The Doctor had just gotten up to check on Clara, who was currently heaving into the kitchen sink.

"You want to have children?" asked Citana with both eyebrows raised.

John shuffled a bit. "Well, I mean. I never really thought about it before. I…I mean, not seriously, at least. I've never even…uh, been in a, you know, super-serious relationship. Just um, you know…casual…."

"Ah, yeah. Same here. One night stands I can do. It's the commitment that scares me."

"Right. Totally get that," he said, trying not to give away the fact he totally did NOT get that, having never had a one-night stand nor any sort of romantic partner.

There was an awkward silence before the Doctor came back into the room, saying he needed to take Clara somewhere in the TARDIS.

"So," began Citana as she once again stuck her hand in John's front pocket, eliciting a slight gasp.

"What the hell?" he asked as she pulled out his mobile phone.

"Just want to see what day it is. Actually, what time is it?" She began rubbing the touch screen.

John laughed at how she was trying to figure out how to work his smartphone. "No, just tap it, and then you'll have to enter my passcode…which…" he snatched the device from her. "I'm not giving you."

He then opened the lock screen and flashed it to her to see the date and time.

"What the hell?" she laughed. "Why do you have that picture on your phone?"

John looked at the old photo from his first year of uni and smiled. It was him and Andrew standing with a very annoyed looking Kayla.

"And what the fuck is in that poor girl's hair?" she asked.

"Oh, god, yeah. That was when Andrew and I first met Kayla. They're married now," he chuckled. "It's rice," he said plainly.

"Is this like a future thing or…"

"Oh!" he was laughing now. "No, no, no! It's a me and Andrew thing. Oh, god, this is so funny. We had this whole thing going where we'd sit in the cafeteria with random groups of girls. I'd always be stuffing my mouth with rice while Andrew would tell a really terrible joke. What was it?" he pondered. "Oh! Right. What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence?"

Citana was looking at him like he had two heads. "Uh, I don't know, what?"

"Ha! Yes! The girls would all be making the exact same face you're making right now!" he was laughing so hard he could barely speak while Citana continued to stare at him. "Udder disaster!" he laughed. "And then I'd bust out laughing, spitting rice all over the poor girls. Would get in their hair and everything! Then I'd act all embarrassed, apologising profusely and trying to wipe the fucking rice out of their hair. Oh, god, it was so funny. By the end of it, all the girls are consoling me and telling me it's fine and saying they were the ones who were sorry. Jesus. Good times."

"What the actual fuck? What is wrong with you!" she said, now laughing harder than she'd laughed in a long time. "So, I'm guessing Kayla was one of your unsuspecting victims?"

"The first, actually," he chuckled. "She ended up being our "in" to sit with random girls and sometimes even take a video."

"Oh my fucking god, that's hilarious. Insane. But…wow, Jesus. I need to meet your friends."

"I can text them and see what they're up to." He looked at the time. "Friday evening. We could go to a pub with them or something."

"Yeah, go ahead and do the thumb-typing text-y thing," she giggled.

"Done," said John as he put his mobile back in his pocket.

"So, did you like, get any sympathy sex from that trick? Oh! Oh! I bet the girls even had the fucking rice still in their hair while you were doing them!" she cackled.

John laughed. "Ha, now that would be funny, but no. Well, Andrew eventually got Kayla but not because of his comedic brilliance." John ran his hand through his hair, "and we didn't do shit like that for sex. We just did it for a laugh."

"Hmm," Citana looked him over. "You are very interesting, John Smith. Or should I say, John McClane," she snickered.

"I hate you," he said with a smile.

…

"So, a few things before we go in, number one, don't mention I'm an alien. Number two, don't mention we are time travellers and number three, don't forget to wash your hands."

They were now standing on the pavement outside of a small pub. Andrew and Kayla were going to be meeting them and then just see where the night would take them.

"Um, I get the first two but, wash my hands? Is there some kind of weird virus going around I should be worried about?"

John shrugged as he opened the door for her. "No, but it sounded better to have three points, and it's always best practice to wash your hands, so…" he said with a goofy grin on his face.

Citana rolled her eyes as she walked past him. They made their way to a small table to wait for John's ex-flatmates.

"What do you want? I can get some drinks while we wait," said John as he held up the psychic paper.

"I have got to get one of those," said Citana. "But, seeing as you're my guide and I won't be straying from the tour, and my pockets are too fucking tiny to hold anything, you will have to do." She then looked around the pub. "Normally, I just do tequila shots with a bit of lime and salt, but I think I'll just have a beer."

John nodded and went up to the bar. When he came back to the table with drinks in hand, a man was talking with Citana. He casually made his way to the table and handed Citana her beer before sitting down. The man had a strange look on his face as he turned and left.

"What was that about?" asked John.

"I'm honestly not sure," said Citana as she took her beer. She had a strange expression on her face as well.

"What did he say to you?"

Citana looked over her shoulder then back to John before leaning in.

"Well, the dude comes up to me and is all like, 'you here alone?' I say, 'no, I'm with a friend. He's getting drinks at the bar'. Then he's all, 'you on Instagrams?' and I said, 'Look, man, I'm sober, and the only drug I use is weed anyway.' Then he asked me about my tittle handles or something, and I just said, 'Dude, I don't know what the fuck you're saying, but if it's about my tits, then back the fuck off because you're sure as fuck not handling them.' That's when you came over."

John was trying not to laugh, seeing Citana was clearly disturbed by the man.

"What? What's so funny?" she asked with concern in her voice. "Did I say something wrong?"

The young Time Lord was now audibly laughing. "No, no. You handled that perfectly."

She sat back and had a smug look on her face. "Well, good," she said as she took a sip of her beer.

"But, um, just a few things. You know, for clarification."

"Oh?"

"It's Instagram. Much more addictive than any drug I'm aware of," he chuckled. "You know, like how I showed you FaceBook? It's just a bit different. And it's "Twitter". Your handle is like your name. How to find people and connect. Another social media platform," John was still laughing as he spoke. "Oh, god. He probably thinks you're mental!"

Citana put her head in her hands and was laughing. "No wonder he looked scared of me!"

"Yeah, he looked terrified."

"Well, I'll probably still say the same thing if I want to get rid of any other unwanted advances. He practically ran to the other side of the room!"

John's mobile chimed.

"Damn, okay, looks like Andrew and Kayla are making an unexpected trip to the hospital. I guess Andrew burnt his hand while he was baking. She says he's going to be fine but is being a baby." He put his phone down.

"We could stay here or go back to the flat?"

"The night is young, John! Let's go somewhere else! Somewhere with a bit more…energy?"

"Um, okay. Hmm." He pulled out his phone. "I can find somewhere online. Tell me what you want to do, and I'll ask the internet gods to show us the way."

Citana thought for a moment, then gave a wry smile. "Hey, John?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you feel about karaoke?"

…

John and Citana were now sitting a the bar of a club hosting a karaoke night.

"I don't know any of these songs these people are singing!"

"Well, it is 2014."

"Yeah, and it sucks," she huffed.

"The 90s weren't that long ago. You could do a song from then, and everyone would still probably know it. Or at least have heard it in a Viagra commercial or something."

"Hmm. Okay! I've got one!" Citana hopped off her chair and went up to the DJ to put in her song request. She then sat back down next to John with a smile on her face.

"What are you going to sing?"

"It's a surprise," she smirked.

After a few more singers, the DJ finally called Citana's name.

"Wish me luck!" she said with a wink as she sauntered to the stage.

John watched as she confidently took the microphone in her hands and realised he had no idea if she could actually sing.

Pretty soon, the music started with a thumping electric guitar rift that John instantly recognised. It was 'Kashmir' by Led Zeppelin.

"This song goes out to my good friend, John," she said with a wink before beginning to sing.

"Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face

And stars fill my dream

I'm a traveller of both time and space

To be where I have been

To sit with elders of the gentle race

This world has seldom seen

They talk of days for which they sit and wait

All will be revealed..."

'Fuck, she's good,' thought John. He watched as she captivated the entire room. The awestruck time traveller couldn't help think how beautiful and sexy Citana was as she made good use of the stage. It was then he remembered she knew exactly how to work a crowd. She wasn't dressed provocatively, but it didn't matter. John started to grow uncomfortable with the way many of the other men were watching her.

When the song finally ended, the room erupted in applause. As Citana got off the stage, John lost sight of her. She somehow managed to get swept up in the crowd of people. John began to push his way through the sweaty bodies when he felt someone grab onto his arm. His first thought was that it was Citana, but he saw an unfamiliar woman when he turned.

"Oh, um. I'm just trying to find my friend," he said, unsure why the woman was still holding on to him.

"Your friend, the girl who just sang? She was awesome!"

"Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go find her now, so..."

"What's your number?" she asked as she pulled out her phone. She was shouting over the loud dance music. Apparently, karaoke was over, and the club returned to its usual vibe.

"Oh, um..." John could see the girl wouldn't give up, so he quickly spouted off his digits just as Citana made her way to him.

"I'll text you," said the girl as she gave his bi-cep a firm squeeze. "You have an amazing voice," she said to Citana, then disappeared into the crowd.

Citana poked John in the stomach and raised her brow. "Did you just give that girl your number?" she chuckled.

"Uh, yeah. She was pretty persistent."

"Well, don't let me cock block you! She definitely is looking for a hookup," she smirked.

"Oh, um, right. Yeah." John didn't really know what to say.

Should he tell Citana that he wasn't interested? Tell her that he fancied someone else and that someone else was now dragging him back to the bar for more drinks?

John's phone chimed as soon as they got to the bar. It was an unknown number. Citana grabbed the mobile out of his hand before he had a chance to read the text.

"Dude, it's that girl! She says she's staying at the Hilton. Room 714!"

"You're joking," John exclaimed as he grabbed the phone back to read over the message.

This is Lydia from the club. You just gave me your number. Thought I'd text instead of engaging in a shouting match. I'm staying at the Hilton across from the club. Room 714. I'm heading there now. You should meet me, and we can continue our conversation. ;)

Citana playfully punched John in the arm. "Look at you! You're so getting laid tonight!" she laughed.

"No. I don't think I'm going to go. Besides, how are you going to get back to the flat without me?"

"No, seriously, John. Don't ruin your night on account of me. Besides, there's a guy here who asked me to his place anyway. I can just meet you back at your apartment in the morning."

"That doesn't seem like a good idea, Citana. Do you even know this bloke's name?"

Citana seemed taken back by John's response. "Well, no. But I don't really care what his name is. It's not like I want him to be my boyfriend. I just need a good fuck tonight. I keep seeing that plant head every time I close my eyes!" she was laughing, trying to lighten the mood. "Why won't you just go to her?"

Feeling hurt, John responded without thinking. "Because not everyone is like you, Citana!" he yelled. "Not everyone can just go and have sex with a random stranger." He knew he'd made a mistake once the words left his big mouth. He hated seeing the look on her face at that moment and pushed past her to get some air.

John leaned against the cold brick wall and rubbed his hand over his face.

He felt stupid. Stupid for having another crush on a girl who clearly just saw him as a friend. Citana would rather go off with some stranger than be with him. He'd gotten over Clara fairly easy, and he'd known her for so much longer than Citana. Why did Citana's round-about rejection hurt so much worse? Deep in thought, John hadn't noticed Citana had followed him out of the club.

"What the hell, John? That's what a fucking one night stand is. Jesus. And here I thought you were different."

"Different?"

"Just because you've got a dick doesn't make you any less of a whore than me for sleeping around! God! How is it still in 2014 men can fuck all the people they want like they're collecting baseball cards, and when a woman does it, she's a slut?"

"I…I didn't mean…."

"Oh, of course, you didn't," she snapped.

"Citana, I'm sorry. I just meant….I… I've never actually…."

"Never what?"

"I've never had a one night stand! I'm not against it...it's just," he paused and sighed, not really knowing what else to say.

Citana took a step back. "Oh, but I thought…you said you'd rather have a one night stand than a relationship. Like me. Why'd you say that then?"

John rubbed his brow. "Because!" he waved his hand around at nothing. "I…I didn't…I didn't want you to look down on me," he admitted.

"Look down on you? Why would I look down on you for preferring to have sex with someone you're in a relationship with? I think that's probably healthy, John," she chuckled.

John groaned. "No. You don't…gah!"

"What?"

"I'veneverdonethateither," he said in a rushed breath.

"You what?"

"I've never had sex before, alright? Happy now? Yes, I'm a fucking virgin! A silly, too thin, too energetic alien with no family and….and no soul…and no…no, fuck!" John was in tears now. "Sorry," he took a breath. "And now I'm crying, and I don't even know why!" He took a seat on the curb and placed his head in his hands.

Citana was silent as she sat down next to him.

"I don't look down on you," she said softly. "I thought you knew me better than that," she placed her hand on his back. "I couldn't care less if you've had sex with 100 women...or men for that matter. And I also wouldn't care if you were a...a fucking monk," she chuckled.

"I know," he said softly. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. And for being so pathetic."

"Pathetic?" she laughed. "John, pathetic is the last word I would ever use to describe you. Maybe a bit insane. But I love that about you. You're a fucking alien from another planet, for Christ's sake."

She paused. "Question."

John looked up from his hands. "What?"

"Why do you think you have no soul? What's that about?"

"Oh, I'm… I'm not like a real…a real person, I guess. I was cloned from the Doctor's DNA. I'm not supposed to exist. I was being literal when I said I had no family. I have no mother or father. I was created in a lab…or a factory. Or someone's basement. I'm not really sure," he chuckled.

"Jesus. And here I got into drugs, sex and alcohol because I was adopted. And by good people, too!"

"I wish I'd been adopted. The Doctor, well, he tried his best, but he accidentally left me in London ten years ago. So I sort of just conned my way through school, and Andrew's family took me in during holiday break."

"Damn." Citana rose to her feet and offered her hand to help John up.

The two were now walking around the city in comfortable silence.

"You saved my life, you know," said Citana as they found a bench under lamplight.

"I know. Those fuckers. And they just ran off and left us!"

"No. I mean, yes. You saved me then, but I meant before that."

"Oh, how?"

"That night. Before I met you, I was planning on committing suicide," she said gravely. "Just saying it out loud gives me a chill. Never actually said it before. Just kept it in my head."

John sat back, absorbing the bomb she'd just dropped on him. "Fuck," he breathed.

"I was in a dark place. I mean. I was stripping, for god's sake. Not that I look down on the other women. It's just. That's not what I dreamed of doing when I was a little girl. When we met, I was just surviving. Barely. And…well, I didn't want to do it anymore."

"Be a stripper?" he asked softly.

"Survive."

John took in a deep breath. He then scooted closer to Citana and put his arm around her to bring her into a hug.

"Well, then," he said with a smile. "Let's not survive."

"What?" asked Citana with a puzzled look on her face.

"I mean, let's not just survive. Let's thrive. Do everything we dreamed of doing when we were little. Become more than what our doubts say we are. Go all the places…."

Citana leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. John cleared his throat and smiled.

"You definitely have a soul," she said as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

John felt his hearts speeding up as he continued his speech, "...and go all the places we've ever dreamed of going."