I dooooooon't liiiike this chapppptterrrrr.

Going to the mess for a lunch meeting of utmost importance, Sam Seaborn had decided that a location as far away as possible from the rest of the White House staffers would be best. He chose a table in the farthest possible corner, sat down, and waited for his co-conspirators to arrive, hoping that no one would come to his table and chat. Unfortunately for Sam, someone had spotted him. It didn't take long for Sam to see her, either.

Dammit, he thought. Didn't she already eat lunch? Well, yeah, she did, but she's probably here getting a cookie. Or a cupcake. Peach. Plum. Fresca. The woman's powerful; she did get them to start carrying that.

Maybe if I just pretend not to see her.

He reached for his lap top, pulling up the screen and pretending to look busy. Too late, she had him in her tractor beam, and was definitely coming to say hi.

"Hey, Sam!"

"Oh, hi Ainsley. I thought you had a meeting scheduled for lunch today." Sam said reluctantly.

"Yes, but I was still hungry." She raised up her left hand and waved a cookie in front of his face. "I didn't have a chance to get desert."

"A-ha." He furiously typed away, doing absolutely nothing.

"What are you working on," she asked, pulling out the seat next to him and sitting down.

"Oh, uh --- just some remarks for the President on --- uh, the economic growth in the last quarter."

"Didn't you write those last week?"

"Yeah, but they needed some revisions."

"Did the President tell you that?"

"No."

"Leo? Toby?"

"Nope."

"So, you're just editing these for your own, twisted, obsessive-compulsive reasons?"

Sam pushed down the computer screen.

"Shouldn't you be prosecuting someone or something?"

"Yes, but I like seeing you and getting the opportunity to torture you. What are you doing down here, anyway?"

"I have a lunch."

"With whom?"

"Josh and Donna."

"I see."

"Yes."

"Well, I don't want to keep you. Tell them I say hello, will you?"

"Absolutely. Oh, and, enjoy your cookie."

"I will," Ainsley said as she walked off. Right as she went through the door, Josh and Donna walked in, taking a second to find where Sam was sitting.

"Were you just sitting with Ainsley?" Josh asked.

"Yeah."

"And you asked her out earlier, right?"

Silence.

"Donna, how did your meeting with Mrs. Bartlet go?"

Before Donna could get a word out, Josh cut her off.

"Don't change the subject! What happened?"

"Well," Sam began, "I went down there, tripping on the stairs right outside her office, and, well, I --- chickened out."

"Sam!" Donna squealed.

"What do you want from me? She was working and started grilling me on something I didn't --- and should have --- known about. I did what any normal person would have done."

"And what was that?"

"I pretended to ask if she knew what the weather was supposed to be like over the next few days."

Josh rolled his eyes.

"The weather, Sam?"

"Well, it took you a very long time to ask Donna out!"

"Yeah, but I didn't ask her whether or not it was going to be sunny the next day when I can just call up a government agency."

"I beg to differ," Donna said, scolding.

"Oh, whatever, Mary Sunshine. You're my assistant, it isn't out of line when I ask you, because I am expecting you to get the information for me, as it is what I pay you for."

"Yes, but the love is free." She countered.

"Do you guys want to actually sit down?" Sam interrupted.

In the midst of all the discussion, the two had not actually taken a seat. They plopped down next to each other, across the table from Sam, ready to scheme.

"So, what can we do for you?" Donna asked.

"Well, we really can't do anything yet," replied Josh, "because Sam didn't follow through with step number one."

"Which is…"

"Actually asking Ainsley out on a date."

"A good first step. Unless of course you just want to go confess your undying love for her and see what happens."

"It's a bold gesture."

"It's called Josh-style."

"Hey! There's nothing wrong with my style!"

"I never said that."

"Yeah, but you implied it."

"Uh, can we get back to the subject at hand?" Sam said.

"Right. So, you want to know how Josh and I choreographed our relationship leak to the press."

"Yes."

"Well, C.J. and I had a girls night and I told her it then."

"Was she upset?"

"No, not really. Happy, if anything. Everyone's been like that, right?"

"Right," Josh said. "But I don't think anyone beats my mother's reaction."

"So," Sam said hesitantly, "there really wasn't any master planning involved? Unless of course you two are the ones that planted the sex scandal. Then you're really going to need to help me."

"Nope. Sheer luck." Donna said.

"Then why are we having this meeting?"

"Hey," Josh said, "you came into my office."

"Yeah, but I thought there'd be some actual strategy involved in my dating Ainsley."

"Well, there could be strategy if you asked her out first."

"Yes. I know that. I just don't know where to go, what we should do."

"We already talked about this. Just take her to dinner."

Sam shifted himself in his chair, and turned his head to the side.

"Yeah, but I was thinking that maybe I could do something a little more --- special. You know, try to be romantic, memorable; some date she'd remember as being different and exciting.

"But, nothing too childish. I don't want to take her to an amusement park or anything like that. It's cute, but---"

"You're afraid of the roller coasters."

"Yeah, that, and the fact that it's just so… I don't know, high school-esque."

"I mentioned poetry and the Potomac earlier."

"But you weren't serious."

"No, I wasn't."

"So, what do you have? Donna, do you want to weigh in on this situation?"

Donna looked thoughtful.

"Take her dancing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's old fashioned and adorable."

"Well, okay, but I can't dance very well."

"It's the gesture that counts."

"Josh, what do you think?"

"I like it."

"But then what do I do if we start actually, you know, dating?"

"Go to C.J. at the opportune moment. Right, Donna?"

"Yep."

"So this meeting was a complete waste of time?"

"Yeah," Josh and Donna replied in unison.

"Well, thank you guys anyway. I just need to actually do it."

"Uh-huh," agreed Josh.

The three stopped speaking for a moment, until Donna broke the silence with,

"So, what are you going to name your kids?"

"What?"

"What are you and Ainsley going to name your kids?"

Sam looked dumbfounded. Was she joking? Surely she was.

"I don't know. Do you and Josh have names for your kids?"

"John Josiah if it's a boy, Elizabeth Joan if it's a girl, but we're calling her Bettina."

"Why Bettina?"

"It's Italian, much like Donnatella."

"I can't believe you two already have names picked out. Donna you're not---"

"Pregnant? No. We've got more names, right Josh?"

"Yeah, we've got a lot."

"When did you decide on them?"

"Eh, I don't know. One night when I went over to Donna's place after work."

"And you just decided to name your kids?"

"It was fun. I had a baby name book lying around and so Josh and I made a list."

"So you both obviously know that you want to be together forever."

The two looked at each other, and Josh grabbed Donna's hand. Looking at her he said,

"Yes. Donna knows it. I know it. I'm just waiting for the right time to propose."

Sam sighed.

"I feel like that about Ainsley sometimes."

"What do you mean?" Donna asked, breaking her glance from Josh.

"Well, I know that if we were ever given the chance to get together and date, that we'd be together forever. There's just something there. We are both lawyers, same political arena, and yet we debate and disagree over some things because she's a straight Republican from North Carolina and I'm a straight Democrat from California.

"I fell in love with Lisa and I proposed, and I thought everything was perfect there. But, now, obviously, I know it wasn't, and I think in the back of my mind back then I thought that something was wrong. I don't know whether or not it's true, but I think crazy things about love. I mean, here I am, having never been on a date with Ainsley, and I'm objectionably head over heels in love.

"But, I think, sometimes, that she feels the same way about me and knows that I want to marry her and live in the suburbs and raise a family. But it's subtle, because dating a co-worker is somewhat frowned upon. But, I'm crazy about her, and I want her to know that. I want to do something that makes me happy. I want to make her happy, too. You know how that feels?"

"Aw, Sam!"

"Yes, yes, yes," he blushed, "but, Donna, don't go spreading that around to all the assistants, please. And you, Josh," Sam said, pointing a finger at him, "I know you've said stuff like that about Donna before, so don't even try to tell Toby. Or anyone else, for that matter."

"I won't," Josh smiled.

"So, do you guys want to actually get food?" Sam asked, standing up. "It is a lunch meeting, you know."

"Yeah, that could be a good idea."