It was just another day in heaven, and Nuriko, bless his sweet, gender-confused heart, was bored.
" I'm bored!" he yelled.
" Come on then, answer me!" he demanded, tapping his foot on the floor impatiently.
" Nuriko-san, would you please be quiet?" pleaded Hikitsu, briefly looking up from the intense Monopoly game he was involved in with Tomite.
" Shut up!" Nuriko snapped. " It's bad enough that I'm dead, but I have to be stuck in a room with a one-eyed guy and hat boy."
" We did offer to let you join in our game," Tomite reminded him, absently rolling the dice. " Hey! Double sixes!"
" I don't like Monopoly! And anyway, where are the rest of you Genbu Seishi? I thought they were dead too," Nuriko asked.
" Oh, they are," nodded Hikitsu. " It's just that we have our own room."
" Why?"
Hikitsu and Tomite exchanged nervous glances. " No reason!" they said in unison.
Nuriko continued to eye them suspiciously. " Yeah, well, if you say so. Anyway, I want to bust out of here!"
" Bust out of here?" Hikitsu repeated incredulously, moving his character five spaces around the board. " This isn't a prison, you know."
" Though we do have handcuffs!" Tomite piped up cheerfully.
Hikitsu blushed bright red and elbowed Tomite in the side. " Tomite! Be quiet!"
" What? It's true. But only for tonight. Uruki said she wants them back tomorrow. I mean HE wants them back. Oh, I mean SHE-- Ah, screw it."
Nuriko sweatdropped. " Er, I guess that means I should be elsewhere tonight? Since I don't feel like being a voyeur... for once. Unless one of you spontaneously turned into Hotohori-sama."
Nuriko peered closely at Hikitsu, who stared back at him owlishly. " Actually, you kind of look like a blond version of Hotohori-sama."
The Genbu Seishi exchanged glances. " Is that a compliment?" said blond version of Hotohori asked.
" I dunno, sweetie. But you look lovely to me," Tomite answered his boyfr-- er, his 'companion'.
Hikitsu sighed and buried his head in his hands. " I think the author's obsessed with us..."
It was at that moment that Namame burst in through the door, grinning maniacally and wielding an axe.
" Er, Namame, are you feeling OK?" Tomite questioned nervously.
Namame dropped his axe and whipped out a pad of paper, and began scribbling wildly. Proudly, he held the pad aloft. " I'm feeling annoyed and frustrated because, you know, I can't talk! Even in death, I can't talk! And Uruki and Takiko won't stop making out! And Hatsui ate all the cookies! And then--"
Luckily the paper trailed off at that point, and Namame sat down on the floor and started sobbing. Well, as best as he could.
" That's it! I'm gonna go get drunk!" Nuriko announced, storming out of the room.
" Ooh, can I join you?" Tomite pleaded, leaping up from his chair. " Hikitsu was beating me anyway. And not in that kinky bondage way, either."
" Tomite! Shut up!" Hikitsu whined exasperatedly, following the other two out of the room.
The trio had decided to have a night (well, day) out on the town. Which for them meant going to bars and haunting random people, while stealing assloads of alcohol.
Luckily for them, Suzaku and Genbu didn't noticed any of their sinful thievery because they were distracted by their game of checkers. And since the author doesn't know anything about checkers, she won't go into too much detail.
But let's just say they were playing checkers and Suzaku was sad because he'd recently broken his favourite spice rack. Poor baby.
With the Gods distracted, their Seishi could run amuck. Those naughty boys! They deserve a good spanking!
" Well, actually, Hikitsu and I--"
" Tomite! Shut up!"
At a local bar in Hokan, sat local bar people. Er, I mean people who liked drinking at a bar... Anyway, these random people sat about, talking and drinking and drinking and drink--
Namame held up his pad of paper. " We get the point, foolish author-slash-narrator."
What are you doing here? I thought we left you back at the heaven?
" Yeah, well, I got bored. You can only eat so much ham before going completely psycho."
OK... Just go join the others!
Namame gave a silent cheer, before racing off to join the other Seishi, who had just entered the bar.
Nuriko dramatically flung the front door open. He didn't really need to, since as a ghost he could just float through it, but Nuriko likes being dramatic, and he wanted the bar people to cower in terror at the sight of the magically opening door!
Sadly for him, the bar people were too busy getting drunk off fermented vegetable drinks (beer) to pay any attention to the door. ... Poo.
Tomite strutted over to the nearest bar person, and proceeded to swipe the mug of beer from his nasty, bar person hand.
Now normally when your mug of beer suddenly leaps out of your hand, dances gleefully in the air (Tomite's not quite right in the head...), before being tipped back in a drinking motion, your first reaction would be to pee your undergarments and start squealing like a female in almost any old-time movie.
But remember; bar plus alcohol plus bar people equals drunken bar people, thus most of them are already seeing things. Thus said bar person though his companion had merely stolen his drink.
" You stole my drink!" the bar person shouted accusingly. " Thems' fightin' words!"
" But I didn't say anything," replied his befuddled companion.
" Quiet, you!"
The bar people lunged at each other, beating each other's faces in, while Nuriko, fascinated by the display, watched on.
" This is outstanding!" Nuriko cried happily. " They're committing acts of senseless violence!"
Tomite put down his drink, giggling idiotically. " It's funny because it's violent."
Hikitsu groaned and slumped into a nearby chair. " I can't believe I'm dating such a knucklehead." He paused and blinked in confusion. " Huh? What? Oh, now the author's putting words in my mouth!"
Tomite's voice came sailing across the room, " That's not the only thing that goes in your mouth, sweetie!"
" Tomite! Shut up!"
And then the bar exploded, and everybody was covered in exploding bar.
Outside the bar, people were panicking. Because, you know, a bar just exploded in the middle of the street! Only an idiot wouldn't be reacting, fools!
A woman pointed up at the blazing bar, gasping in despair. " Oh, no! The bar exploded. Quick, somebody call the fire brigade!"
Her husband stared at her uncomprehendingly. " The what?"
" You know, those two idiots from down the road who like shouting and chucking water about."
And thus the fire brigade was called! Pete and Pete2 came rushing down the dusty road, their buckets of water clutched tightly in the hands, their drool-splattered fangs gleaming brightly in the moonlight... Huh? Fangs?
Anyway, apparently it was somehow night time... I guess because fires just look better at night.
Namame held up his pad of paper. " You're just an idiot, human female!"
Quiet, rock-features. I'm telling this story!
" You're a pie head! A big, gooey pie head!"
Wow. I didn't know rocks could smoke crack... Anyway, Pete and Pete2 lobbed their buckets of water at the fire; and missed. How sad, really, I mean-- Hey, hang on. Who cares about some freaking fire? Where the hell did Nuriko and the others go?
" They went back to heaven. They got bored of your story," read Namame's pad of paper.
Oh, sticks. Well, since no scene change would be complete without it... Tomite! Quickly say something sexy about you and Hikitsu's relationship!
" Er, I like having sex with Hikitsu?"
" Tomite! Shut up!"
Nuriko had given in. He'd joined in the game of Monopoly.
" My go. One, two, three... Oh, a chance. It's my birthday, collect £10 from each player."
Hikitsu looked away. " I don't have £10."
" Yes you do, I can see your pile of money right there," Nuriko said, narrowing his eyes. " You must have at least £2000."
" Exactly. So I don't have £10, I've got £2000."
" So you give me £10 of your £2000."
" ... I don't want to."
" You have to, it's the rules!"
Tomite buried his head in his hands. " I need more booze," he whimpered.
The end!
Did you enjoy it? I hope so, cause I sure did, even if it was as odd as people who like eating food that I don't.
... Yeah, well, bye!
See you in the next story!