Amanda had fallen asleep after all that. She waited as long as she could for Liv to come back over after work. Though it was pretty late Olivia made sure to keep her promise. She came back over after being satisfied her and the team had done everything possible for the case that they could without dropping from exhaustion. Fin told Liv to get going. He wanted her rested, and he knew how uncomfortable those cribs were, so rather than have her sleep in there he told her to let him do his job as sergeant and sent her home.
She had a key to Amanda's apartment, as Amanda had one to hers as well. When she turned the key and opened the door she heard the soft mumbles of the tv going. She quickly locked the door, took her shoes off and headed over to the futon. She saw her lady sleeping peacefully. She sat on the floor next to Amanda, she kissed her forehead and softly murmured "Im here sweetie."
Amanda stirred at the touch of Liv's lips to her head. She opened her bright blue eyes and saw the woman who meant the world to her. Who she loved dearly. A smile came across her face. "Hi babe. I'm so glad you decided to come back. I missed you." Liv looked at her. She got the feeling something was on her mind. Amanda sat up on the futon, Olivia moved up onto the couch, she wanted to pull Amanda in her arms but she wanted to make sure she was okay with that. "Babe, we gotta talk. I need to tell you things bout my past. Before we progress we need to talk. Then you can decide if infact you want to pursue things with me. My feelings havent changed for you, but I'm afraid yours will when you hear the things I need to tell you."
Olivia sat down and waited for her girlfriend to talk. What Amanda had to tell her wasnt going to be easy. Who the fuck wants to hear that their girlfriend was abused as a teenager? Forced to do things against her will. Made to do things by her mother, then having the shit beat out of her by her own father. This petite blonde woman, had never known any kind of love. Noone ever loved her. Thats why she needed to hear Liv admit it to her. That's why it hurt so much. Olivia could see tears in Amanda's eyes. She reached over and put her hand on hers.
Speaking softly "Manda sweetie, what's got you so upset? Baby talk to me. You said you needed to tell me something." Amanda's felt the tears burn in her eyes, she was so afraid this was going to be it for her and Liv. Amanda held Liv's hand, "Liv there's a major piece of my past that I need to tell you. I'll need you to be honest with me and what you think of me after I tell you all of it. Can you promise me that?" Olivia nodded, "Of course Baby, can I hold you as you tell me this or would you prefer not to do that?" Amanda brushed her tears away. "I'd love for you to do that, just incase it's too much and..." Amanda couldnt bring herself to say the last part. Olivia kissed her forehead again. "Let me just text Fin and let him know my phone is on silent, and for him to take care of everything." She did that and Fin had figured she was with Manda told her to enjoy her night. Amanda looked at Liv. "Where should I begin?" Liv put her hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle, loving supportive squeeze, while looking into those deep blue beautiful eyes she loved looking into so much. "Babe you start where you're comfortable. Should I hold you now?" Amanda nodded and backed into Liv so that Liv could hold her tight. Taking a deep breath, she began...
"Noone, absolutely noone knew what she endured as a child, teenager and as a young adult. She had been physically assaulted at a young age by both of her parents. The beatings daily. They werent just smacks here and there. No they were legit ass beatings. A majority of the time a belt was involved and oh that fucker hurt. It was always Amanda that got the beatings. Never Kim. Amanda could be coming home from school getting ready to do homework and that damn belt would come out of nowhere. Alot of the time it was cause her mama was drunk and just felt the need. Her father would come and take it out on her after a day of gambling, usually it was when he lost, and holy shit he lost alot and would come home pissed the hell off. Who would get the brunt of that? Yeah you guessed it Amanda would.
It got progressively worse, the more her father was out gambling, the more her mother drank. Her mother would leave Amanda home alone to watch Kim and go to the nearest bar and get wasted. Most likely bringing home a guest to entertain at night. Sometimes her guests would finish early and her mother would let them scope out the house. They had started to stumble into Amanda's room. One night her mother found one of them. "Oh Amanda honey, he wont hurt you. He just wants to look at you." Yeah that was a crock of shit. Next thing Amanda knew she was screaming "no" and that she didnt want this. Her mother told her it was paying her dues since she didnt do anything but bitch and complain. Mind you that wasnt true, Amanda went to school, took care of Kim and whatever chores were needed to be done around the shitty ass house they lived in. God she fucking hated it there. She hated her life in Loganville. Another night, same instance. Only this time her mother had brought Amanda to her room. For some reason her mother wanted to watch the torture and humiliation happening to her daughter. This one took no time. He wasnt gentle and was extremely rough. As Amanda cried "No" continuously, you know what the elder lady did, she laughed and encouraged the man to continue on. All this time saying that Amanda needed to pay off the debt. What fucking debt? Amanda tried to push him away. Only made him more aggressive. He kept murmuring how hot she was. This was fucking gross, he was older, not supposed to look at young girls like that. But here he was with that creepy glint in eye, that smile, Amanda knew...
"Now honey dont fight him. Just let him take care of his needs and he'll be done." What kind of fucking parent says that to their child? What kind of parent let's this happen to their child, even brings them into the situation. "Well we cant let him have Kim, she's too young, you're still pure thats what will entice him." He pulled up her top, disgusting rough fingers caressing her stomach, roaming up her breasts. Her eyes teared up all you could see from her was tears fall from her eyes. Her mother scoffed and said she needed to learn how to be touched by a man. She didnt want to be touched by a goddamn man, one she was still a teenager and two she was more into girls at the moment. His hands wandered down more once again caressing the stomach. The touching was making her sick to her stomach. She wanted to get up and run, she knew what was coming. He started to get closer to her wetness. Fuck why was she wet, she didnt want this. She didnt want this at all. He traced around her center at first. Ugh the touch was just soo unbearable. She couldnt move, couldnt get away. He had her legs pinned, he had a dirty grin. She started to give up. He was going to take what he wanted anyway. He proceeded to push her legs further apart. As he leaned in her she could feel his member poking her in the thigh. She whimpered at the pressure of it. He bent down and began to lick and play with her private area. Where she was still young he could train her to what he liked. He licked, he bit, and it wasnt just a nibble, he bit her hard. Hard enough to make her scream. That made him get off even more. He stuck a finger in, she was wet and he hummed, rolling his eyes back in his head. "Hey Beth, shes really primed and ready for me." He sneered and looked back at Amanda "You ready baby girl cause you're world is about to be rocked." He then slid his penis inside of her as rough as he could. She yelped at the pain, as it felt like this was the time she got ripped. Oh he pounded into her, she could feel each and every thrust like it was ripping her insides out. At one point she just zoned out, almost like she was having an out of body experience. She wasnt sure how long she was there with him thrusting in and out of her, it felt like forever but tentively it never lasted that long. He was inside of her at least and hour. Finally starting to finish, the reason she knew that is that his thrusts got more powerful and he was grunting a hell of alot more. Finally she felt nothing. He must have finished. He slid out of her, not before kissing her cheek and whispering in her ear what a good job she did and how much fun he had. He also told her how he was looking forward to their next encounter. She looked at her mother, tears springing from her eyes and ran to her room.
She had taken a shower. Oh how much pain she was in. He was rough as hell and jesus christ he fucked her hard. Not to be crude. She hadnt been with a man before. Holy shit her mother or who was supposed to be her mother just let one of her fuck boys take her virginity. She felt disgusting. How could this be her life? How? She went into her room and cried her eyes out. She wanted to lock her door, but her mother in a drunken stupor one night had broken the lock off the door. She didnt feel safe at all. She wanted to sleep but at the same time was afraid to go into a deep restful sleep.
She had been awakened the next morning by her father screaming at her. Calling her a whore, and a slut. She looked at him telling him she couldnt fight him off. "Mama allowed it Daddy." was what she remembered saying. He didnt care to hear her reasons. "You fucked your mothers fuck boy Amanda, thats very slutty of you. I wont tolerate you showing your little sister your whorish, slutty ways. You must be punished." No sooner he said that, than that damn belt came out. He whipped her ass. She couldnt run, she couldnt hide. The welts she was getting now, were just to cover up the old ones."
"Now you know Liv. You know everything. You can leave now if you want. That is why I needed to hear you say to me that you loved me." Amanda was so hurt, so vulnerable but now Liv knew.
Liv held on tight to the blonde. She was blown away of all what happened to her. This woman had gone through hell. Legit hell. Never hearing that she was loved. Now Liv completely understood why she reacted like she did. Why she got distant. All she wanted and needed was to be loved. Amanda's shudders with pain and some embarrassment. Liv softly spoke. "Babe I can tell you this and I mean it. I dont view you differently. I wouldnt change anything between us. Sweetheart that is your past. A very hard and troubling past." Amanda looked at her, Liv gently thumbed away the tears that were flowing, "Liv it doesnt scare you, or freak you out that I'm damaged? For fucks sake, my mother let her fuck buddy have sex with me. She fucking let him be my first. He ripped me, he hurt me. She didnt give a rats ass. Then...then...then...my father..." Amanda was soo hurt, the tears coming down were unstoppable. Olivia pulled the woman in her arms. "Sweetheart, calm down. You're safe." Amanda stuttered out "he-he h-hit me so-so-hard. I'm n-n-not a s-sl-slut." Liv grabbed her arms, pulled her face up so she could look into those blue eyes, she had to get her point stressed. "No you are not baby. No you are not." Amanda hugged her "all I wanted was love and attention. I didnt get any of that. The only attention I got, I sure as hell didnt want. I didnt want that attention." Amanda thrust herself into Liv's arms, cuddled into her breast, laying her head on her heartbeat. "Is it so wrong to want to be loved?" Liv placed a kiss on the top of Amanda's head, "Baby I love you. I mean it and I mean it from the bottom of my heart." Liv leaned back on the futon, pulling Amanda with her. Holding her close. Loving her. This is where Liv belonged, with Amanda.