Part Five – Chapter 14 – Heart to the Core

14.1

Kuon stared hesitantly at his father as he took them into the dining room and then gestured for Kuon to sit down. He didn't know why his dad was doing this. Was this some kind of new punishment or something? His father couldn't really be doing something to hurt him, right? Hadn't they moved here so that he would be safe both from the external world and from himself.

"Dad?" Kuon asked as Kuu took out a key and locked both of the doors to the room. He gripped to the fabric of his jeans as he watched Kuu secure the doors and sit down opposite him. "Wh-what are you doing?" he asked. "Wh-what's going to happen?"

Kuu bowed his head before looking away. "Kuon, if you think that you're unsafe with me in this room, tell me right now. I can't have a conversation with you if you're going to be afraid and I think that you've got some things to say."

Kuon looked at his dad with his mouth open. No. He didn't think that his father would do anything to put him into danger and he would definitely not hurt him with his own hand but it still was strange to be in here with his father in such a tight situation.

"No. I know you love me. You wouldn't hurt me," he said honestly and Kuu gave a sigh of relief. Was his father truly worried about that? Didn't his father know that he was the man whom Kuon had idolized and held as a hero his entire life. He shifted again and Kuu took a deep breath and looked at him.

"Kuon, I don't know anymore how to help you," he admitted and Kuon withdrew slightly. Was this the point when his father would tell him to his face that he hated him and that he didn't' want a child like him and he had ruined his life. Why hadn't they had another baby? They were still young enough to. They could ditch him and replace him with someone new.

"I'm sorry, Dad," Kuon said as he stared down and tried hard to fight the tears from his eyes. "I'm really sorry."

"I know and I don't bl-" Kuu began before seeing tears slide down Kuon's cheeks. He stared at him, lifting his hand and wanting to touch his kid but he wasn't sure if Kuon would let him. He sat there with a trembling hand in front of him wondering how close he could get to his son. He saw Kuon break and wrap his arms around himself.

"I'm so sorry, Dad" he whispered before starting to cry and turned but Kuu already had seen the tears filling his eyes. "Something is wrong with me. I don't understand it. I don't know what's wrong with me," he said suddenly and Kuu stood up and walked over to Kuon. He knelt down next to him.

"Can I hug you, Kuon?" he asked afraid that Kuon would say no or protest but instead he just nodded slowly.

Kuu wrapped his arms around his son and took a deep breath, guiding Kuon's head to his shoulder and hugged him closer as Kuon started to break down into messy tears. Kuu sighed as he gently smoothed his son's hair. He knew how much pain Kuon had inside of him and he just wanted to try to get as much of it out of him as he could and to turn his son's life around. Kuon had battled through so much and Kuu just didn't want him to feel alone any longer.

"I'm here," Kuu told Kuon as he continued to cry. "I'm not leaving. I promise, I'm not leaving you."

"I don't want you to hate me, dad. I don't want you to start listening to all of those people who just say you have a messed up kid and start believing them and wonder why the hell do you have a son with me and what you could have done to deserve it," Kuon admitted.

Kuu was silent a moment longer before replying, "I do wonder what I could have done to deserve you as my son," he said with a smile. Kuon shook his head and Kuu pulled him closer. "It's true. Every day I wonder what I could possibly have done right to deserve you as my son and maybe the answer is that I don't deserve you. I still see so much hope for your future and I'm sorry if I was never the father you needed me to be,"

Kuon rubbed his eyes and sat up feeling a little ashamed that he had cried like that. He wasn't a little kid anymore. He didn't need to cry anymore and yet his dad hadn't just been there for him but he had held him and encouraged him to cry.

Kuon sighed, "Dad…" he said and Kuu went back to his seat. "I don't know what to do. I really don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know if I'm psychologically damaged or not…I…"

Kuu sighed with a weak smile, "We all are, Kuon. Still, what do you want to do? What next step do you want to take?"

Kuon looked at the table before lifting his head cautiously, "I'd like to take the acting classes at LME," he said knowing that his father could easily afford the classes. Kuu nodded. "I know that being Shuuhei Hozu's son won't be easy but I feel like I've been fighting my whole life so why not fight for something I really want."

Kuu smiled and nodded in agreement. "I like that. I can give you some tips or make some calls or -"

"The tips I'd be grateful for, you seeing the work I create I would be grateful for, but please don't contact people for me. I know I might get people wanting to get in contact with you through casting me but please don't find work for me or give me an unfair advantage."

Kuu smiled and nodded in agreement to that. He gave Kuon a thumbs up. "Okay. I'm just glad that you'll let me help and give you advice and I'm not planning on acting for a little bit anyway so you'll be the only HIzuri in the space."

"Ren," Kuon said and Kuu tilted his head confused. "Shuuhei Hozu was your stage name because grandfather," Kuon hesitated and Kuu smiled. Yes, his own father was quite well known and that would make it even tougher for Kuon but if Kuon was as much like him as he believed then he would break down those walls. "I want to be Tsuruga Ren."

"Okay," Kuu said before looking at Kuon. "We still have some other things to discuss but are you sure, are you sure that you want to change your name like that?"

"Only when acting," Kuon said, "When I'm not acting I can be Kuon, right? I don't have to move out or something because I get another name?"

"Of course not," Kuu said. He didn't want to go into how he would be terrified for Kuon to be living on his own given what he had been through in the past and what he was attempting to do. He was going to fight for his son. He could see hope in Kuon's eyes and he was willing to do anything to keep It there. Yes, without a doubt in his mind, Kuu was going to fight for his son.

5.14.2

Julie grinned as she brought back a large ice cream sundae and a much smaller sundae that was styled in princess colors with decorations. She set the smaller sundae in front of Kyoko who grinned as she looked at it and then took the larger sundae for herself. "Can you believe that this was ideally an ice cream designed for a group of twelve," she laughed as she took her spoon and started to eat.

Kyoko smiled and laughed slightly before bowing her head and politely started eating her own sundae. "Thank you, Julie-san," she squeaked and Julie's sight softened as she looked upon the young girl who she had taken a motherly love for.

"You're welcome, Kyoko-chan," she grinned before gesturing to the bags of clothes and craft supplies which she had fun buying for Kyoko. "And thank you for allowing me to experience a really fun day filled with shopping. It was our shopping adventure," she declared and Kyoko laughed happily.

"Yeah, it was an adventure," she said as she thought about all of the shops they had been to. She looked at the ice cream before her expression saddened and she brought a spoonful of strawberry ice cream to her mouth. Julie had caught that moment of sadness and was trying to think of the right way to ask about it.

"You must have really fun times with Kuon-kun," Kyoko told her and Julie paled and nodded but she looked down at the ice cream where she had already eaten more than a quarter of it despite its grandiose size. "Right?"

"I wasn't such a great mother to Kuon," Julie said sadly in the same way that Kuu had felt. She sighed. "I don't know if I was ready to be a mother when I had Kuon. I was still very much in love with my job and I wanted to build my career. I wonder if I ever felt of Kuon more like a fun side project than who should have been the main focus of my life and I don't have the ability to turn that back. I wish I had been a better mother."

"You're a good mother," Kyoko stated not wanting to see Julie feeling sad. Afterall, Kyoko really did enjoy Julie's optimism and her excitement. It was rare for someone to be that excited and Julie of course loved Kuon. "Kuon-kun loves you," she said and Julie smiled happily. "I would love you being my mother. My mother would never bring me to an ice cream shop. I hope one day though I can talk with my mother as we're talking now."

"You really are so mature for your age," Julie praised the young girl. "And I hope so too. I hope that you and your mother can see eye to eye and that the two of you can build a relationship. I feel that it's never too late to save a relationship as long as both parties want to move forward together and when that day comes when you want to speak with your mother, Kyoko-chan, I hope you call me for support."

"I can call you even that far in the future?" Kyoko asked and Julie grinned.

"Absolutely, call me or Kuu or Kuon whenever you feel like it. We'll always be there for you."