Immediately following Strange Bedfellows
Ray
When she gave him the shirt and said "I rather liked sleeping in it," it nearly broke his heart. It conjured up images in his mind – images he wasn't allowed to have and images he would rather not see there. It just made it worse. Images of her waking up next to him in nothing but his shirt. God, he didn't think he could ever wear it again without thinking of her in it. He couldn't let her leave – even if he wasn't allowed to be in love with her she needed to know she was his best friend. When he said the words "I wish I didn't feel the way I feel" it was true. He thought he saw something in her eyes. There were tears there. He thought there was pain there, too. He didn't want that. He just wanted it to be like it used to be since it couldn't be the way he dreamed about.
Neela
When he told her he wished he didn't feel the way he felt, her heart broke. She looked at him – at the pain in his eyes – and she just wanted to put her hand to his face and tell him she felt the same way. But it would be wrong. Someone else was depending on her to be strong. She would not betray that trust. Even though she had to hurt someone she loved. She hoped when he looked at her he could read her thoughts. She wanted him to know, not that she loved him, because that was wrong, but that she would never hurt him if things were different. When he tried to hand her the shirt, she knew if she took it, he might have hope and she couldn't hurt him like that. If she hurt him a little bit now, maybe he could move on. If only SHE could……
Neela avoided him at work. She tried to get on nights because he was on days. But Dubenko told her they needed her where she was right now. At least she was a surgical intern now. That meant unless the ER needed her for a consult, it was pretty easy to avoid Ray. She just needed to be away from him, not talk to him, and he would get over those feelings. And she would too, once Michael was home. It was just the hormones. Jesus, who am I trying to convince, here? Myself?
Abby was flagging her down. Couldn't avoid her, unfortunately. "Neela, what is going on with you and Ray?" Well, she got right to the point, didn't she. "I don't know what you are blathering on about, Abby. There is nothing going on," Neela said. "Right, that's why you are avoiding each other and you practically run the other way when you see him. And that's why he looks at you then looks away. Did you sleep with him or something?" "ABBY! How could you think I would do that to Michael?" "Sorry, but something's going on." Great, I am probably the talk of the hospital. Oh well, it can't be helped.
They came into admitting looking for Neela. Two soldiers. That cannot be good, Ray thought. She should not be alone. But it can't be me. Not unless she asks. Abby will go to her. Abby took the soldiers up the elevator to the surgical floor. Ray could not resist following them. It was like watching a train wreck. He saw her face, then he saw her collapse into Abby's arms. Time stood still.
Oh my God, this is my fault. I didn't love Michael enough to keep him home and now he's dead. She collapsed into Abby's arms and over Abby's shoulder she could see Ray. He looked tortured. Guilty too. She let go of Abby and ran over to Ray without thinking. She couldn't stop herself. She needed him to comfort her. "Abby, I am taking her home – can you clear it with Weaver?" He didn't wait for her reply. Neela needed him, HIM.
On the ride home, she started to shiver and her teeth began to chatter. Shock, he thought. I need to keep her warm. He quickly got her out of the car and into his apartment. She sat woodenly down on the couch and he brought her a blanket and some tea. She looked mutely at him and he sat down next to her. She moved closer, as if she couldn't get warm enough. He put his arms around her and she moved onto his lap, almost spilling the tea. He took it out of her hands and just held her. Her hands were so cold. She needed to warm them up. She felt his muscles tense when she lifted his t-shirt and put her cold hands on his warm back. He tightened his hold on her, willing her to warm up. She started to cry, silently and he held her until she fell asleep.