Days were starting to bleed together in Buffy's head. A week had gone by, a week that had consisted mostly of training, slaying and people telling her she sucked. She hadn't found much time for schoolwork – obviously, she didn't need to; thanks to Snyder's string-pulling, she'd already passed one pop quiz she didn't even attend, so that was one good reason to skip classes she'd never liked anyway.
The other,
obviously... it wasn't so much that she didn't want to see her
friends. But the morning after the confrontation in the cemetary had
been ugly. She'd tried to act like it was a normal day, but when it
turned out she wasn't going to take back anything she'd said – they
were out of the slayage business, and that was it until further
notice – things had turned very cold. They'd barely talked since.
Part of her figured they blamed her too, and were glad to be rid of
her. Thankfully that was the same part that was busy blaming her for
Giles most of the time
(Two watchers killed – there aren't
many vampires who can boast that)
so she rarely thought about
it. She clung to one idea: as soon as she'd gotten the job done, she
would explain it all to them, come clean with Mom, and tell Snyder to
go to hell. Angel would be her last job as a Slayer.
In the meantime, the only person she could really talk to was Jeremiah. She'd grown to appreciate him a lot, and not just for the fighting moves he was teaching her. When they were alone together, they could even share a joke over Snyder; while Jeremiah was happy to work for the principal, he didn't seem to think highly of him. At least not as much as he did of Sirk; whenever she'd make a remark about the Englishman that was less than respectful, it would always earn her an icy stare and an extra suckerpunch or two during training.
Still, she was grateful someone was on her side. And so every night, she followed orders, patrolled where they told her, hoping this would be the night Sirk's carefully planned patrol schedule would click and she'd run into Angel. Except he always seemed to be someplace else...
The scoobies, however, weren't giving up on her just yet. With Giles gone, none of them had wanted to go back to the library for the past week, but Willow had stopped by to pick up a book she needed and then come running back to the others with the news that there was a new librarian. A stuffy, middle-aged, tweed-wearing British librarian.
Xander was the one who said what everyone was thinking. "New watcher?"
"Why don't we just ask him?" Everyone gave Cordelia what Xander had come to call The Look – the one where they all agreed she was talking crazy, though it seemed so logical no one could quite say why it was crazy.
"If he is Buffy's new watcher and she hasn't told us, I kinda doubt he would, and it might get her in troub... Oh! Oh!" Willow had an idea. "I think I know a way to find out. Buffy left something in my locker..."
Sirk was in the small office in back of the library looking over some old manuscripts when he heard the library door open. He rolled his eyes; he'd agreed to do this job for a few hours every day since it was part of the cover story, and also because Snyder had assured him that most Sunnydale students were barely literate and usually stayed out of the library. Still, for a former watcher to be working as a school librarian... he honestly couldn't believe the Giles lad had actually done this for almost two years. Then again, he remembered the younger watcher as something of a ponce, one of those useful idiots who'll put up with anything as long as you tell them it's for a good cause. Pathetic. But of course, Giles had instilled the same thinking in his Slayer, and that was currently working out nicely for them... he grudgingly walked out to the desk and glared at the young woman who'd come in, making no effort to hide his contempt. "What do you want?"
"Oh, I'd just like to check this book out, please." Cordelia fired off her brightest smile as she hoisted the book Willow had kept in her locker onto the counter with a distinct "thump". An old, leather-bound and very heavy tome with a single word set in gild in the cover:
VAMPYR
"That is..." Sirk hesitated ever so slightly, and kept his eyes fixed on the book just a little bit longer than he might have. "That is ridiculous. This is a school library, we do not carry... cheap horror novels. I don't know where you got that book, young lady, but I highly doubt it's suitable reading material for you." He snatched the book off the counter before she could object. "I'll just confiscate this for now. You can get it back if and when you can show me some sort of proof this is really yours."
Cordelia had half a mind to argue – Queen C was itchin' for a bitchin' – but settled for another patented smile as she turned and walked back outside, feeling Sirk's eyes burn two neat little proverbial holes in her back.
The others were waiting for her, especially Willow. "So? Flinch?"
"Definite flinch", Cordelia agreed. "Someone that obsessed with old books has got to be a watcher, or these shoes aren't Blahniks."
"My girlfriend, ladies and gentlemen: the human bullshit detector." Xander put her arm around her; there had been a lot of hugs in the last week, and though neither of them would probably admit it, they'd grown a lot closer.
And of course, with Xander and Cordelia doing the public display of affection thing, Willow almost automatically moved closer to Oz. "Any sign of Buffy?"
Cordelia shook her head.
"Still", Xander insisted, "if he is her watcher she'll probably be checking in with him before heading out on patrol. I say we stake out the library and see if she shows up. If we're going to help her, we have to know what's going on."
They took turns, so everyone wouldn't have to skip all their classes. Oz and Willow took over towards the end of the school day, sitting down on a bench where they could see the library doors without being too conspicuous as the last students went home and the school fell quiet and dark. Xander and Cordy hadn't had much to report from their stakeout; principal Snyder had shown up and gone inside the library for a while, but there were no sightings of Buffy or anything else of interest.
Willow was still getting used to how good it felt to just sit in silence with Oz, his arm around her shoulders. There was never any uncomfortableness; in fact his silence seemed to say more than when he did speak. Still, she couldn't help feeling bad for him. Eventually she worked up the courage to say what was on her mind.
"Look, Oz... I'm really sorry about dragging you into all this life and death stuff. I mean, two months ago you didn't even know about vampires, and now... if we hadn't gotten involved..."
"...I'd be a perfectly normal werewolf", he shrugged.
"Oh. Yeah. Well, there's that. But I'm just saying, y'know..." She barely dared to look at him. "I won't hold it against you if you want to back out."
"Didn't we have this talk once?" Oz mused and looked into her eyes. "Look, Will... I appreciate the offer, and I love you all the more for it, and if you want me gone, I'm gone. But as long as you don't, I'm here." He noticed her staring at him. "What?"
"You... you used the 'L' word. You never did that before."
"Huh." He thought about it. "Guess not. Should I not have?"
"Oh no, I mean yes, I mean if you do I do too... you. I mean, it's you who -"
She stopped babbling when he kissed her. They sat like that for a few minutes before realizing they had a job to do and reluctantly turning their attention back to the library door.
"Feeling better?" Oz asked.
"Oh yes. I-I didn't mean to freak out, Oz, it's just... this whole thing with Buffy makes me feel all icky. I don't see why she would cut us out like this... or OK, I guess I do, what with Giles and Jenny and Angel and everything, but it's not her decision to make. We've been fighting with her too long to just be tossed aside. It just... hurts, y'know?"
"I know what you mean. It's like..." Oz nodded and for once seemed to actually search for the right words. "Like... You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over."
"Yeah. Wait. What?" Willow shook her head and gave him a confused look that suddenly turned into a sad one. "There's no way we can be together. No way people will ever understand. Accept it."
"Is that what this is about? What other people think?"
"No! I just want you to be able to have some kind of a normal life. We can never have that. Don't you see?"
Oz was really getting uncharacteristically worked up now. "I don't give a DAMN about a normal life! I'm going crazy not seeing you. I think about you every minute."
"I know. But it's over. I-it has to be." Willow stood up and tried to walk away, but her boyfriend grabbed her by the arm.
"Come back here! We're not finished yet! You don't care anymore? Is that it?"
"It doesn't matter... it doesn't matter what I feel..."
"Then tell me you don't love me. Say it!" Oz realized he was holding something heavy in his hand. He wasn't sure how it got there, but it felt good to have it, just in case.
Willow was crying openly. "Will that help? Is that what you have to hear? I don't. I don't. Now let me go."
"No. A person doesn't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody." Oz leveled the gun at her. "Love is forever."
Author's note: Sorry for the delay in updating. Hope this last plot line doesn't seem like I'm out of ideas - I'm going somewhere with this. Hopefully soon.