A/N: Here's the much improved funny, funny chapter as promised. Well, I think it's funny, but I'm just weird like that. I don't own the characters created by J.K.Rowling. I wish I did 'cause then I would have as much imagination as the great Jo, but I don't. I am, however, the proud owner of a very sick sense of humor which ties in perfectly with this chapter. It fits in with the rest of the story, but I purposely created the situation to go along with Prof.Pendragon's little cat joke.

I would also like to point out that I have no intention of ever putting McGonagall in this situation for anyone and I hope it never happens to me. For details, inquire below. If you don't like it, flame me. I really don't care. However, please be polite with it and don't tell me that I need to go to hell and drudge up some more sick fantasies. (They kicked me out for underage possessing. Damn hippie demons! You can't do anything fun if you're under the age of 1000!) Anyway, I'm gonna take a breath and go underwater and count to 10. I'll see you at the bottom.

When Harry got up the next morning, he was still upset about the night before. He didn't go to breakfast with all of the adults, who were involved in the discussion the night before because he really didn't want to analyze it. He just didn't want to think of anything at all, really. Quidditch tryouts were coming up in a few weeks and even they didn't appeal to him. He kept to himself and didn't look at anyone for almost the entire day and didn't even go to dinner with everyone, he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts.

He wandered the halls during lunch and again at dinner, he was intent on not seeing anyone. Harry was somewhere near the teacher's lounge when he turned a corner and almost ran into the Lynne look-a-like. He stumbled back and stammered and then sprinted in the opposite direction. He ran blindly until a pair of hands grabbed him and jolted him back into the present. Professor McGonagall has fast reflexes, Harry thought.

She pulled him into the teacher's lounge and put him in a chair. Harry looked around absently; he saw that Thorpe and Snape were in there and that they had hardly noticed him. Thorpe was leaning back in her chair, the two back legs taking the abuse of holding her up. Snape was leaning over the table in front of her with his hands resting on the edge. He growled something in a low voice and Thorpe smirked at him and shook her head. She glanced over at Harry and the smirk fell from her face.

"Harry! Is everything alright?" Harry nodded and she turned back to Snape. "Really, Professor. I don't see why it has to be such a problem for you. Do you think it's some kind of way you can control me? I think that twisted little mind of yours might just want to play dominant. Sorry, but I don't do sub."

Snape glared at her. "Look, I don't know how royal they treated you in America but here you're just a nuisance and a pest. I would suggest that you start acting like a lady or I will personally, as you Americans put it, place a cat in your ass!"

McGonagall straightened up and yelled, "I beg your pardon?! A cat in where?" Thorpe lost her balance and fell over backward, howling with laughter. Snape didn't see what was so funny and glared at her.

She gasped and croaked out, "It's BUST a CAP, you idiot!" With that she broke down into more laughter and Snape walked out the door indignantly. She jumped up and ran to the door, threw it open and yelled after him, "Lock up your kitties and hide the Astroglide!" before falling to the floor again in a fit. Harry shook his head and smiled at the confusion that had set in on the faces of the students coming down the corridor.

Ron looked in the door confused. "What's Astroglide?" he asked, which made Thorpe laugh even harder and slump into the wall. Ron looked even more confused and looked up at Professor McGonagall and asked again, "What's Astroglide?"

McGonagall shook her head and looked at Thorpe reprovingly. "Some things should not be talked about in a school setting, Professor. Please refrain from topics such as that one and do not bring it up again."

Thorpe stopped laughing and got a guilty look on her face. "Yes ma'am."

Ron looked at Harry and shrugged. "Okay then, I'll go ask Hermione. She should know, right?" Thorpe grinned widely at him and shrugged. Harry followed him out, he didn't know what it was either and Hermione could explain it to them both. As the door shut behind him to the teacher's lounge, Harry could have sworn he heard the two women giggle.

Soon enough they had found Hermione amid a mountain of books and papers in the common room. Ron looked at what she was doing and pushed it out of the way. "Hey!" Hermione protested. "I'm working on those! What could be so important that my homework should have that happen to it?"

Harry shrugged and Ron jumped in to the question. "What's Astroglide?" Ron and Harry looked at her expectantly while her eyes went wide and she blushed furiously.

"What? Why? What have you two been doing?" She looked alarmed. "Keep that kind of talk down, there's first years around!"

Ron looked at Harry and Harry looked at Ron, their faces mirroring their confusion. Ron asked, "But, Hermione, what is it? Is it some kind of cat food or something?"

Hermione looked at Ron incredulously. "Cat food? What on earth would give you that idea? Honestly Ron, you come up with the weirdest things sometimes! No, it's not cat food. It's... it's something that good friends sometimes use when they are having fun."

Ron furrowed his brow. "Oh, when they are having fun, huh? Have we ever used it?"

Hermione blushed again and shook her head. Ron looked at Harry and shrugged. "I didn't think so. Well, let's use it sometime when we're having fun, okay?"

Hermione's eyes went wide and she covered her face. "We have never had that kind of fun, Ron! I'm hinting at what it is because I don't want to say it out loud. FUN. You know, when two people have fun together?" Ron stared at the table for a minute and shook his head. Harry all of a sudden realized what kind of fun she was talking about and stifled a laugh.

Harry opened his mouth but before he could speak Ron asked more questions. "What is it, Hermione? Why won't you tell me? What kind of fun? There's more than one type?"

Hermione yanked him close to her and whispered into his ear. Ron's face immediately contorted into a look of absolute mortification and he stammered out, "Oh... uh... well, uh, I didn't mean to... ah, that is, I... um, forget what I said earlier okay? No fun for us. Not in that way at least. I'm going to go up to my room now to die of embarrassment in private."

Ron ran upstairs and Harry doubled over laughing. Hermione looked at him reprovingly for a second before giggling along with him. She turned back to her homework. "What were you two doing with Astroglide if you didn't know what it was? Actually, what were you two doing with Astroglide in any situation?"

Harry laughed and shook his head. "No, it's not like that. We heard someone talking about it in the hall and we wanted to know what it was, that's all." Harry blushed a little bit and Hermione laughed at him and shook her head.

"The things you two get into. I think Sirius was right, when he said you were just like your dad and I honestly think that the next time you two ask me about something like that I'm not going to answer." Hermione buried herself in homework and ignored Harry. Harry glowed at the comparison to his father and remained silent as well.

He sat next to her for a while, thinking of Snape's little embarrassing moment. Suddenly there was a tap on the window. An owl waited for him to let it in and gave him a package and a letter. He opened the package and found a book of poems. The pages were dirty and the leather cover was all but falling off. Harry looked at it confused for a second before opening the letter. He recognized the handwriting instantly and almost fainted.

"Hermione! Hermione, look! Oh my god!" his voice came out in a shrill whimper.

Hermione gasped and her eyes went as big as saucers.

"Oh my god, Harry! Is that... is that Sirius' handwriting? It is isn't it?" Harry couldn't say anything he was too overwhelmed. He broke down crying and hugged her. When he let go he read the letter.

Harry,

Sorry I had to do that to you, mate. I couldn't have everyone after me any more. I'm working on something very important right now and I need absolute secrecy. I shouldn't have even let you know that I'm alive but I couldn't stand it any longer. I just want you to know that hearing your cries for me and not being able to come to you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I mean that. It looks like I've let you down again, mate. Do try to forgive me and cheer up. I'm working on something right now that might expose the truth about Wormtail. If that happens then I can come out of hiding completely and you can live with me.

The book I sent to you is a very cherished possession of mine. A very good friend gave it to me in school and I want you to keep it safe for now. There are some poems in there that I think you might like. Especially, one by some muggle named Lord Byron. It's called 'We'll Go No More A-Roving'. Your dad and I used to love that one.

I am really sorry I had to do that to you and I hope you'll forgive me. Please don't write back for now, I'm in a very dangerous situation and that would compromise me. Also, don't let Dumbledore know that I've told you. He would be furious. Just stay safe and happy and I'll see you when I can.

Sirius

P.S. I'll see you in the mirror in a week, okay? Just after 9:00 on Saturday.

Harry felt light-headed and walked over to his favorite chair. Flopping down he smiled and sighed. Hermione read the letter and came over to him and hugged him again. Harry could see she was crying and she laughed. Harry suddenly felt a rush of happiness and he jumped up and let out a huge whoop.

"This is too much, I can't sit around and do nothing right now. Look after the book for me, Hermione?"

She nodded and he ran out the portrait hole and down to Hagrid's hut. Pounding on the door almost as hard as he had that first night of school, he yelled. "Hagrid! Hagrid let me in!"

Hagrid threw open the door and looked down at Harry, a panicked expression on his face. "What? What is it? Somethin' wrong?"

Harry shook his head and laughed. "No, I just wanted you to know that something finally went right. I'm going to go run around the Quidditch field now and let off some energy. I'll come by tomorrow and talk to you about it some more. See ya Hagrid!" Harry turned and ran to the field. He suddenly wished for his broom and stopped. "Accio broom!" He grabbed it when it came and took off. No one was around this time of night and he had the field and everything around all to himself.

The moon cast a blue hue to the world around him as he raced through the sky. Harry felt free up here. All of the worries of everything going on around him seemed to melt away, all of his cares and concerns just didn't matter when he flew. Sirius was alive, his only family left was alive! Harry felt as if he would burst from the happiness he felt. He gave a great whoop as he touched down to go back in the castle and sighed.

The next day in class, Thorpe gave him a weird look as he came in with a smile from ear to ear. Harry silently reprimanded himself for not keeping better control of his emotions and fell back into his old brooding expression. He had to keep on going like he had been or everyone would know.

This was one of only two classes this year that Harry had with Draco and he was reminded of it as soon as class started. Draco kept doing a nasty little curse that sent electricity though whatever body part he was aiming at every time Thorpe's back was turned. As a result of this, Harry didn't hear a word of what she was teaching them today.

Ron was sitting next to Harry and upon seeing his friend being attacked so many times, he was about ready to respond when Thorpe stopped talking. Draco didn't seem to notice and cast the spell one last time before Harry looked up to see her staring straight at them.

She didn't say anything but yanked Draco out of the classroom by his collar. McGonagall was apparently out in the hall because Harry heard her raise her voice in question. The next moment Thorpe was back and began lecturing again with no sign of Draco. Ron grinned at Harry and went back to his lessons. Listening to Thorpe's lecture for the first time all hour, Harry found they were learning about practical applications of the impervious spell. Harry found it fascinating how many uses it really had.

At the end of class, Thorpe called him back and Harry waited for everyone else to leave. He motioned for Ron and Hermione not to wait for him and Thorpe took him into her office. She sat down behind her desk and closed her eyes wearily. "Harry, you really shouldn't put up with things like that from Draco. I know I'm supposed to be a positive influence here, but the next time he does that, hex him back alright? I swear, I won't even notice. Well, I'll pretend not to in any case."

Harry stared at her for a second, "You mean you wouldn't have minded if I had done something back?"

Thorpe shook her head and chuckled softly. "Nope, not in the slightest. This is a defense class, Harry. Defend yourself next time. Anyway, do you have plans for tonight?"

Harry shook his head and smiled appreciatively. "Thank you Professor, I will. No, I don't have plans for tonight, besides homework. Did you want to do some legimancy on me tonight?"

Thorpe nodded and picked up a piece of paper on her desk. "Yep. I think we should start doing these lessons a little more often. I really need to build your defense up. Alright, how about around 5:00?"

Harry assured her he would be there and headed off to his next class.

Later that night when he got up to the common room, Hermione and Ron noticed an odd look on his face. Mistaking it for something bad happening they rushed over to him and immediately started asking him questions. "Is everything okay Harry?" Hermione asked as she took his hand.

Ron stood behind her looking worried and Harry had to laugh at them both. "No, no. Nothing's wrong. I just saw something tonight that I don't think I should have seen. Helena, I mean Professor Thorpe, has a boyfriend."

Hermione sat back on her heels, "What's that look for, then? You look like you've just had horrible news given to you or something." Ron nodded his agreement.

Harry laughed at them again and shook his head. "No, no. Nothing like that, it's just who her boyfriend is that shocked me. I can't really believe it myself. I mean, I don't see anything wrong with him at all. In fact, I am rather happy for the two of them. I just was really shocked of who it is."

Ron cut in impatiently. "Who?"

Harry came to his senses and looked up at Ron and bit his lip. "Ah, I really don't reckon I should tell you. After all, it's her business."

Hermione looked a little disappointed but agreed with Harry and Ron looked more than a little irked. "Well, why even bring it up? How did you see this mystery guy, anyway?"

Harry bit back a laugh at his friend's nosiness and sighed. "It was one of the times I fought her off. The spell reverses and I see a few of her memories. Tonight I saw her kissing him and that's how I know who it is."

Ron humphed and sat down next to him. Hermione rolled her eyes and stood up. "Well boys, I need to get back to my studying and I suggest you do the same. Harry, Ron, I'll see you tomorrow. Good night." She turned and went up stairs and Ron looked over at Harry.

"Women!" he said and Harry smiled and nodded in return.

Looking at the clock he realized it was already ten. Ron groaned and went back to the Potions essay he had been working on and Harry got up to stretch. "Well, 'night Ron. I'm going to bed."

Ron put his quill down, and gave him a "Hermione" look. "You have homework to do, don't you?"

Harry shook his head and smiled. "Thorpe helped me with what I was having trouble in. Mainly potions and a little bit of charms. She got me through the worst of my homework so that I can get a good night's sleep tonight." Ron gave him an envious look and Harry laughed as he went up stairs to bed.

A/N: GASP It took you that long to read this? Do you know how many times I counted to ten before you got down here? To be fair, though, I didn't say how many times I'd be counting did I? Huh. Oh well. Time to answer a review.

Parissima: Thank you for the review and for continuing to read this, I know what you mean about Thorpe. She's basically me, however, and immediately started thinking about Harry like he was a little brother. So, you can see her defending him to someone who he can't. As she's a bit (Okay a lot) like me she'd be quick to anger about her family and friends and the chances of her hitting Snape would be pretty good. Also you're my tenth reviewer! Doing a little dance over here. Woohoo! I have ten reviews! Thank you!

To all of my readers: If you have an idea for a memory that you would like to see me write about, put it in a review or email it and I'll do my best to make it fit into the story. I'm not trying to get more reviews here (they're nice though!) I'm just kind of running out of ideas. Well, not exactly running out yet, but I'd definitely love to incorporate some of my reader's ideas into it. You guys might give me something that I would never have thought of and it would be perfect for this. Keep in mind it is PG13, so no sex scenes (Although Harry's face when he sees it would be funny. Absolute mortification usually is) and no ripping people's heads off and watching the blood spurt out. Ewww! I'm too much of a girl to write that properly. So, thanks for taking the time to give them to me, and thank you for the coffee, it was delicious!

Next chapter is going to be a bit different from the previous ones. I'll be writing from Thorpe's perspective instead of Harry's. Just a little fun for me. Her mystery boyfriend will show up and well, you'll just see what happens! hehehe