Auuthor's Notes: Still don't own it, as my lawyer informed me while I was writing the author's notes for You've got Mail, which were completely hilarious and no one commented on. humpf.
"No, don't let him up. He's still much too weak and I don't want him to hurt himself." Lynne sighed and raked a hand through her hair. Helena glared at her before wordlessly going back down the hallway. Growling, Lynne followed and paused just before an open door. Inside, she heard Helena talking.
"Well, Sirius, I think she has a point. You really don't have your strength up yet." Helena said.
Sirius snorted and responded, "I don't think she has any right to say what I am capable of doing at the moment. Where has she been the last few years, hmm? Certainly not with me, I can tell you that. Bloody bitch left without so much as a goodbye." Lynne winced at the words.
"Well, maybe she has a good reason. Don't give me that look, I'm on your side, not hers! I'm just saying that you should find out why she left instead of just turning your head away and ignoring her like a child! Honestly, Sirius, I'm getting tired of it." Helena made a vexed noise.
"I'm not a child." He responded, obviously pouting.
"Well, you're certainly not proving it. Look, Remus is supposed to arrive in a few days. You need to rest today so you can put on a brave face for him. Alright?" There was no answer for a moment and she spoke more forcefully. "Alright?"
Sirius tsked and responded, "Fine, but I'm not going to like it."
"That's fine. Just rest a while and I'll be back with lunch in a few hours." A rustling could be heard and Helena appeared in the doorway a moment later. Looking up at Lynne, she raised an eyebrow before brushing past her.
Steeling her nerves, Lynne stepped inside. "Sirius? Can I explain, please?" He glared at her with what she could only assume was utmost hatred. Closing her eyes, she went on. "Please, Sirius, I can't bare to see you looking at me like that." A flowerpot sailed past her head and crashed into the door jam. Her eyes flew open and she jumped away from the ruined mess beside her. "Damn it, Sirius! Fine, look at me however you want! Just listen to me while I talk!"
He was silent for a moment before saying in a quiet voice, "How can I listen to someone who is dead? James hasn't talked to me. Lily hasn't talked to me. How could I possibly hear you? You died the night I asked you to marry me and I will not startthinking differently now." He turned away from her and Lynne felt a tear slide down her cheek.
"Fine, Siri, I won't bother you again." She turned and walked out of the room. Standing outside for a moment, she wiped her eyes before going off to her own bedroom and throwing herself on the bed.
Sitting outside the next day, she slumped back in her chair. The gentle breeze stirred a lock of her hair and she heard a door open and close somewhere. Footsteps came crunching down the gravel pathway. Opening her eyes, Lynne sat up as she saw Sirius coming toward her, a grim expression on his face. "Remus has persuaded me to come and hear you out." He said in a flat voice.
Lynne gulped and nodded. "Alright. Umm…," she said, not knowing where to begin.
Sirius sat down in a chair opposite her. "Well?"
Lynne sighed before saying, "Sirius, I can't just blather on about it on a moment's notice! I didn't expect you out here, there aren't many flower pots nearby for you to use as missiles, you know!" He gazed at her blankly and she went on. "Alright, fine. I… I did what I thought was the best. What I thought could save my friends. If I went off with this group, I would have so many more resources at my disposal! And I do, Sirius, I really do. I can't tell you how many times I've..."
"You've what?" he interrupted. "Left us to our own devices? Let James and Lily be killed? You haven't helped anybody, Lynne!"
Lynne gave him an annoyed look and went on. "I've seen to it that nothing came after you that you couldn't handle! You always came out alive, didn't you? And James and Lily… I made a mistake, Sirius. I was off on a mission in Chile when that happened. I was told that they would be safe and so I went. You have no idea how sorry I am that they died. I feel like it's my fault."
Sirius, by this point, was seething. "It is your fault. If you hadn't gone off with some weird militaristic group, they would still be alive. Harry would have his parents around and I never would have gone to Azkaban! James and Lily died because of you! How can you sit there and tell me that you did this whole bloody thing to keep us safe when they died!"
Lynne noticed tears on his cheeks and realized she was crying as well. "Sirius, my entire family was killed by deatheaters. The entire damn lot of them. Do you think I would just sit by and not do whatever it takes to get as many of those wretched bloody people as I can off the streets? Listen," again she was interrupted by a very angry Sirius.
"No, you listen to me! You told me you would marry me! You said you would always love me! And what do you bloody go and do? You fake your own fucking death! I loved you, Lynne! How could you do that to me?"
"Sirius, before that night, you'd never even hinted that you felt that way. I never heard one 'I love you' never had any clue. You always put James and Remus before me. You even blew me off on my birthday to go out drinking with James. What the hell was I supposed to think? I thought that I was nothing more than a warm bed and a nice shag to you. When you asked me, everything was already in motion. I couldn't go back."
"Then why did you say yes?"
"Because, it was the one thing I had wanted from you all along. I couldn't bear to tell you no. I couldn't handle seeing the look on your face afterwards. I just couldn't." Lynne grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the table next to her and lit one. Inhaling the smoke, she studied Sirius. He was gripping the arms of his chair and studying the ground. "Look, Sirius, the entire thing is my fault and I know it. I just thought this was the best way to protect you all."
Sirius glanced up at her and nodded. "Accio fag." Taking a drag off of it, he frowned as she prepared a new one for herself. "When did you start up with these?"
Lynne shrugged. "About the same time you started drinking morning, noon, and night."
Sirius smiled half-heartedly. "You've really been watching me that closely?" Lynne nodded. "Alright, tell me more."
Lynne allowed herself a small smile. "Well, I don't really know where to start. Um, the night that I left, they brought me back here and started the initiation rituals. I learned quickly and became a full-fledged Shadow within a month. After that, there's not much that I can tell you except that I obsessed over all of you and spent every moment that I wasn't on a mission looking after you.
"When James and Lily died, I wouldn't forgive myself. I also couldn't believe that you did it. I mean, that just wasn't the Sirius that I knew and loved. I knew you didn't do it, Sirius. I just couldn't figure out what had happened. I thought it was polyjuice that had everyone believing that you went out in muggle London and killed Peter. Then, this last year, Dumbledore told me what really happened." A small sob escaped her and she wiped her eyes before continuing. "Oh God, I'm so sorry, Sirius. I couldn't save them, I couldn't save you, I couldn't even make sure that Harry and Remus had enough to eat over the years. I failed all of you." She closed her eyes and tears started leaking out of the corners of her eyes.
Sirius watched her for a moment before grudgingly kneeling in front of her chair. "Hey, we all made mistakes that night. I mean, I should have known not to trust a guy who turns into a rat. A rat, for Merlin's sake!" His face became unreadable for a moment before he shook himself and allowed a small smile. "Don't you worry about that anymore. As for Remus and Harry… well, Harry scares the Dursleys now, so he is doing much better. Remus… Remus is fine. He's got a purpose again, a place to go for food, even a girlfriend."
Lynne wiped a tear away and took a drag off her cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray. Leaning forward, she stared at him intently. "And you, Sirius? What about you?"
He noticed their close proximity but made no move to back down. "What about me? I'm right as rain. I mean, other than Peter…. and twelve years in Azkaban… and a splitting headache from smoking."
Lynne laughed softly and shook her head. "You never could get it through your head that you're allergic to the smoke." She stared at him for a moment before placing a hand on his arm. "Why are you forgiving me so easily?"
Sirius furrowed his brow. "I dunno, probably because we both made the same mistake. We did what we thought was right to protect our friends. I've had to learn to forgive myself, that makes it so much easier to overlook it when others make the same mistake."
Lynne gave him a genuine smile. "Still the same ol' Sirius, eh? That's good, I wouldn't want you to change."
He cocked his head to the side. "I thought I was always too arrogant for my own good?"
She shrugged. "Well, yes. You were always more egotistical than you thought, in school. You've mellowed in that respect. Something I'm exceedingly glad about. You've finally turned into the perfect Sirius you always thought you were." He barked out a laugh and Lynne grinned at him. "Listen, I've got to go write up a report. You want to have lunch together sometime?" He nodded in agreement and she tousled his hair. "Great. Let me know when and I'll try to make it. For now, go have fun with Remus and Harry."
They both stood up and Sirius smiled his goodbye. He froze in shock, however, when Lynne stood on tiptoe to gently kiss his cheek before heading back to the house. Shaking his head, he couldn't help but wonder if she was single.
Author's Note: Yeah, I know, it's been a while since I've posted. I hope this made the last chapter make sense. If not, let me know so I can further explain. Also, take a look at my profile and go to my website. Well, it's more like a blog, of sorts, but whatever. You can post me a message asking questions, if you'd like, and get an answer a hell of a lot sooner than you would on here. :p But still review!
ssdiablo: hehe, confusing, me? Naaaw! I love making people wonder what's going on, it's fun. Anyway, I hope this made the last chapter more coherent for ya.