This is a oneshot I wrote for a challenge on another site. I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. is luckyyyy...
Damned Confinement
"Oh, bloody hell." Severus Snape muttered under his breath as he narrowly avoided falling down the slippery dungeon steps for the hundreth time.
He slammed the door shut after him, attracting the attention of the detention students in his room, and swept to his desk, eyeing them all with a venemous look before pointing to the board. 'Peregrin Draught' was scrawled in large letters at the top.
"The ingredients are all restocked in the student's cupboard. Now, get to work. And no talking." he barked. There were some small clanging noises as the few students pulled out their cauldrons and textbooks to begin making the advanced sleeping potion.
Snape sat behind his desk and pulled out the roll. He muttered to himself as he checked off the students- Ronald Weasley, Ernie MacMillan, Hannah Abbott, Lavendar Brown, Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood.
'Let's see who we have here...Ronald is an unmitigated arse. Lavendar uses so much hair spray that I doubt she has a brain cell left to speak of, as I can smell it from here. Luna is in the clouds but can usually follow instructions, and Ernie needs to step off his imaginary pedastal before I shove him off. Neville is totally incompetent within 500 feet of a Slytherin. Hannah is probably the only one capable in this room, besides myself, who can make a decent potion.' he thought sourly to himself.
He looked up as he heard voices.
"Would you like some fudge? It has peanuts." Luna was asking Ron breathily.
"Peanuts are for pansies." Ernie declared, nearly knocking over a vial of Kneezle Snot with a wide hand gesture.
"Oh, shut up, Ernie. Peanuts are just as manly as any other nut." Ron said rolling his eyes.
"But is it certified organic?" Neville was asking Hannah, holding up a piece of gillyweed.
"No talking. Luna, put the fudge away. Now, all of you, get to work." Snape said loudly. The students quickly resumed working, small puffs of smoke rising from their cauldrons every few minutes as they added ingredients and stirred. Snape rose from his seat and began inspecting them one at a time.
He approached Neville, who began to shake a little. Neville carefully added two drops of Kelpie saliva to his potion, and was about to cork it when a third dropped in.
Snape opened his mouth to shout as the cauldron exploded, spraying them all with green muck. Spitting out the potion that had shot into his open mouth, Snape glared at Neville.
"Longbottom, you are an absolute imbec..." The room spun as his vocal chords stopped working and everything went black. One more thought went through Snape's mind as he hit the floor.
'Sleeping potion.'
Snape groaned.
"Where in the bloody hell am I?" he asked to no one in particular.
"The Hospital Wing." replied Madame Pompfrey as Snape nearly had a heart attack when he opened his eyes and saw her merely inches from his face.
"What happened?" he asked.
"A sleeping potion went wrong and exploded, and you swallowed enough to put you in here for two weeks!" the nurse replied. Snape practically flew out of bed.
"Two weeks?!" he yelled.
"No need to be alarmed, dear. A very qualified replacement filled in for you." she said in a soothing voice while shoving him back onto the bed and putting a thermometer into his mouth.
"Who would that be?" Snape asked around the thermometer.
"Well, well, he's here to say hello. I'll leave you two alone." Madame Pompfrey smiled and bustled into her office. Snape looked to his left and saw a figure coming in through the doors, white-blond hair shimmering in the sunlight pouring in through the windows.
"You're my replacement?" Snape asked with some disbelief.
"Who else?" Draco replied, smirking as he pulled up a chair. "Well, I'm a co-fill-in, if you will. There's another student teaching with me." Draco continued.
"Who? The Ministry is letting students teach?" Snape was still recovering from the shock of having a student, no matter that it was his godchild, take over his classes. But another student as well? Snape ran over a mental list of the best potions students, though they were hardly qualified.
"Yes, they're letting us call it a sort of real life experience in teaching, and they're even given us temporary teaching permits after putting us through pretty rigorous tests. I thought I would be stricken from the list after that Love Potion disaster, the marmosets in the London Zoo will never be the same again, I'm afraid..."
"Draco, get to the point, please. Who else is teaching with you?"
"Hermione Granger. Uncle Sev? Hey, are you alright? Erm, Madame Pompfrey..."
"How far have you fallen, Snape, old boy?" Snape asked himself out loud. He was a 40 year old virgin with greasy hair and students running his potions class and doing a better job at it; at least, the students liked Draco and Hermione more than he.
"You didn't fall all that far, Professor, an overturned stool caught your fall pretty well." Madame Pomfrey replied, hurrying by to the stock shelves on the other end of the Hospital Wing. Snape sighed.
"I can't even get out long enough to find decently priced consensual relations. Reality bites. Damned confinement..." he muttered after he was sure the nurse was out of hearing range.
It didn't help either that Madame Pince was intent on playing hard to get when he would rather play a game of Hide and Seek and never find her. He chuckled at his own private little joke. She wasn't all that terrible... and what was he doing trying to rid himself of a woman who actually liked him? Snape stood up and resolutely marched towards the doors.
"Professor, where do you think you're going?" He screeched to a halt as the nurse's voice rang out dangerously in the Hospital Wing.
"Uh, nowhere." he replied. Madame Pompfrey put her hands on her hips and gave him a look that said, give-me-a-better-excuse-or-back-into-bed-you-go-and-i'll-chain-you-there.
"I mean..." He wasn't exactly going to do what he said to the nurse next, but close enough. "I'm going to proclaim my love to someone." Madame Pompfrey, just as he'd hoped, smiled.
"Well then, go on, hurry, before you lose her!" the nurse chuckled.
"An army of snorkblasts couldn't stop me, Madame." Snape winked at her before slipping out into the corridor.
+++++
Hermione sighed as she picked at her potatoes.
"What's wrong, Mione?" Ron asked with a mouthful of sausages.
"I just miss teaching, that's all." At this, Hermione looked up and met Draco's gaze with a smile and winked. It was their little secret what went on as they graded Potions in the empty classroom in the evenings.
Sad to say, Lavendar and the other Gryffindor gossips would never know just how well Draco Malfoy kissed, as Hermione wasn't keen on sharing.
"What's up with Snape and Pince?" Harry said, jerking his head towards the teacher's table. Hermione looked up to see Snape and Madame Pince giving each other sly little smiles and winks over their mashed potatoes, and smiled knowingly herself.
"Oh, nothing, I'm sure." Hermione said, reaching for a treacle tart and looking up to meet Draco's gaze again with another shy smile. "Nothing at all."
++++Reviews++++
frodoschick: Nothing good! This is a "K" thing! No good romance what-so-ever! Gah!
If you really want romance, search for romance stories. Otherwise, don't leave bad reviews on my stories. There goes my confidence.
HeLl HaVe No FuRy LiKe A wOmAn: Hey I like your story witty and funny I enjoyed it : : : : : : Keep writing this is only just starting: :
Thanks! Uhh, sorry, it's a one shot, but I may do a companion piece on Snape and Pince in the library soon. I've got a lot of plot bunnies on my plate though, so I'm not sure when I'll be able to get it done. Thanks very much!
Won-Won is gwoss gwoss: I've started a new tradion! Review to everyone of your stories! Yay! I think it's marvelous! I like the small underplot, and how you get to the point without hinting without saying. That makes no sense. Oh well. And, as I have been firguring out, the characters are marvelously in character! Cept snapy. He's a lil odd. but hes just weird. nevermind. AWESOME!
Haha! Thanks! This story is odd, it's according to the guidelines for a challenge on another site, so it's weird, but it was fun.
Thanks to all my reviewers!
Charlotte