A/N: All I have to say is, "what's wrong with silly?"

...

"No! Not that button! And you don't pull on her like that. You…gah! Just let me do it," yelled the Doctor. He'd been trying to teach John how to pilot the TARDIS. Needless to say, it was going a bit wonky. What irritated the Doctor the most was that John would just laugh harder the more annoyed the Doctor became. It wasn't until after nearly two hours of irritation that John revealed that he was actually just taking the piss, and he began to flip the switches around the TARDIS perfectly. John just flashed a knowing smile as the Doctor glared.

"You little, Dalek!" They were both now laughing. "How long into this charade did you actually know what to do?" asked the Doctor. John just rubbed the back of his neck as he admitted he'd known all along after spending so much time watching the Doctor do it when he was younger.

The Doctor couldn't help but laugh. "Well, you got me. That…wow. I guess I deserve that after…well, you know."

John placed a reassuring hand on the Doctor's shoulder. "Oh, Doctor," he began. "We've only just begun." He then gave another devious smile.

"What? Wait." John began flipping the controls again. "John, what do you mean? Are you still angry with me?"

John just chuckled. "No. I don't think I'm angry anymore. Just…well, leaning into the role of "kid brother." He raised his gaze towards the Doctor and smiled.

Maybe he should have offered to be a father figure. Or a fun uncle? An aunt? He sighed in defeat as he approached John at the console.

"So, where are we going?" asked the Doctor. God knows where he was about to send them.

"Well… I've been thinking about it, and I've finally decided on the perfect destination to lose my TARDIS virginity," he said with a chuckle. The Doctor blushed furiously.

"John!" he sputtered.

"What? It's just a joke. It's not like I'm gonna cum all over the console or anything."

The Doctor rubbed his hand over his face. Did they really share the same DNA? Maybe this was proof of the nature vs nurture debate. John laughed at the Doctor's discomfort before the TARDIS landed with a jolt.

The younger Time Lord made his way to the TARDIS doors as the Doctor followed. He didn't think it would be this difficult to allow someone else to lead, but alas, here he was. He hoped that allowing John to have his fun would benefit their relationship and not come back to bite him in the arse.

The two men stepped out of the TARDIS. They immediately heard the sound of chanting coming from what appeared to be a modern football stadium. The Doctor took out his sonic.

"Morocco 2013?" The elder Time Lord was puzzled. "Why here?"

John shrugged. "Just thought we pop by and witness the World Cup. See who wins. Then I can bet against Andrew and take him for all he's worth!" exclaimed John excitedly while rubbing his palms together greedily.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "All of time and space, and you jump ahead a few months for a…a football match?"

"World Cup!" John quipped back as he ran towards the crowds shuffling into the stadium.

The Doctor just chuckled as he followed John.

...

The Doctor could still hear the ringing in his ears as they made their way back to the TARDIS. "That was loud."

"No shit, Doctor," laughed John.

"John! Language!"

John just chuckled. "You're so…uptight about everything. Jesus, Doctor. What do you expect? I've been on my own since the age of 11. No guidance whatsoever. You should be grateful I haven't turned into some murdering psychopath or something," he laughed.

John did have a point. Yes, he was a bit…immature and crass, but…he was still very kind and clever. He'd even gotten into medical school with high marks.

'Beggars can't be choosers,' thought the Doctor. Plus the fact that John wasn't harbouring any ill will towards his "elder brother." At least, that's what it seemed.

The Doctor now took over the controls and sent the TARDIS flying into the vortex.

"Where're we going?" asked John.

"You are going back to the life you so proudly created for yourself. Can't have you skipping out on your studies when you've come so far." The Doctor could sense the uneasiness in John's face.

"I promise I'll come back for you. I'll pick you up like I plan to with Clara. Every Wednesday we can have an adventure. How does that sound? That way, you can still do all the things you want to do. See your friends and the like."

"Yeah…no… you're right. It's just. What if the TARDIS misses again? What if you come back at the wrong time, and it's another 10 years from now?"

The Doctor made his way over to John. How could he make him believe that this time would be different? He then thought about it.

"Well, what if…" he mulled it over in his head. "What if, just this once. I take the long way round...with you? I won't go anywhere. You can show me your world. If you will."

"You mean like, have you hang about London 2013…with me?"

"Exactly! I can do that. I once lived with the Ponds for a year! Terribly boring, but I managed!" He nudged John's arm. "What do you say, eh?"

John looked the Doctor up and down warily.

"Okay. But! You have to change your clothes. I'm NOT going to introduce you to my friends dressed as an old man."

The Doctor looked affronted. "Old man?" He looked himself over. "What are you talking about? These clothes are very sensible!"

John just raised his eyebrow. "Doctor, you may have spent the majority of your long life bouncing around different centuries, but I've spent the past 10 years in the 21st. So, please, just trust me on this."

The Doctor's shoulder's slumped, and he grumbled as he made his way to the TARDIS wardrobe. John followed behind him. John wasn't much for fashion, but he knew enough to pick out some simple era-appropriate clothing for the Doctor. So he grabbed some trousers, trainers and a simple button-up shirt.

"Here." He handed them to the Doctor.

"Okay, I can…work with this." The Doctor quickly changed and spun around for John. "Eh? I look like a normal bloke now, don't I?" He had a dopey grin on his face as he looked himself over in the mirror. Maybe pretending to be "one of the guys" wouldn't be so bad. He'd done it before when he lived with Craig a while back.

The Doctor landed them near John's flat a few hours after leaving. Just before the Doctor opened the doors, John stopped him.

"Oh, and you can't call yourself the Doctor. You need a proper name."

"Oh, right. Umm, I usually go by John Smith…." He saw John make a face. "But obviously John is your name so…how about…." He thought for a moment.

"What about James?" supplied John.

"James….James." He let the word roll off his tongue. "Yeah, okay. I'm…James. James Smith!"

"Actually, you're James McClane. I sort of...changed my name."

"Oh, right. Okay."

John pushed the door open, and the Doc…er, James, followed him out. John led his "older brother" to his flat. On the way, John gave the Doctor the rundown of his current living situation and who Andrew and Kayla were.

"…and please… don't be weird," John said as he put the key in the lock.

"Weird. I'm not weird." John glared at him. "Okay, yes, I can be a bit enigmatic. I can be normal. Normal bloke. That's what I am." The Doctor started muttering to himself nervously.

The Doctor understood that Andrew and Kayla were under the impression that John was an orphan and didn't know his family, so they had to develop a story about how "James" found his long lost little brother.

John and the Doctor entered the flat. They could hear the telly and a male voice call out.

"John? That you? We're in here watching Game of Thrones. Sorry, we didn't wait for you! It was Kayla….ouch!"

"It was Andrew's idea!" came the familiar female voice along with some giggles.

"Your flatmates, I presume?" asked the Doctor quietly. John just nodded.

"Wait here. Let me go and…prepare them." The Doctor obliged and waited for the signal from John that he could enter further into the flat.

John found Andrew and Kayla snuggled up on the sofa.

"Where've you been?" asked Andrew.

"Yeah, thought you said you weren't gonna go out tonight," added Kayla. "It's nearly midnight."

"Oh, right. Well, something sort of came up. Umm, I want you guys to meet someone."

Kayla and Andrew both sat up straight. "You brought a girl home?" Kayla said excitedly.

"No, not a girl."

Andrew and Kayla looked at each other. "Ah, okay. Right, yeah. It all makes sense now," said Andrew.

"John, I love this for you! Can we meet him?"

"What? No! It's not like that! I mean, not that I'm against that but no… I'm not…" before John could finish, his friend's heads turned towards the cough that came from the entryway to the sitting room.

"Hello, there!" The Doctor stepped next to John and patted his back.

"Name's James. I'm John, here's long lost older brother." He grabbed John and aggressively started to give him a noogy while John struggled to get away. Andrew and Kayla were speechless.

"John, wow. I mean. The resemblance is uncanny," said Kaya as she stood to introduce herself. "I'm Kayla, and this here is Andrew. We're good mates with your brother."

"Ah! Yes, Andrew and Kayla. A pleasure to meet you." The Doctor then placed his hands on Kayla's shoulders, kissed the air on each side of her face, and repeated the odd action to Andrew. They both stared as John rubbed a hand over his face with a groan.

"Okay, James! That's enough!" John said as he dragged the Doctor back and glared at him trying to communicate to "dial it back." There was a glimmer in the Doctor's eyes that John knew was a challenge. Oh boy. Maybe he shouldn't have feigned ignorance about the TARDIS controls for so long. The Doctor was purposely getting back at him.

"How did you find each other?" asked Kayla. She brought out a few more drinks and handed them to the "brothers".

"Well, it all started when…." John cut the Doctor off before he could ramble on about nonsense.

"Facebook," he said simply.

"Oh. Cool," said Andrew. They looked at the Doctor suspiciously.

The Doctor straightened his posture. "Right, yes. The book with the uh, faces and such."

John pinched his eyes shut then gave an apologetic look towards his friends. "Sorry. He… he's Swedish."

Andrew and Kayla just shrugged and accepted it.

After some small talk, John gave the Doctor a quick tour of the flat.

"And this is my room." He opened the door so they both could enter.

The Doctor looked around at the dirty laundry and books all scattered about. Not too surprising given John's age and upbringing. But the smell.

"What is that?" the Doctor questioned in disgust.

"What's what?" asked John as he flopped onto the unmade bed.

"That…smell." The Doctor warily entered the room and took out his sonic. He was scanning for anything nefarious that could cause such an odd odour.

"Probably just the laundry. Haven't done it in a while."

"No. This…this isn't laundry." The Doctor then dropped to his knees and pulled something out from under the bed.

"What the hell are you doing? If you're looking for a porn stash, I'm afraid you're not going to find it under there like it's 1977. It's all on the internet," he chuckled.

The Doctor banged his head on the underside of the bed frame at the insinuation. He came out rubbing the back of his bruised noggin.

"I'm wasn't! I'm not looking for that." He then pulled out a sock. A very stiff stock.

"What happened to this?" questioned the Doctor innocently. John's eyes went wide as he grabbed the dirty footwear and chucked it into the clothes hamper.

John then burst into uncontrollable laughter. The Doctor just stared at him.

"Oh god. You really are daft, mate. I haven't had much luck with the ladies, so I'm left with my own devices."

The Doctor was trying to work out what John was getting at.

"You know….toss off? Have a wank? Spank the meat?" The Doctor just looked confused, so John rolled his eyes. "MASTURBATE," he said plainly.

The Doctor looked back to the hamper, then to John and grimaced.

"You mean?" he pointed to where the sock had been thrown.

"Yep."

The Doctor then shot up and began wiping his hands on his trousers violently.

"Oh, for Rassilion's sake. John! How old are you?" he yelled. Then he laughed, realising that John was only 21. "Right."

"Doctor, how can you be over 900 and be so clueless about anything sexual? Don't you ever…I mean?" He did the jerking off gesture, causing the Doctor to blush.

"NO!"

John's eyes went wide. "Really?"

"Well, I mean. Yes! But, not often! I…Oh my god. Why are we talking about this? Right. Because you're a hormonal young man with nothing but sex on his mind!"

"Oh, piss off!" laughed John. "You probably think about it just as much! You may be old, but your body is young. I can't imagine you've never….done it. You're not a 900-year-old virgin, are you?" John wasn't even trying to make fun. He was genuinely concerned that that may very well be his own fate.

"NO! I've…. I've done it. Need I remind you I've had children and grandchildren! Plus, I've been married multiple times! I just….every regeneration is a lottery, and well, this particular body is apparently…a bit of a prude. It was only once and a long time ago."

He thought about his unconventional wedding to save the universe and the even more unconventional wedding night with River. He still couldn't remember all the details and assumed her "special lipstick" may have come into play. Not that he minded too much. "A bit out of sight, out of mind for me. I don't generally think about it or…feel things…." He sighed as his sentence trailed off.

"Right. Well, it must just be your personality then and not the body because frankly, I have a hard time NOT thinking about it," the younger Time Lord laughed.

The Doctor was now looking around John's room. He noticed the elaborate bookshelf along with an assortment of drawings. His eye caught onto a particular illustration of a familiar face. He gently picked up the picture and smiled.

"She's in my dreams sometimes," said John as he stood next to the Doctor. "I think it's a memory from when I…well, you know."

"Amelia Pond," the Doctor said fondly. "She and her husband Rory travelled with me. A long time ago." He had a faraway look in his eye as he wiped a stray tear. "These are really good," he said as he looked over the other drawings.

"They're the reason you went to the cloud, right?" asked John softly.

The Doctor just nodded and set Amy's portrait down.

"But Clara, she got you to come down."

The Doctor picked up another drawing. It was Clara. Wearing her blue governess gown. The one she was wearing when the evil ice woman took her away.

"That she did," said the Doctor. He cleared his throat, set the drawing down, then clapped his hands together, feeling a bit overwhelmed at the memories. "So! What now? What do you do for…fun?"

John looked around. "Well, it's pretty late, and I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be a good idea to drag you to a pub." He thought for a moment. "We could play some video games?" he said it more like a question.

"Great!" said the Doctor excitedly. "Love a good video game!"

It was now nearing 3 in the morning, and the two giddy Time Lord's were enraptured in an online match of Halo. The Doctor was surprisingly good at it. Much to John's annoyance.

"Excuse me?" exclaimed the Doctor. They had headsets on so they could hear the other players. "I'll have you know my mother was a lovely woman and certainly not….what you just said, young man!"

John laughed. It was funny watching the Doctor navigate his way through the "smack talk" coming from the American 12-year-olds on the other side of the mic.

John grabbed the Doctor's headset off his head and put it on his own. He mimicked the Doctor's cadence as he spoke. "And I'll have you know that your mum was screaming my name last night while I fucked her cunt, you little cowboy wanker!" He then handed the headset back to the Doctor, who had a horrified look on his face.

"John! Wha? Why would you do that? How do you even know his mum?"

John busted out laughing.

"Doctor, I didn't actually have sex with some random kid's mum! It's just trash talk. Get under your opponents' skin!" He continued to laugh as it registered on the Doctor's face what was really happening.

"Oh! I get it!" The Doctor then brought the mic up to his mouth. "Hello, cowboy? You still there?" The Doctor nodded to John, indicating the kid was still listening. "Just thought you should know that I also had….sexual intercourse…with your…your sister! And she really enjoyed herself!"

The Doctor gave a thumbs up to John, who was in tears trying to hold in his laughter. Suddenly the Doctor's face drained of colour. "Oh, right. No. I'm... I'm sorry. Um, ma'am." The Doctor then whipped his sonic out and powered down the gaming system as it began to spark and emit a terrible black smoke.

John was confused. "What the hell happened?"

The Doctor looked terrified as he spoke.

"Apparently, the boy's sister is…14 years old. His mother did not take too kindly to my "trash talk". She said she was going to find me and proceed to sever a member of my body, which I would very much like to keep."

John couldn't contain his laughter anymore. "Did she say she was going to cut off your dick?"

The Doctor just nodded and then started laughing with John. He had to admit, it felt good to laugh so freely again. He couldn't even remember the last time he felt so…young.

John looked at the time.

"Well, I've got an early class tomorrow. You could come with me…if you want." John then looked away, embarrassed. He really did feel like a little brother now, begging for his older sibling to hang out with him. The Doctor just smiled.

"I'd love to, John."