Ray woke up with a leg cramp and tried very hard not to disturb Neela's sleep while he changed positions. She looked so peaceful. Finally. As if all her energy was spent. He wondered what Michael's death would mean for the two of them. He felt guilty just for thinking how their situation might change now. What kind of person am I that I can be so selfish? He couldn't help it though. He knew she would need time to sort through her feelings but now they had that time. He would not rush her. He would gladly go back to being her roommate and friend until she was ready for more. She was worth the wait.
Neela woke up feeling safe. It was the first time in a very long time that she had felt safe. She knew her feelings for Ray were real but she was not ready to move to the next stage in their relationship just yet. It would not be fair to Ray or to Michael's memory. But she decided then that she would move back in with Ray and see how things went from there. She just knew she needed his presence in her life. She wanted him to understand that she needed time to get over Michael and the guilt she felt. She did not want that guilt to affect her relationship with Ray. Somehow, he knew that without her speaking. He never mentioned his feelings for her again.
So they tentatively began the dance. He was supportive and funny and she was her usual sarcastic self. She wondered on the nights he stayed out late if there were other women. He never brought anyone home and he still looked at her with want in his eyes but she couldn't expect him to be celibate. Ray was Ray, after all. She smiled. Since the night she found out Michael died, they had not touched each other with the intimacy they showed that night. He was afraid to make her uncomfortable and she was just plain afraid. If she tried very hard, she could still remember the warmth of his body wrapped around hers.
Ray came home from another late night gig. He looked at Neela and sighed. Is she ever going to be ready to accept what I have to give her? I wonder what she is thinking right now.
"Late night, huh? Did you get lucky?" I cannot believe I asked him that. God I am pathetic. What do I expect him to say? And how can I be jealous when I haven't given him any clues what I want. I am not sure I am ready for this but I will never know if I don't try.
"Jealous?" Ray chuckled. "Of course not, I am just interested." Neela retorted. "Don't flatter yourself, you conceited wanker. And it is your turn to do the dishes. I am going to bed." She said a little too sharply. Ray looked at her and gave her his trademark grin. "No, Neela, I did not get lucky. Satisfied?" She was actually, and went off to bed with a smile on her face.
Ray noticed that their relationship began to change gradually. When they accidentally bumped one another in the ER halls there was a heat that hadn't been there before. When he looked at her with longing she no longer looked away with regret. Maybe she is finally moving towards me. He refused to make the first move. It was still up to her.
Neela felt the heat too. She always knew it was there, in the back of her mind but she had never let it loose before. I want him. I need him. And it is time I told him that. He has waited long enough. Strangely, she did not feel guilty anymore. She felt nervous. This would change everything. But she thought it would be worth it.