Oh... it was only a dream, guys... I would never... never... make him rape her for real... That's just aweful. Kenshin's my hero. I have more respect for him than that. Sheesh. Alright, hope you stuck with it. Thanks for that at least. Have at it.

Disclaimer: RK belongs to a genius... which is not me...

x

Chapter 7

Kenshin knocked hesitantly on the shoji of Kaoru's room. Nervously he waited for her response, and when it came he had to strain his ears to hear the soft words. Sliding the door open he peeked inside to find his Kaoru sitting on her futon, wrapped in her yakuta and hair braided for bed. Sapphire eyes met his own and she smiled shakily at him, her nerves and fear still showing through her outer bravery.

"Come here, Kenshin." One small hand patted the mattress next to her, begging him to enter and sit with her. Kenshin entered the room, though still wary as she eyed him cautiously, looking very much like she wished to run from his presence but forcing herself to endure. Worry and love battled in his gaze as he slowly made his way to her, concerned with her obvious fear of him and wishing only to sooth that undeserving terror away.

For long seconds she did nothing but look at him, studying the emotions and intent in his eyes suspiciously. So when she suddenly launched forward into his chest, wrapping strong arms around his waist and burying her face in his gi, he nearly tumbled off the futon in his surprise. The shock passed quickly in the face of her emotional turmoil as she desperately clutched him to her and sucked in uneven breaths against his chest. Softly gathering her to him, rubbing soothing patterns up her back and laying gentle kisses on the top of her head, he waited for her to calm herself before asking what he had been curious to know all afternoon.

"Tell this one what happened, Kaoru."

Stubbornly, frantically, she shook her head, keeping her face from sight, and allowing nothing but her movement and the tickling of her dark hair to be seen as her negation.

"Onegai shimasu, koishii. This one can not fix it if you do not tell him what is wrong."

"It was only a dream, Kenshin." She spoke more to herself then to him, needing to convince both of them that it wasn't real and there was nothing to worry about.

"Demo, it has hurt you, and made you afraid of this one. I can't stand you being afraid of me, Kaoru." Kenshin pleaded with her anxiously, afraid but at the same time curious as to what her delusional mind had mixed up in her dreams.

"I'm not afraid of you Kenshin." She responded quickly, decisively… almost guiltily.

"Liar." He admonished softly, teasing her into a reply. He was not expecting her to shove away from him, burying herself into the blanket surrounding them and bursting into tears. "Kaoru!"

"G-gomen nasai, I did not mean to…please forgive me. Don't be mad at me." She wailed piteously, sobbing hard into the blanket and curling into herself further.

"This one is not mad at you, koishii. This one is just concerned, and please don't cry. I hate it when you cry." Pulling her into his lap once again, he calmed her with quiet words and indistinct sounds until she stilled in his arms.

"I'm so confused, Kenshin… I've tried to figure it out but I can't… something's wrong… something's so wrong." Desperately she turned her face into his gi, muffling her words with his body.

"What can't you figure out, Kaoru?"

"Everything…anything!" She pulled away, throwing her hands out in emphasis, her eyes wide in fear and frustration. "I don't remember yesterday…as much as I try to…all I can think about…all I see is as if it's a dream, and my dreams seem so real."

"Like the one earlier?" He asked softly, prompting her to tell him, wanting to help in any way that he could.

"Hai." Her body relaxed against him again, slumping slightly in his arms. "Like the dream. It's so confusing… I know that it was only a dream…but I know only because you are here with me now…holding me like this. If it was real, you wouldn't be."

"Why wouldn't I be, koishii?" Kenshin forced his voice to stay calm and soothing, resisting the urge to shake her and make her tell him.

"Because you were so mad at me… you… were so disgusted with me, and I…" Silent tears slipped out of her eyes as she tightly squeezed them shut, sucking in a shaky breath before going on. "I couldn't convince you… y-you wouldn't listen to me and… it hurt so much." Kaoru couldn't keep the sobs from racking her body, heaving horribly in her fight to keep air in her lungs.

"This one hurt you?" Pain filled his voice at the thought that she would be dreaming something like that about him. But you have hurt her, haven't you? Leaving her alone, miserable and heartbroken…how is that not hurting her?

"It was only a dream, Kenshin." Kaoru soothed a hand over his chest, wanting to comfort him as much as he comforted her.

"How? Why?" The demand in his voice may have been harsh, but something inside of him had to know…to make it right, to make it disappear…and to make sure that it would never happen for real.

"Kenshin…" Tears still held onto her lashes and streaked her face as she looked up at him, pleading with him not to make her say.

"Tell me."

Keeping her eyes on his, her gaze only slightly wavering in anxiety, she whispered words to him that tore at his heart. Everything, she told him everything from beginning to end and watched as the horror in his eyes grew. Images of her panicked form in the bathhouse came to mind and he cringed inwardly… then her disastrous reaction only moments before when he had called her a liar.

"This one would never do… that to you, Kaoru. I would never do that to you." His voice was choked, violet eyes begging for forgiveness for something he never did and asking her to believe that he never would.

Kaoru looked up into his face, recognizing the promise for what it was. That no matter how he acted, no matter how deep in the throws of his emotions he became, no matter if he was the Rurouni or the Battosai, he would never hurt her. Smiling up at him, she nodded.

"Hai, that is why I know it was a dream." One struggle down… now for the rest. "But it was so real." Kenshin opened his mouth to protest but she held up a finger to hush him. "No let me finish. It seemed so real because everything was too focused, too sharply clear in my mind. I felt everything; heard, touched, even smelt my own sweat with a frightening clarity. It's happened before, I think, but because of this I know that it was only a dream… they were all only dreams. So if they were only dreams, then what is real?"

"Koishii…" Kenshin held her closer, wanting to help, but afraid that it would be too much for her to handle all at once.

"No, Kenshin, we need to talk about this." Sapphire eyes looked into his with defiance and determination. "I do remember some things, but like I said it's like they are only dreams while my dreams seem real. For instance, in the back of my mind I vaguely remember looking for my father, but why would I do that? He's been dead for years now." Kenshin looked away. "And then I remember sparring with you, but I don't remember how it ended or what happened next. All I can remember clearly is the dream and waking up in the bathhouse. But thinking back on both of these it seems so unlikely that they could have even been real. Otousan's dead, and you never spar with me. How do I know what is true?"

"This is true, Kaoru," he whispered softly, grazing calloused fingers over her face.

"But will it seem that way tomorrow? Will this just be a fuzzy image in my mind, or will I forget completely?" Kaoru plowed ahead, still doubtful and confused.

"Don't you remember last night? Or the night before?"

Looking away she thought about the day before, hazy feelings and words coming to mind when she searched for what they had done for supper, what they had eaten. Absently she shook her head, and then stopped as she remembered sliding open a shoji, silently walking into a room that wasn't hers, and curling under the waiting blanket and into the loving arms of her rurouni. "Demo…" Soft kisses pressed into her skin; intense words and promises to never leave, to always be there waiting for her; loving caresses over silken hair and then the blissful warmth and contentment of just being together, wrapped in each others arms. "Kenshin…"

A small smile curved his lips and he kissed the top of her head. "As long as you remember these moments, does it really matter if you remember any of the rest?"

"But it hurts you, I can see it in your eyes that it does," she accused.

"Don't I deserve to be punished? For what I have done to you? All of this is my fault, and the price I must pay for leaving." Defiant words left his mouth in a hiss, daring her to disagree. What else could she do but exactly that?

"Kenshin," Slender fingers reached up to cup his face tenderly. "why did you leave me? Tell me why?"

"Because this one only seems to hurt you. All this one has ever done here, in my home, is hurt you; with my past and my insistence to push you away. How could this one have stayed, knowing that you deserved so much more, someone so much better? How could I stay and continue to hurt you?"

"So you left…because you love me." It wasn't a question.

"Hai," he agreed. "because I love you."

Kaoru pressed her face into the curve of his neck, and moments later he felt her tremble. "Kaoru?" Worry tinged his voice, but died quickly when the movement was accompanied by an amused huff of air.

"You silly, silly rurouni." Kenshin eyed her warily. "What am I going to do with you?" Pulling away, she looked up at him with laughing eyes.

"Kaoru?" Kenshin couldn't help but be thoroughly confused.

"In what part of your mind did you believe that I could actually be mad at you for loving me? That you should be punished for loving me?"

"Demo…"

"No." Kaoru pushed away, sitting up to look him in the eyes. "Kenshin the only thing you should be punished for is never telling me. Never allowing me to know. Because if I did then I would not have just sit here, waiting to rot. You know I would have followed you."

"That is why this one did not tell you."

Kaoru laughed outright at his petulant tone then swatted him playfully over the head. "Baka. You really are a stubborn idiot." Kenshin couldn't help the small, rueful smile that crossed his lips as he rubbed the sore spot on his head. "Now that that's cleared up I…"

"Wait, it is not Kaoru. How can you just let what has happened slide by without a thought?"

"Kenshin, I thought I told you that the past doesn't concern me. Everything is clear in my mind. You love me," She reached forward to place a kiss on his cheek. "and I love you," Another on the other side. "and that is all that matters to me. The rest is just meaningless banter."

"Demo…" All he seemed to be doing was protesting.

"Kenshin," she sighed. "You left me, ok I know this. I know what it did to me, I can only guess what it did to you, but I know that we both have suffered. The only thing that this serves us now is to remind us what we are without each other. Which is nothing. So, knowing this, will you leave me again?"

"Never."

The smile that bloomed on her face was joyous. "Then what else matters?"

Unable to resist this wonderful woman any longer, he wrapped arms around her, holding her to him with a fierce whisper in her ear. "I love you."

"Yes, well, I guess there is that too." She laughed with him, his deep chuckle rumbling against her, running through her whole body. "Now, if you are done being selfless and demanding punishment, then I would like to know what I have been doing all this time I couldn't remember."

"Hai, hai, koishii, but this one still thinks he deserves some kind of punishment."

"Well…if you insist, there are a few things that come to mind." A deep blush stained her cheeks and she looked away in embarrassment at her daring words. Kenshin had to do a double take, disbelieving what he had just heard. Where did that come from? Stifling the grin that threatened, he forced a mock seriousness into his voice.

"Then this one thinks he should explain things quickly so that this… punishment can be carried out as soon as possible. This one prefers to be punished immediately. Dragging them out makes the suspense unbearable, that it does."

"Maybe that was what I was hoping for," she mumbled under her breath, unable to bring herself to say it too loudly. Kenshin laughed, pulling her into his lap.

"Very well, koishii, this one will explain these past two months to you. Then we can get to this punishment." He smiled again at her blush before going into the details of her delusions and Megumi's explanation and suggestion that they should just play along. Kaoru sat and listened through it all, silent and maybe a little sad. In the end he declared that they should just go to sleep. Agreeing absently, she snuggled under the covers with him, staying awake hours after he had fallen asleep. A small piece of her afraid she would not remember when she woke.

x

Kaoru lay awake, her thoughts clinging to the fact that she had been living two lives, much the way that she was clinging to Kenshin. Why had she suddenly fallen into the past, surrounding herself in its security as well as its madness? What about it appealed to her mind? Enough to make it latch onto those times and dive through its memories, washing away any form of the present except at nights? What about those nights made her mind feel safe enough to let her live through them normally?

Kenshin sighed minimally in his sleep, pulling her closer and whispering her name against her hair. A smile over came her before she was even aware of it. At this moment, laying in his arms, she was happy, and she could tell that he was as well. Content to lay next to her and bathe in the warmth they created, even after the suggestive comments she had made earlier. Thin lips curved slightly, pushing his cheeks into her hair, alerting her to the movement. Was that it? Was it only because he was happy that she wished to be there, to remember their time together? Was it his happiness that she craved? To know that he was content to just be with her, to love her?

Every time that he had described to her seemed to be about him. Times when he was more insistent about being with her, near her, protecting her. Other times that were just the two of them, happy and peaceful. Always just content to be near each other.

Except for the one that day. A frown deepened the corners of her mouth. Today had been about her father, but… maybe that stemmed from her need for affection, for all those times that she had been left in the care of someone else. Today it had been Kenshin, and he had cared for her just as sweetly as always. Only, she remembered the pain in his eyes. *Sigh* This was getting nowhere.

He came back to me…so why did this happen? Why did I run? She froze, her breathing shallow; furtive. He came back and I ran. I ran, even when he said he would stay. Why? Teeth pulled her lip into her mouth, worrying it relentlessly. Was it because I was afraid? Afraid that even though he had come back, that even though he promised not to leave, that he was still not content to be with me? That the feelings of guilt he carried were not enough to make him stay…or worse, they were the wrong reasons for him stay? A shocked breath past through her lips. I didn't know that he loved me. He treated me with every bit of tenderness he would a child, but…I didn't know. And the prospect that he still wouldn't be able to love me frightened me. So I ran. Silent tears ran down her cheeks. I ran to a time that still gave me that possibility, still gave me hope that he could. Or maybe…maybe I went back to see if he ever really did? She shook her head forcibly.Whatever it was…whatever the reason. It doesn't matter. I know he loves me now. All I can hope for is that it will be enough for my mind to want to stay with him. I want to stay with him. Please let me stay…