John and Citana were now staring at the spot that the TARDIS had been only moments before.
"Um, okay. So, I'm going to assume that was not supposed to happen," said Citana.
John spoke as he rubbed his neck. "Yes. That…that would be an astute assumption."
A chittering noise came from behind, causing both of them to shiver.
"Aaand I'm going to assume that that is a noise we should probably be wanting to get away from," she added in a whisper.
They both turned to look at each other when they heard the noise again, only louder. John grabbed Citana's hand.
"Yep. Run. Running is good," he said as they began to make their way through the dense foliage.
"He'll come back for us, right?" shouted Citana. They were both in full-on sprint now.
"Oh, yes. I'm sure he will. Let's just hope the TARDIS doesn't keep him away for another ten years!"
"What?" shouted Citana in shock.
"Just…come on!" John once again took Citana's hand. He looked back for a second to check on her.
"John, watch out for that…."
**THUD**
"Tree…" she winced.
…
"Ouch," moaned John as he rubbed his forehead.
"Oh, for the love of God. Get up! There's some weird alien thing following us!"
John got to his feet and dusted off his trousers. "Maybe we're just overreacting," he said in an unbothered tone.
"Overreacting? Did you not hear that fucking clicking noise? That's not a friendly alien noise. That's the, I'm going to latch onto your face then an hour later, surprise! You got some worm busting out of your gut!"
John huffed a laugh and scratched his face.
"John! How are you not running for the hills right now? Whu?"
He casually pointed behind her. Citana slowly turned around.
"Okay, not what I was expecting," she whispered.
"Hello, there!" came an unfamiliar voice. Standing before them was a man wearing khakis and holding a machete. He looked like some kind of old fashioned wilderness explorer.
"Um, hello uh, good sir. My friend and I seem to be a bit lost," said John, sounding overly friendly to the stranger. Citana made a face to which John whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "he's holding a fucking machete. I'm not about to make him mad."
"Oh, right," she said quietly.
"Not a problem! I'd be happy to lead you out of this bit of shrubbery. It's not the safest place to be. I can take you to my lodging to have a rest if you'd like."
Citana and John looked at each other, then both shrugged.
"That sounds lovely," said Citana with a warm smile.
The man then led them through the jungle until they came to a large wooden structure. It resembled a log cabin but also had the ornate intricacies of a large mansion.
"Wow," began Citana. "Did you build this?"
"Oh, yes. A long time ago. I had help, though. The others live down the way."
"Others?" asked John.
"Yes! Of course! I'm not living here alone, and my family is home."
The man opened the front door and ushered them inside.
"Darling! I'm home!" he cried as he placed his hat on a hook.
John raised an eyebrow. "This is weird," he mumbled.
A woman then appeared in the entryway. "Oh, hello, love!" She gave him a hug. "I see you've brought home some…guests?" she asked cheerily.
"Yes! I found them wandering in the jungle." He then turned to look at them. "A few more minutes, and they would have been eaten alive!" he said with a boisterous laugh.
John and Citana forced their own laughs as they grew increasingly more uncomfortable.
"Well, you must be exhausted from the heat. Let me take you to the spare room. You can rest here for the night."
"Night?" asked John. He looked back out the door that had yet to be closed. Sure enough, the sun had set, and it was pitch black. "Whu?"
The man then roughly shut the door. "Night sort of sneaks up on you around here," he said with a smile. "Not to worry. You're safe now!"
"Yes, very safe," his wife reiterated with an equally cheery grin. "Follow me." She began to ascend the stairs.
John and Citana followed her until they came to a room. "You can both stay in here. Should have everything you need. But, do be quiet. The little ones are already in bed, and I'd hate for them to wake! Always hungry, the lot of them."
"Oh, how many children do you have?" asked John as they entered the room. He turned to hear the woman's answer, but she was already gone. He stepped back out to look down the long hallway. Nothing. Going back into the room, he slowly shut the door.
"What's wrong?" asked Citana. She was already fluffing the pillows and had removed her shoes.
"I… I'm not sure. Do they seem a bit odd to you?" he asked as he grabbed a pillow and threw it on the floor, then plopped himself down.
"Um, a bit, yeah." She chuckled. "John, I'm not going to bite. This bed is big enough for both of us."
"Nope. Because I know how this is going to go. I'm going to inevitably get an unwanted stiffy, and you're going to tease me. Nope. Not going to happen."
Citana laughed. "Oh god. You know me so well." Then, she paused, "but you forgot the part where we wake up, and you are "accidentally" groping my breast or some shit."
John rolled his eyes. "Actually, I'd probably "accidentally" go for your arse," he chuckled.
Citana just laughed and blew out the candle that was lighting the room.
"Night, John."
"Good night, Citana."
…
****Chitter, chitter***
"Whu?" John slowly opened his eyes. It was still dark in the room, and he could barely make out his own hand. He could have sworn he heard the creepy chittering they'd heard in the jungle.
"Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed. His eyes locked onto the now open door of the room where he saw the outline of a small child. He turned to Citana, who was lightly snoring.
"Citana!" he whispered. She didn't answer. John looked back to the doorway. The child was gone.
"Bloody hell," he huffed. 'It must have been one of the children,' he thought to himself. John laid back down and closed his eyes. "It's just a small child. Nothing to worry about. Oh, god, I need to lay off the horror films."
John slowly opened one of his eyes. "Ah!" he screamed. The small child was now standing right next to him. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! What the hell are you doing in here?" he asked in a harsh whisper.
The child tilted his head. "I'm hungry."
John calmed a bit. "Oh, well, mate. I don't have anything. Why don't you go find your mummy?" He sighed and then mumbled to himself about the child finding another soul to feed on. The boy just stared at him. "Um," he turned to look at Citana. She'd changed positions but was still sound asleep. John turned back to the boy, but he was gone again. "What the fuck?" he whispered. "Oh, hell no." John then stood up and began shoving Citana over to the other side of the bed.
"Wha? What the fuck, John?"
"Unwanted erections and groping be damned, I'm getting in the bed with you," he said as he climbed in and threw the covers over his head.
"What? What's going on?" she chuckled.
"There's a fucking demon child that keeps coming into the room and waking me up!" His yell was muffled through the thick blanket. Citana tore it off his face. "No! He's going to eat me!" he whined.
"Jesus, John. It's probably just one of the kids living here. I'm sure he's looking for a snack or something."
"Yes. Exactly. A tall and fleshy snack with brown hair and who is still deciding whether or not to attend medical school," he huffed.
Citana was laughing but then stopped short.
"What? What is it?" he asked warily. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the space behind him. "He's… he's behind me, isn't he?"
Citana nodded slowly.
"Fuck," John turned his head, but there was nothing there. "What?"
"Oh, my God! You are such a baby!" cackled Citana. "And gullible!"
John rolled his eyes then pulled the covers up. "Shut up. You didn't see him! He was terrifying!"
"Did he have wavy blond hair and look about 3 feet tall with a blue shirt?"
"Yes," said John warily. He once again turned around. This time the boy was there. "Holy fuck balls," whispered John. "Um, hey, buddy. What… what's going on?"
"I'm hungry."
"He probably just wants some crackers or something," said Citana.
"Right," John huffed. "Hey, little guy, you want some very dry pieces of overbaked bread…Ow!"
Citana had hit John in the head with her pillow. "I'll take him to his mom."
She turned to the boy. "Do you want me to come with you to find your mommy?"
"Yes, please."
"See," she said as she stuck her tongue out.
"Well, when he's sucking your soul dry, don't come crying to me," huffed John as he laid back down and pulled the blankets up past his shoulders, causing his feet to stick out. He then brought his knees up to the fetal position.
"Such a baby," sighed Citana as she followed the boy out of the room.
"Such a baby," mocked John after she was gone. He slowly opened his eyes, realising he was now alone in the dark room. "I'm not a baby," he huffed.
***Chitter, Chitter, Chitter***
"Citana?" he called out. "Oh, god. I'm a baby. A big fucking baby," he said as he sat up and looked to the door. "Citana? Little demon boy?" he called again in a harsh whisper. "Fuck it." He jumped out of bed and made his way out of the room to track them down. "Citana?" he called again. When he turned a corner, he managed to run right into someone.
"Gahh!" they both screamed.
"Goddammit, John! What the fuck are you doing?" exclaimed Citana.
"I thought you might need help?" he said in more of a question. "Where'd the boy go?"
"What?" Citana turned around. "He was just here." She said, then looked back at John with her eyes going wide.
"Oh fuck no. I'm not falling for that again."
She began to point behind him, trying to get him to turn.
"I'm only going to look because it's late, and I'm tired." He turned to see the man standing with his wife and four little boys near them. "Oh, well. It's the whole family. Great …this is great. Not…not creepy at all."
"I'm sorry to disturb your slumber," began the man. "But the children couldn't wait any longer. They're quite hungry."
"Right, well. I'm not packing any Lunchables, so…."
Citana cut John off. "What the fuck is that!" she exclaimed. It appeared that the children's skin was beginning to fall off, revealing vine-like creatures underneath.
"NOPE!" cried, John. "Not staying to find out." He grabbed Citana's hand and began to run. Only, he wasn't going anywhere. "What the hell?"
The vines had already reached them.
"We're running in place!" yelled Citana. They both looked back and could see the man now beginning to reveal his true form. His entire family was connected to him like tendrils as he transformed into some kind of anthropomorphic plant.
"Man is a plant. Plant man. The man plant," rambled John, struggling to getaway.
"Christ," said Citana. She then began to stomp wildly on the vines causing them to shrink back. "Run!" she screamed.
They began to dash down the stairs and reached the door.
"Doors locked!" cried John. "Of course, it's locked. Oh, fucking shit. Um," he began to look for another way out.
The vines were beginning to catch up to them. "He's coming!" cried Citana.
"No shit!" he snapped back. One of the vines managed to wrap around John's leg and pull him down. It started to drag him. "Do something!" he screamed.
"Uhhh," Citana then ran up to the plant man and yanked on his flowery head. Suddenly, the chittering noise stopped, and they heard a sharp screeching sound. She gave one more harsh yank and then fell back, still holding onto the head. The vines instantly shrivelled up.
"Ew, gross!" she cried, holding the head with its eyes still open.
John brushed all the vines off of him. "You ripped his fucking head off!" exclaimed John in shock.
"I…I didn't mean to!" she said guiltily. John was laughing. "I… I thought maybe it was a costume, and he was going to be all and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for them meddling kids!" she was panting and stood up before giving a nervous laugh.
John was laughing so hard he had tears. "You…you thought you were going to Scooby-Doo him?" he cried.
"Shut up," she giggled.
"Shit, well. What now?" asked John.
"Fuck I should know?" she was still looking over the plant head. John made his way over and closed the eyes.
"You know. Out of respect," he snickered.
The door began to rattle from the outside.
"For the love of God! There's more!" cried Citana. They both braced themselves as the door burst open.
"Oh, thank God!" they heard Clara cry. She was holding the Doctor's sonic. "I've got them!" she said into some kind of communication device. "Hurry up. The Doctor can't land the TARDIS here for long. We need to go now!"
Without a word, John and Citana followed Clara to the designated spot. The TARDIS materialised around them, and as soon as they were safe, the Doctor sent them into the vortex.
"What is that?" asked the Doctor, looking at the weird flower head Citana was still holding. She immediately dropped it.
"Fuck! That's the head of the plant guy that was trying to eat us!" she exclaimed and then started laughing. John was laughing too.
Clara and the Doctor just looked at the two hysterical young people like they were insane. John then picked up the head, opened the TARDIS door and drop-kicked it into the vortex.
"What did you do that for? I could have studied it!" cried the Doctor.
"Hell no. Because what would have happened is it would have started twitching when we are all tucked away for the night, and before you know it, there's a bunch of little plant people growing inside me. Nope."
Clara chuckled. "You watch too many films."
...
The Doctor took them back to the flat, where they all exited the ship.
"Maybe next time, I'll pick the location?" suggested John.
"I didn't pick that planet! It was a mistake!" huffed the Doctor as they all sat in the living room. "And I'll have you know that it took nearly a month before we were even able to locate you and come up with the plan to rescue you two! Nearly ripped a whole in the universe trying to get the TARDIS to cooperate!" he sighed and adjusted his bow-tie. "Besides, um, Clara and I need to take the TARDIS somewhere for just a bit."
Citana and John gave each other a look.
"What? Why?" asked John.
Suddenly, Clara shot up from her seat and ran to the kitchen, where she proceeded to vomit into the sink.
"She's pregnant."