Title: Star Wars Metaphors
Characters/Pairing: House/Cuddy Chase, Cameron, Wilson, Random Nurse
Rating: K/ PG
Genre: Humor
Summary: You can never have too many Star Wars metaphors.
Author's Note: This is my House Het Ficathon on LJ. It was written forriverdoe.
Pairing: House/Cuddy or Cameron/Wilson
Wanted to see: Noodles, Clinic, Revealing clothes
Did not want to see: Smut, major angst
This has a lot of Star Wars jokes/metaphors. Not so much from the movies but from the books that take place afterward. All you really need to know is
Thrawn evil imperial
C'baoth dark Jedi, crazy, helps imperials,
Pellaeon Thrawn's right hand man but not that evil
Jaina/Jacen Han and Leia's twins
Jaina/Jag couple
Rogue Leader Good guy leader of theRogue Squadron
House had really done it this time. The nurse on duty didn't even notice she was so shocked that he had actually got her name right. It was the first time in months she didn't need to tell him "It's Marisa not Clarisa!" She silently checked him in hoping not to get in the way of whatever malevolent plan he had in mind. Cuddy, of course, noticed immediately. She strode up to him and abruptly blocked him from view of the patients. He stopped and pretending to almost run into her.
"Hello Dr. Cuddy!" House said cheerily holding his arms at his sides in an almost unnatural position. "How are you today?"
She studied him closely for a minute and grimaced. "I was fine before your incredibly inappropriate clothing choice."
"Really this is my favorite outfit." House replied with mock enthusiasm. She sighed.
"Dr. House you have ten minutes to change your outfit to something more work appropriate." He gave her a puppy dog face.
"Don't you think we should discuss my inappropriate clothing choice in private and maybe organizing some punishment?" He wagged his eyebrows at her and she frowned.
"You can't do this forever House."
"Watch me." There was a pregnant pause as they shared a look.
"Fine, I'll see you in the men's locker room in ten minutes. You better have it cleared by then.
He smiled triumphantly. "Yes ma'am!"
"Doctor Cameron!" Marisa squealed. Cameron looked at the young cheery blonde. Her face was alight with excitement.
"What?" She replied.
"I just heard Dr. Cuddy tell Dr. House that she would see him in the men's bathroom in ten minutes and that he better have it cleared out by then."
Cameron's eyes gleamed when she heard this. "Good work Rogue Leader." Cameron said a little too loudly.
"Are you going in, Jaina?" Marisa asked excitedly.
"No, I'll let Jacen do it. I can't just go walking into a men's locker room like it's a normal occurrence."
"But he just got back from a shift at the ICU."
"Perfect, he has a reason to be in the showers." Cameron suddenly felt a tap on her on her turned shoulder.
"Should I be taking you to the psych ward?" The incredibly boyish Dr. Wilson asked the two women.
"Hello Dr. Wilson!" Marisa stammered "Oh I'm sorry, you asked me to call you James. Anyway, Ally and I were just joking around-"
"Wait," Cameron cut in "I think we can make him into a Pellaeon."
"Well now you've really yearned a trip to the third floor." Wilson replied incredulously.
"They're code names from Star Wars!" Cameron replied enthusiastically.
"As in Star Wars by George Lucas-"
"No the books that came after it. Dr. Chase got us into them." Marisa giggled.
"We just found out-" Cameron started
"I know what you found out, you talk loudly. It's not really-"
"They were talking about inappropriate clothing. I bet she rips them off him." Marisa whispered as Wilson furrowed his brow.
"And you want to see this?" He asked completely flabbergasted.
"No she's already told him she will not you know do him at work."' Cameron flashed a meticulous grin at the older man.
"How long have you been spying on them?"
"Fifteen Months." The women said simultaneously. Checking her watch Cameron quickly dialed Jacen.
Chase groaned as his cell phone rang. If it was House with anew puzzle to solve he was going to murder. He over to the side of the entrance to PPTH and answered his cell phone.
"Yeah?" He said irritably.
"Jacen? This is Jiana." Cameron said quietly.
"New mission? Something to with C'baoth, Thrawn, or Pellaeon?"
"C'baoth and Thrawn, only I like right now they're more like Luke and Mara. Oh and by the way Pellaeon's on our side now."
"Really?" Chase asked and then mentally slapped himself for agreeing to this.
"Yeah, I need you in the men's shower as soon as possible and make sure House doesn't see you!"
"What's going on?"
"I'll tell you on the way."
As Cameron filled Chase in on the plot, Wilson asked Marisa quietly "Who's Thrawn and C'baoth?"
"House and Cuddy when they're arguing, when there a couple they're Luke and Mara." Marisa whispered back.
Suddenly Wilson felt incredibly stupid for going along with all this, even worse then stupid, juvenile. More juvenile then the nine-year-old twins whacking each other with pool noodles behind him. Marisa interrupted his thoughts by a furtively whisper, "You know, I think Jiana wants you to be Jag. If you know what I mean…"
"Who is that?"
Marisa just snickered.
Chase poked his head into the men's bathroom. He could hear House warning everyone that he was about to fart really loudly. He snuck in the shower farthest away from House, hoping that House wouldn't have time to check this one. He turned on his cell phone and logged on to IM. Cameron was already on.
Jaina30405: has anything happened?
Jacen30405: no
Now that House was done clearing everyone else from the room, Chase could hear the older man start to check the showers. Chase hurriedly hid his cell and bent down like he was untying his shoe. He became more anxious as House got closer and closer.
"HOUSE I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Cuddy's voice suddenly boomed though the locker room. House stopped checking showers.
"It's alright Lisa, the coast is clear." House hollered back at her. Chase whipped his cell phone out, prepared to paraphrase everything to Cameron. "Now can we arrange that punishment..."
Chase could hear Cuddy sigh loudly, "You can't do this forever, Greg."
"Come on! This is what you wanted-"
"How do you know want?" Cuddy sounded near tears, "just because you wear your more revealing clothing, that doesn't mean I'm going to say yes this time."
Cameron and Marisa were clamored around the doctor's cell phone, reading Chase's version of the conversation. Wilson read it over their shoulders.
"Oh I know-" Wilson started but the women silenced him with one look. "But-" he was silenced a second time.
"This is what you wanted, remember in med school-" House implored almost anxiously back in the locker room.
"That terminology doesn't even work, Dr. House."
"Over course it does!" Chase could hear house shuffle a little.
"Oh great that really makes everything one hundred percent better!"
"So what do you say?"
"About what?"
"This!"
"He's going to ask her something big!" Marisa squealed girlishly as she shared a giggle with Cameron. Wilson just nodded his head. He had long given up on saying anything. A new message flashed on the screen.
Jacen30405: He asked her... to marry him.
Marisa and Cameron shared a look of disbelief. Then started squealing and giggling. Wilson just sighed "Again?" This really earned him a look from the women.
"How come you didn't tell us?" Cameron asked frantically.
Wilson face palmed, "You didn't give me a chance."
"Aww, we didn't give you much of a chance to be a good guy, did we?" Marisa cooed apologetically.
"It doesn't matter, Cuddy is going to say no and House is going to drive himself crazy trying to think of a new way to make her say yes." Wilson mumbled as he rubbed the back of his neck.
"Wait a second..." Cameron said slowly peering down at her cell phone. Marisa and Wilson crowded around to see.
Jacen30405: She said...yes
Wilson excused himself from the women into a seldom-used hallway and whipped out his cell phone.
"Mission accomplished, Grand Admiral Thrawn, Master C'baoth. The rebels are eating this out of the palm of our hands."
FIN