Chapter 1

I was wrapped in a thin fabric; you might call a coat under the freezing rain pouring from above. A tiny wail came from the child in my arms, soaking wet and pink with rash. It was late autumn in Japan and the weather gave out a wafting earthy odor of a bad omen. This frail girl looked at the puddles of water on the ground. They reflected my small frame, my purple and sad eyes, my pale skin and my black hair, dripping with rain. my eyes went to the baby that I clutched so dearly. The baby was small, fragile-looking and looked exactly like me. A collection of hairs lay between her eyes and the rest of her hair was starting to curve down on the side of her face. She also had a pair of purple eyes.

"Rukia...don't cry, Rukia," I whispered, half reassuring and half crying. I looked up from my little sister in my arms to the window in a small house not far from where I was standing. The window had a yellow aura, an unwelcoming one. Rukia was only a few months old and I myself was only about twelve. Our mother and father, how I remembered, loved us and cherished their daughters ever since birth, but suddenly everything had changed.

It happened a month before that late autumn rain. Rukia was sleeping in my carriage and I was reading a book in a small wooden chair. Nothing about that day seemed abnormal and all was well. My father came back from work that day a bit later than usual, but that didn't matter, and he proceeded in reading a book of his own. Everything...was normal. Rukia was napping, my father and I were reading and my mother was out grocery shopping. The weather was nice and cool breezes came every now and then. There was peace, but then a phone call arrived for my father.

"Hello?...Yes I am...Why?...Wait, what happened?...Are you kidding me!...I'll be right there!"

There was panic in his voice that was usually calm. I looked up from my book and saw him getting ready to go outside. I wanted to ask him what's wrong, but he grabbed my arm before my lips even moved and he took Rukia with his other arm. The breeze just then picked up and the leaves blew right into my face. Rukia started to turn in her sleep and worriedly, I tried to ask my father again.

"What's the matter, papa?"

We picked up pace and I couldn't help but run because of his large steps. All I heard from my dad were soft whispers.

"Hisana, everything's alright. Everything will be alright."

"Alright? What happened?"

Rukia opened her eyes and my father handed her to me to hold. I looked forward and saw a hospital building, right across the street. The only thing that came to my mind then was that something had to be wrong. Someone was hurt, and that someone I found out later, was my mom.

The hospital smelt of death and anguish. Many nurses walked by with hard to read expressions on their faces. It was somewhere between bordeom and sadness. A nurse instructed us to go to the fifth floor. That's where all patients with critical status were kept. We went to room 533 and when we went in, we saw a motionless figure on a bed. Needles and tubes were in her skin and a breathing mask covered her mouth. Instead of the pretty light brown dress she wore this morning, she wore a blank white hospital dress. My mom didn't move when we came in the room. From up close, her body seemed paler than normal and her breathing was heavy. Her hair was messed up and it lost its beautiful shine that I admired ever since I could remember. I touched her hand and she shivered. I looked at my father's face for guidance, but I only saw the black head of hair he had and a teardrop that landed on the white sheets.

"Papa..."

The doctor came in just then and he told us that my mom had been in an accident. She was walking to the store as usual and then while she was walking, a drunk driver in a truck had came by and crashed into her. Her body was pinned against a tree and she lost a lot of blood. They were able to attach her body back together and they were able to repair some damages, but there was something wrong. Her spine broke along with the spinal cord inside. She lost control of the nerves in her body. She lost the ability to move her legs and had could make small movement with her arms. I didn't know how to react back then, so I just cried. Dad cried, and Rukia, well she cried with us.

The following week, father had spent all his time in the hospital with mom. Unfortunately, his boss wasn't so happy with his new schedule. This was the same, a week after and he got fired from his job. I wanted to say something about it, but I felt like I had no right to decide whether he should go back or not. I stayed home with Rukia and I took care of her most of the time. Sometimes, dad would come home and he would drink some wine and beer. Sometimes he drank outside and he also developed a bad habit of smoking in front of Rukia. When he did, I would take her outside and I would tell her stories that mom used to tell me. The final weeks that followed were terrible. I was forced to steal money from my father's wallet to buy new food for me and Rukia. It's not like we were wasting his money. He would've spent it on cigarettes and beer anyways. Dad was out more and more until he stopped coming home. I thought that he went to see mom some more, but I was wrong. I found out later that my mom died in the hospital a few days ago. She apparently threw herself out the window with the little strength she had. I was devastated, but I was angry too. Why hadn't dad told me about that eariler? It was because he was drinking all night and day and because he was taking pleasure from other women.

After some weeks he finally did come home in a wreck. His coat hung limply on his shoulders and he was holding a half-empty wine bottle in his hand. In the other hand, he held what looked like a pink bra. As he stumbled across the room, he dropped the bra and I kicked it to the side before following him. He sat at the dinner table where he would usually sit, if he had been going home for dinner everyday.

"Hisana..," he said with a slur in his voice. "What have you been doing at home?"

I stared at him like he was a stranger. That was the first time in weeks that he had spoken to me. Rukia was sleeping in my arms. I looked at a nearby window to see that the rain was gently falling from a dawn sky.

"Dad...I've been taking care of Rukia."

"Good...," he murmured. He leaned against his elbow with his wine bottle in his hand. "And how...how have things been?"

"Umm. Father...,"

"What? You don't call me papa anymore?"

I looked away from his sullen and unclean face. His breath smelled like the slums and ghettos of the street. He laughed to himself and reached for my hair. I backed away and clutched Rukia even closer to my chest. He chuckled again.

"How have you been getting all this food recently?"

I looked at his sagging eyes.

"I got the money from your wallet."

"Did I say you were allowed to go through my things?"

"No, but dad, I have no money of my own. How are we supposed to feed ourselves if we can't buy food?"

Just then, he spat at my toes. I jumped back as I felt a figure tower over me. My father was raging mad. His eyes bulged out of their sockets and a vein was throbbing in his neck. The wine bottle fell and shattered onto the tiles below as his hands turned into two fists. I yelped as he held my shoulders. He started to shake me violently as I screamed louder and louder. Finally, he threw me aside and I buckled to the ground. I was shocked beyond my wildest dreams. Never in my life had my father screamed at me. Even when I was small, even when I broke his favorite watch, even when I got into a fight with one of the girls at school, my father never yelled at me. He never shook me so violently like that. He began to curse and shout.

"That is my money! Do you hear me Hisana! I don't care how you get your goddamn food! You can't go through my things and use my money to get what you want!"

"Dad! How am I supposed to get food!"

"Get a fucking job like me Hisana!"

"You don't have a job!"

He slapped me across my face and tears flew out of my eyes. I tried getting up, but he threw me across the room. Rukia started whimpering and when I saw that, I grew so angry.

"Is this how you treat your daughter! Would mom have hit us like that!"

"You don't know how it fuckin' feels!"

"She maybe was your wife, but she was my mom! We all share the pain! You are so selfish! Mom wouldn't have hit us! She wouldn't stop caring for us. She wouldn't curse at us and especially in front of Rukia! She wouldn't drink and have relationships with other people! What kind of father are you!"

He was about to slap me again, but I ran out of the way. I grabbed the nearest coat I could see and ran out the door. The rain was heavier at that time. I screamed in my mind when I figured out that the coat was only a light jacket. I heard the door slam behind me and bottles crashing on the floor. Rukia now did start to cry. I looked back at the house I lived in for most of my life. I stared at it for quite some time before Rukia's crying got through my skull. I sighed as I walked away from the terror that tormented us. I wished that everything would go back the way it was when Rukia was first born. We would go to the park and we would go sightseeing often. Tears began to leak from my eyes and they streaked my face. Nothing was supposed to happen that day. Everything was supposed to be normal. I was wrong. So very very wrong.