Nemian sat in his bed chamber (or as he liked to call it, The Death Lair) and gazed at the picture of his dark-haired beloved, Argul. Sighing, he pinned the picture back on his large corkboard next to 42 other pictures, a lock of Argul's hair, some of his old discarded jewelry, and numerous items Nemian had stolen from him, including Playguy subscriptions, a toothbrush, a pair of gloves, and a stick Nemian had once seen him hold.

Turning to his mirror, Nemian was suddenly struck with the need to sing. He didn't know any songs, so he just made one up. "I am the king, oh I am the king! There is no one as pretty as meeee! I am the king, oh I am the king! I shall now go and eat cheeeese!" Not exactly a chart topping hit, but Nemian had never claimed to be the fizziest soda in the six-pack.

And speaking of six-packs, Nemian stood and lifted his bright red tunic to check on how his was coming along. He had been lifting weights recently in order to become buff. He didn't really notice any change in his flat stomach, but he was positively sure that any day now he'd become more defined.

Suddenly, a knock came at the door. Nemian quickly dropped his tunic, and yelled, "Who dares to enter The Death Lair?"

"Nemian, you idiot, it's your wife, Moon Silk," came a feminine voice from the other side of the door.

"I have no wife!" shrieked Nemian. He had refused to acknowledge her ever since he had caught her making out with one of the Tower maids, and there had been rumors that her betrayal had made him a little insane.

A sigh emitted from his estranged wife, and he heard her move away. Nemian stared balefully at the collage of Argul's face on the corkboard. "Someday, my love," he whispered. "Someday, we will be free." And with those last words he threw himself on his bed and began to make plans for his upcoming trip. What kind of a trip, you ask? Why, a trip to visit the Hulta.

Nemian decided that he would sneak out of the Tower (he didn't really have to; he could have just walked out, but this made him feel like a REBEL) and follow the tracker he had embedded in Claidi's skin that one night she got so drunk she passed out in front of the fire. The Hulta, and Argul, were only 60 miles away, an extraordinary stroke of luck, and Nemian decided he could make it in three days.

What happened next isn't too important, except that Nemian's horse died (who knew you aren't supposed to feed them ham sandwiches?) and he was forced to dress as a woman in order to gain passageway in a wagon train going in the direction of the Hulta. It really wasn't too bad, the dress gave him a nice draft in his nether-region, and the floral print made the rosyness of his cheeks more prominent.

After four days (they got a little side-tracked) Nemian's tracker finally old him he was one mile away from the Hulta. He could not help squealing like a fangirl.

The first thought in Nemian's mind was, what shall I wear? But then, he realized that he would have to stick with the dress, because he had lost all his man clothes in a poker match with a very scary man and his monkey. Quickly, Nemian brushed his hair, and he felt calmer. Personal hygiene always defrazzled Nemian's nerves.

The mile he walked to get to the Hulta was probably the longest mile he had ever walked in his life. The entire time was fretted about how he would look for Argul, and what type of poison they would have to use on Claidi in order to be free. (Oh, yes, she would need to be killed.)

At last, Nemian found the Hulta, and stepping out of the underbrush, he flung out his arms, and shouted, "I'm here!"

The stares that greeted him were a little discouraging.

"Nemian?" gasped an incredulous Claidi. He saw Argul step in front of her.

'Obviously, he doesn't want her to see me' Nemian thought. 'How clever. But we can't hide our love forever.'

"Nemian, why are you here?" asked Argul. "Is it Ironel? Is she sick? Is she…dieing?"

"No, of course not! I just came here, so that we can run away together!" Nemian often felt that the most direct route was the best.

"Excuse me?" said an annoyed sounding Claidi.

"You know. Give up our wives. Take to the land. Maybe become farmers. Live like real men." There was a great silence around the camp. "You know, Argul," Nemian said solemnly, "you can't continue to hide your love for me forever."

A sudden pandemonium came over the entire came. Several men guffawed, women gasped, Claidi's mouth dropped open as she gaped at Nemian, and Argul made a noise deep in his throat that anyone else would have thought was a gag, but Nemian knew it was the sound one makes when one has an epiphany. An epiphany of the best kind, an epiphany of love.

Nemian stretched out his hand. "So, my love, will you come with me?"

"NO!" screamed Argul.

Nemian did not falter. "If it's a matter of your wife, I have several poisons to use on her. Many are untraceable in the blood-"

"You're mad," said a dazed Claidi. "Bloody tronking mad."

"I am in love!" barked Nemian. "A love you have never experienced!" He looked at Argul again. "Please. Leave this behind. Come to me, lover."

"I am not you tronking lover, you morbof!"

Nemian was crushed. "Why, not, darling, why not?"

"Why not? You show up out of nowhere, clearly on some sort of drug, wearing a dress, and you profess your love for me, when the last time I saw you, I hit you!"

"So you like to play rough, what's wrong with that?"

"AHHHHH!" screamed Argul. "Leave me alone!"

"Never!" Nemian ran closer to him, his long, golden hair streaming behind him, huge golden orbs shimmering with unshed tears. "I love you!" he screeched. And then he leaned up and pressed his lips to Argul's.

To say Argul was shocked was an understatement. He became paralyzed from his jarring disbelief of everything that had just happened in the past twenty minutes. Nemian took this as a good sign, and wrapped his arms around Argul's stiff body, deepening the kiss.

"Argul!" shrieked Claidi. "Nemian, get off him." Suddenly, Claidi found ninja powers she had never known she had, and roundhouse kicked Nemian in the face.

"Ahhh!" he screamed. "My face, my beautiful face!" Argul suddenly regained control of his body again, and realized something. That kiss, that kiss…had been the most satisfying kiss he had ever had. He realized…that he loved Nemian.

"Come here, you," he said huskily. And then he grabbed Nemian, and much to Nemian's delight, and Claidi's horror, the two men had sex on the ground right there. In front of everyone.

Turns out that they were exhibitionists, too.