Disclaimer: Not mine, but CBS and I'm sure loads of other people whose names I don't know.
Still Waters
By
Rogue Amazon Boo
She hated empathy, it had caused her nothing but trouble back home and now it was wreaking havoc with her emotions yet again. In a rare display of pique she grabbed a hold of the metal folds on her locker door and slammed it home with a resounding thud. The door hit the catch with a loud clang but didn't stick, instead the ringing echoed throughout the deserted room with every swing. It seemed to linger, a harsh reminder of the burning frustration that had been slowly creeping into her heart.
Lindsay Monroe sank down on a nearby bench and ran a frustrated hand through her hair.
It was a childish gesture on her part, slamming her locker door, but she didn't really know how else to express what was going on inside of her. She felt torn in so many directions right now she was surprised she could remember her own name.
"Damn him, anyway," she muttered.
He wasn't supposed to be important to her. She had already learned that lesson the hard way back in Montana. She had made a promise to herself when she came to New York and here she was, already breaking her own rules. Danny Messer should just have been another colleague to her but she had a sinking feeling that she had been lying to herself.
She felt an ache beginning between her shoulder blades; she stretched to relieve it and sighed deeply. It was just too bad she couldn't relieve the ache in her heart the same way, and thinking about that ache was giving her a migraine that could stop an elephant cold. Lindsay started to massage her temples, seeking relief but finding none.
"What are you doing, Monroe?" She questioned. The empty room did not have any easy answers for her.
Lindsay stared at the gleaming metal surface of her locker for a few more moments, debating.
She wanted to go to the hospital and see him but at the same time she knew that it would not be a good idea.
Lindsay's thoughts drifted back to that moment, that moment that had shown her that she really and truly was in danger of feeling something beyond professional respect for Danny Messer.
Earlier that Week
"Lindsay?" The pretty brunette heard her name and turned towards her boss Detective Mac Taylor. He was eyeing her with an indulgent half smile.
"You were supposed to be off today."
She grimaced and smiled weakly.
He was right, today was her day off but she had been in the middle of her capoeira class when an idea had struck her in regards to the Pratt case. She had wanted to check it out and had wanted to do so under the radar.
Mac had pulled her in a few days ago and she really didn't want a repeat of that incident. He was fair about it she supposed, and he had told her that he understood her drive to nail Pratt. God knew that Mac wanted the bastard just as much as she did, but he didn't want her to get consumed by the case.
He had left unspoken the fact that Adien had let just that happen to her and the deeper that she dug the more she understood why. Lindsay was at the point where even though never met the young woman whom she had replaced she felt a sort of kinship towards her now. The Pratt case made strange bedfellows and from the lecture she had received her empathy with Adien was exactly what Mac feared would happen.
Looking at Mac, and reading his expression she could tell that the next question out of his mouth was going to be to ask why she was here, so she decided to beat him to the punch.
"I needed to check on something," she said but didn't elaborate. Her boss frowned.
"Well since you are here maybe you can process some evidence for me? I need to get back to see Hawkes."
Lindsay willed her face not to change its politely inquiring expression but inwardly she cringed.
She didn't want to work new evidence today, what she wanted was to obsess over old evidence, but she couldn't say no to Mac. In the first place he was her boss and if he wanted her to process evidence than she needed to process evidence, in the second she couldn't make any excuse right now that would not have her yanked into his office for another lecture.
"Sure Mac, what do you have?" He dangled a bag in front of her containing a very old cigarette butt.
"I've got a fifteen year old cold case and an old cigarette butt. What I need is some good news and some DNA. Think you can handle it?"
She frowned, the creases crinkling her forehead like they did when she was in deep thought.
"Yeah, I'll get on it," Lindsay replied and took the bag.
Mac smiled as he watched her go, shaking his head. He knew, of course, why she was really here on her day off and he was glad that he had something to give her to distract her.
"You need to be careful Lindsay. D.J. Pratt has already cost me one good C.S.I. and I don't want to lose another," he muttered. He then turned and started back down the hallway. He really did need to meet up with Hawkes.
Lindsay walked down the hall, her high heeled boots clicking on the tile floor. She had to physically bit back an inward groan of pure frustration. She had a fifteen year old cigarette butt to process and no hope of getting to any of the Pratt information in the foreseeable future. Mac and effectively painted her into and corner and she had a sneaking suspicion that he knew it.
Uttering a low curse, she pushed open the door leading to the outer enclave of the lab and shrugged into her white chemist coat. She had to dig a little for her pass key but she retrieved it and used it to enter the inner sanctum. The sooner she got on this the sooner she could, maybe, get to the reason she had come in today.
Even in her annoyed state Lindsay took her work very seriously. In her careful and methodical fashion she started to process the cigarette butt. She even managed to keep any internal grumbling to the barest of minimums and a short hour and half later she was standing by the computer waiting for it to spit out the results. Her stomach grumbled, reminding her that she hadn't had a thing to eat all day, White Chocolate Mocha lattes not withstanding. She was thinking about going to the pizzeria down the street for a slice when the machine in front of her demanded her attention.
She took one look at the report and all thoughts of food deserted her. Instead she felt sick as she read and re-read what was printed on the paper in front of her.
"This is not possible," she muttered. Her mind couldn't even begin to process what it was seeing much less believe. Agitated, Lindsay placed the report inside a thick file folder and left the lab. She hung up her coat in the outer enclave, went out the door and into the hall. Once there she just sort of stood there, not really sure what her next move should be.
What she should be doing was going directly to Mac's office; do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. What she was going to do, and she knew it as assuredly as she breathed, was call Danny instead.
She felt like she was on autopilot she pressed the familiar code and let it ring. She went directly to voice mail and she cursed. Quickly her fingers flew over the key pad. The message she typed went as follows:
911 Messer, meet me in the East hallway, 2nd floor, M.
She sent the text message along with the 911 page and started towards the rendezvous. She just hoped to God that he had some sort of explanation.
Lindsay was pacing back and forth, checking her watch every few minutes. Her only thoughts at the moment were where the hell is he and he should be here by now. Another few minutes passed and she sent him another 911 page. She then forced herself to stand still. She was just about to page him again when she saw him walking towards her. His expressive face wore a puzzled expression.
"You 911'd me what's going on Montana?" He asked. Danny stopped right in front of her. He didn't like the expression on her face. She looked worried and beseeching. It didn't suit her at all.
"I was processing some DNA for Mac and it came up as a match to an internal reference sample." Not even a how ya doing, he thought, just right down to business as usually. With a flash of annoyance he took the folder from her, looked down, and the abruptly looked back up at her.
"Has anyone else seen this?" he asked. The distress in her brown eyes deepened and he was struck anew with a thought that he'd had many times before. Lindsay Monroe had the most expressive eyes he had ever seen on a woman, especially when she was feeling something very deeply.
"No, only you," she answered. He looked at her again. That surprised him. He would have thought that she would have run straight to Mac the minute the report came out. Of course his nature wasn't of the trusting sort. He wondered why she hadn't turned him in right away, but his musings were eclipsed by bigger worries.
Danny's spirit sank. He realized he couldn't give her an explanation as to why his DNA was at a crime scene and he also realized that he was going to ask her to do him a favor.
"Don't tell anyone else about this, all right?" Her eyes widened and he could tell that he had just asked her to do something that was completely against her nature.
He was even thinking about retracting his request when she surprised him again by nodding her consent. She didn't look happy about it but she was willing to do it. Danny wasn't sure how he felt about that right at the moment.
Without another word to her he turned and walked away. He couldn't stand to look into those deep brown eyes for one second longer. If he did he was going to drown, as it was he felt them on his back until he was well and truly out of sight.
Danny had thought that the dressing down Mac had given him during that shooting incident had been bad, but this, this was so much worse. He tried to look impassive as he could when they took his gun, but when he had to hand them his badge it took everything in his power not to lose it. He turned his head to look through the plated glass into the hall. Stella stood there with Flack, Hawkes and…Lindsay. He swallowed passed the lump in his throat.
She was looking at him like it physically pained her to see this happening to him. She wouldn't turn away and Danny had the distinct impression that she was torturing herself. He had the sudden urge to find out why.
When they were done stripping him of his dignity in Mac's office, they allowed him to leave. He noticed that his colleagues were still waiting for him, all except for one.
None of them said anything but Stella reached out and gave his arm a small squeeze before turning away. Flack just stood there with this look in his eye, he then turned and started down the hall. It was as good as a promise to Danny and he nodded his acceptance. Hawkes had gone with Stella, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He had a sudden urge to find Lindsay.
He started down the hall towards the break room, hunting his prey mostly on instinct. He found her standing next to the coffee pot staring down into a cup of black coffee, like she wasn't sure what it was. He came forward and gently took it from her hand. She looked up startled but she didn't say anything. He busied himself and added two creams and three sugars to the coffee before handing it back to her with a sardonic grin.
It was exactly the way she always fixed it for herself and Lindsay felt her stomach knot in self reproach.
"I'm so sorry Danny," she blurted and looked down. He frowned at her and placed a hand on her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.
"Don't you be sorry for do'in your job, Montana. I told Mac what went down and he believes me. They're gonna find something that clears this up for me. I know it."
She still looked pained, and Danny found that he wanted very badly to kiss her, and make her forget all about her recriminations. It was a dangerous thought. One of a score of dangerous thought he had been having about her lately.
He had to remind himself that she wasn't his type, not at all. Her expressive brown eyes saw too much, delved too deep. She wasn't naïve or innocent, he knew, but she had an innocent way of questioning the world around her. She wouldn't be content with something casual and fun, and he knew that if he was ever stupid enough to go there, neither would he. She would devour his soul and it was a death he knew he would be happy to march towards.
"I mean it, Monroe, don't do this. It'll be fine…you'll see."
She pulled back slightly, slipping out of his grasp, and took a sip of her coffee.
"You make a good cup of coffee, Messer. I might have to give you a job," she said.
This seemingly unrelated comment had Danny breathing a sigh of relief. If she could joke then she wasn't dwelling, he needed her focused right now. He couldn't, however, resist the urge to slip a little innuendo in. After all he owed her for all the sleepless nights he had been having since she had started that whole phone sex fantasy conversation with him.
"I don't know about that, depends on the benefits and on how early you want me." Lindsay just gave him the same type of look she had when he suggest that he would have to marry her, sort of bemused and incredulous.
"In your dreams, Messer," she replied, took a sip of her coffee, and walked out. He watched the sway of her hips and sighed. In his dreams, and that was the whole problem.
Lindsay pushed the play button for the tenth time and the relief coursing through her was a kind she hadn't felt since the day she had moved from Bozeman to New York. Danny's brother had saved his ass with this wire tap.
Her sense of comfort was bone deep and seemed to lift the anxiety she had been carrying since making the DNA discovery that had started this roller coaster.
Danny was innocent.
Deep down she had known that he was. Deep down she had even had a moment's thought that she would have suppressed the report if given half a chance.
The acknowledgement of this feeling scared her because she knew it would have meant the end of her career. She wasn't sure she liked what that said about her.
She didn't have to do anything of the sort…this time.
Lindsay hit the rewind button so she could listen to the tape again and hoped that there wouldn't be a next time. She was about to press play when a familiar voice startled her.
"What'cha got there, Montana? Garth Brooks' greatest hits?" She whirled to face him, nearly dropping the mini cassette recorder.
"Damn it, Danny! You scared me!" He smiled but it was a tired sort of smile. He approached her cautiously and held out his hand for the recorder.
"That the evidence Mac told me about?"
Lindsay's hand tightened around the recorder, as if to protect it. She nodded.
"Can I see it?' He asked quietly.
She hesitated, nodded again, and gently laid it in his outstretched hand. Their fingers brushed and she could swear she felt his close on hers for a brief moment, but it was too fleeting to tell.
Danny hit play and his brother's voice filled the room. It started out pretty tame, but soon Louie was talking about how he sent Danny away that night and then he and Sonny were talking about killing that kid.
He had to force himself to listen till the end. When it was through silence reigned in the lab, and Lindsay was looking at him with so much concern that it took all his self control to keep a lid on his emotions. He turned off the tape and handed it back to her.
"Thanks," he said, and then turned and left her staring after him. She watched him go and felt her chest tighten. There was no doubt about it; she was in deep, deep trouble.
Present
Lindsay was brought out of her revive by the sound of someone entering the locker room. She quickly shouldered her bag, closed her locker, and stood up to leave.
She really didn't want to see anyone right now so she slipped out as quietly as she could. A few moments later Stella rounded the corner but Lindsay was gone.
She managed to make it out of the building without running into any of her other colleagues.
Lindsay stepped into the brisk night air still uncertain about what she wanted to do. She turned down the sidewalk to start towards the subway for home but she then abruptly turned and went the other way. Before she could change her mind she descended the stairs and got on the downtown subway to the hospital that Danny's brother had been admitted to.
She kept repeating to herself that this was a bad idea but she couldn't help it. She wanted, no needed to see Danny. She needed to make sure that he was holding up all right and she really wasn't going to analyze that feeling too closely. Madness lay there.
Her stop came and she disembarked, making her way towards the hospital a couple of blocks away. She didn't really know where she was going and was just about to use that as an excuse to turn around and go home, when she saw him.
He was standing in front of the emergency entrance staring at the flashing lights of an incoming EMS vehicle. Before she could lose her nerve she made her way towards him. Danny looked up and smiled as she approached but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"What'cha do'in here Montana?" He asked. She didn't really have an answer for that so she just drew a little closer until she was standing in front of him. Being able to see his eyes gave her a start. His bright blue eyes were red rimmed and she could tell he had been crying. It was an uncomfortable revelation for her.
"I just wanted to see…How's your brother?" She blurted. His face looked pained but he managed to control himself.
"He's bad. They beat him real bad."
Lindsay didn't know what to say to that so she didn't say anything, but Danny was watching her eyes. So many emotions flashed he was surprised that she didn't combust from the inside. There was empathy, remorse, pity, and something he couldn't place.
Normally someone else's pity would have pissed him off and had him behaving in a manner unbecoming a gentleman, but this time it felt different. Maybe it was because it wasn't pity that was her primary emotion but the something else; it was the something else that had him squirming. Danny blinked suddenly and realized the silence between them was starting to grow awkward and he decided to fill it.
"You just missed Mac. He came by to tell me that they got Sonny." This was news to Lindsay and she said so. He smiled but this time it was a real smile.
"I found out something before you, Monroe? How about that." She scowled at him.
It was bad enough that she felt like her stomach was going to dance up through her throat and now he wanted to revert back to jokes? She narrowed her eyes and was going to say something else about his brother when his expression got through to her. He wanted to talk about anything but Louie right now. She wasn't sure how she guessed but she knew.
She swallowed once and then said, "Don't get use to it, Messer."
He flashed another smile, a grateful smile and another awkward silence fell. She was the one who felt compelled to fill it this time.
"Well…I'm glad…I wanted to…I just wanted to see how you…were. I should probably…it's getting late…"
Danny was grinning at her now in that old familiar way. It made her heart speed up.
"You always this articulate?"
She scoffed at him and hit him in the arm.
"I was trying to be concerned. I'm not use to be concerned about you so you'll have to forgive me if I'm out of practice."
He lifted an eyebrow in her direction, bemused. This was the lightest his spirit had felt since this whole mess began and even though he was still devastated by what had happened to his brother she was here, and she was making him feel just a little bit better.
He then had a sudden thought. He had been thinking about it when she had first brought him the folder, but due to the chaos that erupted later and to fact that he was worried about his brother he had forgot about it. But now that she was standing before him he had to wonder.
Lindsay was watching him closely and noticed that his brow had furrowed in that way that it tended to when he was puzzled. She had a sinking feeling about what he was about to ask her.
"Why'd ya do it, Monroe?" He didn't have to elaborate. She knew what he was asking her.
She gave a careless shrug and fixed her gaze on a space just over his right shoulder. She couldn't look at him and answer this question.
"I don't know. I couldn't believe…and when…I just don't know, Danny."
But she did know. She just wasn't going to tell him.
Danny narrowed his eyes and stepped forward, invading her personal space. Her expressive brown eyes widened as she realized what he intended to do. His gaze dropped to her lips.
"Thanks you, Montana," he said and then captured her lips with his own. It was a light kiss, a mere brush, and very, very soft. He held her full bottom lip between his own and gently suckled her mouth before pulling away.
She opened her eyes and blinked in shock. Danny Messer had just kissed her and more importantly she had let him. She felt her equilibrium snap and she backed away from him.
"I have to…I need…I have to go," she said and turned away from him. Danny watched her run off and he was smiled. He was still watching her as she hailed a cab, got in, and his eyes tracked it as it drove off into the night.
He would be annoyed if he didn't feel so damn good about himself right now. He had managed to fluster the unflappable Lindsay Monroe, the girl that never flinched. It was almost enough to take his mind off of his troubles…almost.
With a sigh Danny turned to go back inside of the hospital. His parents would be there soon and he wanted to be there when then got to Louie's room. It was going to be hell in his world for a while but he knew that he was going to carry that kiss with him for a long time to come. It would be the one sweet memory in the chaos and as for Montana, well; he could be a patient man.
A woman like her didn't put her career on the line with out a damn good reason and he had kissed her to see if he had guessed that reason correctly. He grinned again. She would retreat now, because she wasn't sure about him, but he wasn't going to let her get too far. He had decided that Lindsay Monroe was going to be his; she just didn't know it yet. The chase, if nothing else, would be interesting.