I'm Not Ready
A/N: this is just a little prequel to Tales of a Journey that I just got inspired to write after chapter 27. I've taken some of the parts from Sheena's flash backs in chapter 20, changed 'em a bit, added more, and then put in a little Lloyd part, too. Hope you enjoy.
By: Rogue White Dragon
Disclaimer: I don't own TOS
Oneshot
(Sheena's POV)
"Alright, Sheena, you may want to sit down for this."
Sit down? Porbably a good idea, my legs were shaking, and I knew by the tone in her voice that my suspisions were correct. That didn't stop me from hoping, though. Sitting down in a seat the elderly woman took a deep breath, and said to me
"You're pregnant."
Impossible, this couldn't be happening. I glared at the old woman across from me and hissed
"Try again."
"I'm sorry, Sheena, but there's nothing else for me to do. I'd only get same results back."
Glaring at her, I turned my gaze to a near by window. This couldn't be happening. Not now. I was far too young for this, and Lloyd…
"Are you sure?"
I asked quietly, needing to hear it again.
"Possitive."
The older woman gave me a sympathetic smile
"Don't tell anyone, alright? I'll deal with it."
I got up to leave, but she stopped me with a question
"If you don't mind my asking, who's the-"
I slammed the door behind me. How could she not know? The entire village knew I was seeing Lloyd. Regularilly I would make the trip to Iselia and stay with him for a few days. This isn't how I thought I'd end up having kids. I always pictured myself waiting a few years, then getting settled down. I loved Lloyd, but what would I do with this? First, I had to see Lloyd. We had to talk about this, one way or another. It's not like I could hide it. In a few months, my protruding belly would kind of be obvious. Grabbing my things, and taking a deep breath, I headed towards Iselia.
Lloyd's house was quiet, it always was. Knocking softly on the door before opening, I greeted cautiously
"Hello?"
Dirk came into view, smiling at me while he spoke
"Sheena? Lloyd's not here right now."
He was looking over his work table at me. I grimaced before replying
"When do you think he'll be back?
How could I tell Lloyd that he would be a father? I could barely imagine Lloyd being one, he was still so…immature.
"In an hour, maybe? He's training in the woods somewhere. You could always go and find him."
Tempting, really. I grimaced again. Lloyd loved training, if he found out I was pregnant, he'd have to stop that. Well, for the most part at least. I knew he'd want to get married, he had told me only weeks ago that he wanted to. How would I tell him that for us to get married, he'd have to move to Mizuho? Lloyd had lived his entire life in Iselia, how could I possibly make him leave?
"Uh, no, I'll just leave him a note."
Great, Sheena, now you're acting like a child. I walked up the steps to Lloyd's bedroom, and looked around for a pen and paper. What was I going to say? 'Sorry, Lloyd, I'm pregnant, and I think it would have negative effects on you if we started a real family?' Oh, he'd take that well. When I finally found the desired objects of my search, I sat down on his bed, trying to decide what to say. What would I tell him?
What if I didn't tell him anything? What if I just ended it? I could go on living in Mizuho with our child, and he could be free to live his life, train…find someone else. Yes, that's what I'll do. I'll leave him alone. He doesn't need this right now, we're both still so young.
Coming to the conclusion of what I felt I needed to do, I scribbled down a short message, and placed it on his nightstand near his bed.
I'm so sorry, Lloyd
(Lloyd's POV)
I stared blankly at the note in my hands, refusing to believe the words that Sheena had left me. Not ready? Closing my eyes tightly, I collapsed on my bed, before opening up the note she'd left. Had I moved too fast? Maybe she'd been scared when I had mentioned starting a family. I loved her, and according to her, she had loved me too. Why, then, had she just left? Was it all just a lie? Was she just playing with me this entire time?
Irritably, I got back up, and began pacing the room. Maybe I should go to her? Mizuho was only a couple days travel away. If I hurried, maybe I could catch up to her? Would she even want to see me?
Stopping near my bedroom window, I re-read the short note again, this time closing my eyes again, and placing my palm against my forehead. What if she had decided she didn't love me after all? What if the prospect of starting a family with me had made her come to that realization? Would I really want to go to her now, and have her say it to me face? It was sheer agony just thinking it was over. It couldn't be, it just couldn't.
"Lloyd? It's dinner time."
My faster dad called up the stairs. I looked once again at the note in my hand, and answered
"I'll eat on my way out. I'm going to see Sheena."
I had to talk to her. Whether or not it would hurt me more to have her tell me it was over, and that she didn't love me, I still needed to see her. I had to try and fix this.
At the bottom of the stairs, my father stopped me, and said seriously
"Lloyd, she looked upset when she left. Maybe you should give her some time?"
Time? My stomach turned into knots, and I grimaced at him. Opening my mouth, he held up a hand and spoke again
"Talk to her in a few days. You need to give her some space."
"You know, then?"
I asked, looking at the note in my hand. Giving me a sad nod, he replied
"I suspected when she refused to go find you. I'm sorry, son."
Without another word, I made my way back up to my room. I didn't feel like eating, not now.
"I'm sorry, Lloyd, but Sheena gave us specific orders that if you came, we were not to allow you to see her."
Two shinobi stood near the entrance to Mizuho, standing in my way. I gawked at them for a moment, before asking
"Please? I need to see her."
"I'm sorry, we have our orders."
The two had the decency to look apologetic. I scanned the small village from where I stood, hoping to catch sight of her somewhere. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I turned around, promising myself I'd come back again, and try then.
Each time I returned, they'd tell me to leave, so after a while, I just stopped trying. I guess she didn't love me after all. Opening up the small note she'd left me, for what must've been the hundredth time, I looked at it sadly.
I'm not ready
Maybe some things just aren't meant to be?
00000
I know it's not an update to my fic, just a little prequel to it, so I wrote this as a oneshot instead of as a chapter.
Hope you enjoyed it,