Chapter 3: Heart's Desire
As they neared Carson's sick bay, the visions of Elizabeth's pink bunny suit faded and John shook off Carson and Lorne.
"I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own."
"Not a few minutes ago when you were muttering about bunnies," Major Lorne said and regarded John warily. "And drooling."
"I don't drool."
Carson cleared his throat. "You were drooling."
"I wasn't drooling! And stop looking at me like I'm going to attack you, it's pissing me off."
"Fair enough then," Carson gently inserted himself between Lorne and John. "Let me have a good look at you and we'll figure this out."
John didn't budge. Lorne drew his taser.
John's eyes narrowed on his second-in-command. "You wouldn't."
"We have orders from Dr. Weir," said Lorne.
"And I'm countermanding them. Step down, Major." John's easy going demeanor melted away and Lorne swallowed and stepped back.
Carson pushed the taser down. Lorne tucked it away. "John, it'll take just a moment of your time. Dr. Weir was very firm in her orders, don't blame Lorne for them."
Feeling unusually grumpy, John entered the sick bay followed by Lorne and Carson.
Carson nodded toward his team inside the room, dismissing them.
"Lorne, wait outside," John ordered, and growled when Lorne hesitated. "I'm still your commanding officer."
Carson gave Lorne a barely visible nod and the young Major left.
Carson gestured to an exam table. "Sit."
"There's nothing wrong with me."
"Sorry, laddie, but it didn't appear that way in the briefing room. If you are well, then you can go after I have a look. Just cooperate a bit?"
John sat on the table. He felt good. In fact, when he thought about Elizabeth in a bunny suit he felt damn good and he smiled to himself as Carson took his temperature and blood pressure.
"Everything looks normal. Can you tell me how you feel?"
"I feel… great."
Carson wasn't buying it. "Then can you describe to me what you were feeling in the briefing room right before you fell and uh… after? You were muttering something about a bunny. Was it the wee lass's rabbit?"
"No."
"You seemed agitated; does that help bring anything back? Was it the Wraith?"
"No."
"Some type of delayed post stress syndrome? There are times we thought you were dead."
John mouth twitched in irritation. "No and no."
"Kolya?"
"NO!"
Carson's infinite good nature evaporated. "Colonel! I am leaving tomorrow through the gate and you're being a pain in my arse. Seeing that you're facing confinement to your quarters, I would guess you'd be more cooperative. We don't have time to play twenty questions."
"Sorry, doc." John rubbed the back of his neck. "The problem is a little embarrassing."
"Oh!" A drawing realization fell over Carson's expressive face. He nodded sagely and patted John on the shoulder. "Erectile dysfunction is not something to be embarrassed about, lad. Although, I've never heard of it causing hallucinations, maybe in your case---"
"What do you mean in my case?" John asked. "You don't buy into Rodney's Captain Kirk crap?"
Carson's face reddened. "Well, from my own observations there appears to be some indication that—."
"Carson! I don't have erectile dysfunction."
"Right. Of course you don't." Carson frowned as he just realized how ridiculous that was when applied to John.
John crossed his arms. "I'm having hallucinations about… Elizabeth."
"She turned into a rabbit?" Carson asked, incredulous.
"Something like that." He peered up at Carson, then looked at his shoes. "This won't go anywhere, will it, doc?"
"Of course not, I have my oath—"
"Yeah, yeah." John couldn't meet Carson's steady gaze. "I saw Elizabeth in… a… er.. Playboy bunny suit," he finished quickly. He looked at the floor. At the door. At his boots. At the table.
"John."
"Yeah."
"Did I hear you correctly? You saw Elizabeth in a Playboy bunny suit?"
"Pink suit. With ears and a tail."
"That's… bad."
"Yeah. Well. No. It's not bad at all. I mean, if you saw what I saw, well, who would have guessed that she looked pretty damn good actually and I really wanted to---"
"Colonel!" Carson interrupted. "That's all I need to know." John felt the tips of his ears redden. Carson continued. "If you're hallucinating about Elizabeth in a … Playboy uh… bunny suit, what might happen in a tight situation? I can't let you go on any missions until we figure this out." Carson drew up a wheeled chair and sat. "Eat anything unusual?"
"I don't think it was the MREs."
Carson shined a light in his eyes. "Do anything? Go anywhere? Perhaps an inhaled hallucinogen? Weren't you down in the city with Rodney? Maybe it was something there and something about the lass's bunny triggered it."
"That sounds ridiculous."
"It does, but stranger things have happened here."
John shook his head, then stopped. "I touched something." Carson looked at him expectantly. "It was a marble, or like a marble and when I held it, it glowed and I felt warm."
"Pain?"
"No, it was quite… pleasant. Rodney has it."
"Did he touch it?"
"He used gloves and handed me my ass for touching it."
"Wise man." Carson tapped his earpiece. "Rodney, could you come down sick bay? Bring that device Colonel Sheppard found."
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Elizabeth walked down the corridor to the sick bay. She was worried about John more than she let on during the briefing. Keeping her mind on the business at hand had been difficult, but she'd managed. In the past, she had observed John in a lot of dangerous situations, and he was always unnaturally calm and fearless, bordering on cocky. Not bordering at all, she corrected herself. He was cocky. Major Lorne was capable, but John she trusted, even when he did something hair-brained she knew he had a good reason.
Professionally, she needed John for the mission on Pashant and personally… well she often found herself pushing personal feelings away so she didn't have to examine them too closely. Every time John walked through that gate, she fought down a flood of personal feelings that gathered in the pit of her stomach. He led a dangerous life, but it was necessary for the continuing survival of Atlantis. She often consoled herself with the realization that if anyone could get out of a sticky situation, John could. Elizabeth smiled despite her worry. She swore he was going to kiss her in the briefing room. Kiss her! Elizabeth's smile grew broader. That was something she never expected from him. And she'd never seen such a look on his face before.
Elizabeth stopped at the door to sick bay, it swished open and she entered.
Rodney stood by Carson, backs to her and their bodies blocked her view of John. Their three heads were together, completely oblivious to anything else around them. Rodney, in his gloved hand, held a glowing marble about the size of a golf ball. She moved closer for a look.
"Do you have any idea what this thing is?" Carson asked.
Rodney replied. "Between today in the city and the briefing, no I haven't."
"This thing might be the reason John is seeing Dr. Weir in playboy bunny suits."
John groaned.
A huge grin spread across Rodney's face and he snickered. "You're kidding me right." His smile increased. "Isn't this par for the course? Normal even for Captain Kirk here? Colonel, I bet you're seeing all the women on base in playboy bunny suits. Maybe I should touch the the thing."
"Rodney," John growled. "It's only Elizabeth."
"Only Elizabeth? Hm. Now isn't that interesting. Are you trying to tell us something, Colonel?"
"Shut up Rodney."
Rodney suddenly snapped his fingers, now all business, his lopsided grin vanished. "Maybe that is what the device is trying to tell John."
"What is it telling him? That it wants him to see me… in a playboy bunny suit?" Elizabeth crossed her arms and one eyebrow rose. Three heads swiveled suddenly in her direction. If the situation were different, it would have been comical. They all looked so very guilty, John especially. She shouldered Carson and Rodney aside and stood in front of her facility's commanding officer.
"What do you see now?"
John squeezed his eyes shut. If the Daedalus was here, he'd love Caldwell to beam him up. He wanted to be anywhere but here. Think of something benign, he ordered himself. Football! Yeah. Football. He mentally ran through some of his favorite plays.
God, Elizabeth was close. He could feel her next to him. The warmth of her. She brushed his leg with hers.
"John," she said somewhere near his ear.
He opened his eyes. Oh god.
"Cha… Cheerleader," he said in a strangled voice. Oh God, he'd always loved watching the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
Pom Poms dangled from her hands. She looked incredibly… sexy. He grabbed her hand and again, warmth filled him. This had to be the right thing to do a fading coherent voice assured him.
John pulled Elizabeth between his legs, ran a hand behind her head through her soft hair and pulled her lips down to his.
(TBC)