Tobias
My name is Tobias. Probably by now, most of you know who I am. For the last three years pretty much the entire world knows who I am, even if that wasn't my choice. The funny part of that, the part that just makes me laugh, is that none of those people have probable ever really seen me. I bet none of them could identify me if I was walking down the street. I am not like Jake, who the entire world knows as the tragic hero of our little group of warriors. Or Marco, the "face" of the Animorphs. Even Cassie, the poster girl for tree huggers everywhere, is known by appearance and one of the most respected women, no, people, in the world.
I am not any of those. I made my choice, three and a half years ago. I made my choice to leave the one other person who might love me. My mother, Loren. Though she never knew who I was, and she didn't really love me, I knew that she would someday. Towards the end of the war, I found her, found her after years of never knowing what she looked like. She was blind and had no memory of me. I gave her the morphing power, healed her. Now she lived in a small community in northern California. I visited her every once and a while, but I could never stay, even though she would ask me, I just couldn't. I chose exile. A life of loneliness.
I also made my choice to not be in the lime light. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be constantly reminded of what I had lost; what had been there for me, but what I couldn't accept. I had lost what was what I wanted. My reward. The thing that really kept me fighting, really kept me in the war. Rachel.
Rachel was the only person that ever truly loved me. I know that the others cared about me, and I did for them too, but Rachel loved me unconditionally. She understood who I was, and what I wasn't. She is what kept me grounded in what I thought was the hardest time of my life. I had had a fantasy of what life would be like after the war. Rachel and I would be together. We would be happy, live somewhere quiet and peaceful. I would try to hold onto my powers as long as possible, but a hawk just doesn't live as long as a human. Eventually I would become my human self once again. For the second time in my life, I would be trapped in a morph. I would live without hunting, killing, living my life in fear and being the predator. I would live without one of the greatest joys ever known, flying. But, I would live, and I would live with Rachel. I would be happy.
Now, it was being confirmed to me that that dream would never come true. Not that I had some delusional fantasy that Rachel was still alive. That we would be together once again. I knew that wasn't the case. Now I was realizing that I was minutes, no seconds, away from dying. I was going to die here, in the middle of space.
Let me back track for you guys. I will show how this whole thing started. Well, not everything. I will start with our current situation. Six months ago Andalite Prince and fellow Animorph Aximili-Esgarrouth-Ishtill, or Ax, was captured by an unknown alien ship and the Blade ship, Visser One's own personal ship. It was on the Blade ship that Rachel was killed. Where Jake's own brother, Tom, was killed. The alien ship and the Blade ship then fled to Kelbrid space. A territory of a species that no one, not even the Andalites, know anything about. The only thing anyone knows is that there is a treaty between the Andalites and the Kelbrids that forbids the other from entering each other's space.
The only known survivor of Ax's ship, the Intrepid, was First officer Menderash-Postill-Fastill. Menderash agreed to come along with us on this crazy, suicidal rescue mission, but due to the Andalite/Kelbrid treaty, could not go in his Andalite body. Menderash made the ultimate sacrifice and morphed human for more then two hours. He became what the Andalites call a nothlit, or a person trapped in a morph permanently. What I am. He did this all to help save his Prince Aximili.
Along on the mission was also our one time Animorph leader Jake. Once again, Jake was in charge. He was our captain. He had convinced his best friend and fellow Animorph Marco to come along too. Marco gave up a life of wealth and fame to save Ax. I admired him for it, but I knew all in all he wasn't really happy in that life. Also, Jake had recruited two of his "students. Governments of free, democratic nations had put together a group of two dozen soldiers, men and women, to learn how to morph and fight terrorism. Sergeant Santorelli, a U.S. Army Ranger and French Deuxieme Bureau trainee Jeanne Gerard, were the two to sign on. Santorelli was a tall, twenty four years old, and the traditional army look. Over the course of the trip, he proved to be pretty laid back and decent to talk to. Jeanne on the other hand was very personable, but always seemed to just hold something back. She was beautiful, with blond hair and blue eyes. I didn't really think she looked like Rachel, but she definitely possessed some of the qualities that Rachel had. Also, she was twenty three, much older then Rachel ever would be. Maybe she is what Rachel would look like if she had lived to that age.
To sum up the rest of it, we stole, without the "official" sanction of our respected governments, a super fast, super sleek Yeerk ship that just so happened to be prepped and ready for our long voyage. We named the ship Rachel because she instilled in us a sense of beautiful danger. Looking at the ship, I knew that we had picked the right name.
For six months we traveled across space, but always finding nothing. I started to severely lose hope when one day we were found by our prey. The Blade ship found us, and after we tried to convince them that we were another ship of wayward Yeerks, the being The One revealed itself to us. I knew all about each of us, saw right past our lies. I showed us that it had Ax, and that it wanted to take us.
Jake made the next move.
"Ram the Blade ship," was all he said.
This is where we are. All caught up. This is how I knew I was going to die. I was ready for it. At the command, everything happened like lighting. Menderash quickly diverted all power to the engines and aimed us directly at the diamond shaped bridge of the illusive enemy ship. The face of The One reverted back to Efflit 1318, the Yeerk in charge of the Blade ship. The face of a man in his mid 40's changed drastically from cool and collected, to full of fear. That made me happy. The predator in me screamed for the kill.
I looked around at my comrades. Menderash sat focused and determined. Marco looked sick. He wasn't stupid, and he knew what was going to happen. Even though Marco had lived the last three years in excess, I knew that this is the only way he would ever want to go out. He wanted to die in the fight. This is what truly mattered to him. Jeanne looked afraid. Not as if she was going to freak out, she knew that this was probable going to happen when she signed on for the mission, but even through her poise I could see fear in her eyes. Fear that she knew this was the end. Santorelli just looked grim. No fear on his face. No emotion in fact. He was a trained killer and he accepted his fate long ago.
The one thing that really shocked me was Jake. Jake had changed probably the most besides me sense the war ended. He was depressed. It didn't take a psychologist to see that. He carried the death of Rachel, Tom, the Auxiliary Animorphs, and the thousands of Yeerks whose death he had ordered so long ago on his shoulders. He had never really let loose, always keeping a cool, professional stance about him. He was a leader, a General. He was a 40 year war vet trapped in a 19 year old man. He knew what the stakes were.
But on his face, he had a smile.
Not just any smile, not a grin, but the smile of the pure satisfaction for the kill. The one that you knew was crazy, but what you had anyways. The one that allowed you to release everything inside of yourself.
Rachel's smile.
I looked at Marco once again, and I knew he saw the same thing. This is what Jake was made for. The fight.