A/N- I don't really believe that Riza and Roy would ever marry (sob), but I'm not here to discuss that. I must be a romantic at heart, because this is my second Royai wedding fic in a row.
Has anyone watched the TV show Four Weddings? It's a program on TLC (The Learning Channel- where you mostly learn about hoarders or people with double digit numbers of children.) On Four Weddings, one of the less messy and less noisy shows, four women, who have just met, attend each others' weddings and rate them. The couple with the highest rated wedding wins a honeymoon. Imagine that Riza and Roy decide to compete. Obviously, this is totally a crack fic.
Roy and Riza are the last of the four couples to be wed, so she is Bride Number Four. I couldn't (was too lazy to?) come up with a good way to give this a plot, so it's just Roy's and Riza's and the other brides' comments on the wedding.
Bride Number One: I'm giving Riza's wedding a six out of ten. The wedding really showed how much she and the groom love each other, but she really didn't have a theme, and her decorations were just so-so. What I really didn't like was that her dress made her seem older. She's a beautiful girl- for her age- but her dress was so simple, and it covered too much. I would have liked to see her in something more modern and revealing. Something tight like a mermaid dress. And, what was that with such a high back? She looks like she's in good shape. She should show some sex appeal.
Bride Number Two: I have to give Riza a three out of ten, because I was just scared shitless the entire time. First, a huge glowering Ishvalan man with a scar on his face was seated right behind me. Right across the aisle was a nearly bald even HUGER man who was crying. Then, the officiant, who was listed as Riza's grandfather, wore a dress. At one point, a window accidentally slammed shut, and Riza pulled two guns out of her dress, and her groom pulled gloves out of his pockets and donned them. They swiftly turned so that they were back to back and surveyed the room. Meanwhile, four of their friends jumped up, also with guns drawn, and checked all of the windows and doors. Riza's grandfather (?) just laughed. So did a young man with a blond braid. His even blonder date hit him with a wrench, so I got the idea that it might have been a prank of his. I just really wanted to get out of there. If I'd had a ride, I'd have skipped out on the reception.
Bride Number Three: Riza's wedding was a hard ten! That wedding was as wild af. The ceremony was nuts. There was even a dog in the procession. But the reception… it was the best party I've ever been to. I loved it when the groom reached for the bride's garter but kept pulling out guns and knives as the crowd cheered. She must have had a cache under that skirt. I didn't get it at first. Was she trying to warn her groom away? Then, the dark-haired woman who was Riza's attendant yelled, "So you're travelling light today, Riz?" I wondered why she didn't shoot the bouquet down after she tossed it! Apparently, Riza always carries several weapons for some reason. I know she was in the Army. She didn't seem paranoid when we were hanging out at the other weddings. Someone said that she's very protective of her groom.
And speaking of the groom, I wondered why he pulled gloves on during the ceremony. With Riza being so tough, I wondered if he was a shrinking violet. NOPE! The reception hall had very low lighting when we came in. The happy couple entered. After kissing Riza, he gloved up and snapped his fingers. With that snap, he lit all of the candles on all of the tables. Best of all, he came around to make sure all of our platters were hot, and he warmed them up if needed. That guy is a hottie in more than one way.
I'm sorry. I've talked way too much. I hope I can get an uncut recording of those heckin' nuptials.
Roy: I think we deserve to win, but I'm just relieved that she finally married me. I had a great time. Riza was so beautiful. Almost everything was perfect. I just knew that the window had something to do with Full… Edward. Riza said that I couldn't flambe him on our wedding day, so I just had the servers keep bringing him glasses of milk.
Riza: It went surprisingly well, given the groom and the audience. I'd trained the participants as well as I could, but they're all loose cannons. At least I'm finally married to this idiot. Why did I do that?
A/N- I hope that everyone is doing well and keeping safe from COVID-19. Seasons greetings to all, and Happy New Year.