FIRST AND FOREMOST... THIS IS A HIGHLY TRIGGERED CHAPTER. DEALS WITH A DETAILED RAPE. IF THIS BOTHERS YOU OR COULD LEAD TO A TRIGGER FOR YOU, PLEASE DONT READ. I DONT WANT YOU TO BE TRIGGERED OVER MY WRITING AND IMAGINATION. VERY DARK CHAPTER. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK..
Amanda felt better once Olivia told her the truth of how she was feeling, and that she owned up and admitted to saying she loved her. That's all that she had wanted. The thoughts in her mind now were quite troubling. Would Olivia feel the same way when she was faced with what Amanda needed to tell her?
Amanda lay on her futon, curling up with a pillow, the thoughts in her head were bringing tears to her eyes. Noone knew any of this. It was all a secret but a big reason to why besides the Patton issue she got into gambling. How was she going to tell Liv this? She didnt want Liv to hate her or think any differently of her.
Amanda's thoughts ran wild. Noone, absolutely noone knew what she endured as a child, teenager and as a young adult. She had been physically assaulted at a young age by both of her parents. The beatings daily. They werent just smacks here and there. No they were legit ass beatings. A majority of the time a belt was involved and oh that fucker hurt. It was always Amanda that got the beatings. Never Kim. Amanda could be coming home from school getting ready to do homework and that damn belt would come out of nowhere. Alot of the time it was cause her mama was drunk and just felt the need. Her father would come and take it out on her after a day of gambling, usually it was when he lost, and holy shit he lost alot and would come home pissed the hell off. Who would get the brunt of that? Yeah you guessed it Amanda would.
It got progressively worse, the more her father was out gambling, the more her mother drank. Her mother would leave Amanda home alone to watch Kim and go to the nearest bar and get wasted. Most likely bringing home a guest to entertain at night. Sometimes her guests would finish early and her mother would let them scope out the house. They had started to stumble into Amanda's room. One night her mother found one of them. "Oh Amanda honey, he wont hurt you. He just wants to look at you." Yeah that was a crock of shit. Next thing Amanda knew she was screaming "no" and that she didnt want this. Her mother told her it was paying her dues since she didnt do anything but bitch and complain. Mind you that wasnt true, Amanda went to school, took care of Kim and whatever chores were needed to be done around the shitty ass house they lived in. God she fucking hated it there. She hated her life in Loganville. Another night, same instance. Only this time her mother had brought Amanda to her room. For some reason her mother wanted to watch the torture and humiliation happening to her daughter. This one took no time. He wasnt gentle and was extremely rough. As Amanda cried "No" continuously, you know what the elder lady did, she laughed and encouraged the man to continue on. All this time saying that Amanda needed to pay off the debt. What fucking debt? Amanda tried to push him away. Only made him more aggressive. He kept murmuring how hot she was. This was fucking gross, he was older, not supposed to look at young girls like that. But here he was with that creepy glint in eye, that smile, Amanda knew...
"Now honey dont fight him. Just let him take care of his needs and he'll be done." What kind of fucking parent says that to their child? What kind of parent let's this happen to their child, even brings them into the situation. "Well we cant let him have Kim, she's too young, you're still pure thats what will entice him." He pulled up her top, disgusting rough fingers caressing her stomach, roaming up her breasts. Her eyes teared up all you could see from her was tears fall from her eyes. Her mother scoffed and said she needed to learn how to be touched by a man. She didnt want to be touched by a goddamn man, one she was still a teenager and two she was more into girls at the moment. His hands wandered down more once again caressing the stomach. The touching was making her sick to her stomach. She wanted to get up and run, she knew what was coming. He started to get closer to her wetness. Fuck why was she wet, she didnt want this. She didnt want this at all. He traced around her center at first. Ugh the touch was just soo unbearable. She couldnt move, couldnt get away. He had her legs pinned, he had a dirty grin. She started to give up. He was going to take what he wanted anyway. He proceeded to push her legs further apart. As he leaned in her she could feel his member poking her in the thigh. She whimpered at the pressure of it. He bent down and began to lick and play with her private area. Where she was still young he could train her to what he liked. He licked, he bit, and it wasnt just a nibble, he bit her hard. Hard enough to make her scream. That made him get off even more. He stuck a finger in, she was wet and he hummed, rolling his eyes back in his head. "Hey Beth, shes really primed and ready for me." He sneered and looked back at Amanda "You ready baby girl cause you're world is about to be rocked." He then slid his penis inside of her as rough as he could. She yelped at the pain, as it felt like this was the time she got ripped. Oh he pounded into her, she could feel each and every thrust like it was ripping her insides out. At one point she just zoned out, almost like she was having an out of body experience. She wasnt sure how long she was there with him thrusting in and out of her, it felt like forever but tentively it never lasted that long. He was inside of her at least and hour. Finally starting to finish, the reason she knew that is that his thrusts got more powerful and he was grunting a hell of alot more. Finally she felt nothing. He must have finished. He slid out of her, not before kissing her cheek and whispering in her ear what a good job she did and how much fun he had. He also told her how he was looking forward to their next encounter. She looked at her mother, tears springing from her eyes and ran to her room.
She had taken a shower. Oh how much pain she was in. He was rough as hell and jesus christ he fucked her hard. Not to be crude. She hadnt been with a man before. Holy shit her mother or who was supposed to be her mother just let one of her fuck boys take her virginity. She felt disgusting. How could this be her life? How? She went into her room and cried her eyes out. She wanted to lock her door, but her mother in a drunken stupor one night had broken the lock off the door. She didnt feel safe at all. She wanted to sleep but at the same time was afraid to go into a deep restful sleep.
She had been awakened the next morning by her father screaming at her. Calling her a whore, and a slut. She looked at him telling him she couldnt fight him off. "Mama allowed it Daddy." was what she remembered saying. He didnt care to hear her reasons. "You fucked your mothers fuck boy Amanda, thats very slutty of you. I wont tolerate you showing your little sister your whorish, slutty ways. You must be punished." No sooner he said that, than that damn belt came out. He whipped her ass. She couldnt run, she couldnt hide. The welts she was getting now, were just to cover up the old ones.
Man why did those memories come back to her all the sudden. Amanda sure didnt want to remember all of that. How was she going to tell Liv all of this? Liv was gonna think the same thing she did.. That she was damaged. She wasnt the damaged that could be fixed. She was the damaged that was fucked up.