Jiraiya

Disclaimer: -gets uncomfortable stares- Fine!I don't own Naruto! See, now you can't say I DIDN'T include the disclaimer, right...right?

Because of stupid school, and other major setbacks, I was going to load this yesterday, but alas! I could not! Whoa. I've got to stop reading Shakespeare...

Please, if you have any ideas -cough cough torments- or old/new guests, let me know so I can work it into my 'guest list' (we all know it's not REALLY a guest list...mwuhahaha)

List after Jiraiya: Neji, Shikamaru, Kiba. Heheh. My favorites. Can't wait to torture-ahem- talk to them...ehehe

Warning: Jiraiya might be a bit OOC in this, but then again, mostly everybody is OOC. Remember, no flames and we'll get along like peas and carrots! (I've got to stop watching Forrest Gump too...)

"And don't come back!" S.E threw the old man into the busy street-and lived, unfortunately for S.E. - and went to the elderly retirement center that was conveniently placed next to a funeral service that was also for insect burial.

"Gosh darn it. Shino will pay….MWUAHAHAHAHA-hack hack cough- I need a lozenge…" S.E. walked back to the studio, walked up the stairs to the hard to pronounce place and picked up her microphone and said,

"Welcome to Know Your Stars: Naruto Style Strikes Back! I'm S.E., your lovely villainess- I mean! - low paid announcer! Today's guest is Jiraiya!"

Jiraiya walked in and yelled,

"HEY! YOU THREW MY COUSIN IN THE ROAD!"

"So? He's your cousin?" S.E. placed a finger on her lip.

"Yes."

"He lived though."

"Oh."

Jiraiya sat in the chair.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"

"I'm not gay!"

"Uhuh…sure, whatever. Jiraiya…stuffs popcorn chicken in his head…"

"No I don't! And I know you're a girl!"

"Hey, Popcorn Chicken Head, what's it like to be gay AND meaty? Whoa, that didn't come out right…" She scratched her head.

Awkward silence.

"You are a girl!"

"Because it's you, Jiraiya, I'm not responding."

More awkward silence.

"Jiraiya…doesn't know if he's a boy or a girl…"

"I'm a man! A manly man!" Jiraiya said.

S.E. stepped away.

"You're creepy."

"What?"

"Wait! If you're neither boy OR girl…whoa! Jiraiya…he's bisexual!"

He could have died.

"I just like women!" Jiraiya mumbled something else under his breath, something about hot, naked girls. Eww.

"Wait until everybody in the Naruto world finds out you're bisexual! WHOA! I can see it now!"

JIRAIYA: BOY OR GIRL? THE STORY OF THE BISEXUAL PERVERTED SANNIN

S.E. imagined.

"Uhh…I could see that," Jiraiya said, pointing to the screen.

"Huh? Oh! You can see?"

Jiraiya growled.

"Jiraiya…is so old, he can't see!"

"I can too see! How else am I to do my 'data gathering'?"

S.E. sweat dropped.

"Riiiight…you're hallucinating, old man. Blindly, of course."

"I hate you!"

"Hmph. Meanie!" S.E. cried in chibi form.

"…"

"Now you know…the popcorn chicken head, doesn't if he's a boy or girl, is bisexual, and is blind...the perverted hermit!" S.E. cheered in chibi form.

"I don't have popcorn chicken in my head!"

"That must be why you don't have a brain…" S.E. thought aloud.

"What!"

"Hey, I see your cousin trying to cross the road again…uh oh this doesn't look good…" S.E. looked out the door.

"I'm a gonna get a back wash! Yahoo! Chaaaaaaarge!" The old guy who was STILL in the tub somehow managed to cross the road.

"BOB! NOOO!" Jiraiya pushed S.E. out the way and tried to stop Bob from getting hit by a car.

"Hmm…glad I'm not him! Come on, Kari, let's go eat donuts!" S.E. hugged her Neji/Tenten plush doll and skipped back inside, leaving a whole lot of questions unanswered like, will Bob make it out alive? Will Jiraiya figure out his gender and why did S.E. skip?

S.E.: Uhhh...I got nothing.

Natasha: Me neither.

Chi: Go fish!

S.E.: Huh?

Natasha: We're playing Old Maid, you idiot.

Chi: -sweat drops and nervous smile- Eheh...I knew that.