Summery: A short, humorous and sadly impossible one-shot about the demise of Naraku. Warning: Kagome resorts to an obvious solution. Do not hold title against me.
Hello! Welcome to M4D SKILLZ. I hate titles that are misspelled, in all capitals or all lower cases, so this title was hard for me to do, but l33t doesn't look right any other way most of the time. I couldn't to M4d Skillz or m4d skillz. It would have been a disaster!
Anyway, please read and review!
Disclaimer:
Pwale: …Fire…
Al: …drool…Fire…
Pwale: …Fire…pretty…
Al: …must…touch…fire…
Pwale: …Fire…
Jenny: Don't hold it against them folks. It's not their fault. Their teachers expose them to a lot of fire. No one really knows why. Their entire class is obsessed with the stuff. Seriously. I've seen the teachers just put a clip of fire on the TV screen and the kids can be happy for hours just watching it!
Mr. X: And since they're preoccupied…I get to say it!
Jenny: This must just make your day.
Mr. X: Oh…does it ever! …can I say it now?
Jenny: …yes.
Mr. X: PWALEFRIEND DOES NOT OWN THE INUYASHA CHARACTERS! I HAVE A WARRANT RIGHT HERE!
Jenny: …
Mr. X: So, how'd I do?
Jenny: …and you say that we need professionally help?
Pwale: OW! THE FIRE BIT ME!
Al: …so…pretty…
M4D SKILLZ
By Pwalefriend
It was sunset. That's right, symbolism in the Feudal Era. Well, it had to start somewhere. Why not the 1500's? Sixteenth century Japan was a place of nonsense after all.
Oh wait, my agent just told me that was planet Earth in general. Never mind then.
It was just another battle for the gang. Get to Naraku's castle. Watch Inuyasha and Naraku scream at each other for a little while, then have someone else step in and almost win before Naraku decided to escape. Just the same old stuff. Nothing new.
That was…until Naraku started fighting dirty.
Naraku had just dodged another one of Inuyasha's rather random blows when he pulled out the big guns, and threw something a little like curry pepper into Inuyasha's face.
And not just any curry like substance. It was something that he had found while in the shop of a sea monster. It was a special mix from Indian fays. They called it mustard powder and when thrown into the face of an opponent it felt (to the opponent) like the pain of inhaling mustard times ten. Also it had a tendency to explode like gunpowder, a thing unheard of in Japan. The sea monster had driven a hard bargain, but Naraku had got the stuff in the end.
Yes, sea monster. How else was Naraku supposed to get a hold of the spells required to make a golem? Which, may I remind you, are monsters from Jewish legend. And if he didn't buy that lore somewhere, what was he going to do? Bully a rabbi into telling him? The Jews were facing the Church then, friends. A measly demon like Naraku wasn't going to frighten them!
As soon as this strange 'mustard powder touched his face, Inuyasha fell to the ground in pain. This stuff was meant to be used against humans, not hanyou's with super senses.
Kagome stared at the residue powder in shock.
"It's…like a primitive mustard gas…" She said slowly.
"INUYASHA!" The others cried, dragging the now-unconscious hanyou to lay beside Kagome and Shippo. Miroku stood in front of all of them, once again ready to risk his life by sucking the laughing Naraku and all the miasma he was currently spewing out into the kazanna.
"No…" Kagome said slowly. "Let me deal with this, Miroku."
Shippo sighed. It looked like it was going to be a confusing night. Since when did Kagome have a warrior ego?
"If he's going to use science…I'm going to use science." Kagome said.
"Kagome, have you gone insane?" Sango asked her friend calmly.
"Yes." Kagome answered just as calmly. "I need Inuyasha's robe." She said. Sango pulled it off the motionless Inuyasha and handed it to Kagome without a word. Shippo hopped onto Kirara's back, figuring that it was safer there.
"What are you doing Sango?" Miroku hissed without turning away from Naraku. Naraku was ignoring all of them. He was just laughing like the maniac he was. Strangely he sounded an awful lot like Santa Claus. What does that tell you? "Inuyasha will kill us!"
"What?" Sango demanded. "You think that Inuyasha is the only one allowed to do stupid things? I'm trusting Kagome not to get herself killed." Sango turned to Kagome. "Don't get yourself killed. None of us are telling Inuyasha if you do."
Kagome nodded cheerfully to show that she understood.
"Get as far away from here as you can." She told them. "Come back for me when it's safe."
"How will we know when it's safe?" Shippo asked, speaking over Miroku's rather fearful objections to this new course of action. Kagome gave a very Inuyasha-like smirk that had Shippo nervously covering his head.
"Oh believe me." She said. "You'll know. Now get out of here."
In mere seconds Sango, being the original Xena that she is, had managed to get their little menagerie on the back of Kirara and flying away. As they were leaving, Inuyasha opened his eyes and saw a red splotch facing a dark splotch. Naturally he assumed that the red splotch could be none other then himself.
"Wha-" He said. "Am I dead?" Sango rolled her eyes.
"Yes Inuyasha." She said. "You're dead.
G
"…" Well, Naraku had to say that he was surprised. They had never left him a sacrifice before. What were they…no! He wasn't going to jinx his good fortune by questioning it! Such a pity that Naraku was paranoid to the point where total nut-jobs thought him over the top. Bypassing the Laws of Nature can do that to you, or so they tell me. I wonder what they really mean by that…
"You know, Naraku…" Kagome said, pulling out a bow of matches that she had taken away from Shippo just before Naraku had attacked them. "When your father's a pyromaniac…" Kagome lit the match and looked straight at Naraku. "You learn a lot about fire."
Naraku just looked at her blankly. He hadn't understood a word of that.
"What?" Kagome asked. "You men are the only ones allowed to pose?"
And with a flick of the wrist the flame was in the poison.
Kagome stopped. Kagome dropped. Kagome didn't roll anywhere but she sure as hell did huddle under the fire rat robe.
As for Naraku…well, let's just say that the whole thing went up in smoke. Quite literally. Miasma + Fire BOOM.
Once the flam had subsided enough to be risked the rest of the gang returned. They were all (except Inuyasha who was still acting like a drunk man) still in complete awe about the massive fireball that they had seen shooting skyward not too long ago. They found Kagome sitting on a filthy rock, the blackened and twisted shards of the Shikon no Tama in her hands.
"What was that?" Sango asked. Kagome looked at her.
"A little thing that people in my time like to call…" Kagome grinned. "…M4D SKILLZ."
The End
Well, what did you think? Did you like it? Do you think that it needs more work?
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Roar!
That was my R.L. That stands for Review Lion. It's the latest thing in Review Technology. It makes sure that you review. And if you don't the Gremlins, who issue the R.L. come and get you.
And Gremlins are the things that make technology (like computers) stop working.
And no one wants that to happen!
So review!
Roar!