This chapter is after the TOW Morning After

Sitting on his couch, he took another drink. What the hell? A job a life, what was that now? His brown eyes looked even sadder. Men aren't supposed to be like this. The stereo played the song again …

I never dreamed I 'd lose somebody like you…

Ross picked up the photo again. He kept staring at the phone, wondering if she would even pick up. She had such a look of love in her eyes, she was so right and tonight would have been the night. The best night in his life, instead it turned out to be the worst. Chandler came in the door that was ajar and silently sat down. He actually would never admit that he , Joey, Phoebe and Monica heard the whole argument. Chandler wished he could done something anything to have kept that girl away from Ross. She wanted a three some with him and Joey, if only if only…. Then maybe he wouldn't be trying to drown his pain with beer.

Only one other time hurt him this much, when Carol left. Even then , he was the innocent bystander, in this case, he was the villain. The cheater , who slept with some girl from a bar.

There were no words and only a touch on the shoulder. Two friends who had been through it all. Silence.

"I fucked up bad Chandler." He said taking another drink. "I thought we were finished and then I heard that Mark guy and it made me so mad . I wanted to go over there . I should have… coulda , shoulda , wouldas," another drop of liquid to go down his throat.

"Don't be too hard on your self, you are only human." Chandler gently reminded his friend.

"I lost everything. I lost her trust. I lost her faith in me. I lost her tonight and maybe forever." He started to weep softly. "After it was over I forgot something in their apartment , and I saw her on the couch with an afghan over her. Her eyes , her eyes were so red and instead of a peaceful sleep. , it was a dead sleep. I wanted to go over and pick her up and tell her everything was going to be alright, but then I realized her pain and her tears were because of me." He lowered his head and closed the eyes as tears dropped on to the floor.

"So what are you going to do?" Chandler could see the pain in his friends eyes. He knew this was the girl Ross wanted to make his wife and have his children. Here he was still searching for a girl and for a while he thought he found one. Janice did love him ,but the memory of how he was abandoned by his father at age nine, would not allow an innocent child to suffer as he did. Or he would refuse to be known as the other man, like his father's lover was. Ross had struck gold twice in his life, first with Carol and now with Rachel.

"I want her to forgive me. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and realize this has all been a dream. That I can put my arms around her and kiss her and know nothing has changed." He sighed. "But I know it has, even she said that things have changed forever.

"People have fights all the time. In a couple days, you guys will be at the coffee shop , laughing and talking, then you will forget what happened and you will be back together." Chandler assured his friend as he patted him on the back.

"I cheated on her Chandler. It wouldn't be so bad, but every guy she has been with has been unfaithful to her. Barry was sleeping with Mindy when she was engaged to him, the "great" Chip Matthews was fooling around on her prom night, Paolo came on to Phoebe, no I was the "one." I was the one she could trust, and I let her down."

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Chandler asked as he took a swig of his beer.

"Monica said she would try. All this is going to be is a mess. She is Rachel's best friend and roommate and she is my sister. Everyone is just going to get caught in the middle because they will either take my side or Rachel's . I am going to hate to see what this is going to do to our little group. And the funny thing is, this was all on a technicality." Ross straightened up when he said this. "I could get out of this so fast, if only she would talk to me."

"What is the technicality?" Chandler straightened up , hoping that there would be a break in the war. Ross could see a bright spot and then life would go back to normal. This was so unnerving to him. It actually reminded him of his parents divorce. Ross and Rachel were the most loving couple that he had ever seen. They were so into each other, that they nauseated everyone around them, because they were just so damn sweet. They were sweet because what they had was love in its purest form. No lust, no sex, just being together.

"Well when I went over there after she was done with work . We had an argument. She told me that this was the first time in her life that she had a job that she knew she was good at and she didn't want to disappoint them. I just told her that it seems ever since she started at Bloomingdales, that I have seen less and less of her. I told her I wanted my girlfriend back. She said she needed more space, and then she said maybe we should take a break. I said we should go and get some frozen yogurt." Ross explained.

"I thought you hated ice cream." Chandler interrupted.

"Big picture here, Chandler." Ross said exasperated. "It could have been pizza or coffee , whatever, and then she said no a break from us.So technically , we were broken up when I slept with her, and then I did not cheat on Rachel."

"I don't think it's going to work. Women will use any excuse in the book to get out of a relationship , especially when they think it isn't working. Plus I think, Rachel is going to use this to punish you for quite a while. Even if you would get back together, she will always use this against you. She will be reminding you of this for years." Chandler told his friend.

"You said if?" Ross was scared of that comment. He didn't want if as an if, more like a when they were back together. He couldn't imagine life without Rachel and never wanted to imagine it. "How soon do you think?'

"I don't understand women. Do you think I do? I have dated thousands, no wait , hundreds, no more like fifty women . Do I have a girlfriend? Am I even close to having one? No and you want to know why?" Chandler made a huge disclosure with this comment. More than Ross had ever heard in his life.

"Why?"

"Because I am afraid to be hurt and that is why I am afraid of commitment." He said softly as he hung his head low. "You my friend will get over this, it may take some time, but you and Rachel will either get back together or you will be with someone else. You were meant to be with someone. You are too loving of a guy to not be with a woman."

"But my loving nature has screwed me up , time and time again. I trusted Carol and she let me down. Now I have let Rachel down and she trusted me. I don't know if I can love again."

Chandler smiled. "You will my friend, you will."