A/N- So far so good? Not much to say right now, so let's jump in. Ya'll ready?
We were up at the crack of dawn, we were all eager to get up and get out. I felt bad for Carol, but we had to move on. We had to get off the highway and get back in touch with Rick, see about Carl, T-Dogg and Abby. I felt like shit, I admit. It was early, but already nearing ninety degrees. My jean shorts felt heavy and my tank top stuck to me. I buckle my holster, make sure my guns were locked and loaded. Andrea is behind the wheel of the car Shane had got working. I look at Dale and nod before climbing onto the back of Daryl's bike with him. I situate his crossbow over my shoulder and wrap my arms around him. I smile as he looks over his shoulder at me. Things were getting better between us, I was starting to count him as a good friend after he assured me no hard feelings about the first time we met. I rest my forehead on his shoulder for a moment, I guess he could tell I wasn't feeling well because I felt his hand on my knee.
"You ok?" he asks.
"Yeah, just feeling a bit sick. It's the heat and the fact I haven't eaten in." I say.
He nods and puts both hands on the handles of his bike. I look over my shoulder to make sure everyone was ready, I wave and yell "let's go" just as Daryl starts the bike. We take off down the road to the farm the girl talked about. The wind was making me feel a bit better, the heat was enough to make anyone sick. I was a bit anxious, I wanted to reconnect with everyone, make sure they were ok. This has been the longest Abby and I have ever been apart since the outbreak.
I was so lost in thought I didn't realize I was hugging Daryl, my head resting on his back. He must not have minded because he made no move to make me let go nor did he say anything. When we finally stop at the farmhouse I hop off the bike, sit Daryl's bow down on the seat and run to hug Abby. She hugs me back tightly as Dale approaches Rick.
"How is he?" Dale says.
"He'll pull thru. Thanks to Herschel and his people." Lori says.
"And Shane, we would of lost Carl if not for him." Rick adds.
Dale hugs Rick and everyone takes a moment to reunite. Abby hugs Carol, I walk over and hug T-Dogg and tell him he had better be ok. I feel a hand on my back and turn around to see who I would learn is Maggie. She smiles and introduces herself. I shake her hand and smile. I was still feeling a bit sick, but I smiled and carried on. I even hug Shane, he was tense, but he hugged me back. I told him I was glad to see he was ok. I chalked his tension up to the stress of helping save Carl, Carl was like his son.
"How'd it happen?" Dale asks.
"Hunting accident. That's all, just a stupid accident." Rick answers.
Everyone nods, we take a moment to get acquainted with Herschel's people. I sigh in relief, everyone was ok and we could get back to looking for Sophia later. I scratch my head as Maggie walks up to me.
"You're not lookin' too hot." She says.
"Exhausted, hot and hungry." I say.
"Well, let's remedy that. Come on, I'll make you something to eat." She says.
I follow Maggie into the house, I admit I was about to gnaw off my own freaking arm. I sit down at the kitchen table and hold my head, the room was spinning a bit so I closed my eyes. I groan a bit and Maggie tells me it'll be ok. Minutes pass and then I hear a plate gently clank against the table. I open my eyes to an egg sandwich and a glass of juice. I smile and thank Maggie as she sits down at the table.
"So, where ya from?" She asks.
"Atlanta." I answer taking a bite of my sandwich.
"Same here." She says.
I could tell she wasn't sure what to talk about, there weren't many pleasant things to talk about nowadays. Like how's your family? Visit any other cites lately? I smile at Maggie before I take another bite of my sandwich.
"So, live here all your life?" I ask.
"Pretty much, I guess in a way it's a good thing now." She says.
"Yeah, I use to complain about lots of things, now I find I can't really complain about much." I say.
"Me too, this outbreak has opened peoples eyes I guess you could say." Maggie says.
"I've learned not to take things for granted anymore. I know I have to live each of my days like it's my last, cause well...yeah." I say.
"That's the truth." Maggie says.
"Thanks for the sandwich by the way." I say.
"No problem." She answers back.
I down the glass of juice just as the man named Herschel comes in. They are having a memorial for a man named Otis and would like everyone attend. I nod and stand up. I offer to do my dishes, but Maggie tells me to leave them. I head out the door to meet up with my group. I walk over and ask Abby who Otis was and what had happened as we help others collect rocks. She tells me about him and Shane going to get supplies to save Carl, how Shane said Otis told him to go ahead and he would cover him. She told me how Shane said Otis fell behind and he tried to save him, but to no avail. That explained Shane's tension, I felt for him, it must have been so hard for him, but Shane was strong, Shane could come out of this ok. Slowly we all gather for Otis' memorial. Abby and I both stand, hand in hand, silently praying for Otis, praying for his soul and that he finds peace with the angels in heaven.
Otis' wife asked Shane to speak, asked him to share Otis' final moments. Abby pats Shane on the arm, we both give him a reassuring nod. This was the first time I had ever seen Shane seem broken. Abby and I both cried as Shane told the story, I admit, it would of probably broken me as well. Abby walks over and takes Shane's hand giving him some sort of comfort. I look at Daryl, he stands stone faced, at times I wonder what he is thinking, wonder what goes through his mind at moments like this. Soon we all bow our heads as Herschel recites a prayer. Moments later we disperse, Herschel said we can stay till Carl is healed and we find Sophia, so we all head to unload our things and pitch our tents.
Once everyone was unpacked and settled in we all took a few moments to breath, relax and let things settle down. Abby and I drag out bags, pillows and blankets into the tent. We work in silence, I was more focused on not puking and Abby was focused on not putting to much pressure on her ankle. When we were done I had to say at least our tent looked comfy. We used the large comforter we had snagged from a store as the mattress and had a few sheets to bundle up in. Abby decides to lay down, I call her lazy and laugh. I slip out of my holster and lay it by the door of the tent.
"You don't need it anyway. Daryl and his crossbow will protect ya!" Abby teases.
"Ah shut it Abbz." I say as I flip her off.
She giggles and moves under the sheets as I walk out the door laughing as well. I shake my head and walk over to Daryl's tent, I had been thinking about what Dale said, maybe it would be good to talk to Daryl. I call out and he tells me to come in. I kick off my dirty boots and unzip the tent. Inside I see he has his bed set up, his bow laying by the door, ready if need be. He was laying down staring out the window of his tent. After zipping the tent back up, I walk over and sit down next to him on the blankets he was using for a bed. I stretch my legs out and cross my ankles before leaning back on the palms of my hands. I was fighting off sleep, I knew I had to train my body almost, make it adapt to this new way of life. Daryl glances at me and raises a brow.
"You look like hell." He says.
"Thanks Dixon, I appreciate it." I say.
"Jus sayin'. Maybe you should be sleepin' instead of runnin' around in people's tents." He says with a smirk.
I go to speak, but yawned instead. "Damn it," I think. Daryl just gives me a cocky "see, I'm right" kinda grin. I roll my eyes and laugh a bit, he is so smug at times.
"Shut up Dixon. I can handle it." I say.
"Sure, what ever you say O'Connor." He says and laughs a bit.
I laugh too and actually lay down, resting my head back against one of the pillows. I stare up at the top of the tent and exhale softly.
"What's gotcha thinkin' so hard?" Daryl asks.
"Life. What I left back in the city." I say.
"You mean 'sides yer shitty job and even shittier boyfriend?" He asks.
"Kinda, I have found myself wondering if he's still alive." I say.
I turn my head to look at Daryl who was now staring at me as he twirled an arrow between his fingers.
"Alive? Whatcha do leave him to fend for himself?" Daryl joked.
"Actually, kinda. The morning of the outbreak, I left early and went to the shooting range. When we headed out, Abby asked if I wanted to go get him...I said no. I figured he could handle himself. He had food, his own set of guns and I locked the door." I say.
Daryl just watched me, I wondered if he was thinking how bad of a person I was. I know it was wrong what I did, but I had to do it.
"I know I sound evil, but I had no choice. He would of done the same to me, only he woulda took all the food and the weapons and left me to die." I ramble a bit.
"It's ok, I'm not judgin' you. We've all done what we've had to do, lately." He reassure me.
"He wasn't always a son of a bitch. When I first met him, he was sweet. He bought me flowers and told me how pretty I was, he even wrote me a song. Then one day he changed, he got mad one night because I didn't want to have sex with him. So he um..." I trailed off.
I look at Daryl who had now rolled over on his side to face me. He studies my face and then places his hand on my cheek for a moment. Was Daryl Dixon actually showing concern? I sigh and close my eyes, I didn't want to relieve my past, but I had already started, might as well finish. I watch Daryl for a moment, watch as he brushes loose hairs from my face and waits for me to continue.
"He um...he raped me, said I owed it to him. I actually left him, broke all contact with him." I say with a sigh.
What happened next shocked me. Daryl reached over and gently pulled me into his arms. I don't know why he did it, don't know why I didn't pull away. Daryl moved onto his back, my head resting on his chest and his arm around me with his hand resting on my hip. I close my eyes, trying to hold back my tears. God I have cried so much lately, what the fuck was wrong with me? I keep my eyes closed, but rest my hand on Daryl's stomach.
"Of course when I was a dumbass, I took him back. He apologized, he begged me not to leave him. Said he didn't know what had come over him, promised it would never happen again. Yeah, he didn't rape me again, but he started beating me. The first time came when I was late from work, my manager dropped me off. Toby thought I was having an affair. He bloodied my nose, busted my lip and gave me a black eye." I sigh.
"Sounds like a real stand up guy." Daryl whispered.
"Oh yeah, then one day I just fought back. We would have these bloody fights, I knocked three of his teeth out and cracked one of his ribs once." I say with a sigh.
It was building up in me, I could feel it. I was letting go, the more I talked the more I seemed to have relief, seemed to have some sort of peace. Of course I didn't expect to be laying in the arms of Daryl Dixon while I exposed my self. I feel Daryl gently twirling a piece of my hair, I feel him rest his chin against the top of my head.
"Why did ya stay with someone like that?" He asks.
"Who was going to want me? I was used and broken. No one was going to wanted me after the damage Toby did, and Toby played a part in convincing me no one wanted me. Told me I belonged to him, I was his property. Said I could leave him, if I was ok with a life alone. I know, I'm an idiot." I say softly.
"No, yer not. No one wants to be alone. Granted I'm glad to know I was compared to such a nice guy." Daryl says.
I knew he wasn't mad, but I know I hurt his feelings, he would just never admit it. I look up at him and meet his gaze, I was glad he wasn't like Toby. Daryl was so much more, so much better than Toby.
"I'm sorry." I whisper.
"It's ok. For the record though, any guy should be glad to have you. Yer beautiful, smart and you know how to handle yourself. Don' let some fucker change yer mind about yourself." Daryl says.
"You know, you're not to bad yourself Dixon." I say. "I guess will go bother someone else." I say as I go to get up.
"Ya don' gotta." Daryl says as he stops me.
I look at him, I actually smile, I did find myself wanting to stay. Something about Daryl gave me comfort and I needed it right now. I lay my head back down on his chest and get comfortable. He puts an arm back around me and we continue to talk as he plays with my hair.
"You know, it's gonna be ok. We'll find Sophia, we'll survive." Daryl says.
"I hope so." I say.
"I know so." Daryl answers back.
I smile back and yawn. This was the second time Daryl brought me comfort and peace. The second time he gave me hope in this world and I was grateful to him. I close my eyes, I still wanted to cry. I had done such a good job not breaking down completely, that was until Daryl kissed the top of my head and whispered "Murph, it's ok". I felt a tear fall down my cheek, followed by more. Damn it, why did he have to be this way. Everything I wanted a man to do, he's done it. He wiped my tears away, hugged me tight, reassured me. I had told myself he would be just like Toby, but he wasn't, he was nothing like Toby. Toby could never be even a tenth of the man Daryl was. I feel Daryl gently rub by back and tell me it was ok once more.
"Daryl?" I inquire.
"Yeah, Murph?" I asks.
"Thanks." I say.
"For?" He asks.
"Listening and telling me it's gonna be ok. For not judging me like I did you." I say softly.
"Don' mention it." he says reassuringly.
So in silence we lay for a while. Daryl moves only once and that's to reach over and pull the cloth down over the windows, giving us privacy. He lets me cuddle back up to him, even in this heat, I didn't seem to mind. Of course then it happened, I leaned up and kiss Daryl. I don't know why, even asked myself what the fuck did I call myself doing, but I didn't stop. But you can imagine my shock when he kissed me back. It was nothing like the night at the CDC, this was slow, almost sweet. He rubbed my hip and laced my fingers with his free hand. I don't know how long it was, but the kiss broke. I knew I was blushing, I try to shy away, but Daryl gently grabs my chin and makes me look at him.
"I'm sor..." I was cut off.
Daryl was the one who kissed me this time. I wasn't protesting, I should be, but I wasn't. I feel Daryl's hand in my hair and his arm holding me to him. Honestly I didn't come here to end up making out with Daryl, honestly I was just coming to bug him, maybe get my mind off things and then go take a nap with Abby. Well at least I accomplished clearing my mind. When the kiss breaks for the second time I look down at Daryl and laugh a bit. I sit up and lick my lips a bit.
"Damn it, Dixon." I say.
"What? I didn't see you stopping me." He says.
"I know, just...I didn't plan on this. I didn't plan on feeling the way I do." I say.
"Ok?" He asked as he propped himself up on his elbows.
"I didn't plan on...I didn't plan on feeling like this about you." I say.
"You soundin' like feelin's for me is so horrible. Sorry to disappoint ya..." Daryl says but I cut him off.
"It's not like that. It's just, subconsciously you've done everything I have ever really wanted a man to do. You hug me and mean it, you wiped my tears away, you play with my hair when you talk to me, little things that mean so much, you do. You even kiss the top of my head. I know it's silly, but when you have never had anyone care about you, to take the time to want to know things about you and make an effort, then you crave those silly little things, you appreciate when someone does them without knowing." I ramble. "I'll shut up now..."I say looking away.
"Murph, it's ok." He says turning my head to look at him. "Can I be honest with you?" he asks.
"You know you can Dixon." I say as I lay my head back down on his chest.
"I heard what you said that night you was talkin' to Dale. I wasn't ease droppin', just couldn't sleep. Andrea and her clicking that fuckin' clip and Carol cryin'. But, you know...if you do break...I'll help ya put the pieces back together. I'll always help ya put yourself together again." Daryl said.
There I go again, crying. How could a guy I chalked up to being just another dumb redneck worm his way into my heart and make me care about him. How did he know what to say and when to say it. Here I was, laying in Daryl's arms, crying because he seemed to be everything I was looking for, everything I wanted. I tried to deny it, I had only known him a short time. I didn't want to get my hopes up, I didn't wanna get hurt again, I couldn't take it, especially when I was trying to stay with this group of people. This time though, I let myself break. I trusted in Daryl to keep his word as my tears soaked into his shirt. He moved a bit to his side, my arm was now resting on his hip. He wraps both arms around me and hugs me tight. I bury my face in his shirt and continue to cry. I cried till there was nothing left, cried until I felt a my shoulders become lighter and my mind became clearer. It felt good to know someone had my back. To know that as I laid here, scattered in a million pieces, Daryl Dixon would help me pick them up and glue them all back together, without missing even one.
I guess I cried myself to sleep because I woke up hours later, still laying there with Daryl. He must have fell sleep as well because I can hear faint snoring. I sigh softly and cuddle up to him. It was hot, but I didn't care, I was craving human contact. It's funny, without the apocalypse happening I would have never been given the gift of Daryl Dixon. I would of never got to know that the men I use to dream about existed. I smirk a bit to myself, I definitely felt a bit better. I debated getting up, I weighed the pros and cons. You probably already know what won right? I snuggle back down into Daryl's arms and close my eyes. The rest of the world could wait why I enjoyed a few more hours with Daryl.
A/N- Didn't I promise more Daryl and Murphy? I promise not everything with them is going to be sweet, there are rough waters ahead. I know it's a slow process, but I feel it's going good. Hope everyone is enjoying.