and could only think, I need to stop the flow. Forming that one thought seemed to be unnecessarily painful though. Turning away slowly she reached over to a trunk and pulled out a beautiful blue hair ribbon. Probably expensive, she thought without interest before shrugging her shoulders and turning back to the red-head still in her room.

Carefully she reached for his hand but he pulled it away harshly. Frowning, brows wrinkling in confusion, she lifted her eyes to his. Why won't he let me help him? Her mind stumbled over the question sluggishly, the connection between her helping him and his anger lost in her confusion.

So she reached for him again, but he only caught both her hands impatiently, making her hold still. The frown deepened.

"Stop it, Kaoru."

This time his words hit her, tickling a memory at the sound of her own name. Shaking her head when she drew a blank, she stubbornly pulled at her hands to get them out of his, an idea occurring to her.

"You'll get blood on my floor," she stated, matter-of-factly.

Kenshin froze, then answered back heatedly. "For someone who was about to kill herself you are strangely worried about what a few drops of my blood will do compared to the sea of your own."

Kaoru's eyes widened and suddenly everything came flooding back. Tears welling up instantly, she harshly shoved him away, throwing the ribbon at him in her emotional turmoil. "What the hell do you care? It's my life and I can choose to end it if and when I want to! You left, remember! You left!" The last came out on a scream, before she buried her face in her hands and sobbed, curling into herself on the floor.

Lightly a hand brushed her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!"

It jerked away.

"Just leave me alone!"

"Kaoru." The voice was soft and sad now, hurting with her pain.

"Why did you come back?" Kaoru let her tone drop to a watery plea. "Are you here to torment me? Was once not enough? Do you need to see me break again? Are you really so cruel?"

"Kaoru…koishii." The voice was breathing into her ear now, quietly pleading with her to let him in.

"Don't." She shook her head absently. "Don't give me hope. Not if you're just going to leave again. I'd rather die then break from false hope. Just let me die, Kenshin."

"No." His uninjured hand grabbed her shoulder roughly and turned her over flat on her back. Kaoru felt the unfamiliar pressure of another's body brace over her own, but she would not look at him.

"Kaoru, look at me."

Stubbornly she shook her head.

"Please, koishii." Lips pressed into her neck, working their way up to her ear. "Please."

Tears flooded her vision again at the strange feelings and yearnings his attentions caused in her body.

"Is this what you are really here for then?" A strangled sob escaped her throat. The kissing stopped abruptly. "Take it then! Just take it and go! Leave and let me die in peace!" Clenching her eyes shut tightly, she waited for him to take her, and whatever else it was men did. Maybe I'll enjoy it. It'll be my last happy moment before I take my life. The only piece of love I'll ever receive from him.

"Koishii." The word was soaked in sadness and tears. "This one never meant to hurt you."

A sob broke through her lips, a testament to how much faith she put into his statement. Without warning his weight disappeared and moved to the floor beside her. Opening her eyes she found her vision obscured by the dirty white knees of his hakama. They're so filthy, she thought in wonder before lifting her gaze to the tattered red gi then on up to his face.

For the first time she took in his full appearance. To her horror it wasn't only his clothes that were weary and worn, but his body as well. Cheek bones stood out sharply above sunken hollows, dark bags hung under his sad amethyst eyes, his clothes hung loosely over his now wiry muscles with no healthy sheen to his skin and his once bright red hair suffering the same fate.

"Kenshin," she said softly, shame filling her gaze that she hadn't noticed sooner. Reaching out the hand closest, she touched his knee but couldn't get it to lift any higher off the floor. The effort just to breathe deeply becoming difficult and she let her eyes flutter shut at the weighted exhaustion on her body.

"Koishii?" Worry now flooded that voice she loved so much. Strong arms lifted her up into his lap, curling around her protectively. She smiled slightly at the sensation, though she didn't understand why. He is just going to leave again. Right?

"Kaoru?" The voice was urgent now.

Oh, he wants an answer.

"I'm fine, Kenshin, really. You should leave." Her words came out sluggish, each syllable a strain on her tongue.

Drifting again, she felt herself being stretched out on her futon, and she vaguely wondered if he was going to use her now. The thought shot through her painfully and she stiffened and turned away when she felt him lay down next to her. Gently her head was lifted and then lowered back down on something harder than her pillow, and then the blanket settled over her along with the light weight of his arm. Fingers twined trough her own intimately, and her body was snuggled into the crook of his, his breathing soft and warm in her ear.

Lifting her heavy lids, she stared out over the length of the arm under her cheek and noticed the blue ribbon tied securely around his relaxed hand. Tears fell loosely from her eyes, unheeded by her but noticed by the man behind her when they slid down his bicep.

"Shh, koishii, sleep now. We'll talk in the morning."

His soothing words only added to the emotional tangle inside, causing her to sob harder, muscles contracting in protest, lungs burning from the lack of air. He was staying, if only until tomorrow, he was staying.

"No, koi, don't cry. I hate seeing you cry." The distress and pleading in his tone combined harshly, deepening and making it sound rusty. "Please, no more." Soft kisses once again resumed on her neck, brushing her skin in feather light teases; caressing her hair, her cheeks, her shoulder, her ear, and anywhere else he could reach.

Long minutes passed and exhaustion finally claimed her body and mind. Eyes fluttering closed, she dimly felt callused fingers brush tenderly at the wetness on her face. Smiling happily, she snuggled back into the warmth of his body and drifted off into the realms of darkness and its promised relief.

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Kaoru woke abruptly, muscles twitching frighteningly under the blankets. For several long moments she lay on her back, breathing rapidly, her heart pounding a staccato in her ears. Memories flooding back in, she flicked her gaze to the left and right, only to find her room empty and herself alone. Completely.

There was no bloody dagger sticking in the wall, no red stains on her floor or clothes. No left over warmth could be found on the other side of the futon, nor any lingering red hairs. A small sob escaped her at the realization of her truth.

It was all a dream.

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A/N: Please review before going to the next.