Chapter 10.

Byakuya was doing work in his office and I was peering at him through the window. Ukitake-taichou said that soon, he'll recommend Byakuya-sama to be a captain of his own squad. All that was left was to get the recommendations of two more captains and the approval of most of the others. I was proud of him and as a reward I made him his favorite spicy noodles. I wondered what it was like being a captain with a whole squad walking behind your shadow. Master Kuchiki entered and bowed to Byakuya-sama. They were talking quietly amongst themselves so I didn't bother to try to make out their words. I sat by the river surrounded by the rocks and twirled the water with my fingers, scaring the fish that past. It's been three years since we married. Three beautiful years. The fish jumped and splashed me with water. I fell over and landed on my knees, getting mud all over my kimono and shawl. I laughed and looked out into the sunset. How...beautiful. I heard Byakuya walking behind me. I didn't look over, but I knew he stopped to look at me. I smiled and turned around.

"Byakuya-sama?"

"You should get cleaned." He went over and picked me up by the arm and put his hand under my elbow.

"Master Kuchiki was talking to you. What was it about?" I asked.

"Our future."

"Future? What do you mean by that?"

He was silent, but I felt uneasiness pass over us. I think I knew what Master Kuchiki wanted from Byakuya and me.

"He wants me to create an heir."

I blushed as we entered the washroom. He helped me remove the shawl and slipped out of the room as a maid gave me a new set of clothing. I was thinking...it was true that Byakuya needed an heir, but I felt nervous about having to...do things I've never done before. We hugged, and kissed and I even felt his bare chest once, but we haven't gone far and honestly, I felt uncomfortable. The maid tied my obi together and left the room after bowing to me.

"Hisana, are you alright?"

I nodded and gave him a nervous laugh. "Honestly, I feel uncomfortable," I said. "I don't think I'm ready just yet. Please understand that Byakuya-sama."

He gave me a strange look and shook his head. "I can wait Hisana. It doesn't matter if it's today or tomorrow. What matters is that we are..."

"Togther." I ended his sentence. "Thank you for waiting Byakuya-sama."

We walked along the corridor with his hand under mine. I knew that he wanted to ensure an heir early, but I couldn't do it. I was selfish I guess for my own wants. Byakuya accepted my request out of his love and kindness to me. I really had to depend on him for everything.

--

As the days passed, I searched for Rukia night and day, wishing that I would find her. I usually come back tired after searching and I would fall into Byakuya's arms as he laid me down to sleep. It was like this every single day. I would search until my legs gave in to the fatigue. One day I was coming back from my search when I suddenly fell. I was getting weaker as the days passed and my weariness increased. I didn't know how long I laid there on the floorboards, but I felt two strong hands pick me up. I opened my eyes and smiled at Byakuya-sama whose face was sad. His eyebrows were fixed and tense; eyes filled with worry.

"Hisana."

"I'm alright, dear. I'm sorry for making you worry. I..." I felt my throat burn and I started to cough. He rubbed my throat and my coughing stopped. Byakuya was too good for me. I touched his kenseikan and weakly smiled.

"I'm going to continue searching tomorrow Byakuya-sama. I know I'll find her somehow. Just watch."

He didn't say a word, but just nodded and he carried me to the bed. He pulled the blankets over me and felt my forehead.

"The doctor said you should rest Hisana. You shouldn't be going outside day and night like this," he told me.

"But, she's somewhere. I could feel it. Somewhere in Rukongai...she's alive...we..."

He kissed my forehead and left, closing the door. I stayed silent and rolled over to my side. I was getting worse I guess. My coughs were more irritating to my throat and I couldn't raise my arm out straight for more than half a minute. It was nothing I told myself. It was nothing at all.

--

Unohana-taichou proved to be a very good healer. I thought that maybe if I went to her, she could find out what was wrong with me. She was sitting outside with a cup of tea and staring out into the unknown.

"Hisana-san, please sit down."

I sat down next to her and coughed a bit. After a long pause I asked her what was wrong with me.

"Hisana, from the looks of it, you might be having a slight fever." She put her palm on my forehead. "You seem to have all the symptoms, but I feel that this one is quite strange. When you were asleep, Byakuya-sama asked me to try healing you, but it was strange how I could heal you, but it would return some hours later." I felt a glow on my head and suddenly, my coughing ceased and I felt my throat drop into a cool sea.

"It's gone," I whispered.

She sighed and looked at me. "Probably an hour later, the coughing will return. I do not know what's wrong with you, but this sickness..." She paused. "…could be fatal."

My eyes widened as she got up from her seat. "It's only a chance, Hisana-san. For now, I can only hope it will go away on its own. In the meantime, try to stay in bed. Your husband tells me that you've been going in and out constantly."

"Oh...I guess I should rest for an hour or two."

"Hisana, if you want to get better, I suggest you stay in bed until the sickness is over. All this activity may be hurting your body." She walked away and waved her hand. I sighed and returned back to the mansion with a worried Byakuya at the door.

--

I admitted I didn't obey Unohana-taichou's orders. Everyday I continued to search Rukongai. I would walk, then sit and then continue, making my kimonos dirty and covered in grime. Byakuya-sama would scold me often and force me to go back in bed, but I would sneak out and keep searching. The days go too fast, I thought. The sun always sets when I'm close.

"Don't push yourself," I heard Byakuya-sama say as I left. "Come back when you're tried." He was getting ready to go on his own mission while I prepared myself for another day of searching. Fall was almost done and spring was approaching. The plum blossoms didn't bloom just yet. It was my fifth year with Byakuya-sama. I felt like my sickness was going away, but I wasn't sure. Byakuya placed a pink flowered shawl on my shoulders and rustled my hair with his hand and face.

"Don't fall again Hisana."

I nodded and left his office. I loved his signs of affection more than anything else and they made me happy. I would feel energized whenever I felt the digits of his fingers crawl across my cheek.

"Goodbye dear," I called as he left as well. I bowed to the Gate Guardian and he allowed me through the gate. All these years of crossing the gate made me familiar with the stalwart man. He was serious about his job, but he was also kind to the people he knew best.

"Thank you, Hikonyuutou-san. Sorry about the trouble."

"You say that every time, Mrs. Kuchiki. Please don't get dirty again. Byakuya-sama would get exasperated like always."

"Enjoy the start of spring!"

I waved goodbye and stepped into Inuzuri. I stretched and started to walk the path that I ended with. When I got really tired, I sat down by the empty crates in an alley and I would stare at the children. I saw a little girl trying to release her spirit energy. I got up and walked again, shaking my leg every now and then to break free of numbness. I sighed and went back to the gates when the sun started to set. It was no use today. I went inside the gate and saw the students of the academy hurry back inside the school.

"How nostalgic..." I whispered.

I saw a red haired boy playing with a cute smaller girl and a blonde boy. He seemed like he was boasting about something. He looked so strange with his unusual eyebrow tattoos. I laughed as he fell down from his own excitement.

"Byakuya-sama has been searching for you Hisana-sama."

"Oh, yes. I'll be going now."

I looked back and sighed. I felt a pain in my heart and almost collapsed. The messenger helped me up and escorted me to the mansion. Without a word, Byakuya-sama put me to bed and blew out the candle that lit the room.

"I'm sorry Byakuya-sama."

"It's alright."

I saw his figure leave the dark room and the quiet tap of the door sliding shut.

--

The blossoms are about to bloom, I thought. It's the start of spring and I feel very sick. Today, Byakuya-sama has his day off and I promised him to stay put today. I wished that my sickness would stop, but it looks like it'll keep going. I thought about Unohana's words...fatal. This could be fatal, but she said it was only a guess, so I needn't worry too much I hope. I got up and started walking outside. Unohana did say that it was bad for me to do too much activity, but she later added that it applied to Rukongai only because of the disease and the dust that blew constantly. She recommended that I walked in Seireitei.

"Good morning Hisana-sama."

"Oh, hello."

"Are you attending the sakura viewing festival tomorrow?"

"Oh, it depends if my condition is better. I'll talk to Byakuya-sama about it."

"You should really come! Kaien-sama said he'll do the Shiba family sake stunt. It's supposed to be very exciting."

"Oh, then I can't wait to see it," I laughed. I watched the woman leave and I clutched my heart. It was hurting more than ever. I walked to the front of the mansion and sat down right on the wooden floor. The pain went away after sitting so I got back up. Then, I felt it. A sharp pain went through my torso and exploded in my heart. I felt dizzy and I remember that I fell down right on the spot.

--

"Hisana...Hisana!"

I woke up to see Byakuya above me. I was lying down on a mat and a pillow was placed underneath me.

"What...? Byakuya-sama?"

"A servant found you lying on the floor unconscious. He didn't dare pick you up himself so he put a pillow and blankets here. Are you alright?"

"I'm...I couldn't lie to him anymore. I'm not okay..."

"You shouldn't be writing in your journal right now. Put that thing away."

I looked down at you, my journal. Everything that passed me by, I put in this journal. You, you are the collection of my memories.

"I must keep writing Byakuya-sama. This book...you said you wanted to read it didn't you?"

Yes, he told me.

"Then it must have an ending...even journals must have endings."

I looked at him and then at myself. I looked so pathetic here, breathing and grasping life by the strings. I felt so very tired and I really wanted to close my eyes. Byakuya picked up my hand and hovered over me. He put down his headdress and I could see his hair dangle over his handsome face. Rukia...it looks like I couldn't find her myself after all.

"...Byakuya-sama, please find my sister. But when you do, please don't let her know that I am her sister." I paused and cringed at the pain in my chest.

"It affects your body. Don't say anymore." He said.

"No, I have to. Without revealing anything, please protect my sister, with your strength, Byakuya-sama. I deserted my own sister."

"Hisana..."

"I have no right to be called her older sister. For that reason, I wanted her to be able to call you her older brother."

I was starting to tear up. Tears hung in my eyes and I blinked through the blurriness.

"Look, only one has bloomed." He looked back at the small blossom on the tree.

"I'm sorry for being so dependent on you even in the end...I'm sorry for not being able to return the love that you've given me whole-heartedly. The five years in which I spent with you, were like a dream come true... Byakuya-sama."

I felt my arm get even more and more tired. The tears fell down my cheeks as I tried to smile. He was...was he? A single tear rolled down his face and dropped to the ground. I felt my heart giving in. I felt the hands of death welcome me and I saw the warm light. It felt...nice. This light was coming to me. I closed my eyes and saw what I saw last, his face, his wonderful face...

What I said was true and would always be true in this life and the next. These five years I've spent with you, Byakuya-sama...

…were like a passing dream.