Disclaimer: We don't own the original fic this is based off of. Or FFVII or AC or whatever.

Authors Note: Vin here, with chapter two. Now...I'd like to address something. As stated in chapter 1, this fic...IS MEANT FOR FUN. The chick that wrote 'The Silver Healer' is a nice person, I'm sure. Are we mocking her? No, of course not! 'The Silver Healer' is a very amusing fic...and to us, for all the wrong reasons (haha, I'm funny). The author of that fic (what's her name? Vincent's Valkryie? Something like that. Let's call her VV because that's easy) is brilliant, I say. Without VV...this fic wouldn't be possible. So, thank you VV. I love you. Oh, and we'd be totally honored if you reviewed this. I'd seriously bear your children if you did that.

And to all our reviewers? Man, you guys make us laugh. Especially the ones that praise us for our 'work'. They're hilarious ( this is meant to be completly non-condescending, guys. We seriously, seriously love you.) You guys are awesome.And so are the ones that are all OMF U GUYS SUXORS. Because that's kind of the point of all these fanfictions we've been writing: to MOCK the Final Fantasy VII/Advent Children fandom. (Oh, Vin spilt the beans, man).

So seriously? This is all fun and games, guys. Write a review to say you think we're God. Write a review to say we're childish, and a cancerous spot plauging mankind--either way, you're totally validating our purpose for being here. (No, this is not a 'I WILL ROAST MARSHMELLOWS ON FLAMES' type of things. I'm honestly being completly serious.)

What I'm trying to say is...LETS JUST ALL GET ALONG, OKAY? HOJO SECKS 4 EVERYONE!

VV, THIS IS 4 U.

Written by: Vin. But I already said that.

When Valorus woke up, she was in a lush, bountiful forest. As of late, Professor Hojo had taken to gardening, and had decided to spruce up ShinRa Mansion. Thus, planting a forest right outside the mansion was the ICHIBAN THING 2 DO.

"Vincentoe?" Valorus rubbed her eyes groggily as she struggled to sit up.

"My name is actually Vincent..." Vincent started, standing beside her. He had stayed up all night, keeping watch against the mysterious enemies who were so totally scary with their max hp being 60.

"Vin...Vincent?" Valorus said a little louder, scrambling awkwardly to her feet. Vincent raised an eyebrow.

"I'm right here--"

"VIN-VINCENNNNNNTTT!" the girl screamed, tears of terror streaming down her face. They quickly formed a small pond, and a mother duck and her chicks waddled in from nowhere to settle into it. Reeds bloomed from nowhere.

"I'M RIGHT HERE-"

"VINCENTOE, WHERE ARRRREEE YOUUUUUUUUUU!" Valorus screamed in sheer agony as she fell to her knee's, sobbing exuberantly as her voice echoed dramatically through the forest.

"I'M STANDING RIGHT BESIDE YOU." Vincent seethed. Valorus looked up at him, and wiped away her tears as she bounced happily to her feet. Her oblivious look of happiness was shattered as she realized Vincent was bleeding.

"OH MY GAWD, YOU'RE BLEEDING, VINCENTO!" she pointed with concern at his shoulder. The said gunman glanced at the spot her trembling hand was gesturing at.

"Uh, " he raised an eyebrow in confusion, "Not I'm not."

"Yes you are!" the white mage wailed, "Your shoulder is bleeding!"

Vincent sighed and rolled his eyes, "That's actually...my cape." Valorus, however, would not take 'no' for answer.

"Vincentoe, get down here so I can heal your wound, " she huffed, crossing her arms. Vincent stared at her.

"... but I'm standing right next to you, " he began to cringe away from her advancing form, " And I'm not lying about my cape, man. I'm fine."

For no particular reason, Valorus began to glow an annoyingly bright silver light.

"I must remove the bullet, " she crooned, cupping her hands around Vincent's shoulder.

"That's fucking irritating, " Vincent growled, "get away from me."

Valorus' brow creased in concentration as she focused her almighty supa FANTASTIC SUGOI YO mage powa on Vincent's shoulder. Her efforts were rewarded as a rubber duck fell into her waiting hands.

"Hey! " Vincent cried, "that's my---" but in a flourish of silver light, the duck evaporated.

"I saved you!" Valorus beamed. Vincent, however, was not impressed.

"...That was my rubber duck, " the gunman spoke in a monotone. And, we're not going to ask why Vincent was carrying around a rubber duck, yes? Yes. BECAUSE OMFG, PLOT JIGGA WHAT?

Without warning, Valorus launched herself into Vincent's arms, "Thank you soooo much!"

"For what, " there was no emotion in Vincent's voice, "giving you the opportunity to steal my prized rubber duck?"

"Nooooo, silly!" Valorus squeezed his slender frame with relish, " for SAVING me back there! I mean, those bad guys would have totally killed me but YOU SAVED ME!"

"Well, given the chance, I would have left you there to be violently raped but, " Vincent broke off into a tender sigh, "my beloved Cloud informed me not to in his letter to me..."

"Oh, " Valorus stepped back from Vincent. It was clear she had competition. But...what drew her so much to the tall and incredibly androgynous gunman was the fact that he was a quivering bucket of suicidal angst. She wanted to rid him of his dark and haunting thoughts, secrets that she would never know. Valorus wanted Vincent to look at her, and ONLY her. And she figured, that would be totally easy since like everyone totally loved her anyway. Being totally hawt had its perks.

"Well, " Vince sighed, checking his watch, " I'm just going to go over behind this tree and slit my wrists while I think about my tragic past and how I hate myself now and how much I adored and loved Lucrecia with all my heart and how Hojo ripped her away from me, because he was so obviously jealous that she loved me much more than him okay? Okay."

"Or, you could take ME to a safe place, " Valorus scoffed. Vincent considered, weighing the options. He scowled.

"You don't have to be so conceited, you know. What about MY safety. I helped to defeat SEPHIROTH, man.You'd think that people would be after ME, but NO, " he broke off into a string of incoherent mumbling, before suddenly straightening up, "We'll go to Safe Town, and I'll see if I can find out why these solders want you dead for curing people."

Valorus frowned, "Why?" she asked, her brow puckeringin confusion as her lips easily formed a sultry pout.

" I just told you, " Vincent said sharply, " But also...because... " and thenthe ex-Turkbroke off into yet another soft, breezy sigh as he clasped his hands together, " Cloud told me too."

"Well okay, " Valorus grumbled, "Where's this Safe Town?" The said white mage was intent on changing the subject away from Cloud.

"Next to Happy City, " he replied, "But, regardless of the fact that it's like 8am, we'll wait until TOMORROW morning to leave. Because I'm Daddy, " he said on afterthought. Valorus nodded, and quite suddenly, an icy gust of wind rushed violently through the forest. Valorus, dressed only in her skimpy slutastic KAWAI mage outfit, shivered as her body was racked with cold, icy fingers. Vincent, on the other hand, with his leather and heavy cloak, was quite warm. Internally, he cackled with sadistic laughter as he watched Valorus cower with cold. Perhaps, if he were lucky, she'd catch Pneumonia. And die.

But... But then Clouds letter came floating back into his mind...He had to keep this irritating weed safe.

If he disobeyed Cloud...his life was over. Because Cloud was his God and Master, and had always been. Since like ever. Duh.

So, with grumbling reluctance, he unbuckled his cloak...and chucked it at Valorus. The wind immediately picked it up, and slammed it into her thin frame. Instantly, she was tangled up in it as she toppled ass over teakettle onto the forest floor. Bits of windy debris continued to whack Valorus' prone form as she forcefully struggled to get her head free for air.

"Thank you Vincentoe!" she beamed as her disheveled head poked out from a fold in the still flapping cloak. Vincent grinned evilly.

"You're welcome, Valorus."

"STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN, BITCH!" Lucrecia screeched from behind a tree. Vincent nodded at the ghost of his dead lover in greeting.

There we go. Ch 3 should be up...sometime. I don't know about Cad and Kad but...I have to finish my Japanese project by like...tomorrow. And I also have to study for my Ancient History and Chemistry tests next week, SO I HAVE NO FREE TIME OMG. So...no updates from Vin for the next little while.

LETS REVIEWING NOW. (Like Lets fighting love? Yes? No?...Okai fien)